Sex with Teens

[eurotrash 15]

couplers said:

Petra again. I agree with you but also really don't know what to think. I'm bothered by both, and in some ways think that a 30 yo and a 21 yo are equally adults and there is a significant difference between a 16 yo and 15 yo. This is a really difficult subject where I have a hard time deciding where I stand, so please all, respond only with well reasoned insight. I would hate to be one of the people that writes the laws on this.

I think the difference between 17 and 16/15 are very big... just enough to make it ok.

 

One of the girls in question met their men on the internet. The other was approached at the airport while traveling alone. The guy approached her and asked if she was Thai. She says that he thought she was 20. I find that hard to believe. Asian women already look young for their age.

 

[Lascivious L&L 865]

Once again the point is that there is no one judgment that fits all situations. As humans we seek a simple, concrete answer that fits all cases of underage sex. But there is no such answer. Each person is different. Each person matures at a different pace. One sixteen year old can be more mature than a 20 year old while another 16 year old can be more like a 13 year old. Blanket statements merely reflect the wish for simple answers.

 

In a similar way saying everything is violence diminishes the meaning of the word violent. Physically violent IS different from verbally violent. That isn't to say verbally violent is okay, but that there is a difference between verbal and physical and that difference can be essential.

 

I have received my share of verbally violent attacks. I much prefer them to physically violent attacks and find them easier to deal with. I'm a verbally astute person and can deal with verbal assaults even while it is very unpleasant and distasteful. A physically violent attack may end up in serious injury or death. That's a very different situation.

[BiloxiCouple 694]

The year was 1900 and 21-year- old Albert Einstein was seeking the answer to a stupendous question: what would it be like to ride a beam of light? But at that moment he had the more conventional pursuits of a young man in mind. When fellow student Mileva Maric arrived at the lakeside love nest in Como, Italy, she found her "dear, naughty little sweet-heart waiting with pounding heart and open arms". They were both to pay dearly for that weekend of passion. It might even have delayed his ferociously brilliant theory of relativity.

[couplers 4,143]

BiloxiCouple said:

The year was 1900 and 21-year- old Albert Einstein was seeking the answer to a stupendous question: what would it be like to ride a beam of light? But at that moment he had the more conventional pursuits of a young man in mind. When fellow student Mileva Maric arrived at the lakeside love nest in Como, Italy, she found her "dear, naughty little sweet-heart waiting with pounding heart and open arms". They were both to pay dearly for that weekend of passion. It might even have delayed his ferociously brilliant theory of relativity.

 

How old was she?

 

My guys would say that the tryst didn't delay the brilliant theory, it cleared his mind and inspired it.

[Big Rock 173]

Absolutely right, Petra. Nothing promotes clarity of mind better than a good fuck!

[MN Tom 251]

I like edison carter's method of handling this.

 

Our kids are still grade school age, so we haven't encountered it yet, but if we do, I surely will try to take that to heart.

 

And personally, in this day and age and living in a modern society, I dont see the point of someone who is well into their 20's dating a 17 year old and under.

 

I dont have a problem with the 17 and 19 year olds dating, but the 25 and 16 year old's mixing it up isn't the same.

 

Back at our first house we saw something of this sort, and never quite understood how the parents could stand it. Our neighbors had a 13 year old daughter who was dating a guy who was 24 (our ages at the time). It bothered us enough that we went over to talk with the neighbors (again) about it after seeing the guy and the daughter together in the car the previous night.

 

And the neighbors were totally aloof about it all. "he's a good guy, they aren't doing anything.. " yada yada yada. Basically brushed us off. We'd discussed this with them before to no avail. Was really strange to us too since aside from that they seemed normal.

 

And of course the story turned out bad within a few months, but that isn't always the case.

 

So, basically while we can understand that some gals are more mature at an earlier age, the law has to set a line somewhere. And in our area, 18 is the line they set. While it could be argued that 16 would be a better line (hey my great grandma was married at 16 to a 35 yr old) , it again opens it up to the question of "if your daughter was 16 would you be happy about her dating a 25 year old?" Most people answer no.

