How often do you swing?

[SteelRidge 19]

For veteran swingers, how often do you swing, swap? How many different partners do you have in a swing "event"?

 

Also how do you add an avatar? Having difficulty there.

[Guest]

We happened into our first MFM and I loved it; wanted them every weekend or so for the next several months. Now, it’s maybe 4 or 6 times a year except when we are away. Like a week in FL maybe as many as 3 times, 4 or 5 if its two weeks or three.

[padoc 1,696]

Simple answer: NOT enough!! When we started more than 15 years ago we eased into it but once we got our feet wet, we were at a club nearly every weekend. Now we do an occasional weekend road trip to Trapeze and otherwise, we tend to play with friends and/or meet new couples about once a month. Distance is a part of it, when we lived in Pa, we had four great clubs about an hour from our front door. Now a club trip involves a dog sitter, a hotel room and about 2.5 hour drive each way. If we had a good club in SWFL we'd play way more often. "Dating" couples to find playmates can be fun and exciting but is also sometimes a quite tedious process and its time consuming.

[EastInWest 1,508]

I'm going to say with our current pace, a little more than once a month something relevant happens. Our single female drops in a little less than every six weeks or so, we see our other two regular couples a few times a year, and then there's random "get in where we fit in" maybe two to four times a year.

[kellimc 214]

At least once a month. Usually three or four times a month.

[couplers 4,140]

Being in a poly family, it is either almost every day or hardly at all, depending on whether you count the other family members besides my husband as "swinging."

[GoldCoCouple 4,014]

We get together with the couple we have been dating about once a month, but that doesn't mean we are going to play. Sometimes it's dinner, a concert, a movie, vanilla...and other times it's a bit more risque

[Guest]

Been into the lifestyle for over 25 years and I'd say this has massively depended on the women I'm dating at the time, AND if the person we are playing with is male or female.

 

I have dated women who would basically be happy having threesomes 4 or 5 nights as a week, where I have dated some women who would prefer once a week / once a month / sometimes even once a year at things like Christmas or birthdays. However its seems most women would be comfy with 1 to 4 times a month, basically once a week give or take.

 

I also find the person your playing with has a big role in things, for example:

 

Man: Don't really care can basically play with them whenever you want. You could have a threesome with a guy tomorrow and not call him for six months, then months later you call him and ask if we wants a threesome and chances are he will say yes.

 

Women: If you do meet a single women then this can be a tricky situation because basically not many women simply want to be a once a week / once a month hook up call. In my experience when we have met single women we have to offer them a lot more contact, lot more friendship, lot more sexual meetings to keep them interested. In various cases I have had threesomes with women and the new women joining us has ended up at my house 3,4,5 sometimes even 6 or 7 nights a week.

 

I am sure this isn't true all the time but I often find if you play with a women and then for a week or two don't really contact her much, don't invite her round for more sex, friendship, company, food then they can very quickly lose all interest in you. Sure you can call a guy back a six months later and ask for a fuck, try that with most women and they will have either moved on or say no thanks.

 

Difficult Situation:

 

I'd say this often causes a difficult situation at home, that after many months or even years of searching you have finally found a great swinging friend who seems amazing for you, who ticks virtually every box that you have been looking for, BUT your partner only really feels comfy doing this once a month which might not be enough to sustain a friendship with this person.

 

I often find after having a threesome your partner sometimes wants to spend the next week basically just doing couples things with you. I mean we have had a threesome now, so can we forget about all of that for the week or two? Can we not speak about it for a few weeks and focus on us? This is another common request that can jump in the way of things.

 

Stress / Hygiene / Action / Tired:

 

Perhaps another thing that MEN often overlook is just show stressful / tiring / rushed things like group sex can actually be, especially for a women. I mean sure you might want 2 or 3 threesomes every week but then please understand that:

 

Your wife walks in from a busy day at work / shopping / seeing friends / playing tennis / gym or whatever else she has been doing, usually for a lot of people that is work all day. In this example your wife walks in from work at 17:00 and sure she has had a difficult day, her feet are hurting, its been super busy all day at work and a staff member called in sick making her entire day insane, and she didn't even have chance to eat lunch.

 

Now in many cases this women walks into the house at 17:00 and basically the timer is instantly ticking because you have arranged to meet your swinging friends at 20:00 that night. From this point many people will give the house a quick clean / empty smelly bins / walk the dog / change the bed sheets / make the house nice and cosy for their guests, seeing the wife/couple run around for an hour making sure everything is ready. This can even be other tasks such as driving to the local the shop to pick up some supplies, maybe some wine, snacks, condoms or whatever else you need.

