Is SLS a good site for single males?

[rpu3 630]

Intimacy is a unspoken bond between two people that care for each other. Can you tell me that you are going to care for each partner you boink? Well then I should state you might care but they may not.

 

Sure, I can care for all that I boink if I so choose. Care or intimacy, like most everything else in life, has a multitude of levels and depth. Personally, I'm not going to "boink" anyone unless I like the person/persons, and liking can have a component of care, and yes, even intimacy. I certainly care that I don't want any other party involved to have a bad time, etc.

 

It certainly isn't the same as what I have for my spouse, but no one relationship/friendship/boink opportunity is going to be the same as any other relationship/friendship/"boink" opportunity. This is my set of "standards", and I don't expect yours (yours being used in a general sense) to look the same; but I don't expect you to tell me what mine should be or label it something its not, or put negative connotations to it.

 

In the end, swinging to me/us is going to be different than every single one of you. People make their choices as to their activity and meet up based on those who are most compatible with their interests or even their basic mood at any given time. Seems somewhat fluid, and undefinable, and certainly not worth throwing expectations and labels and judgments on as to someone else's value system about it.

 

Just my thoughts in return.

[Dooode 18]

So my return volley question is - "Is there some sort of mental illness which causes single men to think they might bring something to the table which actually would intimaidate a married swinging man?"

That's pretty unfair, Spoo.

 

There are idiots in any field or activity--including swinging. And frankly, it doesn't really matter whether someone's married or not. If they have the wrong attitude or come across the wrong way, they're going to find themselves rejected by a couple or a single.

 

The role of the single male to a swinging couple is that they are an ENHANCEMENT to the already existing relationship. Any smart and experienced single male will understand that and know his boundaries. Typically, he is the husband's PARTNER in pleasing the wife (unless he's like me and he's bi, in which case he is capable of pleasing both simultaneously and is alternately partnered with both spouses).

 

Obviously the best course of action for a hetero single male is to develop that understanding and friendship with the husband so that they both can act accordingly for the wive's pleasure.

 

I'm sorry that you've had such bad experiences with single males, but not all of them are friggin' idiots.

[Spoomonkey 418]

Dooode said:

Any smart and experienced single male will understand that and know his boundaries.

 

Ah - but there are very few singles who fit the above description. And none of them are asking:

 

Taylor74 said:

Is their a level of sexual intimidation when other males want to sleep with your wife?

 

And as a retort that that question, I thought that my question was very fair...

[ShellyM 1]

Dooode said:

intimacy:

 

Yes, it is quite possible to care and be intimate with every person you boink.

 

We're not talking the spiritual bond between a husband and wife. Obviously that's a different level of commitment and a different level of intimacy. But there can still be an intimacy between swing partners, and even intimacy within groups.

 

THANK YOU!!

I always knew you were a genius, now its been proven to be true.

[Dooode 18]

Is their a level of sexual intimidation when other males want to sleep with your wife?

IMO, any married man who allows himself to be intimidated by some single guy who's haughty enough to force himself into a relationship needs to have his head examined.

[Spoomonkey 418]

Dooode said:

IMO, any married man who allows himself to be intimidated by some single guy who's haughty enough to force himself into a relationship needs to have his head examined.

 

And any married male who would allow a single male to "force himself" into the relationship needs to have his testosterone levels tested

 

PS - I completely agree with your "partners for her pleasure" idea.

[ShellyM 1]

I have to say in regards to single males I am kind of biased due to the fact that we have had bad experiences. Now, I will say that most have been respectful and very polite. But then we have come across the ones that kind of assume that because we are women in swinging marriages we are free ass...they don't even have to impress us is how I think some see it, just a free piece of ass. And from what I have seen, married swinging women are as picky (if not MORE, because we have great sex at home) as single women. I know some went to last month's camp out, and they were pretty disappointed to find that we didn't just jump into their sleeping bags shouting "TAKE ME!" lol.

 

And then, of course, there are the leave the husband at home gents as well.

 

But I am one of those that believes with my heart that there are good men out there! I'm holding onto that belief lol.

[Taylor74 28]

Spoomonkey said:

It is hard to be particularly intimidated by that sort of failure rate...

 

So my return volley question is - "Is there some sort of mental illness which causes single men to think they might bring something to the table which actually would intimidate a married swinging man?"

