Jump to content
JustAskJulie

How long have you been thinking about/discussing swinging?

Recommended Posts

"Two Weeks".

 

OK, thinking and playing to spark some more interest in each other? 27 years.

 

But some short time ago I brought up (drunk me, of course.... you know the guy) whether or not she would like to be the recipient of a spitroast (vulgar term to the community? dunno). Her eyes opened up quite a bit and she said yes. So for about "two more weeks" I started really researching... drunk me AND sober me. I created a couple of community accounts online and shared it all with my little lady.

 

She was quite excited about the entire prospect actually coming to fruition and it turned me on like a desert bonfire. Since then I have stopped being an overweight suburban lush, started working out, and tried to get her off in every way imaginable.

 

But the more its been realized, the more I think my mind has gone into defensive mode. I have no idea how I'd feel about the prospect of her having sex with another man. Our lives have been one long investment with each other, she is my first wife and I am her first husband ;)

 

Guess I just need to talk it out with someone on the inside.

 

I owe her at least 25 years of great sex, shes always been there for me. If she just wants a hall pass, or even some friends that can relate, I think I could give her that.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Never tried it. My SO is medically out of action so I am kind of high and dry.

Share this post


Link to post
... If she just wants a hall pass, or even some friends that can relate, I think I could give her that.
I'm a firm believer that the best way to start is to let your wife take the lead and do what she feels comfortable with and is the most fun for her. No arguments, and the payoff is huge.
  • Like 1
  • Hot! 1

Share this post


Link to post

Greetings. We are new here. I (Marla) have some experience swinging. But it was a long (long) time ago before I met Brian. We been together almost 30-years. Last year (I was a bit buzzed) I mentioned my past swinging to him. At first I thought he might get mad, but was pleased to see he was aroused. So I told him some of the details. I swapped a few times with my first husband but didn't really enjoy it. I knew marriage was on rocks and he talked me into it, I was thinking it might help smooth things out. Of course it didn't and we divorced. After my divorce I did have some fun 3 or 4 times a year with a group of friends that would meet up for a long weekend. I also use to travel a fair amount for work and was able to have fun on the road. But as I mentioned it was a long time ago. Anyways, since I brought it up to Brian we've talked about starting up (he has no experience). But since I've been out of it for such a long time I feel like a novice. So we joined this site to mainly get information about the lifestyles ins & outs (so to speak no pun intended) these days. So I think we will be reading a lot of the forms to get up to speed about the lifestyle. So thanks to all those who post here, it will help us in many ways as this journey moves on, if it does at all.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

Sounds like a similar story to Ms. Golds experience: Her (then) husband convinced her to try swinging with some friends (which is why we don't support swinging with friends) in an effort to 'improve' their marriage... it didn't and it cost them some friends. The marriage was already in trouble and it also ended that. Several years later when we met, we were telling each other about our romantic experiences and she told me about how they experimented with swinging. Much to my surprise, she said that she could possibly be interested in trying swinging again, it just needed to be with the right person and circumstances. We started doing research (we are both data junkies) and found this forum (as well as other information from the web) and here we are! Swinging will never save a bad relationship, but it can add the sprinkles to the great ice cream sundae of life. Let us know if you have any questions or just want to talk more.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post

Seems like we been discussing it a few years now but have not taken that big first step.

 

I'm 60 Gwen around the same.

 

Long story here, but if you got time to kill and some comments feel free to....

 

Couple years ago, we had been out wine tasting one afternoon and came home and were fucking. During a break in the action out of the blue Gwen tells me about some of her past fun......I had an idea she had some fun but she never brought it up.

 

She tells me she and her first husband swapped a few times. Seems she agreed to do it because marriage was going through rough patch and she thought it might help. It didn't and they divorced.

 

After her divorce she started hanging out with a group of friends, over time it became a small swingers group. 3 or 4 times a year they would met up for an extended weekend of some group fun. Also during this time she traveled for work and had some fun times (one night flings they were called back then) while on business trips. 

She also told me some nice stories of random encounters......

 

Well her stories got me rock hard again instantly (and when I think about them now I still get aroused). Over the next few weeks I wondered why she brought the subject up. I had my hopes up she wanted to swing again, I never had. We talked about it on and off for a while, but we have not taken the next step. I'm willing to but Gwen backs out each time. I would like to have some fun but not going to sneak out on my own. Would love to watch her enjoy a couple guys, and while I would enjoy seeing her have fun I sure hope I would be able to have fun with their wives......

