How long have you been thinking about/discussing swinging?

[Trophy1802 132]

We have been involved in the LS for 5+ years. However, it really was not until we had been married for 22 years and in our early forties (yes, we married young)that we started the discussion on getting together with others. Actually, we both admit that we had been having thoughts on our own of what it would be like to have sex with others for a couple years. But,it was my wife that initiated things when she told me one day that she wondered what it would be like to have sex with another man after it had just been her and I for 20+ years. Needless to say, after all the years together, sex had started to become a little bit mundane and routine for us both. It was a bit of a surprise but it was the spark that started us on our journey over the past 6 years.

 

At first, my wife started chatting with a guy from Australia on one of the chat sites. As the weeks went by, things between the two of them in chat got more heated and they started to sex chat, which in turn sparked a new flavour in sex between my wife an I. Normally, after chatting late at night she would come to bed and tell me about their sex talk and we would end up having incredible sex ourselves each time. This progressed with us discussing being with others while having sex and this even got things more stimulating between us. This "first step" continued for approximately 6 months.

 

The next step happened when we decided to visit a LS club on a trip to Florida late that year. Even though we did not get involved with anyone at the club, we did meet a nice couple and had a great evening chatting, dancing, and enjoying drinks. Plus, the couple pointed us in the direction of signing up for an adult website in order to meet people. Needless to say, this sparked our curiosity for the remainder of our trip to Florida and left us having great sex and discussing naughty thoughts.

 

Upon returning from our trip that year, we did join one of the adult websites and began chatting with some couples. Being totally green, we did not know what to expect. Unfortunately, our first meet was site unseen and turned out to be a bit of disaster. Even though we were a bit turned off from the first meet, we persevered and managed to have a great meet with our second couple.

 

Up to this point, we have never looked back and have continued to enjoy ourselves and the dynamic of our own sex life with others. Yes, we have meet couples that we have not connected with or with who we never became involved with. But we have had some great experiences with couples and have realized that we really enjoy the MFM threesome as I enjoy sharing my wife with another guy, and my wife enjoys the attention of two guys.

 

Even though we may have taken the cautious approach, we have enjoyed ourselves. We have even taken in a clothing optional resort as a different dynamic and are looking forward to doing it again.

 

We continue to look forward to things developing from here.

[Octavia 18]

I looking forward to this new adventure with my baby. I get bored easily and it takes a creative man to keep my interest. This by far tops the list right now. I'm a very outgoing flirt that loves exhibition that leads to hot sex. So from Dec. Of last year till now I've just been retaining all the knowledge that is available to me.

[Guest PLa1986]

Is there any women from plymouth looking for some NSA fun I'm a 21 year old guy looking for a good time

[couplers 4,140]

For me, it was from day one when I met my husband-to-be David since I was still screwing my ex-fiance. David knew from day one.

 

 

It took two years of me thinking about it (no talk) before I sprung another woman on hubby.

[swingster 17]

I thought about it near 2 years, before I tell my wife about it. She agreed to try and everything starts.

[Joe20655 15]

My wife has n agreed to swing with anyone else yet but she has agreed to go to a swinger club. I'm looking for a club in Indianapolis,In area. Can someone tell me what clubs are in that surrounding area preferably with an older crowd. Thanks Joe

[Guest Stayingactive]

We have been researching, learning about, listening to others and reading about the lifestyle for a couple years. We have met a couple couples out for dinner and had some great conversations as a group. We even had a second outing with another couple where the four of us visited an adult toy shop and had a great time perusing the store and discussing the toys and sexual likes and dislikes. We have had some electronic discussions with couples, single men and one single lady. Undortunately with the men we have come in contact with they all seem to struggle taking it easy, instead they become sexually aggressive quickly and that turns my wife off so we have not had a first experience with another couple yet. She is a very sensual woman and derives her excitement, arousal and pleasure from sexy erotic talk that builds her comfort & trust. These men start right in with how they want to deep throat her and all the things they want her to do to them vs how they could bring her pleasure too. She has even told them it’s the sensual approach that gets her going but they can’t seem to restrain themselves from taking the aggressive approach.

