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  1. Today
  2. Concur with lcmim. I don't want to sit here in denial of some of the issues raised. But, overall, I call bullshit. New account, single post. I see agenda written all over this. Sorry, go troll somewhere else. Women don't have a sex drive. Good grief.
  3. Years ago I asked Michael why he enjoyed watching me pick up random men for sex. Thought it was strange he would just watch or talking the men as they had fun with me. He turned the question upside down, why did I enjoy picking up different men just to give them blowjobs. Why do we watch porn? He did tell me that he could tell which men I enjoyed and which men left me wanting. He said my excitement started before starting a blowjob.
  4. OP... Really?? Not in our experience. Troll much?
  5. My goodness, considering your attitude and the problems you encountered, I wonder that you spent five years in the sport - why didn’t you get out right away? My wife and I spent many years swinging, and soon after we started we got into MFM threesomes. She also soloed a little with single men. We always enjoyed the idea, if not every single man on every single night. 1-Solo men are actively discriminated against and disliked in the lifestyle. When you say “swingers . . . hate single men to the core” you’re putting your perspective on other people. Yes, some people don’t want to interact with single men, mainly because many of the guys are pushy and feel entitled, and those couples want both partners interacting. That’s hard to do if the husband and SM aren’t both bi. We, and many other couples we interacted with, enjoy the occasional single male, IF he is polite. Many times we sought them out, and we were glad we did. We had a great time with many of them. 2-Your physical appearance matters. Of course it does! A single male who isn’t somewhat attractive isn’t going to be very successful. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a perfect specimen. In fact, my wife accepted many men into her bed who were overweight, shorter than she was, or didn’t have the perfect face. Why? Because they engaged her mind, made her feel that she was interesting to them. Personality matters more than a killer body. And it works the other way, too. My wife’s been rejected because she was older or wasn’t attractive to the man. 3-STD’s are rampant! Not going to disagree here. But we were in the sport for nearly twenty years, and never caught anything. Of course, we always used condoms. 4-Flakes and cat fishing. Don’t. Get. Me. Started…. You’re right, don’t get us started. Single Men are the worst when it comes to flaking. In our first year, we were contacted on SLS by numerous men who chatted us up, then just disappeared. And yes, we showed up at the agreed place and time, only to be disappointed when he didn’t show. There’s nothing you can do about it when a guy or couple ghosts you on SLS or another site. It’s part of the game, and why it happens has been discussed in these forums many times. It’s very disappointing, but it’s part of the game. If you never want to come in contact with flakes, it’s time to get out of the game. As far as no-shows, we got very good at figuring out who wasn’t going to show. We made them dance through hoops during the messaging stage, on purpose. If they weren’t going to make an effort, we figured we'd wind up disappointed. And we always had a telephone call with them before we met. That seriously cut down on the number of no-shows. And finally, we insisted that an hour or two before the meet, they text us. If we didn’t get the text, we didn’t show. (And yes, we got a few ‘where were you’ messages because they didn’t text us.) 5-Most important of all, women don’t really have a sex drive. Okay, I’m just calling bullshit on this one. Women who participate in ENM have a much greater sex drive than the vast majority of men, in my experience. I think you’re just trolling here. Your ‘facts’ are unfounded in science
  6. My body count is low, but the amount of sex that I've had with those bodies is high. Perhaps in the regular swingers game, but I had great success early on when we were in our mid-twenties and I decided that I wanted my husband to play in addition to me having a boyfriend. I recruited for among my friends and acquaintances with great success. Maybe because so many of my friends were single at that age (late teens to thirties), my husband is very attractive and polite, he was considered both safe and desirable because he was married, to me, who was giving them permission and saying that I would be flattered if she used my husband. Finally, we weren't pushy, he and/or we would take them on dates and vacations, pay for everything and expect nothing.
  7. My poly family and I are the exception here on this site and in the lifestyle. We have on occasion taken it outside the family, but rarely; we have never been to a club, houseparty, or had sex with strangers. So my experience is not typical and I am unqualified to comment, except I take offense 😄 at the belief I (and Clair and Lora) not only can and do outfuck our same-age men, but we also go at each other. That's why for several years we shared a boyfriend for the extra we needed from time-to-time. This gets to a fundamental truth, men just want to fuck as many women as they can, women (mostly) want sex with men they know, trust, and have a deeper attraction to. That's why, i think, MFMs with regulars work so well.
