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Showing results for tags 'racism'.
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Racism in the Lifestyle?? Ohhhh you betcha. Either that, or some swingers will expose others to embarrassment and humiliation in order to ensure that their preferences are tended to. Back in 2005, at our first---very first---swinging experience, we were invited to a small (maybe 12 people at the maximum) sex party in a hotel room. The hostess was a black woman with whom I'd corresponded for some months and had some rather desultory sex only once. However, once I e-mailed her a photo of my mixed-race lady (I'm a white kid, BTW), she wanted us at her next shindig. She also mentioned a Latina friend of hers who'd seen our photos and was interested in me. Fair enough, so we went. Apparently the only reason we were invited was because of my lady (now my wife); the other women, including the Latina who claimed interest in me, were there solely for a helping of BBC. I was turned down by every woman in the room, and I had endure knowing that my lady was being serviced by a rather mousy white fellow who feigned nervousness in order to elicit multiple-female attention. I was relegated to the sidelines until, after an hour had passed, I told my girl that we were leaving. I was convinced that our hostess and the other women present had absolutely no intention of allowing me to participate. We chalked it up to beginner's bad luck, thinking that it couldn't get worse. It did. In early 2006 we attended a M&G of a party group wherein we were apparently "good enough" to pass muster with them. I hadn't given it much consideration at the time, but I indeed noticed that (1) all of the women save the hostess/moderator were women of color, and (2) all of the men were either men of color, or the bald, bearded, thuggish white men who looked like they had a rap sheet 100 yards long or aspired to do so. Despite my deja-vu regarding the above-mentioned experience, we attended the party anyway. Just as before, I was routinely ignored, rejected, and otherwise rudely treated as I was the ONLY white male with hair on his head and a clean-shaven face. One of the thug types had glommed onto my lady and literally followed us around all night, no matter to whom we spoke or where we sat. So, she and I were going to play together, by ourselves, on one of the beds in the living room; once we started she shut down and seemed uninterested, and all the while, the little thug was parked practically in our collective lap. I whispered to my girl "You want to play with him, don't you?" After she enthusiastically nodded her head with a grin of which the Cheshire Cat would be proud, I walked out of the room and let her be escorted into the "Dark Room" wherein (I later was told) she had a sort of mini-threesome with the gadfly and another fellow who was already in the room. The hostess apparently toojk pity on me and "allowed" me to eat her out, and when we kissed I pulled gently on her lip, and she ran out of the room, later claiming that I deliberately bit her lip to draw blood. While I awaited her return, her guests are all looking at me, with my pants down, just staring silently. Later on, I still received rejection after rejection---and ended up alone in the patio, waiting for my lady to finish up her business. After over 45 minutes of cooling my heels, I admit I got up, collected her shoes, threw them into the "Dark Room" and said "OK, we are outta here." It took her another 30 minutes before we were finally out the door. We came very close to breaking up that night. The next day I wrote the hostess an e-mail to tell her how humiliated I felt at the hands of her and her guests. Her reply was essentially a counter accusation of "starting drama" ( the catch-all excuse used when a host or hostess mistreats you and you call him or her on it) and biting her lip on purpose (just not true). Then came the kicker: we were invited only because everyone wanted my lady to attend; I was excess baggage, to be merely tolerated and deliberately culled. I do not begrudge anyone their preferences and desires, so long as it's all safe and sane. However, I would think that one would populate a party exclusively with those who share such preferences, and not do so at another, undesired person's expense. -
I'm curious, do you take offense to this statement? I'll be honest, I do. I know I probably shouldn't and it probably shouldn't be a big deal (especially given that it's usually in profiles of people who are the same race as me). Even tho, those couples are the same race as us, we still just keep right on going. I don't know if it's because we don't play only within our own race and I don't want to feel like someone else is taking issue with me because I do, or because I have a feeling that a lot of those couples wouldn't play with us because we don't stick to our own race so it's not worth bothering, or because I come from a mixed race family. I think it's all of the above. Then there are those that add on the line "no offense", which to me sounds just like "I'm not judging you". As in, whenever someone starts something with "I'm not judging you", that's exactly what they are doing. I can't help but think that a better approach would be to just leave that out and then send a nice "no thanks" if you are approached by someone you aren't interested in (regardless of the reason). I realize that for many it's just a personal preference; but, for many it's more - like the couple we met last night that started talking about some club they went to that was just "too dark" for their tastes (and they didn't mean the lights). We hear that kind of phrase too often (we live in the SE) and it just makes me want to run. -
Questions: If a white woman does not have sex with black men because they are black is that racism? If a white man wants to have sex with a black woman because she is black is that racism? Don't read anything into the questions...answer them at face value.
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We have a local club where blacks are very vocally NOT allowed. The owner is a true old school bigot. We went once and he went on and on about how there would never be any of "those" in his club. For us, that was enough - we never went back. However, the place draws a crowd, and we often get invited to go there. We always decline, and if pressed, we do politely explain why. Most people will say, "oh yeah, he is like that, but it is his place and it is his right to allow whoever he wants in". I don't get that. To me, if you patronize a place that is racist, you are supporting the concept. I don't get mad at people about it, but the thing is that most people look at us as if we are nuts because we wont go there. Not sure what the deal is here. We've been in the LS for a while now and thought it was all about open mindedness? Are we missing something? -
The one thing we enjoy about the lifestyle is the sexual freedom and variety it offers. To be with other couples from different backgrounds, and ages gives us a broad spectrum of the human race. We have been lucky enough to meet and become friends with just about every ethnic group and the rewards of knowing them intimately have given us a better understanding of ourselves. What's odd, in different parts of this country being with certain ethnic groups seems to be taboo. What's your take?
