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We've been in the lifestyle for a couple of years and have had some fantastic times, we've also had a couple of "what were we thinking" times. Our biggest issue of all is that she is shy and he is quiet and that does NOT make for an easy go of things. We don't know what to say or how to approach another couple or person unless it starts online. Writing is a breeze for her (don't you wish you knew which part of the couple you were talking to?), so she can start an online conversation and that eases the transition to meeting in person. Group settings are a whole new ball of wax! We don't know how to approach, what to say, etc. So we are in the back, in the corner in the dark, observing but being "wall flowers". but we're not! We've never heard anyone have a conversation, don't have a clue as to how to start one, or how the subject of consensual couples sex is broached! The situations that we have been involved in are mostly good, until it's an open arena where there are a lot of people, and then the blending into the wall happens!So,with both of us being unsure, we've not had success at house parties or clubs. We know we're not compatible with everyone, but nobody approaches us because of our personalities! It's a shame too because once we're comfortable with someone we're a lot of fun! We just need some ice breakers or something! Advice please!
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The foundation of having a good swinging experience with another couple is chemistry and compatibility. Directly related to swinging, or in general, what are your top three questions you ask that you have found give the best results on determining if that compatibility is really there? For us, it's: 1. How long have you been swinging? 2. How did you get into swinging, and who's idea was it? 3. Besides swinging, what do guys like to do for fun? There's no right or wrong answers on any of those, but just by the replies, we usually have a pretty good feel for where to go from there.
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After just entering into this with our close friends, I now know my wife has been aware of their lifestyle for years. What I thought was something our friends confided to us a few months ago was something that my wife and her friend had planned. I should have known that my wife knew. The 2 women know everything about everything. My wife finally told me that she knew the first time her now husband and took her to her first lifestyle meeting. She just told me and said she just couldn't tell me all these years about her friend, our friends for more years than I can remember. Looking back I feel stupid for not catching on. So why now? My wife said that though she was curious, she didn't know if she could and whether I could handle it. I think she was right. Part of me is saying, wow, I could have done her friend 10 years ago, both of us younger. What brought up the info is that my wife has been slow to do things in our newfound lifestyle. We have only been with these friends. My wife feigned surprise when our friends told us what they do but she was in on the conversation from the start. I am pretty sure now that it was my wife that kept the conversation going but made me feel that I was the one who wanted to try. And we did do it after we discussed it. And we did it a second time. I noticed the first time that my wife was hesitant to do some things. I was more fully involved with her best friend. My wife received oral from both but didn't give. After she told me that she wasn't into giving a bj and wasn't interested in oral on her friend. She said maybe she could or maybe not in the future. The second time, my wife did oral to him and was more active in the sex. For me I had a tinge of jealousy. I had watched more intently this time. I was happy my wife was enjoying, I kept saying to myself. I told my wife about my feelings and that opened the conversation of why she never brought it up all these years. That is also why she held back the first time, she saw my anxiety. All along I was thinking she was anxious. Our friends are a great fun couple and we have so many great times together. That first time my wife was quiet, not herself. In our life she is very oral, she wasn't with him. Our conversation now is very open about our real feelings.
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I went out with a play partner this weekend (it was my birthday and she was a nice present). When I got home, my wife kissed me, smiled and said, in a sultry voice, "I can smell her perfume on you." Definitely, one of the sexiest things I've heard lately. It was only as I sat down to share this (because Damn it was hot) that it occurred to me that in another context those wouldn't be words a husband might want to hear. I'm sure other folks can think of similar examples.
