mandw2

Thanks Shelby for the link. It was very helpful. I guess we (my husband and I) are in the minority in that it was my idea to start swinging. They were for the same reasons as Crazykatie So in this I have taken the role of managing our online site, responding to e-mail, screening, chatting, etc. My husband also has all of the log-ons and does frequently read the e-mails I have sent, or will read over my shoulder as I am chatting. However, recently we encountered a situation where I had been chatting with the husband of another couple and his wife wanted to chat with my husband before meeting face to face. My husband flat out refused, stating that on-line chatting is not his thing and he would much rather meet someone face to face after I had screened them, or meet new people at a house party or club. While we have never gone the house party or club route, I get the feeling there is a lot more pressure to jump into the sack with someone (or someones) without really getting to know who they are first. Which is not my style of what I want our swinging experience to be. Thus enters the desire to find a group of couples, in which we all are comfortable with, who we can swing with on a regular basis. So I guess my thoughts are this. You have to do what works well for you and your husband. As long the shopping process is working for you both, then go with it. If you run across a couple or someone who discounts you for what works for you, then it probably would not have been a good match with them anyway. Good luck shopping

WE LIVE IN HOUSTON, well south Houston My husband and I have often discussed how wonderful an arrangement like this would be. We put so much time into screening, chatting and meeting before we consider swinging with a couple or single, it would be nice to have a group of friends which everyone is comfortable with to have regular outings or get-togethers. I would have no problem letting my husband play with a group such as this, if I did not feel like it (horrors!!) or was out of town. I guess we all can continue to dream.

My latest favorite is a wireless remote control egg. My husband had the remote a few nights ago at a party. He would give me a quick (or long) zap when I was talking with other people. The egg has 7 settings so he has lots to choose from .

I voted gentlemen only please. For me the bedroom is much more fun when I am treated like a lady. Ladies first

You are off to a good start by communicating. I know your feelings are pretty raw and you most likely feel threatened by this couple, but try and phrase your comments as "I feel you are putting this friendship before me" instead of telling her she is doing it. She cannot discount your feelings, but she can feel as if you are attacking her and become defensive if you are telling her she is doing something. Encourage her to talk about her "friends" and what makes them so special to her. She should reveal to you where the void is in her life and how you can fill it. It is wonderful that you both have stopped swinging for now. I believe it a good step to healing. However, try and reserve your feelings of never wanting to do this again until you are in a better place with your marriage. It is great to say you want to hold off for now, but she might feel as if you are trying to "punish" her by telling her you will never do this again. Ok, I will step down from my psychobabble soap box. Best of luck to you.

I am new to this site and lifestyle, but I'll go ahead and jump in. I don't agree that your wife is trying to replace you or that she has one foot out the door. It is my guess that you are a wonderful husband, her best friend, a good provider, and if kids are involved, a good dad. If this were not the case, she would have already left. I do believe she is trying to fill a void that is not being filled at home. Communication is going to be the key to moving from this dark place. I agree a counselor could offer non-bias opinions and in-site, but you should find someone who supports the swinger lifestyle or it may be more destructive then good. She has given you two very valuable pieces of information: She "connects" with this other person/couple. HOW do they connect? Do they share the same fantasies, desires? Is she more comfortable discussing her fantasies with this other couple, because she does not want to risk rejection from you, the person she needs acceptance from the most? She "does not want to loose the friendship" of this other person/couple. Does she enjoy the attention of someone "new". Someone other than her husband who "has" to tell her she is beautiful. Do they share other interests outside of sex? I agree you need to tell this other couple to leave your wife alone. And you should tell your wife you would like to stop swinging until you are in a better place in your marriage. It will be my guess that she will feel trapped and that you are trying to control her. Your job will be to let her feel these feelings, but at the same time listen to her about WHY she feels trapped. What was it about this other person/couple that was so enticing to her? Then work to fill that void yourself. Try to remember when you were dating and first married. You both made a huge effort to please the other, to look nice, to do things that interested your mate. After 10 years of marriage it is easy to slip into a comfortable rut of doing the minimal. Try and tap back into what worked for you both in the beginning. Love notes, flowers for no reason, spontaneous weekend trips, special evenings out. Take her shopping, select outfits you would like to see her in. While most men would rather place hot pokers in their eyes instead of shopping, the dressing room can be a very erotic place and excellent foreplay. In a bit, she should start to do special things for you, just as she did when you were first married. Try and fulfill as much of her fantasies as you can. Create an environment in which she feels safe sharing her desires, trusting you not to judge her. If she has a fantasy that really does not do it for you, when your marriage is in a better place, arrange for the fantasy to happen either with or without you, stressing your desire for her happiness. Best of luck to you. With some work, you will be able to move forward from this place and enjoy each other again.