 

I will say this - guys who have that "I am going to do your wife a favor" mentality really don't get past dinner with us. It has been our unfailing observation that guys like this are pathetic in the sack and not really worth the time it takes to wash the sheets.

 

When I referred to 'intimidation', I wasn't implying the use of the male sexual organ. I was referring to the act of a married man turning his beloved wife over to a total stranger(man). It's obvious that single men don't necessarily possess a sexual prowess greater than married men. Because after all, we're all men. This would have to be judged on an individual basis. I just felt that married men are less willing to allow their wives to explore their own sexual desires with other men. However, married men are very willing to include a single female. That's what I meant.

[Spoomonkey 418]

Taylor74 said:

I was referring to the act of a married man turning his beloved wife over to a total stranger(man).

 

For those of us who play with couples, this is a moot question...

 

Mrs Spoomonkey plays with other men (some we have just met the night we all play) so it is tough to say that not including single men may be a sign of intimidation.

 

We do - on a very limited, very picky basis - include single men. But the couples who don't ARE including other men. They just happen to be married.

 

As for including single women - more women than men in the lifestyle are bi - and single women are rather rare. It makes more sense based on supply and demand - and the tastes of the couple.

 

A single male is for her - a single woman is for us.

 

I don't think it has anything to do with intimidation on any level.

[lost_j1 5]

Well, from my standpoint of the single male is not so hot. Not saying that I wouldn't allow one, but everyone that I have communicated with on SLS is full of crap.

 

Let's see, there was the one who had about 5 different names and was chatting to us and a friend use both different names to each of us. The countless two line reply with the cock picture they attached.

 

Then there was the one who wanted to pick up my wife and said I could tag along if I wanted to. He is the same one who was out inviting people to a jack -n- jill party. Then emails my wife and says that he will cancel the party if she only wants to come down and play alone.

 

The latest one SLS video chats with me and from jump the only thing he talks about is what to say to get in my wife's pants. Like I was going to just let him have is way and tell him her turn on's.

 

To me all the past dealings have come up short with single men. To say that the single women are more preferred, well, let's see. We have been chatting with two of them. They can hold conversations without bringing up what kind of package they have. Which is the fastest way to get in bed and not trying to pick up just one in our couple. Heck we been talking for while and sex never really came up that much to say.

 

Compared to what I have seen and talked with from the single male I would rather just stay couple's only. Not to say I would like to have a MFM, but don't want to put up the head games from what I have seen so far.

 

Shelly says we are each others gate keepers to sex, you have to get a pass from the gate keeper to play. So why try and go around the gatekeeper and jump the fence? Because the BIG dog is waiting for you in the yard for those who don't pass through the gate.

[rpu3 630]

When I referred to 'intimidation', I wasn't implying the use of the male sexual organ. I was referring to the act of a married man turning his beloved wife over to a total stranger(man).

 

Clearly, my spouse and I don't fit into your described paradigm, as he doesn't have an issue with MFMs, but it doesn't stop me from reading the thread.

 

I do have to comment over the "turning his beloved wife over" statement. I get snarky when I see statements like that because I, as the wife and an individual in her own right, am not a possession to be turned over by any man, spouse or not. It is a matter of sharing in which all three make a decision to get together. But it sure ain't the spousal unit deciding to turn me over.

 

Rebecca

[Taylor74 28]

rpu3 said:

Clearly, my spouse and I don't fit into your described paradigm, as he doesn't have an issue with MFMs, but it doesn't stop me from reading the thread.

 

I do have to comment over the "turning his beloved wife over" statement. I get snarky when I see statements like that because I, as the wife and an individual in her own right, am not a possession to be turned over by any man, spouse or not. It is a matter of sharing in which all three make a decision to get together. But it sure ain't the spousal unit deciding to turn me over.

 

Rebecca

 

Sorry. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I was more or less speaking in terms of the traditional sense of a male/female relationship. i.e "the protector", "the provider"...I know that these old dynamics between men and women have since changed tremendously.

[rpu3 630]

Sorry. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I was more or less speaking in terms of the traditional sense of a male/female relationship. i.e "the protector", "the provider"...I know that these old dynamics between men and women have since changed tremendously.

 

The dynamics certainly have changed, and a good swinging relationship has the woman as an equal participant and decision maker. The old dynamic does not apply for those in a healthy relationship. I'd like to think that both of us would be willing to protect the other, and do on a regular basis as needed.

