Most embarrassing sex moments

[XMonkey 15]

We were having MMF fun one night and forgot to lock the door. Suddenly it started to open. Having quick reflexes, and being the one not directly involved at the time I managed to get there before our 6 year old looked in. I took her back to bed and when I got back the other fella and my wife were sitting looking decidedly shell-shocked - and he'd had his erection frightened clean away! Now we lock, and check!

[Paphian 16]

But really, I always kinda wondered if people had oral and anal sex way back during the roman orgies and way back in the last millenniums.

 

They were limited to missionary position only--and only for procreative purposes. None of the oral and anal stuff came about until after Al Gore invented the Internet.

[Vespertine 31]

They were limited to missionary position only--and only for procreative purposes. None of the oral and anal stuff came about until after Al Gore invented the Internet.

 

That was a good one.

[Floorman56 16]

oh my god! you mean people knew about 69s in the 80s???

We called it that back in the early 70's

[CuriousInOregon 16]

I think my most embaressing moment was when I was Much younger and was having sex Doggy style and you know air gets trapped when your moving too quickly well IT HAPPENED I was so embaressed I got up got dressed and left I swear he would have told everyone I passed gas so I was all over an explanation for it right well he never said a word to anyone and I ran into him YEARS later we now are good friends and have had many laughs over it

[fun4Ds 1,097]

ok im finally gonna let this one go when mrs.fun and i were young we finaly got alone at my parents house first time we were goin at it like young kids do when all the sudden i had the urge to fart well i thaught i could just kinda be real quiet about it and ease my way through. well it was a full blown toot followed by a toot with each huf of the laugh no stoppin it for several in a row we started laughin so hard that was the end of the new experiance for a while. we still laugh about it to this day 27 years later

[JnCC 24]

Well...what a bonding experience that must have been. Too bad it occured before video cameras were around. You guys might have been the $10,000 winners!

 

You should send that in to Readers Digest.

[NewTemptations 54]

Im sure I could come up with some of my own most embarassing moments....however....first thing that came to my mind was an incident where I was the SOURCE of the embarrassment, not the one embarrassed....

 

Years ago...I am a single mom living with 2 teenagers and 1 son thats over 18. One night very late my daughter comes banging on my bedroom door and wakes me up. She asks me to go tell the adult son to please tell him to make his girlfriend be quiet while they are having sex...seems she can hear them thru the wall and cant sleep due to the noise and she has a big test at school tomorrow.

 

Well hell....now im cranky, kinda pissed cause I got woke up over something so stupid....so I march down the hall...open the son's bedroom door while they are in the middle of things...look right at the girl and ask her to please be quiet while she has sex cause other people in the house have to get up early.

 

Hahahaha....she turned so red! Guess I spoiled the moment, cause she left shortly thereafter. In a few more years she would become my daughter in law. The incident was never mentioned by any of us again, but she doesnt speak to me too often...go figure!

 

On the bright side of life...on future nights when he brought her home, I guess either they quit having sex there, or she learned to be quiet! Funny how, shortly thereafter he ended up moving out of my house and into her mothers house...that ended up working well for all of us!

[lovedoctor 15]

Ya know, I've been on both ends of the "Cop coming up to a parked car" scenario, having been a Police Officer.

 

 

I hope if I ever get picked up by the law over in Lakeland, that the deputy is YOU!

[Deptydog 15]

I hope if I ever get picked up by the law over in Lakeland, that the deputy is YOU!

 

[Swingercast 91]

DFW Airport 1990's

 

Allie and I were living in Dallas and she had to get home for the holidays so I drove her to the airport.

 

It was freezing cold, ice on the runways and the planes were all delayed so.....we decided to sneak off to a ladies room in a part of the airport that was nearly deserted.

 

We started having sex in a stall and things were just getting good when we heard a woman coming into the stall next to us. Allie put her hand on my mouth and I lifted my legs off the floor and patiently waited for the woman to finish. This was not a #1 job the lady was doing over there. She was making all kinds of gross noises and it took a whole lot of energy (and both of Allie's hands on my mouth) to keep us from cracking up.

 

She finally left, we had our fun and I snuck out of the bathroom. A good 5 minutes passed by and still Allie was in the ladies room. She yelled out for me to come help her.

 

Her zipper was stuck. She was wearing a jean dress that had a zipper that ran all the way up the length of the dress. She couldn't get the zipper to work above her knees. I started yanking and pulling on that stubborn zipper when suddenly another woman came into the bathroom and looked at me like I was attacking Allie.

 

It ended up that I ran down to the gift shop and there were no sweaters or anything in there to buy that would work for Allie so I bought a pair of way small boys shorts and ran back to Allie. She looked at me like I was crazy so I ripped off my jeans and sweater and gave them to Allie.

 

We got a lot of odd looks as we walked through the airport. Allie dressed in my jeans and sweater. She had no belt so she had to keep pulling her/my pants up. And I was in tennis shoes, tight tight boys shorts and a white T-shirt.

 

I kissed her goodbye, she got on the plane and I walked back through the airport then out to the bitter cold DFW parking lot.