 

We know not all men in the lifestyle are like that so we will keep looking for a good connection and fish in better waters. Just wanted to represent that is what has held us back from actually doing anything and give some advice to the men out there....listen to the wife of the other couple because many times she will give you the tips to get her aroused and attracted with you. Don’t miss the cues gentleman.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

She is a very sensual woman and derives her excitement, arousal and pleasure from sexy erotic talk that builds her comfort & trust.

 

We wish you lived closer! The sex shop trip sounded HOT (we may have to try that)! It isn't always the destination...getting there should be just as much fun. Taking the time and enjoying the ride. Keep looking and stick to your guns, there's a couple out there for you. They might be hard to find, but it will be worth it once you do find them.

 

These men start right in with how they want to deep throat her and all the things they want her

 

Maybe we don't get it, but this is just rude. Not all women are into or able to deep throat and Mr. Gold would never ask (let alone tell) another woman that he wanted or expected this. We both accept what someone is willing to give and appreciate the gesture, and would NEVER TELL someone what is expected from them. Move on and find a better match. Let us know how things go for you and good luck!

[Guest Stayingactive]

Thank you so much Mrs Gold. We appreciate the response and feedback. Sometimes I think it is me, Mrs Stayingactive here, and maybe the type of experience that would be a good fit for us isn’t out there. Reading all the posts and hearing other people’s great experience tells me it’s our there and we do have to just keep looking.

 

The toy store trip was fun. We go as a couple from time to time on our own and I have periodic “breakfast and toy store morning” with my best friend but going with someone in the lifestyle was fun. We enjoyed walking around and discussing the toys we all own and what our likes and dislikes are. Unfortunately at one point when the husband had me alone that’s when he showed me some type of numbing cream and explained I should get that and put it in my throat so he could deep throat me really hard. That’s when my interest dropped and the sexiness of the date left. It was too bad as the wife was wonderful and there was a connection between her and I as well as her and my husband. But her husband had turned me off and my husband was not trusting of him after I told him the story. For us it is about a safe comfortable experience and a connection with the couple or singles. We’d love to do a date like that again as over all it was a fun outing. :-)

 

Sounds like Mr Gold is a respectful gentleman and we hope to find people like that someday. We know we will. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and when turned on will have some wonderful sexual experiences and I am not afraid of some exploration, but after I am turned on, and the path to turned on for me is sensual, erotic and respectful. That type of man will get my juices flowing every time. :-)

 

Thank you so much for your words of affirmation and encouragement. We will keep looking and excited for the situation where we do find the right fit. Nice to meet you too.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

The right couple is out there, they can just be hard to locate. Remember how hard it was to find another guy that you connected with? Now try and make that happen but in a four way match. Not easy, but when it does happen, it can be explosive! Just keep looking and if a couple isn't right, move on...don't waste more time hoping that they might someday be. Also know that there are still gentlemen in the world and Mr. Gold is definitely one of them. Not too many left, which is why I share with with others

 

Love the avatar picture! We wish you success and hope you will let us know when you find it...and if you are ever out California way we need to do dinner.

[TwoHotTwoHandle 19]

We talked about it from our first date. We had both been the single in threesomes. That was the extent that he had experience. İ on the other hand had been in a foursome and fivesome on a fairly regular basis. İ also made sure that he knew i was serious about it and i wanted to make sure he could handle it past the stage of only threesomes. On our second date i took him to a swingers club that of course he had no idea existed. On our first date it was a short, sweet kiss and that was it. On our second date when we walked in to the club the owner came and kissed me. He signed all of his membership papers, we took him on a tour of the club(he had never been in one). When we finished i excused myself to change. İ walked out with a thong and 6"stiletto's which made me over 6' tall. He was shocked. Then i got a full body painting done by an artist there. Made it into his portfolio too. Then my friend the owner and a really close friend tied me to the St. Andrew's Cross and both whipped me for about 30 minutes til the welt stage. İ was so relaxed after that and the others that had been watching were so worked up that everyone was fucking on the furniture right by us. İ gave both of my Dom's a kiss, took my date by the hand and brought him to a semi-private room(wasn't sure if he could handle people watching or not. Needless to say when we got to the room he was ready. Best sex of my life. We have been together every since. We have gone on trips all over the US to swingers clubs but our favorite is our local one ten minutes from our home. So we have been swingers from day one.