[eurotrash 15]

Is it really the case of a girl really being "mature" or is it a horny guy going after a hot, young girl and showing her the ropes, so to speak. I'm sure the girl thought she was mature at 15 or 16, but that doesn't mean she way. My girlfriend is a perfect example. She give me a hard time because I was dating a 21-year old when I was 40. She didn't even realize what she was saying related directly to her own 16/30 relationship.

 

As some of my nastier guy friends used to say, "If she's old enough to bleed, she's old enough to breed." I used to think they were joking, but now I see some guys are serious about this.

[Jake1178 18]

Not many have a problem with it. They may say they do, but when a pretty young girl is "willing" well, they won't walk away.

 

When I was 22 I went on a date with a girl who said she was 19. She looked it and at first acted it. On our first date she gets frisky. She goes into the bathroom when we got to my place, came out in her bra and panties, gets on top of me. I don't know why, but something didn't add up, so I asked "are you really 19" almost as a joke. She hesitated before she said 19 and I as hard as it was, really questioned her. Turns out she was 15 but "almost 16" I told her she needed to get dressed and I took her home. She got all heartbroken and started crying feeling all rejected and I felt like a monster for letting her down. However, I would have been much more of a monster if I had gone through with it. She was a fine looking girl though, and I mean beautiful. I hope she is alright. When talking to her, it seems not many guys held back. What sickens me today is how when I told her "I'm too old for you" she told me that she had been with a 41 year old so I'm not near too old for her. Really? Appearantly she was quite a little slut and had been with a lot of guys, mostly in their late 20's and 30's.

 

I may have saved myself a prison term, but I saved my dignity that is for sure.

[BigNikki 43]

I have climbed on my soapbox about we here having too much of a tendency to be judgmental, so it's with some humility and embarrassment that I write this:

 

I think sex with teens is sick.

 

There, I said it, apologies to anyone offended, but there it is.

[Learning 160]

BigNikki said:

I have climbed on my soapbox about we here having too much of a tendency to be judgmental, so it's with some humility and embarrassment that I write this:

 

I think sex with teens is sick.

 

There, I said it, apologies to anyone offended, but there it is.

 

I agree!!!

[swing.kidz 367]

BigNikki said:

I have climbed on my soapbox about we here having too much of a tendency to be judgmental, so it's with some humility and embarrassment that I write this:

 

I think sex with teens is sick.

 

There, I said it, apologies to anyone offended, but there it is.

 

I, too, agree with you on this, but find a little discrepancy in your judgment. Why would you find a problem having sex with a teen (a human who can outwardly and verbally consent) but then find no problem with what you've stated in this post: Animals

 

I don't mean to offend, but I think there is a little inconsistency here.

[BigNikki 43]

swing.kidz said:

I don't mean to offend, but I think there is a little inconsistency here.

 

Guilty as charged.

[Alura 2,766]

No matter how disgusting either may be for most of us, having sex with cows is different from teens in that cows don't get pregnant and are not threatened with a life of raising an unplanned child in poverty.

 

The life-changing situation dumped on an unprepared teen by a predatory male is the reason for statutory rape laws, whether the teen's glands made her enthusiastic or not.

[dr_pepper 25]

Back in the 60's, I had a good friend who was a State Trooper, and he was telling me about coming up on many cars with a couple in it, who were doing all kinds of things. He said that all he wanted to know was if the girl/woman was yelling for help or obviously not happy being there. If all looked OK, then he went his way and wasn't concerned about the age of the people involved. If the lady was not happy being there, then he would take action, but said that he had not needed to, as of that time.

 

Now days it seems that the laws have gotten more realistic and is allowing teenagers to have sex, as long as they are the same age or with in 2 or 3 years.

[let's do it again 381]

I don't think that I would get myself in a sexual relationship with a girl under 18 the way laws are set up. Wouldn't want to go to jail or be put on a sex offender list for having sex with an underage girl. Now back in the 70's and 80's it happened a lot, I  worked in a grocery store in the 70's and overheard Moms talking about their freshman daughter going to prom with a senior boy and hoping that their daughter would "lose it" to this boy. I remember the pecking order for high school boys, little chance of sex as a freshman and by the time they get to be seniors maybe a chance to have sex with a freshman girl. Lol

[couplers 4,143]

On 8/7/2011 at 3:23 PM, BigNikki said:

I think sex with teens is sick.