 

I still bring it up now and then and she just laughs it off. One thing I'm still trying to figure out is after hearing some wild times she had, she always been sexually conservative with me. Perhaps that falls on me...... with me never been to adventurous pretty much routine sex. And she doesn't enjoy giving or receiving oral (again maybe thats on me). But hearing tell the stories she seemed to enjoy that and other things back then.....

 

I'll continue to bring it up once in a great while....never say never.....

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

It is possible that somewhere in the back of her mind she is trying to protect what she has with you.  We were of a similar age when we started. We had been married long enough to have three adult children. It took some time and reassurances from me for her to realize that we were stable enough that playing would not rock the boat.

 

Since then things have progressed well with only a few minor bumps along the way. The bumps were all part of the learning curve and not serious.

 

I'd suggest keeping the conversation going., focussing on her thoughts and concerns. You can address it a wanting to understand her view of the subject. Do not argue your points or try to correct. After she has exhausted her points, say you would like to take a bit to digest them an ask to come back  later to the conversation.

 Take time to really look at what she is saying, then come back with ,more questions, suggestions etc.

 

Be sure you ask her how she feels about your interest. She will probably have a few questions that she needs to put into words.

( That part led me to some interesting soul searching and revelations to myself, that finally cleared the path.) 

Share this post


Link to post

Serious conversation about swinging started during lockdown which was the worst time ever. We were having groceries delivered to us and we wiped every item that came into our house. What started as fun talk became serious over time and we joked about every type of sexual deviance and then decided it’s not deviant if we both can agree and it doesn’t hurt anyone. Working from home gave us much together time and opening up with things we never talked about. 

  • Like 2
  • Hot! 1

Share this post


Link to post
21 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

it’s not deviant if we both can agree and it doesn’t hurt anyone.

It is deviant.  It deviates from social norms and those who want to control you.  But as you say, so long as it is mutually consensual and not hurting anyone, it is moral.  It is even obligatory if you want to live a full and adventurous life. 

 

As a woman who started non-monogamy by having a two boyfriends, both knowing and monogamous with me, one of whom became my husband, it gave me a sense of power and confidence that improved the rest of my life, especially as a young professional.  With my consent (more than consent, it was my idea) and under my control, finding women for my husband to have sex with, becoming bi, inviting one then another into our family, having hubby make children with them, me having a child with my boyfriend, were all deviant (my father has told me I'm a whore and doesn't speak to me) but these are our choices, my choices which have made my life infinitely more fulfilling than most.

Edited by couplers
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
2 hours ago, couplers said:

It is deviant.  It deviates from social norms and those who want to control you.  But as you say, so long as it is mutually consensual and not hurting anyone, it is moral.  It is even obligatory if you want to live a full and adventurous life. 

With all the at home time, no travel to and from work time, no rushing home to cook dinner, we caught plenty of Netflix and Prime and the explored streaming Pornhub. It’s not that we never watched porn before, it’s just we started exploring categories we would usually stay away from. We watched some that neither of us cared to watch more of. Other things interested us more bringing us to explore our own fun and some were funny to us. The more we watched the less we liked the produced porn, people don’t act like that. And then we explored real people clips and realized that could be us. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

My husband and I have been married 32 years and for the past couple years have been interested in swinging. We just don’t know where to go to meet other couples in our area. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
9 minutes ago, Maria said:

My husband and I have been married 32 years and for the past couple years have been interested in swinging. We just don’t know where to go to meet other couples in our area. We live in Michigan.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Maria, we were in a similar situation to you guys a few years ago. We wrote about it in a story here entitled “A Surprise at the Red Rooster”. We’re on the West Coast and the opportunities out here maybe a little different from those in Michigan. With the current COVID issues not sure what the club opportunities maybe for you guys. You may want to check out some of the websites like Kasidie, SLS, and SDC. I’m sure you’ll find some couple in your area and you can start from there. Good luck and enjoy yourselves. 

Share this post


Link to post

H and I have been talking about it for years. We been to swinger resort to see what it is all about but nothing happened. We fantasize about having sex with other people in the bedroom. When do you know you are ready? Has full swap ever happened in the heat of the moment how did of handle it?

Share this post


Link to post

Welcome Tahoe! See your other thread for responses. Are you FROM Tahoe? If so, we are from just down the hill if you want to talk.

