How do I get over my anxiety of being in a 3some?

[Blueyebabe 16]

I am attracted to other women and my bf would love a 3some but my anxiety goes haywire and I have all kinds of worries and emotions about it. I am willing but feel handicapped at the same time. So frustrated right now.

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

There's sort of a why-what-how series of questions that come into play during an internal conversation (a conversation with yourself).

 

For the "why" aspect, you have to sort out whether you want this for you (curiosity, excitement, whatever) or you are being driven by a desire to please someone else (aka "boyfriend thinks it would be hot!") . Put simply, if the interest/desire is not coming from within you,just stop. No one determines your sexuality except you.

 

For the "what" aspect, you need to sort out what you want the (first) experience to be like. What does that intimate episode look like in your fantasy? Is it anonymous or is there a relationship underpinning the experience? With whom? Having answered that question, what is fueling the anxiety? That you will be judged? That you might not enjoy it? That you might be hurt? Talking it out (to yourself) can be helpful.

 

If you made it to "how", that's a little easier. Person(s), time, place, boundaries, safety. And give yourself permission to back out at any time without fear of disappointing anyone--first and foremost yourself.

 

Good luck.

[Girthhungbelow 25]

Hi - it's totally normal to feel that way. He's a very lucky guy for you even considering it with him! Have you thought about hooking up with a girl on your own - perhaps a married woman who has already done this and gone through those feelings is best to help?

 

-Jake

[GoldCoCouple 4,015]

...because you're not ready (yet). In order to be successful in swinging (or a 3some) you need to be in a solid committed relationship. If the relationship is less than granite, then you start worrying about everything else...is she better/prettier/someone he likes more than me? Am I not good enough for him? Etc. Wait until you have a wonderful relationship built around the big three (love/trust/communication) and then see about moving forward.

[cplnuswing 4,711]

Maybe you are trying to make the first step too big of one? Instead of focusing on the destination, just enjoy the journey. Go out to a club together, find someone to flirt and dance with. Can be one time, can be many times, each time going a little further. Just take your time and see how that feels and where it leads you, and I think you will find the anxiety easing up.

 

Good luck!

[JandKinBoise 851]

Welcome the The Swingers Board!

Going into a new sexual situation is a very stressful time. Remember when you lost your virginity?

My wife felt similar to you, body willing, but difficult shaking all the years of social standards. She decided to see a therapist. After talking to her a couple times she was ready to jump in with both feet. She was still apprehensive and had a lot of rules, which were shed quite quickly. I remember the talk afterward and she was feeling she had put so much pressure on herself. It's just a stressful situation until you actually do it. Like the first time you walk up to a zip line.

[Guest]

We eased into things a bit more, not consciously so but in review. I had always been a bit of an exhibitionist and told him so when we started dating and he encouraged me to explore those tendencies a bit, things from going to topless and nude beaches, being topless in front of male friends to dancing topless and naked at a roof top bar where such was permitted, encouraged for patrons. We discussed it a bit while it happened and were both turned on the more I did, the more I showed. So, taking it to the next level, an MFM that just happened one night was quite easy and nothing but enjoyable. Baby steps are always good.

[PSULioness 754]

My first FFM happened so fast that I didn’t have time to become anxious. I did have guilt after because my first was not with my then boyfriend who I have since married. My anxiety was whether he would accept the fact I cheated. I eventually had to convince him to be with me and a girlfriend and even though I pushed for the act to happen I was so anxious to make sure it went perfectly. For us it lead to so many great times.

[Thegreyarea 99]

Alcohol. I’m not saying to get smashed but 2-3 drinks, depending on your tolerance will help relax you and perhaps lower your inhibitions.

[kingsizexx 0]

On 11/11/2019 at 11:30 PM, Blueyebabe said:

I am attracted to other women and my bf would love a 3some but my anxiety goes haywire and I have all kinds of worries and emotions about it. I am willing but feel handicapped at the same time. So frustrated right now.

some weed maybe? or some synthetic..

[Jane1902 476]

I don’t think it is a good idea to address the anxiety about a threesome with weed or alcohol. That’s ignoring the concerns and sets someone up to perhaps question their involvement. Once you are fully on board I have no problem with either in moderation to help relax in the moment.

[VirginiaArnold 0]

All of your advice is, of course, good, fun, and so on. But if depression takes a severe turn, you should probably visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. He will help you understand the problem without sneering and dirty jokes and prescribe the proper treatment. Several times to go to the reception, follow all the necessary procedures, and shine like a polished samovar. But remember that you have to be completely honest with the doctor, and even if it is a threesome, you also need to share all your revelations and what worries you. I would advise you to buy kratom extract capsules. They are helpful and work well.

 

Edited July 28, 2021 by VirginiaArnold

[Numex 2,176]

On 11/11/2019 at 8:30 PM, Blueyebabe said:

my anxiety goes haywire and I have all kinds of worries and emotions about it.

How do you handle similar fun things that you want to do in your life?  Do you worry about going on vacation to a new place, or even trying a new restaurant?  You rightfully realize that not every new undertaking will turn out as expected, so how do you discuss it, make adjustments, retry?  If you know how you deal with something not working, i.e. it's not the end of the world, you won't worry about it.