 

She told me later that I should have seen the look on her parent's face when they picked her up from the airport.

 

John

[Tatakai 15]

Its amazing at the moments when your own body will sabatoge you while you are having a great time. I can't tell what happened but it happened today. All I can say it TQ!!! She will know when she reads this. Sorry but if she wants to add it here I will let her, I can't embarass her by putting it her.

 

Tatakai

[autumn528 16]

As teenagers we used to party in the woods (who didn't?!?). Well me and the girl I was seeing slipped away when no one was looking. Instead of going far in to the woods, we started going at it right in the middle of main trail. Needless to say one of my buddies comes traipsing up to us and starts a conversation as if we were'nt naked and humping like jack rabbits at the time. Funny thing is, I talked to him and didn't miss a stroke. He walked away after a few minutes and she never said a word.

[Boudicca 15]

My partner and I were living at his mom's house for a while before we left the U.S. a few years ago. His adult sister lives there, too.

His sister was at work and his mom was out with friends, so we thought we had a few hours. We started doggy-style in the living room, then moved to the dining room table, and finally ended up an hour and a half later on the floor of his bedroom, after making extensive use of several different toys. We had enjoyed ourselves thoroughly, and were preparing for a little post-coital nap when we heard his sister's car in the driveway. We thought we were okay, since we hadn't left any evidence in the rest of the house and the door was closed.

V's sister comes to the bedroom door and knocks. We're all adults, and she's pretty mellow, so we cover up our nakedness with the comforter and say, "Ok, come in." She opens the door, gives an unreasonably shocked look, and starts stammering about how she came home sick from work. V and I try to have a semi-normal conversation with her, but she obviously wants to jet it out of there, so she shuts the door and leaves. We're wondering why she's so shocked, since it's not the first time she's come across us in post-lovemaking undress.

Then...I look up at the top of the dresser right behind our heads, and I realize that I have my silicone dildo suctioned to the top, standing straight up! Right next to it is the KY jelly and the leather cock ring. It's pretty difficult to maintain a normal conversation when there's an unexpected dildo staring at you.

[intuition897 2,177]

Then...I look up at the top of the dresser right behind our heads, and I realize that I have my silicone dildo suctioned to the top, standing straight up! Right next to it is the KY jelly and the leather cock ring. It's pretty difficult to maintain a normal conversation when there's an unexpected dildo staring at you.

Bwahahahahaha!! OMG, I am so afraid of something like that happening to us!

[Meggybear 15]

Mr agreed to let me share this story of his:

Before Mr and I met, he worked with my best friend (he was a year or two out of high school and she was 16 or 17). One day in January, they ended up going back to my friend's grandparents house (which was our designated party house since it was fully furnished but sat empty since both grandparents were deceased). They were getting it on in a recliner when my friend's aunt pulled up in the driveway to check on the house. My friend pushed Mr outside through the back door with only underwear on (JANUARY in INDIANA mind you!). Friend's aunt figured the whole thing out (hmmm....what gave it away? was it the big pile of clothes on the floor or the big hairy naked man looking at you through the sliding glass door?) and made Mr's parents come pick him up (pretty embarrassing for a 20-year old). Also embarrassing for his parents because they are so very vanilla (but 3/4 of their children choose alternative lifestyles. hmm...)

 

Mr has always had a fantasy about having a threesome with my friend. The problem is that she's married now and she and I have been great friends for 15 years. I don't know if she'd be into it or not, but I would never want to ruin our friendship...so I'm afraid that's one fantasy that will have to stay in the imagination. Mr still holds a grudge (for lack of a better term) that he never got to cum during their short-lived session.

[2much 19]

Before we were married Mrs 2much and I were out having an evening of drinks, dinner, etc... We were in downtown DC and had parked in an underground parking garage. We got back to the car around 10:30, buzzed and hot for each other. At the time I was driving a nice car, a white Merceds, and we began making out outside the car before getting in. One thing lead to another and before I know it Mrs is blowing me right there in the parking garage! I can't stand it and I pull her up onto the hood of the car, hike up her black miniskirt and begin fucking her like crazy on the hood of the car. It was as hot as it sounds, and she had recently had her tits done so I had her top pulled down and the gorgeous 34dd's exposed. We were going at it full speed when I heard the humm of a car coming around the corner. I decided not to stop. All I remember is the look of utter disgust on the face of the old man who sped past us. Honestly I feel a little but of remorse about it, that poor old man was probably working late and didn"t deserve to see such lewd acts in public. On the other hand - he was one lucky old dude, and probably banged his old lady like crazy when he got home!

I also am always looking for the "parking garage cam" sex tape to turn up on the internet.

[JCR 16]

I wouldn't say ours was embarrassing, just hilarious. My girl and I were doin' it doggy in a..computer chair. We were both heavily into it, and in my time of climax I thrusted forward and the chair toppled over, so what could a we do but laugh!!

