Bed Hoppers & Post Notchers...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

So we see this a lot, the "we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms. I feel like these are terms that are different for everyone. While to me personally, they mean people who jump from partner to partner with no desire to do repeat business or to necessarily even see those partners again. However, when I read those words in a profile, I don't reply to the profile because I'm afraid that those who actually include those phrases in their profiles are strictly looking for "friends first" or perhaps just aren't really ready to swing at all (kind of along the lines of those who put "no drama" in their profiles tend to be the ones bringing it).

[pervgeeks 119]

So we see this a lot, the " we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms. I feel like these are terms that are different for everyone. While to me personally, they mean people who jump from partner to partner with no desire to do repeat business or to necessarily even see those partners again. However, when I read those words in a profile, I don't reply to the profile because I'm afraid that those who actually include those phrases in their profiles are strictly looking for "friends first" or perhaps just aren't really ready to swing at all (kind of along the lines of those who put "no drama" in their profiles tend to be the ones bringing it).

 

In our experience it means people who want to be exclusive, essentially poly, but don't know what that is, so they call themselves swingers. Swinging for us is about variety, fun, and making friends. The commitment and love is between the two of us as a couple. We are very honest from the beginning now, we love to play again with our friends, but we do not want to be exclusive with any one couple.

[Additude 457]

I think I read it as "Impersonal". Meaning if a couple says, "We are not bed hoppers" then they are looking for something other than a "Hello-Lets Fuck-Nice Knowing Ya-Thanks-Goodby" encounter.

 

We all know there are people in this lifestyle that live it on a weekly basis or even daily, it's actually a major part of their lives. But there are others in this lifestyle that play less frequently and consider the lifestyle something that is more spontaneous, something to add a little excitement once and awhile.

 

I think that "We are not bed hoppers" means they want a sexual encounter to be more on a personal level, more of a friendship level, etc.

 

I do not see it as having any underlying connotations other than not wanting a "Fuck and Run" encounter.

[des1re06 200]

I do not see it as having any underlying connotations other than not wanting a "Fuck and Run" encounter.

 

That's how we think about it, and it is in our profile. Yes, we want to know something about you (at least your first name) before "hopping" in the sack. We don't have to swap, and it must be a pleasurable experience.

 

We're not into unknown partners or gang bangs with anonymous strangers. We definately swing, and often, but that doesn't mean we have sex with just anyone.

 

Mrs. D

[sweet_tna 680]

So we see this a lot, the " we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms.

 

I deliberately avoided using those words in our profile, because I don't want to give the impression that we have to be super-best-friends to play. Granted, we've had those encounters where we couldn't remember someone's name afterward, but unless it's at a party/orgy type situation, we prefer to know a little something about those with whom we play.

 

I think the folks that do use that phrase either really want to be friends before playing, and/or have been burned by a couple they thought they had hit it off with and ended up not hearing from again.

 

=)

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I see these terms a lot and I think what they mean to the people can usually be understood from what their profile says as a whole.

 

For some it means they prefer getting to know people before they have sex with them and they understand that may take some time - they may want to be "friends first," for some it means they don't get out to swing too often, for some it means they are more "selective" and therefore don't have sex with a lot of people, for some it is a way to say we aren't "hardcore swingers" which is another term that swingers aren't sure how to define, for many I think the terms are used to express they aren't sluts.

 

We don't use those terms, but if we did it would mean we don't want to disfigure our new Ethan Allen four-poster bed.

 

LM

[two42lovers 273]

Seems most who say "no post notchers or bed hoppers" basically mean they look down on people who are active swingers. (i.e. more active than them.) They are saying one night stands - and people who enjoy one night stands - are undesirable. Main idea they are trying to get across is they have no interest in people who play with numerous partners.

 

People who play easily, who don't require a lot of relationship building to enjoy sex with someone, are kinda threatening to the "slow-poke swingers". Slow-poke swingers like to have a couple of months of emails and phone calls, and then four or five dinner dates, before they even think about sex -lol! ("Keep your pants on buster! This is only the fourth date - we don't even know if we're attracted yet!")

