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Showing results for tags 'divorce'.
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We discussed this idea here before (I think) that of how it seems so many couples who swing are in their second (or more) marriage. I was having a conversation with a (divorced) friend of mine tonight and he made the comment that once you've been divorced it is much easier to see what makes a relationship work (whether it be yours or someone else's) and what is bad for a relationship. So that got me back to the idea that often swinging couples are not on their first relationship so I thought I'd pose this thought/question to you and see what you think about it. First off (see the poll above) is this your first, second, third marriage? Assuming you are even married, of course. And if you are not on your first marriage, do you think that having been married previously helped you to see why swinging may be a good thing in this relationship? Do you think going through a bad relationship helped improve your communication skills to the point where you could even discuss such ideas?
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Back in November, my husband and I decided to welcome a friend of mine into our relationship (poly) after talking about it for over a year. I was under the impression we had zero issues in our marriage. If I had the slightest feeling that we did, I never would have welcomed her in. Anyway, fast forward to now. He asked me for a divorce because he "only loves me as a friend" and they are together. I'm working through those issues and I'm getting some closure. My question for you guys is, I still like the idea of a poly relationship, but I would like to be the addition into the relationship because I know what it is like to be hurt in these situations now and I know I wouldn't do that. Is this a good idea? (Maybe not right now, but eventually.) -
I feel kind of foolish posting this after bragging so much about how strong and functional our poly threesome is (was)...but it's for that very reason that I owe SB people an update: Anna, Kari and I are all going our separate ways. Anna and I recently learned that my wife Kari has been having an outside relationship in secret, keeping it from her best friend/committed lover as well as her husband for over two years. During that two years, the two of us blissfully ignored the obvious signs that she was cheating. My wife even told me that she was lesbian, not bisexual, and she no longer wanted me to penetrate her or have one-on-one sex together. I was enough of a sap to agree to her terms. When my wife eventually brought the other woman into our sexual circle as a playmate, she out-and-out lied and the woman play-acted that she was a "bi-curious" platonic friend. The truth only came out when the "other woman" confessed to Anna to relieve her own guilty feelings. Anna told me and when the two of us confronted her, Kari cried and cried, but in the end decided that she doesn't want anybody, even the two people who've cared about her most, to have any claim over her body or, more importantly in her view, her mind. She even said it was our fault for making her feel guilty for who she needs to be. If she'd wanted to openly pursue other sex partners -- WITHOUT lying and cheating -- I would have easily let her, rather than end the relationship, and so would Anna. But in her heart, Kari feels like she doesn't need to ask for forgiveness. I can't share my life openly with somebody who won't promise to share just as openly in return. While I'm deeply hurt, Anna is devastated. Anna and Kari had been inseparable since middle school. We were talking about having her move into our home, now she's too hurt to even come over. Even more heartbreaking is what this is doing to MY relationship with Anna. Wven though the two of us are still deeply in love, to try and go on together without Kari would be just too strange to consider. Kari was always the "queen bee" among us, and she'd be a painful phantom partner even in her absence. We're talking it through and processing it together, and we've comforted each other in bed several times, but Anna and I ultimately have decided we both need to "grow on" to something totally new. I've had a standing offer from my employer to move up the ranks, but only if I was willing to relocate to another city. Up until now, I haven't been willing to move because I thought it would leave Anna in an awkward position of leaving her whole life for us or choosing to sever things. Now that Kari's deceit has severed everything, I'm going. My daughter will be staying with her mother, which nobody is crazy about, even Kari, but she's in the middle of high school and it wouldn't be fair to uproot her now. The good news is that I will be close to the military base where my son is currently serving. I said several times on this board that having to loving women to share my life with made me the luckiest guy in the world. I guess that sooner or later everybody's luck runs out. -
This was posted in the another thread and it made me think. Does engaging in swinging and/or polyamory and/or another version of nonmonogamy increase a relationship's likelihood of failing? I personally think it depends on your definition of a "failed relationship." Did a relationship fail because it ended? Or does a relationship only fail when it existed for no reason? All but one of my romantic relationships have ended. Do I consider them failures? Only one, and that was because I never really cared for the person and only entered the relationship because I didn't want to be alone. Every other relationship I have learned from and grown because of. I count these as successful life experiences, even if they couldn't last until they day I die. I also think that the reason we see more and more relationships within the swinging community fail is because people enter into it for the wrong reasons. People see to think "I'm not getting enough sex from my spouse, so I'm going to convince him/her to let me fuck other people so that I don't have to cheat and/or get a divorce." This is a just a recipe for disaster. Broken relationship + more people =/= Fixed relationship. I've found that the couples who have entered into swinging as something they are mutually interested in (not one person just going along with it - both people actively interested) stay close and remain loving, intimate couples. The people who enter it with vastly different expectations, desires, and attitudes tend to fail. Just something that got me thinking... What do ya'll think?