 

Now at some point this women is going to need to eat which honestly she doesn't even have time for, in fact on many occasions I have had evening threesomes after work and my girlfriend has been running around eating a sandwich, whilst half getting ready, whilst tidying the house as well. Don't get me wrong I always help tidying the house, in fact you could say I do the lions share.

 

However for a lot of women this is where the really shit bit comes into play, in fact before some threesomes I have known various women who are in the bathroom for 1,2,3,4 hours simply getting ready for this threesome.

 

We are talking full bath / shampoo hair / condition hair / shave legs / shave under arms / shave anywhere else that's needed / shave or trim pubic hair / pluck eye brows / cut finger nails / cut toe nails / brush teeth and tongue / add perfumes and deodorants / blow dry hair / use hair straighteners or curlers / add make up / spend an eternity even deciding what to wear / probably trying on about 10 different tops or pairs of underwear / then adding jewellery and whatever else.

 

Honestly on some occasions I have dated women and they have simply walked in the room and looked so sexy, smelled so good, basically having 100% hygiene marks, and its fair to say my dick and the other guys has been tingling in seconds.

 

In this example the women walks in 17:00 in the afternoon and has 3 hours before the guests arrive, during this 3 hours she probably needs to run around like a headless chicken making sure she is ready and the house is ready, and sure this can involved all sorts of weird crap from someone needing to walk the dog for 30 minutes to needing to nip out for supplies. I remember one incident specifically where we had invited a couple round to our home and about 30 minutes before they arrived our dog sent an entire red wine bottle over on the carpet, looked like we had killed someone in our living so 30 minutes before our guest arrive I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing wine out of carpet, and sure shit like that will happen.

 

Okay so during this time, during this 3 hour window this women not only has to prepare herself and often help with the house in places, but also needs to eat, maybe have a coffee, it would even be nice to relax for an hour, but in many cases by the time she does sit down after a long hard day your guests are knocking on the door 15 minutes later.

 

Lets “Zoom Out” and take a bigger look at this situation, because in reality this women woke up at 5:30am and then spent all day at work, she then returned home to run around like mad getting ready and if she was lucky got to eat a packet of crisps and a banana before your friend arrived at 20:00 and sure your friend doesn't even leave until 22:17 after which this women might want a shower, drink, food, or just an hour to relax 23:17, and at this point goes to bed and maybe takes another hour to fall off into a deep sleep 00:17 and then back up 5:30am again.

 

So what's that 5:30am until 00:17 at night.

 

Not many women even want to do that every week, and not 3 or 4 nights a week. I guess this depends on the women in question, I mean some women do have very long and detailed hygiene rituals where others are simply okay jumping in a shower and can be ready in 30 minutes, either way however not many women want to run around like that every night after work, and then face several hours of company and sex until the clocks soon striking midnight.

 

Sure I'd love 3 or 4 threesomes every week thanks but its sometimes difficult to make work. In many cases I'll now try and plan threesomes on low stress days for example where my girlfriend isn't working the next morning, or where she has days off work and things like that.

 

Usually for about two days before having guests around I'll go on a cleaning rampage, that over those few days I'll tick as many cleaning jobs off the box as possible so by the time we do meet tour guests my girlfriend is basically standing in shiny house with very little cleaning to do, that generally helps a lot. In some cases my girlfriend has walked in from work and I have already run her a bath or even prepared some light food and snacks for her.

 

The best thing to do here is identify jobs in the house that your partner usually does and then make sure they are all done. If your partner usually washes the pots / hangs up the laundry then you do those things so she walks in and finds many of the jobs are already done.

 

I remember when I first began doing this. I was dating a really horny European girl and sure she was happy having threesomes anywhere from 4 or 5 nights a week, in fact me and a male friend not only fucked her all over on weekly basis, but I regularly had two women in bed. However it soon became clear that the hygiene thing, the running around after work, the constant tidying, preparing, getting ready was getting to much, in which case I decided to do it all.

 

For a few days leading up to us meeting our friends I tidied the house, and the day they were due to arrive I actually got home from work in the early afternoon and had half the day to make the place shine. It was kind of amazing to watch because my girlfriend walked in the house fluster from work and within about 10 mins she walked back in the living room looking really confused and a bit baffled, she kind of looked at me funny and said, there is nothing to do?