[Elric563 15]

I haven’t had any embarrassing moments with C, but I did have a dozy with my first husband (let’s just call him John for now) when we were in college in a small college town in OH. I came home from work to see that he had taken a number of garbage bags, cut them open and duct taped them to the bed. On the nightstand were 2 huge cans of Crisco and he wanted to try “Crisco sex.” Being a 22 year old idiot, I agreed…actually I thought it sounded like fun. So we get through foreplay and I was standing on the side of the bed while he was doing me doggie, and then the unthinkable happened…my hands slipped and I fell face first onto the mattress right before another orgasm. Since we were both coated in Crisco, “John” flew over my back, across the bed and went head first through the hollow core door to the bedroom.

 

But wait…there’s more.

 

I throw on some sweats, dress him and run him to the hospital thinking he might have a concussion. We get to the hospital only to find out that my worst fear is realized. My cousin is the ER MD on staff that day. I can still see the look of amusement on her face at this one and she still teases me about it today. I was so mortified and yes, “John” did have a mild concussion so at least I did the right thing lol. And of course, my cousin called my parents and told them what happened.

 

What did I learn from this? Crisco sex = bad plan with garbage bags.

 

 

K

[Mrs.PaganLovers 15]

My story (although, I have a few). It had already started out a bad morning, hubby's coffee thermos blew up in my face, he leaves for work. I am doing my morning routine of cleaning. All of a sudden I hear a noise I can't find. Sounded like a electical buzz in the wall. I have a horrible fear of fire, so I called my Mother and was going to have Dad come up and check it out. Mom said call the fire dept. My daughter called during all this and I told her what was happening. After going through the house countless times unplugging all things electrical, I was getting ready to call the fire department, the chief is a friend of the family, I thought, ok I will go through one more time and see if I can pinpoint where the noise was coming from. Steering myself into the bedroom (we had a waterbed at that time, with drawers underneath) and all the time fielding calls from the family, I listened closely.......ah ha! Opening up the drawer under the bed...the culprit...my vibrator, just buzzing away.

My daughter and sister I told the truth. My Mother...well...this was a woman that my older sisters had to explain what a BJ was. I told her it was the backup alarm on the alarm clock. Could you imagine if I had actually called the fire department.

[pagan-lovers 15]

Embarrasing moment #1)

It was one of those lazy Sunday summer afternoons. The Mrs. and I decided to get a little afternoon delight. It was a beautiful day. We had the windows open, but didn't think much about it since the lady next doors was in her 90's never came outside and couldn't hear well. Well sometimes we aren't very quiet and this was one of those times. As the moans and screams subsided, we heard voices outside our window. Of course today was the day the 90 yr old lady had a visit from her 70 yr old daughter. They were standing in their driveway 5 feet from our bedroom window. We didn't show our faces outside for quite a while.

 

Embarrasing moment #2)

The day started at a college record store. You know the kind where they have headphones all around the room to listen to different tunes. I found a CD that I found interesting. It was called Cyborgasm, It was literally sex scenes recorded in Hi-Fidelity Stereo. I told the Mrs. you've got to hear this and put the headphones on her. I proceeded to find my way around the store and listen to some other musical samplings. Picked up a few CD's and looked around for the Mrs. I found her right where I left her headphones still on. We decided we needed to have this CD. So we paid for our purchases and raced home. We put the previously mentioned CD on the Stereo and turned it up. Needless to say after listening for a bit we bacame preoccupied. As the CD progressed the scenes changed from a twosome to a threesome to a full blow orgy, gathering intensity and Volume with each track. I wasn't in a position to reach the volume knob at this time. When we finished we realized the windows were open once again but this time neighbors were treated to the sound of a very loud orgy that wasn't even happening.

[prettylady 221]

Dog should chime in on his recent claim to fame.

After a rather fabulous session between the sheets. I offered to give him a BJ to finish him off and he said...

for those of you who have heard this story. Say it with me, "WHATEVER".

Ya, the warm breezes that were coming from the south turned to a brisk wind from the north really fast.

Your friend,

Prettylady

[Cloud of Love 16]

Number One:

My first college girlfriend and I went parking at the lake. Somehow, we managed to contort ourselves in the back seat of my tiny subcompact to a position where we could pleasure each other orally....69 in the backseat of a 1970s subcompact...tight fit but fun.

That was great...until a friendly sheriff's deputy knocked on the car window, shined his flashlight in, and asked my girl "are you OK, miss? Do you want to be here?" She stammered "yes", and he said "You two finish up and be gone in five minutes when I get back."

 

Number Two:

My wife and I are driving down a rural highway. She asks me if I want a BJ. I say "sure." We pull off to the side of the road. She proceeds to give me a BJ. Seconds after I cum, a state trooper pulls up behind us, gets out, and comes up to ask if we are OK.

My wife, wetness on her lips, quickly covers me with a blanket and tells the trooper that her husband was sick and we had stopped because I was dizzy. I don't think he believed us...but he told us to have a nice day and left us alone.

[Mr.T 16]

Sad to say my most embarrassing sex moment was not long ago.It was a first play meet with a couple we met on a swingers site.Things were a bit rushed and,unfortunately,I could not get it up.She was cute.I was interested,but no fire. .The Mrs. thinks it was the pressure of the time constraint.Call it what you want.It's still an ego-buster.