Is a teenager masturbating herself sick?  Would you stop her?

[NerdsAreFun 224]

Wife brought home a 18 year old girl to share when we were in our mid 20s.  And that's about the upper age limit I was comfortable with engaging an 18 year old.

Edited April 7, 2023 by NerdsAreFun

[Numex 2,175]

On 4/6/2023 at 8:06 PM, NerdsAreFun said:

Wife brought home a 18 year old girl to share when we were in our mid 20s.  And that's about the upper age limit I was comfortable with

What's your lower limit?

[NerdsAreFun 224]

2 hours ago, Numex said:

What's your lower limit?

Now in our mid 40s...hard to have a good connection with anyone lower than 30 or so.  We did try a 23 year old last year and it wasn't a good fit.

Edited April 9, 2023 by NerdsAreFun

[couplers 4,143]

Question for all parents of past and future teenagers: did you, will you tell your kids that if they are going to have sex, to have it at home, that you won't criticize them?  If they want to, it's going to happen anyway, so why not give them a safe place with a modicum of supervision and control (e.g., you hear screams).

Edited May 1, 2023 by couplers
punctuation

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

This was, in fact, our approach. It started around the time she was born. There are three things that have to have a consistent approach as kids are growing up, because they will instantly detect any inconsistency: drugs, alcohol, and nudity/sex/body things. We decided early on with our (one and only) daughter that the rules would play out as follows. 

 

1. Drugs.  No.  Owing to our professions and various drug testing things, street drugs (including marijuana) were simply an absolute no. House rules. 

 

2. Alcohol. One of our grandparents was a wine importer, and thus wine on the table was the norm from an early age. The statute of limitations has passed, but out approach was to put an age-appropriate size container at her place at the table beginning at a very early age. Age-appropriate = literally a thimble to start. By the time she left for college, she has a small glass. This led to three behaviors. First, she never drank to excess. Second, she refused to drink the swill served at college parties. She much preferred the role of designated driver. Third, as a mature adult, she knows what she likes and insists on quality over quantity. 

 

3. Nudity/sex etc.

a. From the outset, we had a house acceptance of casual nudity. Doors were left open, with the exception of when mom and dad had "private time", and a closed door was always to be respected unless there was an authentic emergency (like the house was on fire). Kids being natural nudists, this worked fine through the first decade of life, at which point the usual teen modesty with body changes showed up. 

 

b. There was always age-appropriate information. She was a voracious reader, and sex ed books were always around the house, given as gifts etc. 

 

c. We gave her a gift certificate (this was the time before "gift cards") to goodvibes.com when she was 13 or 14 so she could pick out her first vibrator and lube and have it delivered to her with the usual discreet packaging. Every so often, we would add to her account with another certificate. She had a collection before she left for college. 

 

d. When it came time for sex, we told her that we *preferred* that it be under our roof where she would be in control. We had her space "downstairs", mom and dad spent their time upstairs, and she periodically brought home this or that boy or girl (she experimented with both), all in some level of disbelief that it was "okay with her parents".  Our reasoning was that if things got out of hand, a scream would indeed bring us running. And, unsurprisingly, she was consistently treated with respect. Along the way, everyone learned the process of consent. So, in answer to your question, this was exactly our preferred approach and reflected a consistent position on safety and sex-positivity throughout her life. 

 

There is an interesting coda to all of this. When she found her husband-to-be and he started coming over for family dinner, he knew that she was raised in a sex-positive environment but was still taken aback when the dinner table conversation would shift from the new series on Amazon Prime to whether that new lube was worth the money to the price of gasoline and so on. They are recently married, and both of them continue to observe that among the collection of their parents and their friends parents, we are the only couple still married (to each other) , still in love, and still (her words) "fucking our brains out".  She (and thus he) knows about our "special friends", that we go on LS cruises and so on. Neither has the slightest interest in the LS at this point. That said, it's pretty clear which parents they want to model themselves after. 