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

...when I read those words in a profile, I don't reply to the profile because I'm afraid that those who actually include those phrases in their profiles are strictly looking for "friends first" or perhaps just aren't really ready to swing at all (kind of along the lines of those who put "no drama" in their profiles tend to be the ones bringing it).

We don't reply to those profiles, either. Even though we have no objection to making friends and having repeat encounters, because we are always open to playing with new partners, we think we probably qualify as bedpost-notchers in their eyes. Furthermore, we think that bed-hopping is a defining component of swinging. It would be closer to polyamory if we were to limit our partners to a small, finite number.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

We kinda agree with two42lovers, some folks may be intimidated by swingers more active or experienced than themselves.

 

We are probably more active than most. We're looking for good sex, and when it develops into friendship and repeat encounters, great. We're fortunate to have made lots of friends who we play with from time to time, as their availability and ours coincides. But we're also happy to play with new partners, both here in Raleigh and when we travel.

 

For less experienced swingers, we offer an unthreatening encounter. We also allow them the opportunity to ask questions about swinging, which we answer based on our experience. Folks who are more active or experienced than us don't turn us off at all.

 

However, we understand that some folks are looking for lifelong friends before they commit to any sexual encounter, and that's OK, too. All swingers need to play in the fashion that works for them.

[havefuninsun 122]

I wonder if some people say "we're not bed notchers" and mean "we're not 'ho's" -- meaning, they're careful, they're discreet, and they pick their playmates and not fuck anything moving.

 

Those who fuck and run scare me because of the disease factor -- are they being careful and making an informed decision? Not that an informed decision means disease free, but it might mean they're being a little picky with whom they're playing.

 

And, can't really say you're not a 'ho, cuz you kinda are if you're on that site -- LOL!!!

 

Love,

Ms.FunHo

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I wonder if some people say "we're not bed notchers" and mean "we're not 'ho's" -- meaning, they're careful, they're discreet, and they pick their playmates and not fuck anything moving.

 

I do think that's how many people mean it when they put it in their profiles... but it's obvious that's not how people READ it.

 

And at the same time, I have a feeling that many people who actually USE that verbage if you were to write them and ask what they mean by that, they'd probably take the attitude that if you are asking you probably are one.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We thought that the bed hoppers part were couples at a swing party that went in and out of rooms with different partners or a one night stand couple.

 

Post notcher were couples that you could say that you have been with.

 

A person would put this in their profile if they did not like others that behaved like this and was not willing to be added to the hopper's list of playmates.

[Playful1 434]

I tend to see it as them saying they look down on people who will play on a first meeting, or even play and not remember the person name the net day (if play was at a party). I admit, i have had one of those nights.

 

I also think this because most of the people I have met, who had this on their profile, indeed looked down on anyone who was not best friends with the people before they had sex, or who swung more than maybe once a month if that.

 

I generally see those words in a profile as a warning sign and proceed with caution. I'm in this to have fun. If i make friends out of people i have sex with thats great, but not needed.

[Ellyanne77 81]

You know we kind of had that "stay away from people that have a bajillion certs" kind of attitude. Then we got pounced on by a "multiple cert" couple at a party and it was the sexual experience of a lifetime for both of us. Now we look at couples that have a lot of experience totally different. They tend to be extremely sexually confident and very open to anything you have in mind. So in closing, we have a special place in our heart for bednotchers.

[cocpl2007 170]

The definitions of “Swinging” and “Poly” have been repeatedly explored here on various threads. There is that gray area between both that we see ourselves. The jargon “Bed Hoppers & Post Notchers” seems to be an attempt to put a negative spin on the mainstream swinger crowd. Many enjoy the variety (# of play partners), and seek that in their play partners, others who are in this equally for the variety, only within their less main stream desire for that variety to come within one other playmate/couple. Poly adds the “love” factor.

 

It has been our experience, like that alluded to by Julie, that those who post this in their profiles are just the ones who engage in the exact opposite.

[cubnamy1995 124]

I have a question. While we are selective, is it really so bad that we as swingers are out for variety? I kind of thought that was the point. When we first started we were all about the "friends first" thing until we did a couple of times, and decided that was stupid. Now, we really don't even have to like you all that much.