[rebelnangel 15]

our most embarrassing happened when we first moved to new orleans.we were working on a house,remodeling it.we were staying there and so was my mother and her boyfriend.well,we thought they were in the bedroom down the hall asleep.we were having sex and they walked in.talk about embarrassing.i could not look either of them in the face for a week.if it had been someone else,it would have been okay,but not mom and her boyfriend.....

[Rvrtas 15]

Not sure ours measures up to some of the other stories but here goes ...

 

We were in the group play room of our favorite swing club - twenty other couples within 20 feet of us. K was incredibly excited while getting it from behind, rocking and moving her butt up and down, back and forth.

 

And at the very moment there was a slight lull in the noise around us, she produced the longest, loudest and most enthusiastically generated pussy fart, likely in the history of womankind! Howls of laughter came from every nook and cranny of the place. And since we were in the highest point of the room, all eyes looked up to check us out. What else could we do but grin and cheekily confess?

 

Oh, by the way, she insisted we just keep on going! Gotta love that attitude.

 

F

[Beaverbumper 17]

As teenagers we were caught so many times I can't count. The worst was when we were parked behind a bunch of buildings, we were quite preoccupied, in fact, so much so that we didn't notice the car (police) drive right up to us. We think he had turned his lights off. We finanlly realized he was there when he banged on the window with his flashlight and shined the light in.

 

He made us get out and wouldn't let us get dressed, immediately. I know that he got himself off after we left.

 

Then recently we were alone for a hour or so during the weekend afternoon, we got a little frisky and moved to the bedroom, which is on the first floor front of the house, shades closed. We were talking dirty, specifically, about our cute next door neighbors when there's a knock on the front door. It's her, asking us to come over for a drink. After, we got ourselves together, I go to open the bedroom window...yeh it was wide open the hole time.

 

We have to wonder how much she heard and we wonder if she interested ....

 

I was visiting my inlaws to be house with my future wife and was in the middle of the sex act when her parents drove up in the drive. In a hurry to get dressed and zipped up the zipper cought the head of my cock and got totally stuck..My wife to be had to just yank the zipper down...Damn that hurt but not half as bad as it would have been to be seen by her parents..

[SouthBond 18]

Getting caught having sex by the Dallas Police Department. When my wife and I started dating I owned a sports car that basically had no rear seat. So we would push the passenger seat back as far as it would go and lean it back slightly. I would sit in the passenger seat and my girlfriend/wife would straddle me. We had driven to a wooded area in South Oak Cliff that looked like it would be real private. We were at the point when things were really getting right when someone shined a flashlight through the window. It's really difficult to stop an orgasm but I think that I did. The person then tapped on the window and said, this is the police, step out of the car. I rolled down the window and tried to explain what we were doing but he persisted. So we opened the door and practically fell out of the car. My girlfriend/wife was naked. I had on a T-shirt and my pants were down around my ankles. We stood there while the officer looked the car over and then told us that this was a really bad place to go parking. He instructed us to get our cloths on and leave. This was our first ebarrassing moment but we have had many more.

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

Since Laurie and I are completely shameless and nearly impossible to embarrass we don't really have an embarrassing moment of our own. We do however have someone else's embarrassing moment.

One of my longtime friends since childhood had his first child. The young'un had colic and a host of other problems for a while. The kid was 4 months old and had needed so much care that mom and dad hadn't had much time to play with each other. When they did try it the baby would need them right as things were getting interesting.

Laurie and I stopped in to see them one evening. With red faces they asked us to take care of the baby while they went to their room for a little while. Well, about 15 minutes later my buddies extremely prudish, overly religious parents showed up. Keep in mind that my buddy and I were both 18 and VERY recently on our own. The conversation went like this.

Me: Hi Mr and Mrs W.

Them: Where is the boy? (they still call him "the boy" 20 years later!)

Me: Ummm.....He's busy right now.

Them: Busy? Busy doing what?

Me: Ummm.....They asked us to watch the baby for a while.

Them: They asked YOU to watch the baby? Why? What's going on? (They didn't like us much.)

Me: Ummmm.... They went to their bedroom for a while.....to be alone.

Them yelling: BOY, WHERE ARE YOU?

A few seconds later the couple showed up, very disheveled and STILL frustrated. It all just went downhill from there.

Laurie and I bailed out and left at that moment as the lecture on how irresponsible they were got going.

[Swing*8701 885]

Edison the chemist here--If you EVER have an issue with hot sauce, on a genital area, lips, anywhere, rub salt onto it. The sodium breaks done the analgesic that causes the burning. Next time your lips are burning from buffalo wings, try it, it works.

[TerryforSex 12]

for me it was my period starting while swinging.

 

the typical thing, it was a little dark in the room and when i stepped out i saw the spotting down my leg. i quickly went back into the room and didnt say anything.

[intuition897 2,177]

Like nice_cpl_n_bama, Mr. intuition and I are not very easy to embarrass when it comes to sex. Yeah, we have sex, we enjoy it, and we won't apologize for it. So this isn't an embarrassing moment for us...