[njbm 2,728]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

Question for all parents of past and future teenagers: did you, will you tell your kids that if they are going to have sex, to have it at home, that you won't criticize them?  If they want to, it's going to happen anyway, so why not give them a safe place with a modicum of supervision and control (e.g., you hear screams).

The screams may be orgasms. Don’t bust in then. 

[PJ&Lin 181]

I was raised in a home that what I now know was a not the way most of my childhood friends had. Not as open as Fundamental Law we had open doors in my early years. I can’t pinpoint the year when I realized what the closed door or sounds coming from my parents room meant, most likely 12. 
My parents weren’t druggies, but I have those early memories of pot with their friends, as well as me having an early sip of my dad’s beer. 
I have an older by two years sister that I remember as she started to get boobs starting closing doors. Funny that I remember a good friend asked me if I ever saw my sister nude and me just saying it’s my sister not some hot chick. 
Never discussed the time I came home from an early dismissal day at school to find my then 15 year old sister nude in bed with her boyfriend. She yelled at me like it was my fault but I never said anything to my parents. It was not much later that I found out my mom got her birth control. It wasn’t discussed at the family dinner, just my snooping confirmed. Also confirmed a toy I at the time had no idea what it was. 
My own sexual awakening happened at 15 in a classmates house when she invited me to help with homework. 
Now that we are adults we will have to deal how our children will deal with sex education and the time when they will become sexual, I think I will be open to discussion but will probably put a lock on our daughter. 
I most likely never have sex with a teenager again even if 18 is considered legal in most states, we will stick to no lower than 20s. 

[Fundamental Law 2,817]

21 minutes ago, PJ&Lin said:

Now that we are adults we will have to deal how our children will deal with sex education and the time when they will become sexual, I think I will be open to discussion but will probably put a lock on our daughter. 
 

Teens are wired to explore. The idea of "putting a lock" on any exploration is just than, an idea.  We said "no" to drugs in our home. That didn't stop our daughter from trying marijuana. As for putting a lock on exploring sexuality, the best you might do is delay. The question is, how much of a delay makes sense? Giving time to reflect on the impacts and risks (STIs, pregnancy, breach of confidence)  of intimacy makes all the sense in the world; "not while you live in this home!" is a strategy that is likely to fail and certain to harm things like trust. 

 

 

[couplers 4,143]

On 5/1/2023 at 8:58 AM, PJ&Lin said:

to find my then 15 year old sister nude in bed with her boyfriend. .. It was not much later that I found out my mom got her birth control.

That's another issue, at what age and what type of birth control for our daughters.  I think that an IUD would be best.  For our sons, just give them condoms.

[couplers 4,143]

On 5/1/2023 at 7:32 AM, Fundamental Law said:

From the outset, we had a house acceptance of casual nudity.

 

On 5/1/2023 at 8:58 AM, PJ&Lin said:

I remember a good friend asked me if I ever saw my sister nude and me just saying it’s my sister not some hot chick.

We're not prudes, but with children now we aren't nude around the house anymore.  With our situation of being a poly family we are super sensitive about child services.  We're also aware that some of the kids are full siblings, some half siblings, and some biologically unrelated. 

Edited May 3, 2023 by couplers

[couplers 4,143]

On 5/1/2023 at 7:32 AM, Fundamental Law said:

We had her space "downstairs", mom and dad spent their time upstairs, and she periodically brought home this or that boy or girl (she experimented with both)

The prejudice is showing again, but while Clair, Lora, and I hope that our daughters explore sex and love with other girls, we don't have any wish for our sons to go the same sex path.  It hasn't been discussed with Red and David, but them being straight, they probably feel the same.

[PJ&Lin 181]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

That's another issue, at what age and what type of birth control for our daughters.  I think that an IUD would be best.  For our sons, just give them condoms.