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Mindy R. Smith: Ten Signs Your Marriage is Headed for Divorce Just accept the inevitable and get the best divorce lawyer you can find on retainer now, because according to the author, if you are a swinger, you ARE headed for divorce. -
So I was talking briefly with a friend the other day about this situation and he had asked how things where going. It made me think about this post and I thought when I got time I would come back and update it for what has gone on for the past 5 months or so. It has been a very bumpy road over the past 5 months, no doubt about it. It took probably close to a month for MrsVan to wrap her head around things and during that first month she also actually admitted that she too had romantic feelings for our friend. She finally talked to our friend about these feelings and our GF actually was feeling the same way. After this moment, while we where all really beginning our "poly" journey, MrsVan still really disliked this word and we pretty much agreed that the relationships where what they where but we pretty much stayed away from the word. Splitting hairs, yup but eventually everyone came around and just admitted that this really was what we where all living and are now comfortable with the description of this. Things have progressed very well within our group, but like all relationships we have had a lot of struggles just figuring things out. Over the months we have had a lot of discussion among the group and we all are in this for the long haul. We may have disagreements and some of them have been very major "growing pains" but nobody is willing to throw away the relationships over the issues we have had. So far the good FAR out weighs the bad. I guess we would be in what is considered a poly-fi relationship? We are no longer in the swinging lifestyle as our GF and her husband have never been in the lifestyle and they have no desire to enter it. Our GF has indicated that the thought of us re-entering the lifestyle causes her pain and for the time being MrsVan and I have agreed that we need to concentrate on this relationship and ours solely. We have told our GF that IF we ever decided to re-enter the lifestyle we would discuss this with them first. While they would not be given a veto power to keep us out of it, we would seriously consider and listen to their feelings because we love them dearly and well, that is what we would do with each other, so we feel it is the "right" thing to do with them. MrsVan and I had been going to see a therapist who has experience with poly relationships. It was going great and we where really making great progress, however he had to move suddenly out of state after our last session last week so now we are searching yet again for a therapist in our area. So things in our new group are going wonderful and I am very glad to report that things are doing wonderful for all of us. When things are good, they are great, but unfortunately when things aren't so good, well they can be really bad too. -Van -
I need some advice about how to break the news to my wife that I am going to enter the lifestyle. I have been married for more than 30 years I am over 55. Our sex life has never been “robust” to say the lease. After she went through menopause it got worse. It is now “conditional”. If the conditions aren’t right we don’t do. When we do, it is after 10 pm, in the dark, no oral, she is done in 15 min, me on top and I am bored. She will not talk about it, seek medical help, or take any effort to make it better. My sex drive has always been high. I had numerous affair 25 years ago, but have been faithful ever since. I will not cheat on her, but I will not stay faithful in a marriage without satisfying sex. Life is rapidly passing me by. I will not get a divorce, and want someone to tell me how to break the news that I am seeking safe couples to play with. I would love for her to join me, but little chance of that. Any help is appreciated. Thanks -
Okay, here's a humdinger for you all. A little background information. We've been playing with a couple by the name of John and Jane. We've only played with them a couple of times, but we all enjoyed ourselves and had fun with each other. John and Jane were not married, but were a long-time "committed couple". We had a date to go out to the movies one night and hang out at their place when we got a message on the machine that they couldn't make it tonight. No big deal, we thought. They both had children from prior relationships, and things do come up. But we didn't hear from them afterwards. E-Mails sent to both of their accounts revealed that they had a fight over undisclosed reasons, and we currently not talking to each other. Both swore that neither we nor the Lifestyle had anything to do with it. Both also told us that this had happened before, and after a cool-down period, they get back together. While we tried to stay in contact with both of them, after a while John stopped answering our e-mails. Jane, on the other hand, kept in touch with us. Jane finally wrote us one day, about two months after this all started, telling us that it appears that although she still cares for him, it appeared over between each other, and that she thought it was time to move on. But she mentioned that she would still like to play with Amelia and I in a 3-way capacity (both Amelia and her are bi). I don't want to betray John, but he appears to have gone incommunicado on us. Jane's a fun person to be with, and fun to play with as well. What do you all think we should do?