 

Some years ago we had an "accident" while engaged in some vigorous sex, involving a pubic bone and an erect penis. The result was damaged penile cartilage, pain and blood in his ejaculate. Needless to say, he was concerned about permanent damage so we went to a specialist about it. He was a very young doctor, fresh out of school I think. Seemed quite knowledgeable, and told Mr. intuition that it was a difficult injury to heal, but come back in 6-9 months if the problem still hadn't corrected itself. We were disappointed, but glad at least that it wasn't permanent.

 

Just as we were getting ready to leave, the doctor says, "Just out of curiosity...how do you know there's blood in the ejaculate? How do you know it's not your wife who is bleeding?" Mr. intuition and I just look at one another and ask, "What do you mean?" "I mean," he says, "isn't it kind of difficult to see ejaculate when it's deposited into a woman's vagina? How do you see it?" Wow. I was just blown away by this doctor's almost charming naiivete. He turned 50 shades of red when we explained the joys of pulling out and "making a mess" all over a woman's back or stomach.

[nyloveandsex 15]

1. Mom caught me masturbating. Also (different time) Mom caught me looking at porn on the computer. Mom caught 19-year old me and girlfriend in bed together (a big no-no for my family) by walking in WITHOUT knocking (also a big no-no).

 

2. This one's disgusting. You're warned. At a party, I was feeling frisky and stick my hand down same girlfriend's pants to grab her ass and I feel liquid. My hand was covered in you-know-what (NOT urine). I ran upstairs to use the bathroom and SOMEONE'S IN IT! I had to wait for 5 minutes, holding my soaked smelly hand (at least 3 fingers drenched) waiting for the lousy bathroom. Couldn't have scrubbed enough. At least she apologized later when she sobered up.

 

3. Falling off the bed too many times to remember. Broke a futon once.

 

4. Having sex with the GF bent over in the shower of a motel six and grabbed for the shower rod and it and the drapes came down hard on the girlfriend.

[nyloveandsex 15]

Edison the chemist here--If you EVER have an issue with hot sauce, on a genital area, lips, anywhere, rub salt onto it. The sodium breaks done the analgesic that causes the burning. Next time your lips are burning from buffalo wings, try it, it works.

 

 

I learned in school that the active ingredient is capsaicin which is hydrophobic (fatty) and it can be diluted with fatty foods such as chocolate. Probably not appropriate for genitals in this circumstance, but maybe something like crisco on the outside might work. What do you think?

[cubnamy1995 124]

OK, our turn. We don't have too many embarrassing episodes, since we don't embarrass easily. There is one however that stands out. We laugh about it now, but we were mortified at the time.

 

My brother lived with us for about 9 months, during our very early swing days. He had been recently divorced and fell on hard times. My family had washed their hands of him due to some substance abuse problems he had. Out of love, we invited him to stay with us for a while. He took a job in the same restaurant where my wife worked. He didn't know anything about us being swingers.

 

My brother and my wife worked with the guy who joined us for our first MFM. The MFM was great, and we all had good fun, but we were naive to the idea that it is bad to mix sex and coworkers. It wasn't bad enough that the guy went back and told EVERYONE who worked in the restaurant about the episode, but he told my brother first, who then proceeded to tell my very devout Southern Baptist parents. Better still, he made it sound like I wasn't there, and my wife was cheating on me. I did my best at damage control, and my mom bought it. My dad, however, who was quite the sexual overachiever in his day, never seemed to buy it.

 

To this day, he has never brought it up. But he has been a lot more flirtatious around my wife (ewww!)

[tjomc 25]

I know this is an old post but had to share.

 

1st Naked twister and message oil don't mix and i have the denture work to prove it.

 

2nd when mrs tjomc and i were first together we had a powerful night of sex to which i stayed inside till i was completely soft, Later that night i could find the condom and thought she threw it away, next day we are in my room with me trying to remove it from her vagina with my fingers, this was truly not the way i wanted to get my fingers in her again.....

[sweet_tna 680]

I don't embarrass too easily these days, either, but I've got a heckuva' story about the very first time I had sex.

 

"John" and I were both freshmen in college and had been dating several months. We were both virgins, and had talked about 'going all the way', but hadn't made it further than 3rd base. He got me tickets to see Les Miserables in the nearest big city, and I suggested (how bold of me) that we get a hotel room, since it was 1.5 hours away, and it would be really late when the show was over.

 

I took great care in picking a dress to wear, putting on my sexiest undies, with the assumption we were on the same page. We get back to the room after the show (which was wonderful, btw) and he so obviously was NOT on the same page. He sat there and turned on the tv. I was crushed. But i was also determined, and made a point of asking him to unzip my dress for me. He did, but didn't really pay attention. So I stand there in my lingerie and stockings and ask him what HE had in mind this evening? He looked up and said, "Oh, i didn't know you wanted to do anything." (I wanted sooooo badly to club him over the head.) But I said, yes, and pulled out the candle I'd packed in my bag. Then I asked if he brought protection. He actually did happen to have a condom in his wallet.

