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Showing results for tags 'trust'.
Found 8 results
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( as of October 5th, we will no longer be newbies and offically will be at the 2year mark of being in the LS, so I will refrain from using the "Newbie needs ...." title in the postings lol) Good Morning / Day all! So my topic for today: People and their Hidden Agendas, or why can't people in the LS just state what they want? So last night was our first test of seeing if we could do play solo, as the wife had a date with BF of a couple that she had interest in for a while. They have been talking through FB Messenger, and hit it off well. So, Yesterday they planned a date by were she would go to his place ( about an hour away), cook dinner for her, and he would let her shoot guns on his property. Then if they felt like it go dancing later on. So we set our rules and discussed with the BF: no drinking for her ( as she is terrible at night driving and drinking and driving for her at night has had bad consequences) and that we are condom mandatory. Call first if plans change or fall through, call or text upon arrival and departure. He lives in rural part of the state about an hour from us, and about an hour from Tulsa, the next big city. So the Mrs. goes out and has the date, leaving around 1pm yesterday. She texts her arrival about an hour later, all good. Around midnight I check Find My and it says she has gone to Tulsa. So i figured they must have went dancing as sure there are Dance clubs in Tulsa. About 4am the wife finally makes it back home. Mind you she did text when she was on her way, so no worries. I asked if she was ok to drive she said sure. Upon arrival at home I ask her to unpack the date and tell what went on, just checking in. So: She lets me know that the date started as planned, that they had shot the guns and then he made her dinner. They talked and discussed lifestyle stuff and experiences. Since they had walked the length of his property she decided to take a shower to get cleaned up and that led to afterwards her getting a massage from him, which led to them having play time. He didn't abide by our Condom Mandatory rule, and she didn't do a Condom Check, as she said " i got lost in the moment". As they were having dinner later, the girlfriend of the BF shows up. Well we both know that the GF leans heavily Bi-sexual, and is quite known for "hunting" girls within our circle of LS friends. So the GF suggest rather than going dancing, that the three of them go with another lady friend of hers to an LS Club. So they all four go to an LS club. The GF tells them "oh this club is known for Girl Gangbangs and we should see one tonight". So they go to the club and my MRS, who's never seen a Girl GangBang is intrigued. So they end up meeting a few other LS female friends from our circle, & the Group goes into a playroom. Well according to the MRS., the BF and her start playing, and then it ends with the BF leaving the MRS in the playroom with the other ladies and she ends up in the Girl Gangbang as a participant! So, of course when I finish hearing the story, my only and one reaction is: Why did they have to lie? Why not just tell you that was their agenda from the beginning? the MRS of course is appalled at my reaction, and doesn't believe they intended to enact this from the beginning. And yet all the signs to me are there.... My question for the group is three fold: 1. My gut says this is what it was. Am I wrong in thinking this? 2. How far do I push this in the fact that rules were broken, and how, if i should, spread the blame on this one? 3. What should I do as far as the LS friends? Cut them off? Out them for their behavior? Just never see them again. This LS stuff will drive you crazy if you let it...... -
On occasion, I get to play a unicorn and I can't help but wonder if people really think I am cheating but don't care because I am a woman. Curious how everyone views couples that play apart with permission...do you automatically suspect they are cheating? Are you more likely to doubt a man/husband or a woman/wife or is your opinion equal, gender not being a factor at all. Do you play with hall pass people? Why or why not?
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Hi, so wife and I are comfortable with the swingers lifestyle but we have said that we are both ok with sleeping with people separately. However, we have come across a problem and I'm not sure if I'm the problem or if she is. My wife has been in the lifestyle for far longer than me and has a vast amount of experience. A while ago we went to a club and there she met the club manager and they started talking. After leaving the club they carried on chatting on a daily basis, and when I asked her what they where talking about she would say that they always talk about work or stuff friends would talk about. However last night i found out that they have been flirting with each other. Problem is when we started swinging we said that communication is the most important thing to keep us safe from any complications. I feel that we have to discuss and inform each other when we are talking or flirting with others and she feels that there is no need to inform me if she is flirting with others. Am I been unreasonable by asking her to tell me when she is flirting with guys and is it unreasonable for me to have gotten upset about her telling me they only talk about work stuff only to find out there is more involved?