 

Seriously though, as I mentioned in one of our blogs, we are "experience collectors." What does that mean? We like to try things (and people) we've never done before. By some definitions, that would make us bed-hoppers. Then again, it's not like we are going to hit everything we see.

 

Yeah, many may think "we are not bed-hoppers" is like a teenage girl who doesn't want people to think she is easy. But we are easy. Why fight reality? If we like you and you like us, you will get laid if you so choose. If you liked it and we did too, it may happen again, and again, and again. But even if you or we didn't like it, it is nonetheless a new experience we didn't have before, therefore, it was a good time for us. Then the next man, woman, couple, or group comes along, and if we like them, we will hop right in with them too. Is that really so bad?

 

Men, how many of you are impressed that Wilt Chamberlain slept with over 1000 women in his lifetime? I know I am, and while I may never reach those kind of numbers, I'm damn sure gonna try. Why? Because when I look back at my life when I'm 80, I want to grin and say "Damn. That was fun."

 

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

You know we kind of had that "stay away from people that have a bajillion certs" kind of attitude. Then we got pounced on by a "multiple cert" couple at a party and it was the sexual experience of a lifetime for both of us. Now we look at couples that have a lot of experience totally different. They tend to be extremely sexually confident and very open to anything you have in mind. So in closing, we have a special place in our heart for bednotchers.

This observation has combined in my head with the "marketing meeting" thought that I just picked up from the "Lifestyle Quirks" thread. A couple of our acquaintance periodically culls their list of certifications such that the number stays around 20. And they do not simply knock off the oldest ones.

[iapr 24]

In the book "Doin' one for the Team," Simbaxxx stated that a lot of the terms of this nature in profiles are from people trying to deny that they are having sex with other people are trying to make themselves sound "less slutty."

It's their way of trying to rationalize and justify what they are doing and to make it sound like they have some kind of higher purpose.

 

 

Personally I think some of it is just newbie terms and they have preconcieved ideas that all swingers are a bunch of sex maniacs and they are trying to show that they are somehow "different." Since they are able to truly express themselves and their interests all that effectively yet they use labels like that.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

How many people do you have to sleep with to be considered slutty anyways?

[Ellyanne77 81]

This thread envoked some good conversation between my wife and I last night. She was talking about how when we play out of town it is always more exciting than playing in town. Don't know why it just is. She said when we started she felt she needed to have some sort of friendship with a couple prior to anything sexual. However as we have gotten deeper into this, she said she is really leaning more towards a "fuck em and forget em" type policy, as she finds it more exciting. If I had had a medal for greatest wife ever, I would have pinned it on her right there. Everyonce in awhile she really surprises me and I love that about her.

[sexcupid 809]

It's their way of trying to rationalize and justify what they are doing and to make it sound like they have some kind of higher purpose.

 

This is what I was thinking as I was re-reading this thread.

 

Not really the whole 'higher purpose' part...however, they may be justifying their actions with the 'friends first' comment. ie: 'The sex is just an extension of the friendship.' And that they feel they are more discriminating than the rest of us sluts that will play on a first meet. jk

[lustylearning 705]

 

However, we understand that some folks are looking for lifelong friends before they commit to any sexual encounter, and that's OK, too. All swingers need to play in the fashion that works for them.

 

 

I tend to agree with this. We're all looking for something, and some of us like it packaged in a particular way. Your preference may not be mine, and that's okay. When I see the words "no bed post notchers, friends first, no play on the first date," lumped together, I think to myself, this is a couple that requires some romancing, and that only if you're a good match. So if we meet these peeps, it's more likely to be on a bit by bit basis, at a club or at meet n greets - low pressure warmup:D

[WesternSwing 504]

So we see this a lot, the " we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms.

I think it is code for "friends first" or "we want to be in a quasi-poly situation but don't want to say it because the thought makes us uncomfortable."

[Tybee Swing 286]

So we see this a lot, the " we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms.

 

To me, these terms sound derogatory. The person saying these things may look down on swingers who may have sex on the first "date", and who are fairly casual about moving forward with sex.