 

He finally tries to get things started, but when it came down to the nitty gritty . . . He slid in, but slid right back out. And it wouldn't have been a big deal--if he'd noticed!!!!! Oh no, he just kept pumping away with his "manhood" sliding under my bum. (shakes her head).

 

Afterward, he rolls off me, and I start thinking to myself, "this can ONLY happen to ME." Twisted person that I am, I find this funny--hysterical, even. But I had the presence of mind to realize he wouldn't take well to me laughing. So I'm literally shaking with pent up laughter, and tears begin to stream out of my eyes. He looks over at me and asks, "Are you okay? Did i hurt you?"

 

I LOST it then--and laughed so hard I fell off the bed. He was, needless to say, confused as hell. I managed to stop laughing long enough to try and explain myself.

 

Me: John, you know the situation we were trying to correct?

John: What situation?

Me: Uhm, our virginity?

John: Yes . . .

Me: Well, we're still not "cured."

John: What . . .?!?! Of course we did. (He's actually scratching his head at this point)

 

I had to (and delicacy is not my strong suit) explain in detail what happened. He was embarrassed, but blamed it on the condom. I suggested once he got used to them, maybe it wouldn't matter so much (did i mention he was a pencil-dick?). He asked what we should do now, since he didn't have any other "supplies". I opened my purse, and boy was he shocked. I told him I was serious about wanting this to happen and if he wouldn't mind, maybe we could try again.

 

Alas, it wasn't a whole lot better when we did (did I mention he had a pencil dick?). Luckily, the next guy to come along was Mr. Sweet.

 

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[JakenReenie 17]

Several years ago, Reenie and I went to Key West for Fantasy Fest. Had a great time all week. We were still feeling pretty horny after a week of debauchery so she decided to give me a nice little blow job while I was driving us back to Ft. Lauderdale. We had rented a huge Lincoln Town Car so it was pretty easy for her to stretch across the seat and really do me right. I had my shorts off and she was naked. This was working very well, it was just past dark and we were on the Inerstate so we felt pretty secure..... so much so that I didn't realize until way too late that we were at a toll booth.

 

My wallet was in my shorts on the floor so I had to scramble around to get it. (Believe it or not, I still had my seatbelt on.) Reenie had thrown her clothes into the back seat.

 

The attendant got quite an eyeful but she never let on. We never finished the job, not so much out of embarrassment, we were just laughing too hard.

[HerpesMWC 55]

I Win! I Win!

 

Throughout my school years I (male half) was a severe stutterer. Not so much anymore. But it does rear it's head from time to time. Hence the funny story that follows.

 

We had a couple of MFMs with a guy who my wife had known for quite sometime. During one of our escapades, I was trying to tell him something during the course of changing positions when my brain decided not to cooperate. You ready?

 

 

 

The friend thought I was puckering up to kiss him. At which time he stated, "No dude, I'm not into that!".

 

I got such a case of the giggles that the evening was quickly brought to an end. It was embarassing, but the funniest damn thing I'd ever seen at the same time. I reassured him that he (or any guy) was not, is not and will never be at the other end of a kiss from me!

 

 

Now, What's my prize?

[LFM2 1,481]

Why in the world did I miss this thread? I've LOVED reading the posts so far! Great stories to tell the grandkids here! **OK... Just kidding!**

 

To those who've read my threads, you know that we're pretty open about sex with our kids. We've discussed everything having to do with sex since they were little. Well, years before we started swinging, we were definitely into toys. We have a LOT of toys. Various sizes, colors, types... There's a different toy for everything. Step back about 10 years or so... Dave and I must have had a wild night because there were quite a few toys lying on the floor on his side of the bed, which is nearest the wall. Whatever is on the floor on his side of the bed is hidden quite well from the door. The kids have told us for years though that they're scared to go over there for fear of what they might find.

 

Well, Dave was out cowboying one day and brings home this little pup. Cutest little thing you've ever seen. Going through that chewing everything and gnawing everything in sight, stage.

 

Well, our son is out in the livingroom with one of his friends playing nintendo and I was in my bedroom folding clothes on the bed. The pup comes in our room and unknown to me, goes under the bed, and I seen him run out the door but really didn't pay it much attention. A couple of minutes later, I could hear our son coming down the hall toward our room. He has a shovel in his hand with one of our green dildos sitting right in the middle, which the dog had stolen from Dave's side of the bed. I suppose I wouldn't have touched it either had it been my parents. I probably would have either dressed in full HAZMAT attire or scooped it up in a shovel, too! "MOM!! You and dad have got to put these things away!!" He chucks that thing on the bed and goes back out to the livingroom. I have no idea what his friend said or if he even knew something was up. I was too busy, bent over, from laughing so hard.

 

Poor Kid to have such kinky parents.

[Rockon 19]

Here is to digging up an old thread...

A few days ago I met and began to play with a couple I had just met.

Here I am a single male, knowing I need to make a good impression as the compitition is many!