 

Sure I patted the seat next to me seeing me girlfriend sit back with a lovely glass of wine and simply get to relax for an hour and eat some light food. I mean “Here babes have a glass of wine and some food I'll pop you the bath on” and sure in such cases my girlfriend ended up giving us the best threesomes, the most energetic and happy ones.

 

There are various different view to look at here and it really relates to the people and environment. In the vast majority of cases however I'd not be pushing for more than once a week unless your partner is happy meeting more.

 

I also find LIFE gets in the way here, there have been times where my work rota / my girlfriends work rota / and our play mates work rota have all clashed so badly that we haven't been able to meet for like 4 or 5 weeks in a row until all the shifts flip back round. This often means meeting is all over the place, one week you might meet then 3 or 4 times, then not see them for 3 weeks because of work, holidays, or other responsibilities.

 

In some cases I have met a play partner once a week, the week after have seen then 4 times, the week after that 0 times, the week after than 2 times. In many cases its more of a meet when you can situation. If some reason you all have the time and energy to meet 3 times that week then why not, where if you simply can't manage that week then tough shit basically.

 

Within the last 25 years I have had various problems with this sort of thing, I mean just for a wild example lets say you meet a really nice swing friend, you have maybe 4 or 5 of the best threesomes you have ever had, however then suddenly your shifts at work all clash and basically you can not see them for 3 weeks running, then finally three weeks later when you can meet them again your partner falls sick with cold and is laid up in bed for a week. In total you haven't met them for 4 weeks and when you finally do have the time they text back saying they are just leaving on holiday for a week or that their grandfather just dies and they will be away for several weeks.

 

On several occasions in my life I have looked and thought “Dam there is no way we can meet this week” and felt bad that I can't have any threesome fun this week (poor me) only to see that week of not meeting turn into 4,5,6 weeks of not meeting as other shit happens.

 

I find the biggest issues here is usually not overloading your lives / your partner / and basically not making your entire life just about swinging. I have experienced this with several women, but say for example you have a threesome and it goes great, the next day you speak about it all with your girlfriend, the day after that you speak about meeting this person again, and before you know it that person is back in bed with you, and suddenly all you have actually done all week is talk about threesomes and plan threesomes.

 

In many cases you can have a threesome but your partner might actually want to spend the next five days going to the cinema, seeing friends, doing other hobbies, decorating the house, or in other words doing other things other than just talking about swinging. I began something I called the ONE DAY RULE. Which basically means we meet someone we know, we fuck them, we enjoy them, they leave and after that point for a brief time we do any talking that is needed, we discuss what we thought, what we could change, anything we really liked, and sure we have sex, play naughty games and have fun, but then the next morning the threesome talk is done, now we focus on anything else but that.

 

I am not sure on this but sometimes it almost feels like a 3 to 1 ratio, or in some cases a 5 to 1 ratio. That is like saying if you have 1 threesome then perhaps over the next three days you will have a walk in the park together as a couple / go out for a meal / enjoy a hobby together.

 

In many respects that is like saying spend 1 hour having a threesome, but spend 3 hours over the next three days asking your partner how their day at work was and really listening.

 

Perhaps another big factor here is what YOU and what YOUR PARTNER are like and what your expecting from this lifestyle. For example if your partner would prefer to speak with them for an hour or two first / share some wine / talk first / then would prefer starting slowly / longer foreplay / followed by cuddles or back rubs after then sure meeting loads would be more difficult.

 

If as a couple your basically okay with someone walking in your house and 10 minutes later are half naked and getting your dicked sucked then sure its easier to meet more. If it takes you 3 or 4 hours to have a threesome then sure its hard to meet a lot, if your happy just having a quick fuck and cutting out the chatting, wine, super long foreplay sessions then sure you can potentially meet more.

 

Lots of factors to think about in this question

[Numex 2,175]

... basically not many women simply want to be a once a week / once a month hook up call. In my experience when we have met single women we have to offer them a lot more contact, lot more friendship, lot more sexual meetings to keep them interested. In various cases I have had threesomes with women and the new women joining us has ended up at my house 3,4,5 sometimes even 6 or 7 nights a week.

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I agree with your post, but this sums it up well, and explains why my wife really likes that we've settled into playing with couples who we are close with beyond the sex.