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mauijanedoe

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mauijanedoe last won the day on March 29 2014

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About mauijanedoe

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 08/01/1960

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple, she posts
  • Location
    NW Washington state
  • Swinging Experience
    her: lots, him: not much
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    sexb4gaming
  • Favorite Club(s)
    New Horizons

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  1. Mr. Doe lists himself as bi-curious/bi-comfortable on the two profiles we have and the majority of contacts have been from straight man/bi woman couples. It may be a regional thing, but in all but one instance they've been honest about their orientation and have no interest in m/m play.
  2. Pretty much every financial instrument available for sale carries a disclaimer that "past performance is not indicative of future results." When you're researching stocks or bonds, you should believe every word of that disclaimer. When thinking about human behavior, though, the opposite is true. In that sphere, past performance is very much indicative of future results. If your boyfriend can't be trusted to keep his word now - and your many stories about him say he can't be - then that's unlikely to change. Poor impulse control (and that's clearly operative here), if you think about it for even a few seconds, is more or less the definition of an indicator of future issues.
  3. I certainly don't think so, although I like one more than the other.
  4. I'm sorry you felt looked down on. If it's any consolation, I find realistic dildos to be equally squinky. In any case, what works is a personal thing, not up for community judgment, so long as everyone is adult and capable of consent.
  5. Uh, well, that's an interesting image. I got M. a box of Tenga eggs for some reason (Christmas?). He used two of them and got bored. Anyway, they didn't bother me, but any device that mimics any part of an actual person squinks me right out.
  6. If I had to guess, I'd say that out in the world you're not turned on or excited by men and that your sexual experience with men has always or almost always included a woman. If those are correct guesses, then it's not a matter of getting past things so much as discovering limits to your bisexuality. If, like me, you're fluid about men and women, pretty equally attracted to either and quite happy in relationships that pay no attention to whether a partner is male or female, then those limits won't come up. As an adult, Mr. Doe has never described himself as straight, although his experiences with other men were pretty limited when we met. After some time swinging together, he was really clear that although he'd still never describe himself as straight, he doesn't feel comfortable describing himself as bi, either, because he has a lot more limitations than I do. If you're like M., then your same sex interest starts and stops at an in the moment physical level and all the trying in the world isn't going to change that, although you might get more comfortable with certain activities if you do them enough. I'm pretty convinced, though, that our sexuality is inherent. If we're gay, we can have a lifetime's worth of straight sex and it won't make us straight and the same thing in reverse. I think bisexuality is also inherently fixed at a particular point and while you can fight the restrictions, you can't change the fixed point.
  7. Well, I'm not sure if mine would (how does it measure arousal, again?), but I will geek out over Boxters all day long.
  8. I'm not sure how you read the replies you received from those who responded to your posts, but nobody suggested that you couldn't get her contact information, just that doing so was, at best, a social error. And, as junglecouple points out, he now expects a quid pro quo. So that leaves you with a few ways to compound the social error, none of them pretty.
  9. It's not wrong, but without contact information for her (or a way to get it), you'd have to go through him and explain that she does it for you and he does not. Do you really want to be that openly dismissive of another human? I wouldn't, because I'm pretty careful about my karmic burdens and because I have old fashioned ideas about social manners. In your place, I'd trust the universe to bring us playmates we enjoy and maybe eventually bring her back into my orbit, without her all show no go albatross.
  10. I sold a car via Craigslist and successfully re-homed my son's birds, but that's about it. That said, there are good people everywhere and I can see how every once in awhile you might find them in a variety of ways, including Craigslist.
  11. I think your wife is a smart woman and that you're smart enough to not bring it up again.
  12. I'm glad you're both communicating better. It's essential for a healthy relationship and trying to swing without it is pretty much a recipe for disaster. As to your question about criticism, yes, we would all have been just as critical, but some of the responses wouldn't have been written down if it had been your girlfriend coming in with the same story. There would have been more folks like DigginIt who, without something positive to say, would have stayed quiet. Some of that has to do with the way men and women talk to one another. In general, women, if they're inclined to be blunt, will do so with men and women. Men, on the other hand, will be blunter with other men than they are with women. I'm speaking in generalities, based on what I've observed over the years, obviously. Another factor, and one that is often overlooked, is that men and women are different when it comes to sex. Men are more apt to stay alert and aware than women are. More of us lose ourselves in the moment and that seems to be a biochemical response rather than something we mean to do. A woman abandoned is, perhaps unconsciously, deemed to be left unprotected, while a man is not. Again, generalities, but it might be a factor in why men and women with essentially the same complaint seem to generate a slightly different response Still, we do end up holding up a mirror to everyone who comes here, although the images might be a little sharper for men.
  13. Not mine. And I kinda hope not anyone's, although the "can't get it up" phenomenon is peculiarly male and definitely a part of the problem, at least in my opinion, when it's a man doing the complaining.
  14. I saw this last night and I've been thinking about it ever since. There is some fairly strong evidence that sperm competition is hardwired into men's biochemistry, although it might not be readily apparent in some. So, one of the things I'm wondering is whether there are more men in swinging who either have a muted hormonal response or, conversely, are highly attracted to seeing their mate with other men, because of a strong hormonal response that makes them want to engage in sperm competition; an adrenaline sport for the horizontally inclined.
  15. That silence you hear from a community that is very friendly and usually rushes to provide advice and opinions? Part of it is that we've heard so many versions of your story before (truly, many of the archived threads are some variation of s/he broke the rules! and now I don't know what to do!), but part is because we're kind people and kindness isn't the answer here, at least not the kindness that lets you hold on to your unchallenged sense of being wronged and righteous. Swinging isn't for everyone and no matter how much potential excitement there might be from the idea, in practice it's actually pretty risky. It takes a solid relationship, a lot of conversation about things other than the sex (Well, what if X happens? How will we handle it if one of us breaks the rules?) and the willingness to deal with way swinging exposes the cracks in you and your relationship, at least if you want to be reasonably successful at it. I don't think you had any of those things. If the other couple knew about the no-kissing rule, particularly if they also had the same rule, I'd at least give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you saw what you saw, maybe you didn't. Yes, I know you're sure, but I know that the no kissing rule is almost always imposed out of fear and I've had more than a few nights knowing that my fears are coming true (hello, monster in the closet). So, the biggest sin left is that you didn't have a good time, your girlfriend didn't notice and "(t)hen to make it worse, she never got off the bed and didnt even know I had left." You know what? It's not actually her job to take care of you. It's yours. And however abandoned you might feel - and I know exactly what that feels like - it's still your job to take care of yourself. In addition, there are women - I'm one of them - who aren't capable of having sex and also paying attention to a lot of other things. That may be true for your girlfriend as well. But, you also didn't ask her. Instead, you just expected her to notice your lack of a good time and your absence. That's not ever going to work well. Finally, I really don't think any of this would be a big deal if your experience had been a good one. So, should you break up? Up to you. However, whether you do or not, I doubt swinging is something you should be doing.
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