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Update

Due to many outside responsibilities, I haven't been on the forums in a long time. It isn't that I haven't been interested, it's that I have some limitations....time and finances at the moment for internet access. However, I got a message asking about our quad and it made me realize that I need to update things here.   After four years, our quad relationship ended about one month ago.   Long story made short is....I have boundaries, not rules, but I need honest, respect and integrity. I feel i
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

9
 

Meeting Kitten Again

We went to the monthly Poly Meet and Greet this week. We all have a good time but, Kitten likes it best. Well, at least different. I’ve figured out that the woman likes to socialize. She hasn’t done much of that with anyone else since we’ve gotten together. At least it has been a while. With her working two jobs and the four of us trying to spend what available free time we have together, it has been difficult to socialize with anyone else.   This is different. We are all doing this together. S
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

3
 

Date Nights

I love the opportunity to get each of my men to myself. That can be difficult at times.   I had a busy week and I'll only list the stuff directly related to our quad. Children, work and everyday stuff were there but not of importance to this post.   Gator had Wednesday and Thursday nights off. Thursday was booked a month ago. The second of the poly meet and greets we attended. This one was just as fun as the first if not more so due to we weren't just meeting everyone this time. And Kitten se
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

5
 

Empty Nest...WooHoo

Gator and I are about to the place we wanted to be when we got married and had our children so young. With it just being the two of us again. Well, we didn't foresee being part of a quad.   Our oldest is remarried and living two and a half states away. Our youngest has moved an hour away and lives with his girlfriend. The house is quiet and I like it.   Don't be mistaken in thinking we don't have much contact with our boys. We do. They still call when they are struggling with something. The y
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

1
 

When you realize your children are growing up

Tech and I have been facing some communication issues. All the issues we have had lately seem to revolve around that. And we've been struggling to find a way for each of us to change to facilitate better communication.   Today, my oldest son, gave his mom advice. I didn't particularly get why he'd give me this advice and I'll be honest and say that I didn't really like the advice he gave either.   When I asked why he'd tell me that, he told me that it is what I always taught him to do.   Well
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

2
 

Crisis averted

Since my last blog, things are much better and we are all seeing each other again.   It seems that a drastic step was needed to get Kitten's attention and that step coincided with a new direction in her therapy and changes have started sooner than anyone expected.   I'm so very happy that all of them are happy again. It was the most difficult on the three of them (except the worry on my part in several areas). Kitten and I still get along well but, as I've said before, the two of us are so di
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

3
 

I miss sharing

I've missed sharing things here. I've missed the opportunity of staying up to date with everyone. I just haven't had the chance due to things in my life and now due to other things as well, I am finding I haven't the motivation to share.   I've gone through so much that I feel catching up on sharing it here is a huge task.   A couple of things that you can't do anything about and I really considered not mentioning at all but they have so totally consumed my world that I feel the need to at le
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

9
 

Great Weekend

Just a quick note...the weekend is good. I hope you all are having a great weekend.   At Tech and Kitten's house. Many people here. Mostly friends of their children. They are all great kids and I enjoy the conversations I have with them. Kids that like to have their fun, yes, but kids with plans for their lives and they are going about reaching those goals.   They all accept us and there is nothing like getting to live openly as a quad. We never had much of a problem with keeping our swinging
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

4
 

Good Times

Just wanted to share something good.   Between the shift work Gator works and the second job Kitten has, it has been even more difficult than normal to see each other. Quad time has been scare and dyad time with boyfriends and girlfriends almost non existent. After much discussion initiated by me, I discovered we were all feeling the loss and felt disconnected. Therefore, date nights were set.   Gator and Kitten went on a date Thursday night since they were both off work. A big break through
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

4
 

Why do I think I can help?

You may have noticed I've had more time to be online the last week. Swingersboard is one of two places I visit when I get time. The other being a poly board I belong to. If I have more time after visiting these two places I go onto see how things are going at a few more. One is a blog site and I'm there infrequently enough that I'm not really comfortable with navigating there.   I visited there last night and answered a post because it was just too close to something I had been through not too
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

5
 

Is he coming around?

Gator's and my youngest child has always had a major problem with our relationship with Tech and Kitten. Has tried in several ways to get us to end it.   This Saturday he is going to a festival with the four of us. He told his dad that it would be like a quintuplet date. Gator and I, Tech and Kitten, Gator and Kitten, Tech and I, son and his girlfriend. I can't tell you how amazed I was to hear he said this.   Some rough events for our son happened at the beginning of the week that made him s
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

4
 

Plans

In the past, I've always been a planner. Couldn't be without my watch and my day planner (later my PDA).   Then both my boys, a nephew and one of their friends were in a serious wreck. One that we've been told it was a miracle they survived. I saw the accident scene...it's true. Three of them eventually walked out of both hospitals that night with basically minor injuries. One did not. He very nearly died. He's had two back surgeries by a fabulous doctor and now walks around and lives a normal
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

3
 

A Baby in the family!