[mzchippy69 15]

It's been a fantasy of mine for a long time & I never knew my partner was cool with it until yesterday. If anyone has suggestions on what the rules or boundaries are let me know,thanks

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Read the forums and search (search is your friend) for 'rules'. There's plenty of threads talking about setting rules and boundaries.

[Newcouple17 101]

We've been together for over 25 years and we've been playing with the swinging/swapping fantasy in several forms for probably 18 years, although it has to be said that actually planning on doing it has only really evolved over the last 3 years?

[BabeAndApe 70]

We've been friends for 20 years and married for 17. We started exploring kink five years ago and had our first threesomes with another man three years ago. MFM has been our go to non-monogamy to date. Its only the last year we've discussed swinging with other couples, and only the past month or so that we've started actively looking.

[Zaftig Stig 15]

4 days, lol

 

Married young, and for a number of years and we were both virgins. Sex was good, but vanilla, not a very passionate marriage. I've been out of the marriage for a couple of years and don't know that I want to start dating yet, but man, I want to make up for 'lost time' so to speak.

 

Had coffee recently with a friend, and mentioned I've been dreaming about making out with strangers, literally. That's when she suggested a swingers club. She explained the pros of it and the advantages of being a single female. Everything she said just made sense. Started researching and haven't stopped yet...

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Unicorns don't exist

 

(something more to research...)

[M33 15]

That's really cool. Also it's great to hear your wife survived breast cancer. My wife and I have also been discussing swinging for only a few months. It was really just sex tall but now we have been talking about it during the day with our cloths on lol.

[Chloeangel 15]

I have a couple questions about how to get started. So. I havent asked my SO about playing around with another yet. But once we get past that step, how can we take the next? I personally wanted to invite a 3rd in (woman) and see where this leads from there. I prefer for it to be amiable but not a personal friend. How can you meet people willing to play? I know everyone says a club but we were thinking about someone somewhat local and not in another state. :/ Ideas?

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Finding a woman in the L/S is not easy but no impossible (where finding a single guy is impossible to avoid even if you say you aren't looking for single guys). We also don't recommend friends since they usually aren't 'prepared' with the emotions and potential drama that could come from such an arrangement (some will tell you otherwise, but this is our beliefs). On line is probably the best place (see Find Swingers at top of page), but be prepared for some work. Single women in the L/S are called unicorns for a reason (unicorns are usually easier to find), finding a bisexual single woman...well they are called 'golden unicorns'. They ARE out there, but usually it is just easier to find another couple than finding a woman. Don't rule out clubs, though, you can use all the avenues you can find. If you are prepared to do the work and invest the time, you can find one, just realize that it is going to be a chore. Good luck

[Patrberg 19]

There's a lot of interesting stories here.

 

As to my wife and I, I think that we've actually been discussing it in code for the better part of our marriage (so, close to 20 years). As to discussing the idea in less abstract terms, well... it all started with me asking my wife what her deepest darkest sexual fantasies were. Upon being asked about her fantasies my wife basically gave a very generic "romantic sex" answer, but then insinuated that there may be more things but she was too embarrassed.

 

I like writing, so I decided to write erotic literature for her, mainly to open up a surrogate dialog and help her not feel embarrassed. Basically I tried to guess at what her fantasies were and and wrote sort of scattershot, refining the stories with each "review" my wife gave. It quickly became very apparent that she had exhibitionist fantasies that slanted heavily towards gang bangs, light humiliation, putting on a show, and sex with strangers in unconventional places. So for fun I decided to write her a sexual questionnaire with 60+ multiple-choice questions, and then set aside some time to have a very frank very open conversation regarding her turn-ons. After the dust settled and all the cards were on the table we both realized that she had a wild exhibitionist kink, and I had a pretty substantial voyeuristic fetish... It was like two pieces just went click.

 

The linchpin to the conversation was one single moment, where she looked at me and said "you don't really want to watch a stranger slide his cock in me do you?" She said it with a sort of wide-eyed look that said, and with a vernacular that said, if you say yes I'm going to confess everything that has ever turned me on. There was a long pause, and I scooted in close to her and told her if it turned her on I would absolutely watch her do that.