The lady of the couple is a lovely lady great shape and over 6' tall ... WOW those legs... ok ok get the blood back to my brain and on with the story. We were getting to know each other very well as her husband watched... he is a nice guy as well. Things were going very well and I had my fingers doing the walking and I was getting a good taste as well. I decided to turn into a 69 as I continued to play... mister smooth! Well, mister smooth until I did not lift my foot high enough as I swung around and kicked her in the face...I about died right there. So much for that good idea!The lady did recover quickly and we continued to play and even got a laugh over my clumsiness.

I even was invited back LOL

[K&JIntimates 66]

An ex boyfriend and I both worked at a hotel. One night he was working the night shift and I was at home. Seeing how it was the middle of the night I decided to call him up and talk dirty in his ear while I was masturbating in bed. So I call and we talk for a few minutes and I start to go into the fantasy. Time passes and I’m really into it (probably why I didn’t notice the long, long pause on the other end) and finally I cum. Just when I ask how he liked that I hear, “Who is this? Are you staying in the hotel?” OMG!! I quickly hang up the phone only to have it ring as soon as I hung up. It’s my ex telling me that he’s been trying to call for over an hour because the idiot accidentally transferred me to a room because he was fussing around with the phone. I think I’m okay because, really who could know it was me right? Well, a year later I’m working the front desk and this guy is checking in with a group of his friends. He keeps looking at me a little strangely and asks how long I’ve been working at the hotel because I seem familiar. I told him two years and it was a good chance that I checked him the last time he stayed. No big deal, used to happen all the time. Two days later he’s coming back with his buddies from a night out and I’m working the desk. He stops in to ask if there were any messages and just to bs (again not unusual) then all of a sudden his eyes get huge, he pauses and says, “You’re the woman who was talking dirty on the phone!” I turn 7 shades of red (couldn’t deny it at that point!) and his friends begin busting up laughing, To which all 5 of them start discussing the story while I’m trying to think of what I can do for damage control and getting more embarrassed. They were really cool about it. They could have been jerks and tried to cross a line with me but they didn’t, the one who had heard me asked if I was seeing anyone but that was as far as it went.

[newlythree 34]

Holy SHIT!!!!!

That is \m/ AWSOME \m/

 

 

The craziest thing for me/us was:

as some of us in here have done; forgot to lock the bedroom door right? This was actually a few weeks ago, btw.

We had the swing up. Things are getting real hot and heavy. The Mrs. is in the swing and I am giving her oral. There is a vast array of toys, lubes, etc. out on the bed. You know, to minimize searching and fumbling. Well, in walks the little girl. It's like 1am, we were all into it but I responded rather impressivley.

I imediatley roll out of bed and slide on my boxers in one swift movement.

Do the whole "What's wrong honey, do you need a sip of water? Do you need to use the potty?"

Get her situated, walk back to bed, tuck her in. When the little one gets up in the middle of the night, she is still pretty out of it. She asked: "Daddy, why was momma sitting in that rope?"

I just said: "Rope? Honey, I think you were having a crazy little dream. There is no rope in mom and dad's bedroom honey. You just go back to sleep".

The next day on the way to day care she proceeds to inform me that she had a "funny" dream last night that momma was swinging from a rope in our bedroom. I just said, "Honey, you have some strange dreams" and left it at that. Hev'ent heard another peep about it.

[cathy&neil 15]

When I was 13 my mother was divorced but had been seeing a married man who used to come over for "conversations" with my mother. One day I came home and went to my room and found them having sex on my bed. My mother didn't even bat an eye but continued on so I said "excuse me" and closed the door.

[allnightfuncpl 60]

Mrs. Allnight and I have more embarrassing stories than we can count on our hands. Here are two of the most memorable ones for us.

 

1st embarrassing moment:

Our kids had gone outside playing at their friends and the Mrs. and I are all alone and started getting a little frisky with each other, since we knew the kids could possibly still come home at anytime as kids seem to enjoy doing. We locked the door to our bedroom after having headed back to the bedroom to take care of things, so we get back the bedroom I lock the door and I gave it a fling with my foot as she is practically ripping my clothes off me and I hers.

 

15 to 20 minutes later into our wild session we were having, I had changed how I was having my fun with her and had put her legs up over my shoulders and was thrusting into her at this point with her legs over my shoulders. Of course we are making all sorts of happy sounds so we never even heard our kids come in the bedroom. All of the sudden my wife and I became very aware our kids are in the bedroom when my son blurts out MOMMY, WHAT IS DADDY DOING TO YOU???

 

Of course my wife’s instant reaction is to immediately propel her legs forward in an attempt to push me off, I just pushed right back into her to prevent this as it would have left no doubt what we were doing (not like things hadn’t probably already done that, but they have never said anything to make us think since then that they figured out what was up) and looked over at our kids and said Mommy and Daddy are wrestling why don't you leave the room and shut the door behind you!! Unfortunately for us both of our kids are big time into the TV wrestling stuff (i.e. WWE, ECW) so they both are like but I want to wrestle with you guys too. At this point my wife and I are practically dying and just want our kids to leave, I yelled at both the kids and told them to get out of the room right now and shut the door behind them. So they finally leave and shut the door behind them, I gave the door a look to make sure we had indeed locked the door and after seeing it was indeed locked and completely somehow managed to finish what the Mrs. And I had started.