[gatorvol64 216]

ShellyM said:

I have to say in regards to single males I am kind of biased due to the fact that we have had bad experiences.

And I am biased the other way...ours have been really great. We've had a couple of men contact us that could have become a problem. We are very selective (as I assume you are) but we are the same way with couples. They have all worked as partners with my husband. I guess I can't explain the differences in our experiences but I will tell you to not give up hope.

 

 

Taylor74 said:

I just felt that married men are less willing to allow their wives to explore their own sexualdesires with other men. However, married men are very willing to include a single female.

No, I might have thought this once because we seem to be the minority, but have learned most include the single female because the wife wants that.

 

 

rpu3 said:

Clearly, my spouse and I don't fit into your described paradigm, as he doesn't have an issue with MFMs, but it doesn't stop me from reading the thread.

 

I do have to comment over the "turning his beloved wife over" statement. I get snarky when I see statements like that because I, as the wife and an individual in her own right, am not a possession to be turned over by any man, spouse or not. It is a matter of sharing in which all three make a decision to get together. But it sure ain't the spousal unit deciding to turn me over.

 

Rebecca

 

I agree. A matter of sharing, yes.

 

Vol

[Spoomonkey 418]

rpu3 said:

The dynamics certainly have changed, and a good swinging relationship has the woman as an equal participant and decision maker.

 

Exactly - and what a lot of singles don't realize is that when they are "turned down" it is often the wife's decision to do so. Yes - the decision is often mutual - but I always ask "what do you think?" before putting in my two cents on a would-be single.

 

I have yet to evoke the "veto rule" with singles. In fact, it is Mrs Spoo who has turned down ones that I have felt would make good playmates (based on attitudes and us getting along over pool or something).

 

I'd be interested to know how often it actually does come down to a husband being "intimidated". I'll bet it is rather rare. I am thinking, though, that believing this makes the "up hill climb" of swinging more tolerable for single men.

 

"They don't want me because I am intimidating."

 

I wonder if they think this in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice... That'd be funny...

 

I think it would be deflating if they realized how often they are actually rejected 100% by the wife.

[ShellyM 1]

Spoo,

that's so true lol! Women are some picky people. I read a profile that made me laugh. It said "she likes this....hes a guy. She likes that...hes a guy. She prefers this...hes a guy"

 

lol and that's true. When a couple emails us, or if we are at the club Jay looks at me. Well actually, after 15 years of living with my picky ass he usually knows if I will like the guy or not lol, so if he sees a particularly interesting one he will call it to my attention....99.9% of the time he is dead on.

 

But yeah. Jay has vetoed couples, but usually he vetoes because the lady is not comfortable with herself, or we sense jealousy issues, things like that.

[rpu3 630]

Spoomonkey said:

Exactly - and what a lot of singles don't realize is that when they are "turned down" it is often the wife's decision to do so. Yes - the decision is often mutual - but I always ask "what do you think?" before putting in my two cents on a would-be single.

 

I have yet to evoke the "veto rule" with singles. In fact, it is Mrs Spoo who has turned down ones that I have felt would make good playmates (based on attitudes and us getting along over pool or something).

...

I think it would be deflating if they realized how often they are actually rejected 100% by the wife.

 

Spoo - thanks for describing exactly what occurs on our side of town! It sure isn't the spousal unit rejecting all of the single men who approach or write. It's 100% me so far (as to single men), and occasionally my decision leaves him scratching his head, but fully accepting my decision.

[Jeok 3]

As someone who had been half of a swinging couple, now single widower, I don't recommend joining any site. I've been on SLS since Feb 06 and haven't had many hits by anyone except single males posing as a couple or just guys trolling for guys. I would love to find a lady with whom I could become very intimate, even consider a more permanent relationship, and so state in my profile. But, lo, where are any of these ladies open to potential swinging partnerships? There doesn't seem to be any on any site, so far as I can see.

 

The Vanilla scene is better to pick up women, but I have yet to find any ladies there who do not RUN when I bring up the subject. I do not really care to just "FUCK" anyone...And there's plenty of sex out here to buy...and do not even consider sex with Vanilla partners until I do tell them I am "A Swinger" and that would be MY goal should we go to the next level. I just love to party naked . Needless to say, all my Vanilla relationships have not been fruitful because of this truthfulness.