 

I also feel that they're warning the reader ahead of time that they plan to proceed slowly, and need to consider all sorts of factors carefully before they decide to move forward. They may want to email for a length of time before even meeting for a drink. They may want to go out a few times before anything sexual happens. They probably are looking for "meaningful" sex (I remember a thread about that here), and friendship.

 

I would expect to see these terms on profiles where people meet couples one date at a time, rather than those who frequent on-premise clubs.

[Swing*8701 887]

Susan here-- I typically find that these people create a self imposed barrier to Play. The term 'bed hopper's or 'bed notcher's means they will not 'meet and mate' with people. I would guess that these people have never had a 'one night stand' and have only had sex within the context of an emotional bond. Therefore, for Swinging, they want to emulate the only sex play that they know, one that has some form of an emotional bond first.

 

Sometimes that barrier will come down, other times it will just create drama. When I had only monogamous relationships, I was pleased to find that after having casual sex with a friend that nothing bad happened. I kept having sex and nothing bad has ever happened be it 'meet and mate' or 'friends with benefits'. I tend to have really good radar, prequalify people with grownup questions and an smart about my sexual bahavior.

 

The toughest thing for some people, often women, is to say is that they just had great sex with someone they barely knew. I know the first time I let that happen for me it was a wonderful experience.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This thread envoked some good conversation between my wife and I last night. She was talking about how when we play out of town it is always more exciting than playing in town. Don't know why it just is. She said when we started she felt she needed to have some sort of friendship with a couple prior to anything sexual. However as we have gotten deeper into this, she said she is really leaning more towards a "fuck em and forget em" type policy, as she finds it more exciting. If I had had a medal for greatest wife ever, I would have pinned it on her right there. Everyonce in awhile she really surprises me and I love that about her.

 

I have found that I feel the same way. It is as though if we play with or meet people locally there is more pressure to "be friends" with them or develop something more than just sex. If we meet them in say Nashville, we might see them again at the club and we might even play again... but chances are they aren't going to be expecting to become buddies OR even necessarily to play every time we see each other. I realize this probably isn't a valid concern overall. But I do find that we are more into making friends with the locals and screwing when we are out of town.

[newblueyedcpl4u 15]

You have to think about what this really means. To us it is pretty simple. We like to do a meet and greet with most couples before we decide we are going to bed with them. We have been to meet and greets where it seems the guy is the arogant large and in charge type that just wants sex with whomever and it doesn't matter who or what. The wife ends up being the passive type that will do whatever hubby wants to keep him happy. That to us is a delima and we back away from those type individuals. We are a little older and more experienced in our lives and the thought comes to mind. Would I go out on a date with this individual if I was single? Is there a physical attraction to this individual or couple? There are times we meet people and walk away saying no way, and I am sure the same happens to us. That type individual is what I call a bednothcher or bedjumper. He will basically have sex with anyone that will do it. I am sure that is what these people are trying to say. If we meet you and we are not in some way compatable, then we are not going to have sex with you. Attitude is everything and the people we have been with are nice friendly folks that we enjoy being with and want to take it further. We also shy away from those who say they want to find one or two couples to be get together with and expect us to be loyal to them. This ends up hurting feelings also because when they see you in a club talking or with someone else they expect you to drop everything and be with them. It is a fine line and I think swinging is an enjoyment thing, and you need to enjoy being with the people you choose to swing with. We also shy away from people with multiple certs and no discredit to you folks that have them. We feel swinging is a once in a while getaway, not an obsession. We far more enjoy being with each other then with others. It is just a turn on now and then to see your partner with someone else and let them enjoy something a little different as you are doing, but... usually the best sex is between the two of you after the other couple leaves~~

[pervgeeks 119]

This is what I was thinking as I was re-reading this thread.