 

And we were off to the races, she basically had to steady herself on the furniture in order to regain composure and continue the conversation

 

A few of her more prevalent fantasies, meaning ones that she had given serious consideration making a reality (i.e. talking to me about the possibility of making it happen) where the mfm threesome, a gang bang situation, putting on a show with observers present, and more than a passing curiosity at goings-on in sex clubs and swinger parties. I was both floored and not surprised at the same time. Not surprised as I knew she definitely had a kinky streak, especially the things that she would talk about when she had been drinking. But floored at her frank honesty regarding being curious at the possibility of making these things a reality.

 

Her main fear was that I would be angry and judgmental, as I tend to be a little judgmental sometimes. Or that confessing any of this would drive us apart in any way, as all her fantasies revolved around US, rather than just her (she wanted me to be into it)

I basically told her in no uncertain terms that the idea of winding her up and watching her go was a massive turn on, and nothing that she had said was either shocking or upsetting.

 

This conversation stands as probably one of the most amazingly erotic events of my life.

 

Oh, and hilariously, I ended up compiling all of the short stories into a series of small books and started selling them on Amazon. Which added a nice exhibitionist turn on for my wife because they were all about her.

 

I'm not sure that there is anything better than finding out that your partner is as kinky as you.

[parabola 24]

It's a man's world. That is what the swinging world is about. One sided as hell. Basically the women are selling the couple. Give me a break, we have evoluted down to this? What's in it for the females? We can get any guy age 20 and over why engage in this lifestyle?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,019]

It's a man's world. That is what the swinging world is about. One sided as hell. Basically the women are selling the couple. Give me a break, we have evoluted down to this? What's in it for the females? We can get any guy age 20 and over why engage in this lifestyle?

You situation is very apparently making you bitter. I do not know that it would make you feel any better for me to say that the world of swing in which my wife and I live is different from the world you describe.

 

I have paid attention to your earlier posts. You need to straighten things with your husband.

[Out-N-About 52]

Probably a couple of years. It started when my husband had some very hot dreams involving me and other people, and us with others joining. He was hesitant to tell me about the dreams at first, but when he did it really turned me on! Since then, we've discussed it more, laid down some rules, and spent many nights with the "toys" we bought pretending to do the real thing. So, who knows? Maybe our first try will be on our cruise in January ?

[bandj 23]

Believe or not we been discussing it for 13 years......I think she is stringing me along all this time...but I respect her wishes..it has to be a team effort...

[P&G 17]

Just started discussing and watching videos. Might give it a try while we are on our upcoming vacation

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Might give it a try while we are on our upcoming vacation

 

Then start the planning and discussions now. Be ready if the situation unveils itself.

[venusshaw 121]

We discussed for 2 years about going to Hedonism before we did our first trip in 2004 for our 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't swing on our first trip. We spent our time being naked and having sex in public. Our second trip was in 2007 - again we spent time being naked and having public sex. We had our 3rd visit in 2009 - had some soft petting - only me. My husband does not swing. He enjoys me getting all the attention. When discussed about me having MFM for 18 months before we went back in 2010 for me having sex with others. It happened and the same arrangement continues. He says I seek variety in everything, so what is sacrosanct about sex with only one person. Different food - for taste, different smell, different music, different sights - then why should sex be boring and repeated with one person.

[njbm 2,728]

I always think of the ancient song lyric by The Doors: Variety is the spice of life, that is what the judge is going to tell my wife. Of course, all bets are off for swingers.

[Choices 15]

This was a great reply. My husband and I have been discussing for 5 years and I don't think its going to happen. I've come to here to learn more about it and understand why after being married for over 12 yrs he is wanting this lifestyle.

[agreatguy 269]

This was a great reply. My husband and I have been discussing for 5 years and I don't think its going to happen. I've come to here to learn more about it and understand why after being married for over 12 yrs he is wanting this lifestyle.

 

See my response to your original post.

[Funlatincouple 44]

Took us almost 3 years. But wouldn’t change a thing, looking back.