  8. My wife had opened up and expressed her fantasy to have sex with a black man she has had a few experiences with a friend and they had some great sex together so we said when this can happen we will got with it and let her do this, that was last year so it took some time but she finally got her fantasy, when they got together stripped totally naked and she was sucking his cock I could see how excited she was for this, he was a gentleman and pulled out a condom and put it on ( even though my wife likes it without) they fucked for some good time she them mounted him and was riding so hard when I heard them saying something I heard my wife saying I prefer it without and he did say the same, at that point she said take it off if you want let’s enjoy it without the condom he said of course, she leaned up rolled it off his cock and sat straight back on it, the grown from her was intense seeing them fuck after that was so hot and intense it went up a level as they went bareback was a sight of her I hadn’t seen before the sex seemed to last forever but man did she enjoy that. fantasy of hers is complete no doubt she will be wanting more though
  9. I generally agree. You do sound like you're speaking from experience. With exception to HIV and the paid escorts (although maybe) in 25 years of swinging we have seen just about everything you mention. The "single guy claiming to be the husband" spoof is even more prevalent with couples seeking couples. And couples seeking males need to contend with a vast ocean of cheaters, liars and flakes and that does create contempt in some couples toward single males. But still it sounds like you have had a good deal of success. It's a numbers game for everyone. You're statistically unlikely to find compatible people, but with experience you learn how to have more success. Are you still a swingle or have you left the LS in frustration?
  10. Hi! 1. Not true for us. Most of our swing partners were single male in an mfm. A single F is rare. And dual chemistry is more difficult to find on couples. 2. Physical appearance counts because Im not looking for a life partner. However, a 6pack abs is not a requirement for me. I had partners who were older than me or who have flabby abs. But I find all of them sexy, either due to appearance, or for being a smart conversationalist. 3. So far, we are STD free. Not even once tested positive. 4. True, i experienced that too, more often with couples. They catfish or flake out when their female partners are not on board with their swing activities. Sometimes others lie too and brought an escort with them pretending to be their wifey or gf. But we can spot them easily coz we play the long game over chat and casual coffee meets before jumping into bed. But some singles are like that too who felt intimidated that i brought my partner with me. They cant handle the truth that an authentic partner can have a consensual swing or non monogamous agreement. 5. I guarantee you, i have more sex drive than you do! We can exchange body counts. I have another bf that i meet regularly every week and we have a child. My SO or partner is more of the couch potato swinger; he is fit and good looking too but enjoys reading at home more than flirting with prospective swing partners. When he was younger, he was active too in the ls.
  11. I spent 5 years in the swinging lifestyle as a solo male. This is what I learned…You’re probably not going to like it. 1-Solo men are actively discriminated against and disliked in the lifestyle. Without trying to be over dramatic, in short, swingers and those who practice other forms of ethical non monogamy hate single men to the core. There are very few exceptions and outliers of course (such as those who are truly into the cuckold and Hotwife kink) but believe you me, the number is much smaller than you might think. In fact, those couples could be considered rare and thanks to Pornhub, Onlyfans and Xvideos who exploit this kink to the brim a lot of young men tend to overestimate the presence of this activity in real life. Why do they keep us around you might ask? Short answer is: Money. Single males are usually charged double, triple or even quadruple to attend events, parties or resorts (if they are even let in at all). 2-Your physical appearance matters. In fact it might be the only factor that determines if you are even considered a breathing human being by people in the lifestyle. Yes I know what you think, in an ideal world a man is considered worthy of sexual experience by his worth and contributions to society. In real life though, the only way you might even be considered by a couple is if you have six pack abs, look like an elite body builder, have the right jaw line, cock size, height, eye color, etc. At this point you might say “well, this is a sex related activity, of course people are going to judge you by your looks” and you would be right. However, every single podcast, documentary, news report or media piece done about the swinging lifestyle features a couple saying things like “Oh, it’s not looks what matters, it’s connection, respect and politeness”. Don’t be fooled by any of this! If you plan to enter the lifestyle as a single male and you do not look like an underwear model, be ready to be treated with cruelty you would have never even imagined civilized human beings could be capable of. 3-STD’s are rampant! I’m a healthcare professional and hold an MPH. So of course I pulled articles from medical and public health journals related to ethical non monogamy. Most data is inconclusive regarding the rate of STD’s in the swinger lifestyle, with some articles citing better adherence to prevention and lower rates of certain STD’s in people who practice swinging. But these studies are hard to conduct, especially because of the secretive nature of this activity. Reality check: STD’s are very much in higher occurrence in the swinging lifestyle. Despite my best efforts in prevention (including consistent condom use) I have been treated for chlamydia, TWICE! and about 50% of couples have revealed their positive herpes status to me with the option to back down from a play session. And yes, people with HIV swing! and there are A LOT of them. I do need to point out that if you are living with HIV and your viral load is fully suppressed with meds the