 

Not really the whole 'higher purpose' part...however, they may be justifying their actions with the 'friends first' comment. ie: 'The sex is just an extension of the friendship.' And that they feel they are more discriminating than the rest of us sluts that will play on a first meet. jk

 

We will definitely play on the first date and like variety, but we do like repeat playtimes too and often friendship can happen from that. I think after you've been with people once, you can begin to explore even more. We've evolved into friendships with people (we're friendly, personable people), but after the sex. We actually try to avoid the opposite. We're in this lifestyle for our sexual fantasies as a couple first (not to hold anyone's hand, "convince" them, or be their BFF ) and that works very well for us. If people we've had great sex with want to come back for more also (and we can have fun in other ways as well), all the better.

 

If someone has to go through any extremely long process, expecting some long "courtship" or feelings first, well, they probably aren't ready for this.

[des1re06 200]

Do you prefer to play locally or do you prefer to leave town to play?

 

We prefer to party out of town, simply because we don't have a club here.

 

We have our house parties here.

 

In revisiting the "bed hopper" question, consider this:

 

We're at a club where there is a large group bed, and couples are lined up. Someone yells out "switch" and everyone switches partners. You may not know anyone in the line, and suddenly you're being fucked by a stranger.

 

That's the sort of play we're not into (yet). We do play on the first date, and we don't want a commitment like poly. We do have friends, but that doesn't mean we must swap with them.

 

I'm glad we're discussing this topic, because it's making us rethink what these terms mean. We're not out to make others feel bad for the way they swap; to each his/her own. On the other hand, we feel we should be honest in our profile as to what we're looking for at this time.

 

 

Mrs. D

[LFM2 1,482]

Great Thread!!

 

This is often talked about between Dave and I. We love it that we're open enough to have sex on the first date. We don't have BBQ's with our swing friends, we don't have sleep overs. We know of many swingers that follow the same basic train of thought: Plain and simple, we have sex, which is fun, which was meant to be fun and that's it. I don't classify us as "bed post notchers" or "bed hoppers". It's just the way we are. We're spontaneous, excited and darnnit, we just love sex.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

'meet and mate'

I love it! You have inspired me.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I always veiwed bed notchers to be about quantity and not quality. When I would read "no bed notchers" in people's profiles I would believe them to be people who only play with those who they truly hit it off with and they don't take one for the team. I don't believe this leads into poly because I've had enough "one night stands" as a swinger that was total quality. A repeat adventure with the same couple would have been great but it just never happened for whatever reason.

 

So when I would read "no bed notchers" I would look for them to qualify that in their description to make sure they we looking for a truly exhilerating time and not a poly relationship. I was totally one who liked to make friends in the lifestyle to add to the excitement but for me I didn't see the point of swinging if I became exclusive.

[MikeandDawn 59]

Since we now only play MMF with a long term partner, I'd say anything that strays from that would be "bed hopping" for us.

[SCcpl40 74]

When meeting couples online or through swinger sites, the question has come up from time to time, "How long have you two been involved in the lifestyle?" We try to answer, for a while instead of the actual number, because the experience thing tends to drive away or scare new couples who are entertaining the thought about getting involved in the lifestyle away. We say in our profile that we're not professional swingers nor bed hoppers, but people tend to label. Do we swing on the first date? If we're attracted to the couple, yes. Do we make friendships through the lifestyle? Yes and we maintain them. Have we been with a couple only once? Several times, usually it's because the distance is too great to meet again after meeting up at a convention. I heard once that what people say about you behind your back, defines you to the world. There is no emotion through emails or profiles, just words, that's why we like to meet for dinner and drinks. We approach the lifestyle like dating, so for us a little romance, flirtation goes a long way. Will we meet a couple just for sex? Give us a shout and see.

[JandCMI 15]

I think the folks that do use that phrase...have been burned by a couple they thought they had hit it off with and ended up not hearing from again.

 

This.

 

We specifically state in our profile that we are most interested in "repeat performances" but, at the same time, aren't looking for exclusivity. It sucks getting ditched by people you thought you hit it off well with.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This.

 

We specifically state in our profile that we are most interested in "repeat performances" but, at the same time, aren't looking for exclusivity. It sucks getting ditched by people you thought you hit it off well with.

 

Haven't seen you guys in a while! missed that flying dog! Glad to see you back

[JandCMI 15]

Haven't seen you guys in a while! missed that flying dog! Glad to see you back

 

Thanks And to think I was thinking of getting rid of the dog. We are known by it now!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Thanks And to think I was thinking of getting rid of the dog. We are known by it now!