Tech's only sister had a baby today. Due to medical problems, it will likely be the only one she has. A first experience for him being there since his children are all step children.   The thing that totally sucks about this is no one got to go with him. Long story about work and misunderstanding the doctor on when she was being induced. I'm now anxiously awaiting pictures to arrive via the technology I love.   He was afraid to hold mine and Gator's second grandchild when he was first born. B
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

4
 

Got some of that time.

Well, I've talked about the difficulty of finding time with our OSO. We got some of that this weekend!   Gator was working his evening shift and Kitten was working the evening shift on her temporary job. Tech and I had planned a date. Figured to be a good time since it wasn't taking anything away from time spent with Gator and Kitten. We had a good time. Shopping, meal and movie. And then the getting a room idea came up. Fine with Gator and Kitten if we did. The great time we were having made
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

1
 

An Update

Just to keep you informed...like you really want to know. ...We've had some serious talks on the trust and privacy issues.   Kitten is more than aware, again, of my feelings regarding honesty and trust. As much as it hurt to tell her, as well as both husbands, I did tell her that right now I don't trust her. That it'll not be given so freely the third time around. I just can't do that. It may be a sticking point with her and I. She feels she wasn't dishonest. Or at least it was warranted and sh
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

3
 

Limitations in Relationship Growth

Most here know that I say I have two husbands. I'm wondering lately if that can be a reality or just wishful thinking.   Gator and I live together. Have for 24 years. Now, that gives plenty of opportunity for growth in a relationship as long as both parties are willing. We've been more than willing. And it can amaze me at times that, after 26 years together, we still are growing. Maybe I should think of the tree analogy someone used for a different reason. They don't stop growing at 26 years if
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

5
 

Helpless

I want to be the friend Kitten needs this weekend. I'll do all that I can to make it so. But, what can you do for someone you love who feels she is finally able to go through her mom's things so that the house can be sold? I have no words to give her....just my presense and willingness to work beside her.   Mother's Day was a rough day for her. The first she has been without her mother. Yet, I feel it won't compare to this weekend at all. One of the biggest things she'll face it what to do wit
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

6
 

A Situation That Can't be Changed

The situation that is unchangable at this point is the fact that we don't live together. I know that wouldn't solve all our problems and, in fact, will bring some different ones instead to begin with. What mostly makes living in different households a problem is that these two households are 2 hours apart.   Don't get me wrong. I do know that it is worse in some long distance poly relationships. I have to admire them for trying to have a relationship with someone 5-9 hours away. Off topic for
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

5
 

One problem of "being in the closet"

I think I've mentioned that all of our families do not know about our quad. Tech's family (immediate) does and it is a very nice change for us. There are suspicions in both my (Vol) famuly and Gator's family. Just not a good opportunity to confirm them I guess. Kitten's family, however, is not in the know and more than likely won't be. Which causes the problem we have. Gator is a bit lost.   See, Kitten's mother passed away according to the medical examiner about noon this past wednesday. She w
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

5
 

Shit Happens

Do you ever think that you aren't meant to have life go your way for an extended length of time? I do at times. Things can be moving along just great and out of the blue...shit happens. Unexpected bill, kids having problems, arguing with spouse, job a pain...any and all at once. I was thinking, as this is one of those "shit happens" times, is the majority of my life in this category or the "life is good" category? My answer when I began thinking, and then writing, this blog was that it is more o
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

9
 

After the meeting

Ok, dinner went very well in my opinion. Tech and Kitten's son was everything I imagined him to be after talking with them. He and his friend were polite and I was impressed with them both. (I usually am impressed with the people who protect our country.). Gator and I like him just as much as the younger two sons. That's a lot because they are starting to feel like ours too at times.   Only one of our boys was able to make it after all and it was the one who has caused the most problems for us
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

3
 

Nervous about meeting their son.

Ok I've never blogged before but I've enjoyed reading some of the ones here. And since I've stepped a good ways outside of my normal comfort zone of sharing this week with our interview, I thought I'd share a bit more. Nothing to make a post about though so, this will just help get it out for me.   Tonight we will meet the oldest son of our quad partners. He's in the Air Force and hasn't been home for 2 years. I've been off and on nervous about this. Mostly about him finding out about us period
gatorvol64

gatorvol64

4
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