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Showing results for tags 'passive'.
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In my past (pre-married, vanilla), I've struggled with being too much of a sexually inert, passive guy. I thought that being respectful of women meant that you didn't display your sexual interest in them. This, of course, had the side effect of making them uninterested in me because they saw me as asexual. Now that my wife and I are venturing out into the lifestyle, I'm working on purging myself of all the baggage that I've been carrying around. I don't want to make the same mistakes in the swinging world that I made the first time around in the vanilla world. It seems to me that there's a difference in someone who's sexually aggressive and one who's sexually expressive. I want to show off my sexual side, not act like a tool. So what are your opinions on the difference? Obviously, there are common sense things like "No means no", "Respect another couple's boundaries", "Don't be a stalker", etc, but I'm looking for something deeper than that. Women, when you're looking for a swinging playmate, what are the traits you're looking for? What draws you in? What makes you think "I want to hook up with this guy!" ? What kinds of behaviors turn you on and turn you off? What can a guy do to let you know he's interested in you? -
Hi. I am a long time lurker and first time poster. I will start with a little about myself. I am 43 years old and married to the most wonderful husband that a woman could have except for one thing. His sexual drive is substantially lower than my own. He would have sex three to four times a month where I could have it every day (or at least every other day). After years of counseling, I have come to understand that his love for me has nothing to do with his sex drive. His sexual drive is simply much lower than my own. While I understand that logically, I still cannot escape my own needs. As a means of bridging the gap between our sexual interests, we investigated swinging. Over time, we met a couple and had our first experience. From my perspective it was great! First, I loved the hot, passionate, raw sexual experience. Second, my husband's sexual drive was boosted by the experience (so that we were having sex at least a couple times a week). Neither of us is threatened by the activity as we both know that we are completely committed to one another emotionally. So, everything should be good, right? We've met and been with a number of couples. However, we have only found one couple (so far) with whom we really, really mesh. We play rather infrequently (maybe three or four times a year will be all because of our insanely busy schedules). And, ideally, I'd like to have a number of possible play friends to keep things fresh and exciting. Well, here is my frustration. I cannot get my DH interested in actively helping me locate additional play friends. He is very shy, doesn't deal well with rejection, and hates to "put himself out there" to contact couples. As a result, he generally won't look at profiles with me to identify people to contact. I think this is because he dislikes getting excited about a particular couple only to get a thanks but no thanks response. He also does not want to put many pictures on any site (in part because of privacy concerns and in part because he just doesn't like the idea of others looking at them). Once someone expresses an interest, he is happy to speak with them and meet with them. He is witty and fun and generally "shows" rather well. And, once everyone is into playing, he is very, very excited. But, he really hates what I call the "shopping" process. Does anyone else have a passively participating spouse like mine? If so, what do you do? How do you handle them? Have you been able to get them to participate in the selection process? Katie -
Playing Hard to Get and Hurt Feelings
nice_cpl_n_bama posted a topic in Finding People to Swing With
Hi everybody, As you may have read, we went to our first house party last night. While it was overwhelmingly good there was one snag. There was a couple there we have played with in the past. Given my usual shyness I naturally made a move on the lady I already knew. She just gave me a kiss and wandered away. I took that to mean that she was really interested in someone else that night. I moved on to other interests. Laurie and I ended up spending most of the night with a different couple. The lady who seemed uninterested ended up leaving early. It turns out that she really likes to play hard-to-get and be pursued a bit. She apparently had hurt feelings because I didn't chase her. Laurie says the lady just had too much to drink while we were busy elsewhere and got depressed from it and that I shouldn't worry about it. I thought that I should sent an apology note. Laurie says that we didn't do anything to apologise for and once the booze wears off our friend will realize that hard-to-get is a plan that just doesn't work with me. So, should I go with the apology or listen to my wonderful wife and leave it lie?