Is SLS a good site for single males?

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

My thoughts:

 

Being a Swinger(s) is a mindset. It is knowing your role in that evenings production and having compassion for your partner(s) and the processes they went through to get to the present moment AND ACTING APPROPRIATELY

 

It is not about your relationship status, gender or sexual preference. Anyone can achieve "Swinger" status, few do...

[TNT 1,155]

I had a long post typed out...then I thought...why bother? This is an old debate and most on here know our thoughts/feelings on it.

 

Our definition of a swinger has nothing to do with marital status...never has and never will.

 

We've seen many couples who profess to being swingers that really have no clue ...we've seen many singles (male and female) who also consider themselves swingers and again, they have no clue. Even in couples we've seen one half "get it" and the other not...so to us, being married does not mean you automatically "get it".

 

It all comes down to an individual/personal attitude/mindset and it has nothing to do with whether your single or in a committed relationship at all, in our opinion.

 

Teresa

[Tia Vampire 167]

Rocky, sorry you feel like your getting a lot of negative feed back but I feel a lot like tnt, I don't care if you are single or a couple because we are all looking for some kind of excitement.

 

One thing I do have to point out is that when you get single guys in the clubs, you don't know if they are there to cheat on their wives or if they are just there for the pussy. The women there are not whores, but there to fulfill a fantasy and I think that some single guys forget that. It takes a lot of thought and love to let your girlfriend or wife lay down with another man and enjoy it.

 

At first I didn't want to see my fiance fuck another woman and watch her enjoy my man the way that I do. After seeing it, it turned me on because I felt the power my man had in his dick to knock a bitch off of her feet (sorry ladies, I should not refer to ladies as bitches, but you know what I mean).

 

If I could go back about 18 years, I would be a single female swinger too.

[Dooode 18]

Tia Vampire said:

One thing I do have to point out is that when you get single guys in the clubs, you don't know if they are there to cheat on their wives or if they are just there for the pussy. The women there are not whores, but there to fulfill a fantasy and I think that some single guys forget that.

True. So true. Single men stalk swinger clubs like a lot of vultures waiting for a victim to fall. The common term is "towel shark".

 

I NEVER go to a club as a single. I would just hate it. I always bring a date, either a single lady or a couple as my date. Some clubs require that another couple vouch for the single. That way the couple is held accountable for the single should he step out of line.

 

There are two problems with singles at clubs, other than "towel sharks", as I mentioned above:

 

The first being is that it is outrageously overpriced for single men, and the second being that BECAUSE it is overpriced for single men, they don't have the patience to create relationships with couples who attend. A weekly attendance can easily rack up a monthly bill of several hundred dollars! So the pressure ends up being to MAKE something happen else it becomes a waste of money.

 

Of course it's the wrong viewpoint. But I can see how the viewpoint can exist nevertheless.

[Tia Vampire 167]

I thought that would make Rocky feel better and see why we feel about singles the way that we do. Nothing against singles, but they should be more respectful.

[Kycouple4fun 15]

We had a profile up on SLS a while back, and many of the single guys there were just plain rude and disrepectfull. I think that this is the problem. That a vocal minority (IMO) has ruined it for alot of decent men out there. In all honesty I think they come into the idea with "Gurl is some slut who aint getting it from her guy and I can gives it if I lies about my cock."

 

Sorry couldn't resist devolved netspeak there.

 

But seriously we said in our profile we would like to experence an MFM and within a week we had 20 responces all similar to this: "I lik fuk U wit BIG DIK and make U cum much, ir me at *insert im address* R u hot?"

 

I mean its no wonder so many couples get a negitive vibe from single males right off the bat. Thankfully we haven't yet (and are working on our SLS profile to reflect that) but there are plenty of Dumb males who act this way that ruin it for thoughtfull guys. I think this is why the barriers keep mounting for single guys myself.

 

Just some thoughts really, hope I didn't offend.

[ShellyM 0]

Kycouple4fun said:

We had a profile up on SLS a while back, and many of the single guys there were just plain rude and disrespectful. I think that this is the problem. That a vocal minority (IMO) has ruined it for a lot of decent men out there. In all honesty I think they come into the idea with "Gurl is some slut who aint getting it from her guy and I can gives it if I lies about my cock."

 

But seriously we said in our profile we would like to experience an MFM and within a week we had 20 responses all similar to this: "I lik fuk U wit BIG DIK and make U cum much, ir me at *insert im address* R u hot?"

 

I know! They seem to think that we are unpaid prostitutes I think. I was talking to a single man a while back, and he actually had my attention. I was honestly kind of wondering why a man as good looking as he is was trying to pick up swinging women though, he can go to any bar and pick up a woman. Anyways, like I said, he definitely had my attention.

 

So, he emails me 2 pics of himself. And they are pics of his penis, which annoyed me from jump. Okay single gents, let me give you a hint: We women KNOW you have a penis! I have given birth to 2 males, I know that men have a penis! I don't need to see a pic of you rubbing it lol. So, no facial pics, and the ones I had seen were dark. What sealed the deal though was what he wrote next to the pics. We had been talking for a while, and he was very polite albeit kind of aggressive. So, he sends me the pics and writes "how would you like to suck this cock?" That was it for me lol.

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

I just deleted our profile on adult friend finder because of the single male issue. This weeks messages, all from single males dispite the profile saying "no single males" included one fine upstanding fellow who wrote that he wanted to "fuck her till she can't walk" and graciously allowed that "If you really want your husband can watch."

TROLLS, NOTHING BUT TROLLS!

[ShellyM 0]

I just deleted our profile on adult friend finder because of the single male issue. This weeks messages, all from single males dispite the profile saying "no single males" included one fine upstanding fellow who wrote that he wanted to "fuck her till she can't walk" and graciously allowed that "If you really want your husband can watch."