 

So after getting dressed and freshening up a little we go to leave the bedroom, we open the door and lo and behold there is both our kids ears to the door. Kid you not the first words out of our son's mouth is "So did you win Daddy, did you pin Mommy?" Mrs. Allnight is about ready to die at this point and was even more so when I respond back "Yep Daddy got Mommy for the three count son." Both the kids took off and went back to playing outside shortly thereafter, while the Mrs. and I just sat there and laughed our butts off about the whole thing and hoping and praying to God that neither one of our kids really realized what was going on. Nothing else has ever been said by our kids about that day and our lesson that we learned that day was always make sure the door is COMPLETELY shut and locked as our son informed us a couple days later that was how they were able to open the door was because it wasn't completely latched shut.

 

2nd embarrassing moment isn't really an embarrassing moment per se other than the fact that Mrs. Allnight gets a little embarrassed when someone outside of our play partners can hear her as she tends to get a little loud when we are having fun. We were at our favorite club The Spott here in Kansas City it is an on premise club and we had gone into the Red Room which is one of the private rooms for people to be able to play in if they want to. One of our very good LS friends and I are in there just having all sorts of a fun time with Mrs. Allnight, the D.J. had the music turned up rather loud and no one was in the lobby area next to the rooms so she is really being rather vocal about how we are pleasuring her. Fast forward almost an hour and a half later we are back out in the dance floor all cleaned up from our play session and the club owner happens to swing by and say to us "Hey do you guys happen to know who it was that was in the Red Room like an hour and a half ago?" Mrs. Allnight knowing full well at this point we had evidently been overheard was like “No, no idea why?” He was like well whoever it was, they were all sure having one heck of a good time, I could hear them clear up in my office and that is with the music coming directly into my office area, just listening to who ever it was down there was getting me all hot."

 

Had it not been for the ear to ear grins on mine and our friend’s faces and Mrs. Allnight turning about a red as her top was that night, he would have never known it was us. Once he saw the smiles and her blushing he just started laughing and smiling and said "Well I am glad to know you guys we're having a VERY good time that is what we are all here for."

 

All three of us still to this day bust up laughing when we think about that night and it has kind of become a running joke with the three us that were in the room that night anytime that the three of us are playing whether it is at the club or here at our house.

[WonderWhat 166]

When we first lived together we had a small apartment on a fifth floor, the topmost of the building. We usually had sex at least once a day, and were pretty consistent about closing the windows because we tend to be pretty vocal. Nevertheless, we always left the bathroom window open to avoid mold, and just shut the door to the bathroom.

 

Fast-forward one year when we were moving out.

 

I went down to throw a bag of stuff into the car which was parked right under the bathroom window, below the interior light-well with all the windows of the kitchens, bathrooms and master bedrooms of all the apartments.

 

Suddenly I hear a familiar cough. "My wife's got a nasty cough to hear it all the way down from here from the bedroom," I thought.

 

I went upstairs and asked her how she was feeling. "Why?," she said "It's just that my throat was dry." And coughed at a pretty low volume to illustrate.

 

The bedroom window was closed, and the bathroom door too, but we noticed the space between the door and the floor, and that the bathroom window, a casement window that swung out from the bottom, was open and it echoed every small noise from the bedroom down the light-well. A trick of acoustics we wish we'd known about sooner.

 

We'd been giving the neighbors audio shows at all times of the day for a year. No wonder they were either all smiles or all frowns when we met in the hallways.

[Guest warrencouple]

I guess myself and the Mrs have been pretty lucky, when it comes to embarrassing moments like this, in that I can only think of one...

 

We were dating, I was still living at home, and she was living with her Mom & sister, so for us, it was either park, or hotel. We opted to go to a little park near my folks place, which was down a short hill. I've got my pants and underwear off, we're going at it in the front seat, when we get a spotlight in the back window, and a cop on his loudspeaker with a "the park is closed." That was the fastest I've ever scrambled back into the drivers seat. Luckily, he only followed us for a ways when we left the park (presumably to make sure we didn't go back,) so no one else ever found out about that little escapade.

 

 

I do wonder sometimes though, if people have heard us when we've gone camping and been in the tent going at it. At least if she tries, the Mrs can keep the volume down.

 

Jason

[Meetussoon 68]

me -- "oh Theresa, yes Theresa, your pussy is amazing Theresa"

 

Marie - (from below Theresa's husband) "Tom - her name is not Theresa!"

 

It was my birthday, we had been talking to an actual Theresa and her hubby all night, but ended up in the club room with..............not Theresa.

[fun4Ds 1,097]

me -- "oh Theresa, yes Theresa, your pussy is amazing Theresa"

 

Marie - (from below Theresa's husband) "Tom - her name is not Theresa!"

 

It was my birthday, we had been talking to an actual Theresa and her hubby all night, but ended up in the club room with..............not Theresa.

 

 

Holy mother of swingdom, the embar-o-rama meter just peaked !

[PB&J 1,086]

That's why "Oh God" is so much safer than "Oh (insert name here)"