Most of the girls I knew started to become sexually active in HS, some earlier. Where I became active around 15 with a 15 year old we always planned on condoms but as everybody knows condoms aren’t always used. I remember a girl I was dating at 16 telling me she was on birth control pills. After realizing that other girls I dated also might be on the pill I would ask with mixed answers, some were some weren’t. This continued through my dating life in college with no regard to STIs. 
Linda told me she started on Yaz at 15 for acne and knew it was for birth control too. I don’t know how her conversation with her parents led to Yaz, probably an easy way to give her daughter protection without the sex talk. 
I never had a birds and bees talk with my dad but I’m thinking my sister had a talk with mom. Knowing your own sexual history and more importantly your current knowledge you should start the talk as she enters puberty because she will be talking to her friends about sex at that time. 

[TricianMike 732]

14 for me. I just saw a picture of me at that young age and thought I looked like a kid not a woman ready for sex. I wasn’t the first of my friends, my best friend did it before me and she gave me a first hand description as my real life education. My Mother was late in telling me anything real about what sex was as I was already two years experienced. 

[Anon321 481]

Our rule on this is very simple - 18 and up.  Sure there are states where it is legally younger but if any video or picture is taken the legal age is still 18 as anything else would be child pornography.  My GF is no stranger to fucking guys who are 18 or 19 years old.  She loves it.  Personally I prefer my women older.  Younger guys just want to have fun.  Younger women is a little too messy for me.

[PJ&Lin 181]

On 5/4/2023 at 10:43 AM, Anon321 said:

Our rule on this is very simple - 18 and up.

We say 21

[Idahocouple6969 294]

Eighteen and up..... because 16 will get you 20.

[bbarnsworth 2,536]

I last posted in this thread 12 years ago. Wow

 

In my regular job, I'm frequently in proximity to women under 25 (and not younger than 18). I'm fortunate that it's often that I get to see some serious eye candy. But, two things... One, I am exceedingly careful to keep my eyes from being detected. A guy nearly old enough to be their grandparent gawking at them is just creepy. Two, even if they are physically attractive I just can't imagine going to bed with someone that young anymore. I just can't wrap my brain around it. Just...no.

 

[Numex 2,175]

On 5/4/2023 at 8:43 AM, Anon321 said:

Our rule on this is very simple - 18 and up.

 

On 5/5/2023 at 2:51 PM, PJ&Lin said:

We say 21

Fortunately, as I got older, the age of women who I am attracted to also went up.  For a while.  The most attractive to me went up to mid to late twenties and stopped there.

[Anon321 481]

On 5/5/2023 at 4:51 PM, PJ&Lin said:

We say 21

I would say 21 and up is more comfortable for me as well as far as the women are concerned.  There is a certain maturity aspect to it for me.  As for my GF she doesn't mind 18 and 19 year old guys.

[EastInWest 1,508]

 

On 5/5/2023 at 4:51 PM, PJ&Lin said:

We say 21

Also our hard rule as people who are both 40+. If you're too young to buy your own cocktail, that's just uncomfortable for everyone.

 

If a woman younger than 21 did express interest (and I've matched with 22-year-olds on Tinder before), I'd probably direct her to some reading material about the lifestyle and non-monogamy and let her do her own thinking. However, I feel like if you're 21 and have been in college for a few years, you've had enough experience that the training wheels can come off the adult variations on conventional dating.

Edited May 8, 2023 by EastInWest

[Anon321 481]

On 5/8/2023 at 8:22 AM, EastInWest said:

 

Also our hard rule as people who are both 40+. If you're too young to buy your own cocktail, that's just uncomfortable for everyone.

 

If a woman younger than 21 did express interest (and I've matched with 22-year-olds on Tinder before), I'd probably direct her to some reading material about the lifestyle and non-monogamy and let her do her own thinking. However, I feel like if you're 21 and have been in college for a few years, you've had enough experience that the training wheels can come off the adult variations on conventional dating.

I prefer a mature woman but I just don't think 21 is some kind of "magic" number.  It could be a good guideline but I don't believe it's a number that should be set in stone.  You're going to run into 21 year olds that are as mature as a 12 year old and 19 or 20 year old that are as mature as a 40 year old.  The only number I set in stone is 18, even though I prefer older women because it's largely a case by case basis.