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About a week ago, my wife and I met a nice young black man of about 25 while traveling in Vegas. He was attending a meeting I was at, we met and talked, invited him to drinks with us, and one thing led to another. That evening after dinner and a few more drinks we made it clear that we were open to the idea of Kelly playing around with him, with me being present of course. We are a good bit older than him, in our late 40s. After some discussion, he expressed his interest in giving it a try and we went to our hotel room. We had a cursory talk about what we were looking for and our ground rules, namely that he would wear a condom. Up in our room things started off great. He was a very charming man and clearly Kelly was interested in him. We had a few more drinks, and within maybe an hour she and he were making out on the sofa. Before long, we got up and moved to the bedroom (it was a suite). He and Kelly continued making out on the bed and she and he were both clearly turned on. I was also, and was loving the view from the chair. As things progressed, he undressed Kelly, and before long both were making out fully on the bed, Kelly wearing only her thigh highs. It was so sexy. She was ready for him, and he was ready for her. He got on top of her after giving and receiving some oral and was about to have sex, and I noticed he had on no condom. So I politely reminded him that he needed to put one one. He gave me a look which in retrospect I should have paid more attention to. It was sort of a look that said "come on, man", not a look that implied he had forgotten in the heat of the moment. So they paused and he put one one, and then began having sex with Kelly. By this time I was very aroused too. Kelly was really into it and loving it. I had my pants down and was masturbating. They had sex for a while and Kelly had an orgasm. The young man was getting close and so was I. As I was beginning to cum, I closed my eyes for just a little bit and came very strongly. When I regained awareness, The young man was cumming hard inside Kelly, and as he pulled out Kelly and i realized that he was no longer in a condom. It was lying on the bed next to his feet. At first I thought it must have broken or come off inside, but that was not the case. It was right there on the bed. Kelly was mortified and so was I. Alarmed, I asked him about it, with Kelly realizing what had just happened. He just said something like "you know, man, it just felt so good"... and that was it. We didn't really want him in our room at that point, and I guess he could tell that and so he got dressed and just kind of left us with no further explanation. Kelly said she didn't realize the condom had been removed, and from her reaction I believe her. Has anyone ever had this kind of experience with a wife's lover? It is our first, we are flabbergasted that we let this happen and that someone would do this.
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So what is everyone's take on safety when playing away from your partner? The topic of safety was brought up in the Do you prefer same or separate rooms when playing, and why? thread, and I thought it deserved a thread of its own. As I mentioned in my reply, I don't think I've ever really been worried about my safety. Mr. intuition and I don't play separately - as in, we don't go on separate playdates. We always play together; we have not yet explored the separate-play option, as I'm not sure it's our thing. So because we are always on the same premises with one another while play is going on, I have never really felt myself to be in danger. The assholes who would do me harm are weeded out long before anyone gets beyond the bedroom door anyway. We have never attended a house party of any size, nor have we played at clubs. I suppose this does bring with it added concerns due to the size of the venue and that you don't know everyone there. I'm not that concerned with Mr. intuition's safety, because he's a pretty big guy and can take care of himself. Although I have heard some horror stories about psycho couples who have drugged the husband to "get him out of the way" so they could have their way with his Rohypnol-loaded wife. Yes, I guess that does concern me a little. But just like anything in life, trust is one thing, but that doesn't mean you should ignore obvious warning signs. Awareness is part of being responsible. As for myself, I'm not that worried either, even if somebody did try getting a little pushy with me. I'm not exactly petite, and if you think you're going to try some alpha male bullshit with me, buddy, you'll get the fuck off me if you value you nutsack. Because God help you if I get a hold of that thing. I've never been sexually assaulted, so I find this deep-seated rage confusing. I don't know where it comes from, but the idea of someone trying to take liberties with my person without my say so - just because they think they can get away with it - makes me afraid...for them. I'm quite serious. I am not naturally a violent person, so I'm actually very disturbed by the unholy desire I have to do bodily harm to assholes like this. I've never really been afraid for my own safety; just for theirs. What are your safety concerns? Have you had any bad experiences in this? -
