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By HollySwinger
Hi friendly swingers of the internet! My husband and I are active swingers who go to events, have a good circle of swinger friends, and have been in the LS for a number of years. This is my first time turning to a more anonymous message board because I'm not sure how to talk about this with my swinger friends...at the risk of coming across as high maintenance :/
We were in a pretty intimate poly relationship with another couple for almost two years. Guy and I would spend the night together just the two of us, we all said I love you, got gifts for each other, spent holidays together, go on vacations together, things like that. They were not only great sexual partners, but also became our best friends. Throughout this time, we were all also swinging with other people. A number of issues arose between us, some having to do with jealousy due to outside swinging, but most significantly they moved a few hours away. So the relationship had to change.
I still feel invested. But I'm not sure how to make the adjustment from a more intimate, poly relationship to a regular swinger friendship again. Everyone else seems ready to do this, but I guess I'm not. I have plenty of great, fun, light swinger friendships...but it's hard for me to think about having this style of relationship with this particular couple. However, I don't want to be left with nothing!
Has anyone on this board dealt with "downgrading" ("reverting"?) a poly relationship back to a light, friendly swinger relationship, one where you can still play, attend parties, have group sex, etc...but not be poly anymore? Or is this just a case of pandora's box...since we went down that path, it's going to be all or nothing? Do I just enjoy the relationship for what it is now? Or do I be the drama queen who calls it quits on something I actually liked, just because it's not the same as what it once was?
In the "vanilla" world, when you break up with someone, you don't typically have sex with them again, and again, and again. So what's a swinger (and in this case, poly) girl to do?
TL; DR: It's hard for me to swing with my ex-poly bf. Can the "backwards" transition from poly bf/gf to lighthearted swinger friend work?
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By intuition897
Watched this and thought the coverage was pretty good in spite of the reporter's obvious disdain. The comments are always a riot. They were old comments, but I replied to some of them. Can't seem to help myself.
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By peachy-keen001
Hi All,
Serious topic here, and trigger warning for anyone not looking to read about emotionally heavy topics involving depression, anger and emotional abuse. Thanks in advance to anyone who can offer serious advice.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years and while mostly the times have been good, there have been some hard times. My husband is a wonderful man who has many positive attributes but struggled for years with depression and insecurity. When we first got together (very young) I was relatively little experienced but sexually open minded, very sexually comfortable, and was eager to explore. He had been with one other person in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Throughout our relationship he has had several major depressive cycles, and during the low points of these cycles he would have anger management issues and obsessiveness. He would become hyper focused on sexual issues, such as the (few) number of past partners I had, what I did with them in detail, how they compared to him, etc. He would obsessively imagine my past and become upset and angry with me. He would also become hyper sexual and needy. Over the years I begged him to start therapy, but he was afraid we couldn’t afford it. Overtime, his depressive cycles, pain and anger escalated to him emotionally lashing out (never physically). He would say very hurtful things such as we needed to have a threesome so that he could settle the score, that was the only way his obsessive thoughts would go away, or him needing to have a threesome to make up for the fact that I wasn’t a virgin. Overtime, I essentially “lost” my sex drive from the shame and grief, this of course compounded his insecurities.
Eventually (far to late of course) I gave him an ultimatum of therapy or divorce. We have been in marriage therapy for two years, as well as individual therapy separately. He is also on anti-depressants now. We have made much progress rebuilding our relationship and re-establishing communication, trust, respect, etc, as well as working to rebuild our sexual relationship. He has processed that he is genuinely interested in swinging, and that part of his anger involved not being able to accept his own sexually interests before, and looking to justify them by any means necessary before. For my part, I am opened minded generally about the idea of swinging as concept, and most of my go-to fantasies involve multiple people. However, I am still so hurt by the past, that whenever the idea comes up I reflexively cry and feel as though I’m about to have a panic attack. I’m interested in exploring the topic but it is just so hard overcome the trauma and anxiety it brings. This is an active topic in personal therapy and active subject we discuss together. He is very apologetic and understanding now. However, it hasn’t totally helped yet alleviate the hurt inside or taken the edge off the reflexive reaction.
I was wondering if anyone had advice on dealing with relationship specific trauma and stigma associated with swinging as opposed to cultural/parental/religious stigma. It is helpful to talk with our therapists but might be more insightful to connect with someone who has lived something similar.
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By northindycpl
I wondered how many of us have been married a number of years? It seems that a lot of us have been. I wanted to see a how many Swinger Marriages last.
So how many years have you been married?
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By SW_PA_Couple
A heart-warming story:
https://www.npr.org/2018/05/04/607764107/this-love-story-started-at-a-nudist-park
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