 

I've always thought icon was cool and cute. Gotta keep it!

[exploringRM 305]

I would not consider my wife and I post notchers trying to have sex as many people as we can. We do like to have a little more from our swing partners than "what was your name again?". On the other hand we have no problem meeting new people at a club or a party and playing right then if we all click. If it results in repeat encounters then that's great as it increases our opportunities over time, but if it doesn't we still had fun!

 

I did see a profile the other day that said their bedpost has been whittled down to a toothpick

[CXXC 435]

Mrs. CXXC and I are not bedpost notchers at all. We actively seek out people with whom we can share our minds AND bodies with on a regular basis. Unfortunately, we have yet to find that perfect couple for whom we search. Well, we have, SEVERAL times. They just live 3+ hours away and have just as busy schedules as we do!

[exploringRM 305]

Mrs. CXXC and I are not bedpost notchers at all. We actively seek out people with whom we can share our minds AND bodies with on a regular basis. Unfortunately, we have yet to find that perfect couple for whom we search. Well, we have, SEVERAL times. They just live 3+ hours away and have just as busy schedules as we do!

 

We have made a number of lifestyle friends in that manner (and even some where we don't play) and that is what we really enjoy. But the newness and variety is also an attraction/adventure for us.

[Ed & Bunny 160]

I really enjoy when someone drags back old posts that I missed. I read this one, talked to Bunny, and did some thinking about where we fit into this question as we considered putting the no bedpost notchers on our profile when we first started. There were alot of things said in all the previous post to think about.

 

For us it is not a judgement thing but more about what we seek in the lifestyle. Someone early on stated that they felt that people who said this were after a more poly lifestyle than a swinger one. I would agree to a point. From what I can see this whole lifestyle is a wide range with poly and pure swinging being the extreme ends. I think that we fall just a little into the poly side. We value friendship and connection in what we want in swinging partners. We dont have to have anything close to exclusive rightrs though. Never wanted it. Why call yourselves swingers if you want to be with only one couple. We dont even have to have the lived in type thing, just good friends. Even if by chance we did find a permanant serious love intrest we would still swing. As for those who could be considered bed hoppers or post notchers we have nothing against that. In searching online we may avoid those couples just because they are less likely to offer what we are searching for. Its not a judgement thing. Now at a club we might meet the same couple and if there is chemistry play in a heart beat. In the clubs for us it is less about finding that possible repeat performance couple and more about having fun and getting it on.

 

I dont know if what I said makes sense for the rest of you, but it works for us. Then again things are always changing in how we veiw the lifestyle (sorta how rules get made then dropped as time goes by) so next year none of this may apply.

[olycouple 62]

So we see this a lot, the " we aren't bed post notchers" or "we don't want bed hoppers". But what is it that TO YOU defines these terms.

 

I would say that our definition is couples that want to have sex without starting some sort of interpersonal relationship, AKA "friends. I surmise that some couples think friendship will make it easier. And, while some may be looking for a poly or pseudo-poly relationship, I think that a majority are just trying to justify being promiscuous (Mmmmm, promiscuity ((in my best Homer voice)) ) to themselves. Or they have inadequacy and/or security issues that they feel will be easier to deal with once they "get to know someone".

 

I had a hard time coming up with a definition because I don't quite get it. We are all here for the sex right? There was a time very early on in our swinging career that we had that "friends" thing in our profile. It took an extremely short amount of time (a month or two) to figure out that was FAIL. Our philosophy quickly became "Sex first, Friends last" as we already have friends and a limited amount of time to maintain a relationship with them. But, that is not to say that we aren't open to friendship, somehow we ended up with one really good set of friends though swinging. I am glad we have that relationship as it is full of spice and zip that other friendships don't have.

But,having a friendship with another couple that you have few boundaries with is a double edged sword. You constantly do an intricate dance of maintaining separation of the two worlds, Swinging/Vanilla. For us to try that with everyone we wanted to swing with, in my opinion, would be exhausting as we like newness and variety (although our bedpost is rather unscathed).