[John paul 15]

My wife and I have fantasised about the idea since we met several years ago

[YourPlusOne 19]

I’ve only started thinking about this recently with help from a friend. I call him my sex coach. Too bad he is 3000 miles away!

[dazanconfsd 84]

Wife brought up the idea to me about 3-4 months ago. I was hesitant, lurked on this site for quite a while, dreading the bad stories, loving the good ones. We took the dive early december, soft swap ladies only. It didn't work as planned, but we talked and talked and talked, full discussion about everything we want from this. Last weekend was the second attempt, soft swap with possibility of more. I caved on my boundaries minutes in (loving the was she was enjoying herself), we broke boundaries and loved the whole thing. We discussed and played with each other after, repeated the next day (our play couple lives close) and had even more fun. This is the beginning of something wonderful. The things I have learned about her and she of me are groundbreaking after nearly 15 years together. We have turned into nudists of sorts and don't hide pleasing ourselves or looking at porn from one another. I know her fantasies and want to help fulfill all of them and she mine.

[Numex 2,175]

My wife and I were always open about our past sexual exploits and we talked about former lovers, what we liked and didn't, who did something special, etc. It sometimes really got us going. Finally, I told her that if she wanted to fuck the good ones again, I was fine with it. So after two years, she took me up on it. And THAT really got us going.

[ViSexual 1,006]

Wife brought up the idea to me about 3-4 months ago. I was hesitant, lurked on this site for quite a while, dreading the bad stories, loving the good ones. We took the dive early december, soft swap ladies only. It didn't work as planned, but we talked and talked and talked, full discussion about everything we want from this. Last weekend was the second attempt, soft swap with possibility of more. I caved on my boundaries minutes in (loving the was she was enjoying herself), we broke boundaries and loved the whole thing. We discussed and played with each other after, repeated the next day (our play couple lives close) and had even more fun. This is the beginning of something wonderful. The things I have learned about her and she of me are groundbreaking after nearly 15 years together. We have turned into nudists of sorts and don't hide pleasing ourselves or looking at porn from one another. I know her fantasies and want to help fulfill all of them and she mine.

 

Are you two aware of the Canaveral Seashore's 'Area Five'? It's a really nice, and safe, place to experience nudity.

[dazanconfsd 84]

We were not aware, but will look into it right now actually. Thank you ViSexual.

[Alex123 18]

Hi one and all....My wife and I have been discussing in detail the thought and have yet to act on it. We have several friends in the lifestyle (I think)!

 

my partner has a very high sex drive and is keen to try new things and i am cool about it she wants to try the swing scene out and i would do what ever she wants to try , any tips ?

[njbeachcouple 21]

About 20 years ago, my best friend asked me if my wife and me would be interested in swapping with his wife and him. They had a pool and we had skinny dipped with them but nothing more. Our wives were out at lunch at time and we talked about it for a while. I was interested, but I told him my wife definitely would not be. We had been to Hedo and played together in public, but not with any one else and my wife said she thought swinging was disgusting.

 

So I didn't bring it up with my wife. In the meantime over the years my wife and I have been to Desire several times, and on the last trip to Desire we met a couple we spent quite a bit of time with. They said they weren't swingers, and we told them we weren't either. They lived only a couple hours from us and we've met several times for lunch or dinner. There was no discussion of swapping.

 

We decided a couple weeks ago that we would all go to Desire together this fall.

 

Yesterday, I asked my wife what she would do if he got touchy with her at Desire. I know he has a thing for her and his wife and I flirt a lot, but nothing physical. She said she wouldn't get mad at him or anything, and then said she wouldn't mind it. So I asked her if she wouldn't mind or whether she would actualy like for him to touch her. I could have fallen on the floor when she said she would like it.

 

So for the first time ever we talked openly about swinging. I asked her how far she would go with him and she said she didn't know, that it would all depend on the situation. She asked me how I felt about his wife and I told her that I would like to have sex with her, but wouldn't do it unless she had sex with him. She said that was possible, but she would really have to be in the mood, the timing would have to be right, and she would probably need a few drinks to loosen up.