chances of passing on the disease are close to zero. But not everyone is willing to show you their viral load, or even get one done on a regular basis. Spooked yet? I know I was. 4-Flakes and cat fishing. Don’t. Get. Me. Started…. So you connect with a couple on SDC.com, Kasidie, Rocktie or your local classifieds. Great! You finish your work on time, put on your best suit and tie, and plan to meet with the couple on a cool restaurant you know they will love. How exciting! except…they never show. In fact despite efforts from most swinger apps and websites to verify their users, they might not even exist at all. Or maybe someone does show up! but it’s only another guy, claiming to be the husband and asking if you could “play with him first” before meeting his wife. Yes, this has happened to me, three times! and believe me it’s not a pleasant conversation. The amount of gay guys posing as couples on swinger sites trying to weasel into a sexual encounter with a straight man is quite impressive. I never quite understood this kink, maybe Grindr was getting too predictable? 5-Most important of all, women don’t really have a sex drive. I know this is controversial. But I’m here to tell you the truth about the lifestyle, not give you false impressions. They say the swinger lifestyle is a female led atmosphere that “empowers” and “liberates” women and their sexuality. I call bullshit! It’s the men who have the ultimate vetted interest in interacting sexually with as many women as they can, and there really is no better and more convenient way to do so. The amount of times I have gotten vibes that the female half of the couple was being coerced or even forced into the lifestyle are too many for my own comfort. In fact, I am pretty sure that at least one third of the women I have had sex with in play parties, orgies, gang bangs or private meetups were paid escorts. And this is because social media, movies and podcasts have drilled into our brains that women “want sex just as much as men do” which is obviously a fallacy. It is biologically impossible for women to have the libido and openness to recreational sex as men do. You can cancel me later for this, but someone has to state facts. Feminists believe that they are promoting an equality agenda (which BTW I am all for) by claiming “equal horniness” to their male counterparts. But we need not accept or make up false facts to understand the basic concept of equality in all human beings. Admitting to differences between genders is not equivalent to dismissing any of they qualities. And one difference we have to acknowledge in order to make sense of the current sexual arena is that of the scant or nonexistence presence of sex drive in women.
  12. One guy in our group said that he liked it when his wife was sucking dick, any dick, because it gave him a break from her talking.
  13. Yesterday
  14. The responses will come from both sides of the gender divide. It is up to her to take what is of value.
  15. It is true that most of the people posting here are male, but not all, and the women who do post range from slightly lightly bi to full-on engaging in their Lesbian side, like me. Having said that, however, your friend may do better with an online forum devoted to gay and bi women to get a wider variety of viewpoints.
  16. Having read a number of posts and replys, i would assume that most of the people contacting her would be male. Which kinda defeats the purpose.
  17. Last week
  18. Right here. Have her create an account and post her story/question to one of the forums. We look forward to helping others explore their sexuality.
  19. I have an online relationship with a sexual active f53. She wants to explore her bi feelings. But she is nervous about searching herself. Is their group chats, forums where it may be possible to find someone to start chatting to and take small steps?
  20. I have a lot of mixed opinions on the porn industry nowadays. I do think that it's a good thing that there is more homemade porn that people can put out because they enjoy it. And they also have the ability to make themselves stars and money through channels like OnlyFans and live webcams. I feel like this has also made porn and sex more accepted and less shameful. Having said all of that, I feel it has also killed the mainstream business of porn. I can't imagine how these companies can make the same money off of big porn stars when there is just so much free and competitive content out there now. I think another downside is that the content has gotten so extreme that it has desensitized some people, especially younger people. We see this all the time. We've played with guys of all different ages and the younger ones are rougher and kinkier and I think a lot of it is due to the porn today. And I am not talking about the rape scenes on something like Kink that OP referred to. If the parties all consent and there are the proper precautions in place including safe words/ actions, other men and women on set to make sure everything is proper and not boundaries are crossed, etc., then I'm actually perfectly fine with it. It's more of the amateur porn today where women are unknowingly getting themselves into abusive scenes without proper precautions. Facial Abuse falls into this category. All the younger guys are very familiar with their work and many have cited specific scenes of stuff they saw and want to do. Overall, things like facefucking, anal, pissing, and overall rough sex acts whether spanking, slapping, spitting, hair pulling, etc. just seem to be more commonplace in both porn and real life. I also think there is much more emphasis on humiliation in porn which has also carried over into real life. Most of the time it is humiliating the woman, however there has also been an uptick in male humiliation from cuckold scenarios. I am not judging these acts themselves. Hell, my GF LOVES being dominated and humiliated in bed. I mean, she complains when a guy isn't rough with her. But I always thought of her as in the minority, whereas in porn it almost seems to be the majority now. Just because my GF likes it doesn't mean the majority of women want a guy to ram their cocks down their throats until they puke. But its become a more and more common theme in porn and I think that is translating to real life sex too.