When searching for partners as a single girl I know that one needs to be careful about safety. Very rarely do I ever meet anyone from the Internet as I almost always have the instant bad vibe feeling. I have been emailing/texting a couple for about a week that found me on Pof... Thing is, no bad vibe gut reaction.... She is a funeral director of all things... But he says that he is a cop. That is what almost instantly put me at ease while talking to this couple. Am I being stupid or unsafe by feeling safer because the male claims to be a cop? I say claim because I have not met them yet but they sound very legit, lots of pics etc.. -
So first, a story. My wife and I have been together for about 6.5 years and married for 3.5. We started swinging about six months ago and everything in that area has been dandy. However, a couple weeks ago a friend told me that my wife has been smoking behind my back. When I confronted her about it, she lied. The next day she came to me in tears admitting that she had lied, and that she has been doing it for the majority of our relationship (five of the six years). She admitted she was wrong, stating that it just got to be this big awful secret that she was afraid and paralyzed by. The truth is that I could care less that she was smoking, but the lies and deceit it what really broke my heart. As far as I know, this is the only time/thing she has ever been deceitful about. When I found out, I immediately decided to take an extended break from swinging until I could get my barrings back. Now, two different friends, one a swinger who knows about our LS and the other being my best friend, have both suggested that trust can be compartmentalized. Meaning, just because she lied/deceived about smoking doesn't mean I cant trust her in general. For example, I may not trust her to smoke but I can trust her to swing with other people and still be faithful. Interesting. Ive always believed that you either trusted a person, or you didn't. They either have your best interest in mind, or they don't. Simple as that. What do you guys think?
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My apologies for the length of this question.... A bit of background. My wife and I have been swinging for several years now and within the past year or two we've "opened up" our marriage. She's had a lover before (which didn't end well somewhat recently)... Anyway, recently we got back in touch with a couple we had swung with a few years back. They currently live out of state but they had stopped back here on vacation last month and we had all gone to dinner together. Afterwards, the husband had contacted Mrs. Pill about a possible long-distance relationship and meeting up when he comes back to town (the husband visits here several times a year). Initially, Mrs. Pill asked if that was ok if they discussed the possibility of it and I agreed, so long as they took it slow (she had just recently had a bad experience and "breakup" with her last lover). A few days after this, the husband announced he'd be coming back to town in a week and if they could meet. After the bad experience, I was very hesitant for her to jump right into something else and we had a few heated arguments on the subject. Eventually, Mrs. Pill agreed that it wasn't a good time but asked if they could go out to dinner, just socially and I agreed. So they went to dinner around 7pm, she called me @ 10 asking if it was ok that they get a drink at a nearby bar, which was fine. Midnight rolled around and I called and asked when she was coming home and she said one more drink. I agreed but was tired and went to sleep, thinking Mrs. Pill would be back within the hour. Mrs. Pill woke me at 4am. She said they had lost track of time and, after the bar had closed, they returned to his hotel room. She assured me that nothing happened. I was very upset because she didn't call and tell me beforehand where she was going, how long she'd be gone, or that they were going to his private room. I felt very disrespected and told her it was unsafe and put a lot of questions in my mind. What if I had woken up at 2, with no phone call, and didn't know where she was? Eventually, she agreed and we made up. Fast forward to today. She has the day off work and asked me if they could "meet for lunch". I said no and she's really upset. I just feel like she's sort of "on probation" and that I'm not really certain I can trust her right now.... So am I over-reacting? Expecting too much? Being too harsh?