 

So, any suggestions from anyone here where a single, retired, swinging, widower, male would find that special lady Unicorn? We really loved the lifestyle and had at least a dozen encounters per year and I lost and miss most of the swinging friendships we had together. I do not care being in between or interfering in another couples relationship, either...so it's Catch 22.

 

We weren't as discriminatory in the 70s, 80s or 90s before the Internet. We bought Swinger's Gazette & News and took the time and costs to take our Polaroids and mail out SASEs and the lifestyle wasn't such a circus it seems to be today.

 

Granted, the Internet is so much easier, but it doesn't seem faster. Too many shoppers and really not many who are really as open-minded as then. So much for this Swinger's humble opinion. Keep The Faith.

[TNT 1,155]

Spoomonkey said:

I will say this - guys who have that "I am going to do your wife a favor" mentality really don't get past dinner with us. It has been our unfailing observation that guys like this are pathetic in the sack and not really worth the time it takes to wash the sheets.

 

Oh, I don't know Spoo...we've had fun with guys like this before ....sometimes it's fun to show them how wrong they are in their thinking.

 

 

Taylor74 said:

I honestly believe that hubbies convince their wives that single men are a "no no". To the contrary, single women always seem to be a "go" with couples. Is this practice just another case of male hypocrisy? Question for the guys: Is their a level of sexual intimidation when other males want to sleep with your wife?

 

In our experience and opinion...yes, some men are intimidated by their wife having sex with other men. Those who don't play with single men but play with couples and single women...the husband has some type of problem with his wife having the attention of two men when he himself is not getting the attention he feels he deserves (he doesn't have any strange pussy).

 

With couples that do play with single men as well as couples and single women, we also agree (as others have posted) that it's usually the woman who will give the no to playing with a certain single man.

 

For us, we play with couples, single men and single women ...I can't ever remember Ted saying "no" to any single man I wanted to play with.

 

Teresa

[Spoomonkey 418]

Taylor74 said:

Sorry. I didn't mean to offend anyone.

 

Taylor

 

After sitting with my response for a day, I do want to say that I do not think you intended to offend anyone. I stand behind the substance of my response - if not the tone of it. One of the best things a single guy can learn is that the couples that they are likely to meet have a sex life that is full to overflowing - onto some very lucky folks

 

However, I was a bit harsh and was wrong to be that way. I apologize and hope that you will stick around, read a lot and become the kind of quality single guy that a lot of us are looking for.

[ShellyM 1]

Taylor,

you didn't offend me at all. One of the beauties of this board is the fact that we can get together and tell it straight without everyone getting upset. You have absolutely every right to your opinion! I sometimes lose it lol, but you always have every right to your opinion. So, don't ever apologize for anything when you meant what you said. If you said something and later decided "you know what? I said something that was really jacked up and wrong" then yeah, apologize. But if you said what you meant, and you meant what you said, then stand by what you said.

[Taylor74 28]

Spoomonkey said:

Taylor

 

After sitting with my response for a day, I do want to say that I do not think you intended to offend anyone. I stand behind the substance of my response - if not the tone of it. One of the best things a single guy can learn is that the couples that they are likely to meet have a sex life that is full to overflowing - onto some very lucky folks

 

However, I was a bit harsh and was wrong to be that way. I apologize and hope that you will stick around, read a lot and become the kind of quality single guy that a lot of us are looking for.

 

You know what, spoo? I really didn't take your comments that way. I invite everyone to express their opinions. I appreciate your gesture of kindness. Thanks.

[Taylor74 28]

ShellyM said:

Taylor,

you didn't offend me at all. One of the beauties of this board is the fact that we can get together and tell it straight without everyone getting upset. You have absolutely every right to your opinion! I sometimes lose it lol, but you always have every right to your opinion. So, don't ever apologize for anything when you meant what you said. If you said something and later decided "you know what? I said something that was really jacked up and wrong" then yeah, apologize. But if you said what you meant, and you meant what you said, then stand by what you said.

 

Likewise. My sentiments exactly.

[Hotlatinrod 0]

Sls used to be a great site for single gentlemen to interact with single ladies and couples but a few years ago I noticed  this change in attitude towards single men on the site like they are pests or talked down to like children by couples. And the whole bbc thing makes any other color besides black an automatic no or worse no reply at all. Time singles and couples who want them find another site sls is definitely not the place it once was and that is a fact.

Edited September 3, 2022 by Hotlatinrod
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