Share this post


Link to post

We have been talking about it for about a year. It has helped us discover some kinks and interests but we haven't taken the plunge yet. I am hoping to continue the conversation when my wife recovers from her surgery and see if we can move past just a fantasy.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
On 4/14/2022 at 7:14 AM, Ironman2809 said:

Hi, I am always thinking of swinger, but don’t know how to start.

If you're married, you start with a discussion with your spouse. Be honest, be open, be nonjudgmental, be loving. Go at their pace, not yours.

 

Related; I'd thought there would have been an article in the "articles" section on this forum regarding getting started in swinging, but there isn't one. Surprised.

Share this post


Link to post

We have been discussing it for about 3 years. We have not actually ventured into the LS yet but there have been many discussions, fights, reconnections and revelations about each other since our first conversation about the lifestyle. Even though we have not attempted it yet, having the discussion brought us closer together and began the journey of us both exploring and learning new kinks for us.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Interestme82
      Hi out there. I’m married and in an evolving relationship. Last year I did a burlesque photo shoot for him as a gift. He loved the way it turned out but asked if I’d be willing to do something more risqué in the future. I got a reference from the original photographer (female) and told my husband the new photographer would be a male. Being the protective husband he is we both requested a meeting over a cup of coffee. We met which was great and made things all the more comfortable. I loved what I saw from his book and my husband did as well. 
       
      We had the shoot and the pictures came out great. He got really turned on by knowing another guy was doing the pictures. I was shocked. I asked him if he’d consider doing a couples shoot with me and he said he’d try but was reluctant. Pretty soon after he agreed and we were off again.
       
      Prior to the shoot my husband and the photographer talked about his career. My husband, who’s faithful, shocked me a bit with his envy and open talk about what the photographer experienced. I’m extremely open and joined in the conversation. Both of us felt like we were conversing with someone we really liked and knew a lot longer than we actually did. Unfortunately my husband had difficulties getting hard which is completely out of the ordinary. The photographer said it happened a lot and just to relax. 
       
      Surprisingly at my husband's request he asked for me to do a POV shoot the photographer showed us in his book. Basically it’s the photographer including himself in various ways while taking the pictures. As we started taking the pictures I liked being touched by the photographer even though it wasn’t active foreplay or sex. It really was strictly for the pictures themselves. During the pictures my husband quickly got hard and watched. Eventually the photographer asked him if he was going to get involved. The rest of the shoot went as we planned. Afterwards we all sat around and talked and went through the pictures.
       
      Some time passed again and we talked a lot about the fun we had with it. My husband admitted he liked watching the photographer touch me and if not for that he may have been to nervous to get hard. 

      I really want this to develop further but I’m apprehensive because it’s a major change in life obviously. I’m also not sure about how I feel about seeing him with someone else. When I say I’m not sure I mean most likely not. I don’t even really think he wants to. I almost feel like if I bring that up it will be too much too fast. Multiple times when having sex we’ve dirty talked about me doing another shoot and giving myself up. I’d feel more comfortable to actually do it than talk about it. 
       
      I feel like my husband has opened a door that I want to walk into. Am I reading it wrong? Is it best for me to just set something else up and let it work itself the way it will? Based on our interactions I have no doubt the photographer would be into it also. Would I be going to far given our relationship if I reached out to the him and told him how I feel, how my husband feels, and confirm he’d say yes? 
       
       
    • By funcoupledayton
      I'm starting this thread in response to one in the curious section where the author felt a little bad because his wife wasn't sharing all her fantasies with him. He said he knows they are not ready for swinging, in part, because of this.
       
      Well, here I am, swinging with my husband for 3 years, and it's gone very well. But, I still have a private fantasy place I go to (in my mind). I tell my husband things I want to try, we talk all the time about what we like about swinging sex and our sex. But, when he watches me touch myself and then says, "What were you thinking about?" I won't tell him.
       
      I don't lie, sometimes I tell him generalities. It's not about a specific person or people, it's not anything that really could or would happen in real life. It's not anything I want to try, I just find it hot to think about. But, I would be embarrassed to tell anyone, and it would make it less hot for me if he knew about it. In a way, I like not telling him, I like having a little corner of my mind that's all mine. On the other hand I feel a little guilty, because it's really not a big deal and he would like me to tell him these fantasies in great detail and would probably find them hot, too.
       
      But, believe me, I have told him (and many of you also) all kinds of silly fantasies, because I have a ton!
       
      What do you think? Do you tell your spouse everything you think about to get off?
×
×
  • Create New...