  21. I've spoken in my above posts. What more would you like to know? And yes, it's become normal (but never boring) for me and the others in my poly family.
  22. Agreed. In our poly family, our experience is that having other intimate relationships besides a single spouse reduces stress considerably. For the above reason, I don't think that is the case.
  23. We are a COUPLE and we are not looking to give life to anything since our sexual life is abundant. We are NOT interested in horns. We are a private professional couple, who likes to show off as an exhibitionist and as a SWINGER. We love showing off her ass. She LOVES seeing comments. This is the main reason we are here: just to show off. Additionally, we are private exhibitionists and are very interested in maintaining our privacy. We are by no means unicorn hunters. If we vibrate, we feel very comfortable in our roles and we know what we want. We talk about this because we are not settlers. Too many swinging couples settle for each other. We also don't open our bedroom because we need to give it life. We enjoy bringing in a select few people when the time is right to enhance our sex life.

  24. If the husband is prepared to accept the potential for sexual inequality, then give it a try. You can always turn back (yet could you ?) I knew one couple where the husband fared better with new partners, yet that was because she wasn't trying too much. It worked for them. Now, for us, we had started Swinging and had been enjoying things. Yet, sex is very powerful and you cannot treat it lightly. So, we were openly discussing our Swing partners and he got a bit jealous. He couldn't help himself and said something really stupid. He said,"It's not like you can just walk out of the apartment , meet some guy and fuck ?!" Are you nodding your head that that was pretty foolish ? I stormed out of the apartment, went to an elite bar, a guy chatted me up, I explained that I was married and wanted a vengeance fucking. A man of his word, we went to a boutique hotel nearby and he truly fucked me into next week and more. I went home, walked in and Alex knew right away that I was disheveled, had had it really put to me and was smiling like he had rarely seen. He never spoke to me that way again.
  25. With respect to my fellow forum members, I'm going to have to disagree that Amy's response is very thoughtful. My reasons are threefold; one she presumes that a married couple with kids can't engage in this lifestyle. That's utterly false. Two, she presumes that opening the marriage will automatically induce additional stress. Three, she presumes that opening up a marriage will likely lead to ending it, yet doesn't back it up with any supporting evidence. She just presumes it will likely end the marriage. So, the short form is "It's ok to try it if you like stress, don't have kids, and want to end your marriage. Go for it!" Sorry, I'm not on board. I find her response judgmental, cynical, and deeply critical.
  26. Maybe this needs a separate thread: suppose that you and your s/o were writing/directing the porn. What is the storyline for your production? Who are the characters, why are they there, what are the near-misses bringing them together, what happens after they get together, how are they changed? Think a bit on some of the classics from the "Golden Age of Porn" like the Devil in Miss Jones, Behind the Green Door, etc.
  27. We'll respond to the initial inquiry. The industry is somehow successful. It has been in every day and age. The question is ... why? Only then can we respond to the questions of where does it seem to fall short and how can it be improved? We'll assert that porn is different than erotica. Porn--regardless of whether it is fantasy porn, mommy porn, anime porn, soft-core, hard-core, or apple-core--has one common characteristic. It somehow invites the viewer to project themselves into the story. It might be projection into written text, it might be projection into pictures or video, whatever. Porn is sought after because it frees the viewer from their physical, emotional, social, psychological , relationship constraints, invites suspension of disbelief (if not reality altogether) and says to the reader/viewer--you can be part of this. The problem arises that sex is so much more than "Tab A in Slot B". And so much of porn today is simply visual Tab A into Slot B. It lacks even the laughable choreography of "professional wrestling". Much of it is...boring. What makes for great fantasy, great entertainment, great "we can imagine ourselves there" is, of course, story. Why are these people coming together? What are there flaws? What is the life situation that has juxtaposed them? How does the narrative keep them apart until the power of attraction overwhelms them? Showing up at a swinger party is not narrative. Stepmom-stepson is not narrative. They are (at best) tropes. We end up not caring. That said, we think the next great innovation will be personalized AI-enabled porn. Where deep fantasies are realized, taboos are violated and so on. Where the viewer is not depending on a writer/director's imagination, but one's own. The characters have to be believable enough, flawed enough, passionate enough, to make the whole thing worth experiencing.
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