 

I told her about the conversation with our friend twenty years before (he sadly passed away at an early age a few years ago), and she said she wished I had told her about it, and that if the circumstances were right, she probably would have done it. All I've been able to think about since is twenty wasted years. I had been afraid to ask her. Back then we didn't communicate about sex very much.

 

I don't know what will happen at Desire, but I suspect its going to be fun.

[lcmim 1,008]

All I've been able to think about since is twenty wasted years.

 

I would be very careful about admitting that again in just those words. (G)

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Don't waste time looking backwards: learn form yesterday, live for today and prepare for tomorrow. It took awhile for you both to get where you are, in hindsight she SAYS that she would consider swinging, but she may not have done it back then. She seems to be ready and considering it now. Go forward with no expectations and NOT PRESSURE on her. If it happens, it happens. But in moving forward, keep talking and sharing and who knows...good luck and let us know how things go.

[padoc 1,696]

You can't change decisions or choices made 20 years ago. We've all made choices that have unintended consequences. In this case it's regret. Don't dwell on it and don't even think about telling your wife about twenty wasted years. She's more or less opening a door, enjoy what comes next.

[EastInWest 1,508]

I told her about the conversation with our friend twenty years before (he sadly passed away at an early age a few years ago), and she said she wished I had told her about it, and that if the circumstances were right, she probably would have done it. All I've been able to think about since is twenty wasted years. I had been afraid to ask her. Back then we didn't communicate about sex very much.

 

I don't know what will happen at Desire, but I suspect its going to be fun.

 

Once Mrs. E started getting more comfortable being sexual, she told me that if she'd known what she was missing out on from listening to the nuns in high school, she'd have spent all her time on her hands and knees in the boys' locker room.

 

There are certainly more than a few threesomes and foursomes I never had because I wrongly assumed that the partner I was with was vanilla to their core, rather than looking for someone to give them "permission" to be themselves, and probably a few relationships that melted down because we couldn't be open about what we needed.

 

It happens to everybody. Be glad you got here at all.

[LaurynCham 15]

New and curious and looking for someone to sell me on the lifestyle

[lcmim 1,008]

New and curious and looking for someone to sell me on the lifestyle

The only one who should be talking you into anything is you.

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

Layryn: You shouldn't need to be sold on the L/S...first it has to be something that you can accept. If you are a hard wired monogamist (and most people are), it won't work for you. Second, you MUST have a relationship that is rock solid and has excellent communication. Communication (in conjunction with love and trust) is the enemy of jealousy. Anything less and swinging will just magnify the weak points in your relationship. Swinging is the cherry on top of the ice cream of life. You don't NEED it, but when you are in a relationship that is that open, trusting, loving, awesome it serves as that reminder of how great things can be.

 

If you feel like you have to be 'sold', then it most likely isn't for you.

[Numex 2,175]

.

 

I told her about the conversation with our friend twenty years before (he sadly passed away at an early age a few years ago), and she said she wished I had told her about it, and that if the circumstances were right, she probably would have done it..

She says that now, but 20 years ago she would have slapped you and cut your balls off.

[BigRed623 15]

The initial conversation started about 6 years ago. We dabbled, went to a swingers club once, both of us enjoyed our time, had fun (didnt do anything besides talk to the patrons. Trying to get a feel for the lifestyle) but it faded. Apparently it made her feel "disgusting" not sure why she entertained my fantasy. For the last 3 years... it comes up sporadically.. like in the middle of sex she'll ask of it's still on my mind. And wants to hear what details I can offer... not sure what to do with that. Been married 18 years.

[padoc 1,696]

Next time she opens the topic, suggest a return visit to the club. If she's ok with that then over days prior to the visit, discuss what could happen, what you'd like to have happen, what she'd like to happen, ask her how'd she'd feel about various scenarios and get an overall feel for where she is 6 years after your first foray.

 

Once you've done that, at the club try to guide the situation close to the edge of whatever she's described as her comfort level. It may be a slow process and require a lot more conversation and several more trips to the club. A word of caution: don't go beyond her comfort level or she will shut it down and it will be another 6 years before you get another chance if ever. You probably know what you want and where you want to go with this. She probably doesn't but seems at least somewhat titillated by the whole thing. Patience with her and giving her a sense of security in exploration could be well worth the effort.