 

 

 

However, when I read those words in a profile, I don't reply to the profile because I'm afraid that those who actually include those phrases in their profiles are strictly looking for "friends first" or perhaps just aren't really ready to swing at all (kind of along the lines of those who put "no drama" in their profiles tend to be the ones bringing it).

 

Possibly its just a way some "mature" in the lifestyle as it was for us or for others it could be a "Monkeys Paw" and they don't know the consequences as a result of their wishes. In any case we tend to shy away from profiles that say that. We think that they will want more time than we can allocate them or they will be offended when we don't call after having gotten naked together. As has been said before too numerous times to count,the lifestyle is like dating. When I was dating, if I took a girl home it did not make her my girlfriend or even my friend; we went to whatever place to have sex. If we liked each other well enough we could do it again and if not, it was still sex and we parted ways. The possibility of something more could be there, however, the promise of it NEVER was. The women that wanted to get to know me first, I passed by as I wasn't there for that reason.

 

 

Here is to "Hoppin and Notchin" and "Hoppin and Notchin with friends"

Mr. Oly

[PB&J 1,086]

I think that a majority are just trying to justify being promiscuous (Mmmmm, promiscuity ((in my best Homer voice)) ) to themselves. Or they have inadequacy and/or security issues that they feel will be easier to deal with once they "get to know someone".

 

OR maybe they like having friends that they can share experiences with both in and out of bed, without it being poly or a way to justify fucking said people. We don't spend a lot of time getting to know people before playing the first time, but in several cases those swinging relationships have developed into real friendships (real friends help move freezers in their truck, right?). We're not poly, and we're not insecure. We just like these people as human beings as well as bodies. We prefer to play with friends, and in fact part of the chemistry of "would we want to fuck these people?" IS "could we see these people as friends?" We just don't wait for the friendship to develop and mature before we play.

[realcplub2 513]

We have to agree with that that has already been said.

 

Bed Bunnies, or post knotchers and why we arent into them is for the simple fact.. When we ENJOY the play and the playmates we are with.. and of course we would hope they enjoyed themselves as well.. we would hope a repeat, with less drama getting from point A to point B(ed) is in the cards.

 

Look there is already a thread, about sexual bucket lists, and we dont want to be part of one, rather we would hope we are the topics of much more steamier converations followed by.. lets get together with them again..

[Adam-n-Eve 223]

We haven't been into full swinging for too long, but we have always felt we should take things as they come. If we contact you or set up a date, it's because we want to have sex with you. We will play on the first date if we're comfortable. If we really like you, we're happy to be friends, but it's just not the goal for us.

 

It's the same attitude that I (Adam) had when dating. I was looking to sleep with the girl first. If I liked her, I ended up in a long-term relationship. If not, it was a short-term thing. I don't see any reason to approach swinging any other way.

 

Swing is about sex for us. The positive side-effect has been that we have become much more social and have met some really cool people.

[TheLorax 173]

I can only speak for my experiences here since Jen and Liz have had very little outside of our triad.

 

I wouldn't put that verbage in an ad, but I'm also not looking to have as many sexual experiences with as many people as I can. I have absolutely nothing against it, it's just not something I'm interested in. My attraction builds more on who someone is and that takes getting to know them some. It can also be killed when I encounter an aspect of someone's personality I find disagreeable.

 

I've been in sitations where I've had several new partners in short order and was unlikely to see them again. It was pleasurable, and ok. It wasn't my preference though. I like exploring people and getting to know their reactions and likes and dislikes and them discovering what I like and dislike. So I've always tended to have sex with the same people. At one point in my life I had six or seven regular sexual partners at the same time who were outside of my romantic relationship, and with some of them the sex was the primary basis of our friendship. With others the friendship led to the sex and while I may not have seen them in years, we'd still be fine with being sexual.

 

Does that mean that if someone I didn't know who wasn't just outright repugnant came up to me and started hitting on me and dragging me off to bed that I wouldn't go? Of course not. And I'd have fun. But it'd be far more fun for me if someone I'd known and liked for a while did the same thing and we were likely to do it again if the situation was right.