Wife playing alone and I'm not sure I'm ok with it

[LOL_OMG 130]

Holy shamoly Intuitions...that was awesome.

 

Mrs LOL

[AZ Dreaming 15]

Dito

 

You continue to blow me away with your posts, Intuition!

 

 

Thanks.....

[Guest CandPinSA]

...said flad out...

 

and where the hell did 'flad' come from LOL what's that all about

 

C

[LICouple4u 15]

I meant to reply to this last night and forgot - sorry OP.

 

Early 20s, with a child and some extra weight due to said child. Is she depressed? Maybe she's hiding it from you or you can't see it, but it sounds a LOT like it to me that she's depressed. Not sure how old the child is, if it's still post partum or what.

 

A lot of the following is based on assumption of depression..

 

You tell her you love her - she doesn't believe it. After all, how could you still love her stretched out belly when you know what it looked like before?

 

These other online men listen to her (so she feels) because they are reading what she types. These other men tell her what she wants to hear (maybe they truly feel it or they are just saying it to get in her pants). She feels that they like her for who she is and without the obligation to say that they like her (marraige = obligation).

 

She's committing infidelity - period.

 

I know you work graveyard and she is working while you are at home with the child, but when are you spending time together? You two need to get back to spending time with each other and enjoying each other AND this beautiful child you created.

 

It is possible that she is addicted to this online chatting (I myself have been at times) and she just can't tear herself away from it. This IS something you can work through. It may take some time, but it can be done. You are welcome to send me a note and we can discuss this more.

 

We've been through this in our marriage, not the same exact thing, but something similar. I was 19 when we got married and apparently within a few hours of saying "I Do" I was expecting our first child I know how it feels to be young with a child, hubby working long hours, etc. Fast forward - we're about to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary and are more able to work through issues now vs our 1st wedding anniversary. Some of it comes along with life experience and maturity, no doubt, but that's not something an early 20's person tends to want to hear

 

I wish you guys luck! If you made it through this note - congrats

[NewAndScared 15]

 

Intuition, the depth of your posts amazes me.

[Guest CandPinSA]

 

Intuition, the depth of your posts amazes me.

 

 

You still here spending WAY TOO much time on this board? LOL Me too... and I agree... Intuition, your ability to look into a story/situation and read it, analyse it, and offer deeply thought inspiring commentary, is truly amazing.

 

C

[HappyPeople 17]

What ever it is, it doesn't sound safe... Meeting someone on the internet and going off with them alone to get drunk and have sex is not safe. Should you both agree that she continue doing this, I strongly advise her to meet up with the men somewhere safer. A swing club might be a good place since there are other people around.

[TL31 15]

Everyone has given great advice here. I can only say the same thing you really need to talk to each other not at or around each other. My husband and I got married in our early 20's and had all 3 of our kids within the first 4 years. I stayed at home while he worked long hours. It cause alot of issues with each other because instead of talking to each other we talked around or at. We both started spending more time online then with each other and it hurt our marriage. I know from my point I thought key word there is thought. I thought I was getting more attention from the people I talked to online then from my own husband. We both look back at it now and shake our heads.

We know now if we had just took the time to sit down and talk to each other we would have save alot of heart ache in the long run. Its been 9 1/2 years together now and we are still learning everyday new things to keep our marriage on the right road. But if you can sit down and talk be as open as you can with each other hold nothing back. You 2 might find out there is a problem that she is trying to fix by being online with these other guys. And hopefully you can fix it and move on to a better place in your marriage.

I hope that helps you I know a bit of what you are going through and it breaks my heart to see others hurting in that way.

[10thBadger 24]

On 5/18/2006 at 12:58 PM, nexteltx said:

Alright…Here’s the deal…Me and my wife are in our early twenties with a child…For a couple of years I always thought my wife with another man watching them and participating would be sexy…She never gave it any thought…Until January…

 

She always enjoyed chatting on the computer…She’s a flirt but never would go to far…Since the child she’s gained a little weight and she used it to sort of help her self esteem…In January a guy she had been talking to came to our town to visit his family…She asked me if she could meet him, I thinking it was a joke said to go right ahead…Later that week she asked a second time…Still thinking it was a joke I said go ahead…She came home drunk and told me she had given him a blowjob…I was speechless I have always been turned on by that but didn’t know what to think I never thought it would happen…I was angry but I couldn’t be I gave her permission…I was hurt that I wasn’t included, or I guess that she would rather do that alone…And that was as far as it went…Until

 

Last Monday…She has recently been chatting with another man daily for about a month…Calling him on the phone and staying up until the wee hours in the morning…I work graveyard so I don’t have an opportunity to see her that often and when I do she’s talking to that guy…We had previously agreed that in the future if there was to be a future with this kind of play that it would be for the both of us and not for just our singular pleasure…Anyway I had let it slide, until last Monday…She had been asking me for days if she could go meet him, each time I had to work that night I was hesitant I would’ve preferred to be there…On Monday she asked me again and after 4 times of saying no she wouldn’t let up so I said okay whatever…I went to work and tried calling her over and over again to tell her I wasn’t comfortable but she did not answer…Finally around two in the morning she called and gave me the details…She had given him a blowjob and described everything that had occurred…I guess the things that make me kind of uncomfortable would be that she behaves different with these men…I mean she’s more sensuous she usually when being intimate with me doesn’t go out of her way to seduce me or kiss but every time she goes out she does that kind of stuff…So the next couple of days I kind of was upset I saw this lack of attention and lack of sexual interest with me as a major problem…I spoke with her for a couple of days and told her that I felt ignored and well that she wasn’t into me anymore…She assured me that I was just blowing things out of proportion and that she did love me, she didn’t feel any different…

 

So here’s the dilemma…She’s planning to meet again this Saturday night but for actual intercourse…This was never really discussed before I asked her if she wanted to fuck him and she said sure…I don’t know if I am comfortable with this seeing how it doesn’t seem to be for us, it seems this is solely for her…Am I reading to much into this, because it feels like she’s growing attached…She doesn’t spend half her time being with me then she does talking to this man…What am I supposed to do…?

 

Is this bad…Is this good…Do I have to worry…Is it all in my head…AAAAHHHH

Badgers wife,

 

What kind of question are you asking. You are letting your wife go out and give guys blow jobs and you have the nerve to come in here and ask a question about what you should do? Immediately divorce her because she is just telling you that you are not shit and she doesn’t give a damn about you. What is wrong with you men let a woman run all over you and then putting high heels on your forehead. Have sex with somebody now after she knows you are already not feeling good about it. And not answering the phone. I don’t know what’s wrong with you mentally. At some point you had to become a man