TROLLS, NOTHING BUT TROLLS!

 

Yeah, thats uncalled for. SLS has the ability to block single males, which is what we choose to do at this time...not that I have anything against single men. Heck, I married a single man! But they are an annoyance in regards to our swinging life.

[Dooode 18]

Yeah, thats uncalled for. SLS has the ability to block single males, which is what we choose to do at this time...

Absolutely. Blocking single males would definately cut a lot of noise from the email traffic. I can't blame most couples for doing so. I've been on SLS for a couple of years, SDC before that for 4 years. I KNOW the aggravation most couples have to go through.

 

Personally, I don't write people. I wait for them to write me.

 

I create a complete profile that says damn-near everything that I am about. It's not some 2 or 3 lines of "I love sex" or some nonsense like that. It actually lists all that I enjoy, what my basic rules are, what my fantasies are, who I am as an individual, what kind of people I'd like to meet.

 

JUST BY SITTING THERE AND DOING NOTHING, people will write. I receive emails just to compliment me on my profile, but people also write because they are intrigued. Many become contacts that lead to dates.

 

Listen guys: You want to attract a couple? You want to make friends in the Lifestyle? Don't present yourself as some raunchy dickhead who's only out to get his wick wet. Present yourself as an interesting, fun and sane person and others will draw themselves to you.

[Amanda69 24]

Dooode you write well and present as having a good head on your shoulders. I like your thoughts on singles in the lifestyle and sincerely hope that men reading the post take the advice to heart.

 

Respect breeds respect. There is no reason to treat people in the lifestyle any differently than you would your mother when it comes to basic respect and manners when first contacting.

 

I guess there are people out there who whether in email, posts or in person will simply never get why others do not respond positively to their advances. Maybe they just watch too much bad porn and believe all the stereotypes.

[slowluvr65 16]

It all comes down to an individual/personal attitude/mindset and it has nothing to do with whether your single or in a committed relationship at all, in our opinion.

 

Thank you. Finally it was expressed in a nice package. This is the positive attitude I wish people would adopt.

 

I hate to reduce it to "rap" slang but it seems to fit. For all the open and accepting types of people swingers proclaim to be, there is too much hating going on. Worse yet, it is hating based on categories or specifically marital status.

 

All this crap about the folks who do not want swingles to use the word "swinger" to describe themselves is really that you do not want us in your "lifestyle" or most particularly in your meetings and clubs. And that exclusion is entirely based on our status. Simply put, if you don't want to play with me, don't. I don't want to bother you either, and I won't. I do wish for the opportunity to meet a couple, a female, a group who DOES want to play with me.

 

There may be other single males who have offended you. Excess Testosterone will get you disqualified from the Tour de France and will take away your World Record, but utimately it won't make you popular. Test my A and B samples, if I'm an asshole then I deserve to be criticized for something I have done. Until I have done something offensive, don't include me in that wide brush.

[Dooode 18]

That was sweet, Amanda! Thank you. *kisses*

[RaysWays 31]

Dooode, how many of your contacts come to you because you are a bi-m? Those aren't too common, so you aren't just another single male.

[Amanda69 24]

For all the open and accepting types of people swingers proclaim to be, there is too much hating going on.

 

Hating, hating? Who hates who (or is that whom?) Just because couples (aka swingers) choose not to play with single males and in their opinion do not call them swingers doesn't make them people who hate.

 

As a single you can call yourself what you want just realize that there are many swingers who will not play with you and who don't consider you a swinger.

 

Having been a single in the lifestyle for many years myself I am not sure why there is even a push by singles to have this label? Is it because you want to legitimize having sex with multiple partners? Do you want to be part of a percieved "cool group"? Hey I was just happy I found an even wider variety of sexual partners as a single.

 

I was introduced to swinging as something that is done as a couple. Something that the "couple" has decided to add to their "relationship" to enhance it. I still believe that is what it is all about.

 

Adding a toy (single/swingle) can be a fun addition if that is what the "couple" wish to do. Part of being a single in this lifestyle is accepting that you are not always wanted or required....we are superfulous to the requirements....but when they are looking for a toy we are pulled out of the drawer to enjoy...

[Dooode 18]

Dooode, how many of your contacts come to you because you are a bi-m? Those aren't too common, so you aren't just another single male.

Well first you have to understand that I live in a very liberal area. Consider a 35-mile spread from downtown Clearwater: 4 nudist resorts, 3 swing clubs, a multitude of adult shops/theatres and strip bars, 2 gay baths, a smattering of gay bars and dance clubs, a gay resort, three leather bars, a bukkake club, a masturbation club, two BDSM groups (that I know of) ... and that's off the top of my head.

 

The densest period of swing meetings for me is springtime. Generally in the spring, it's 2 meetings a month. One three-week period this spring had me meeting with 3 couples and two house parties. Summers, I might have one or two meetings. Fall ends up being half a dozen meetings. Wintertime is almost nothing, maybe one, esp. during the Thanksgiving/Xmas season. I generally go to 6 house parties a year.

 

I consider it a fair success rate for a single bi-male. But understand that I've built my reputation as a swinger while many years in the lifestyle. It didn't happen overnight. It took meeting a lot of people, going to meet & greets, parties, and getting people to know me ... and I them.

 

People who know me know I care about them, regardless that it's a one-night meeting or several meetings. It's the difference between swinging for yourself and swinging because you enjoy people and the lifestyle.

 

Those who don't consider me a swinger I'd never end up meeting, so it doesn't affect me.

[UCONN Keith 15]

As a man that has participated "swinging" activities as both a member of a couple and as an individual practitioner ( ), I think there is a lot more to the tendency to shy away from the inclusion of single/individual males than we have yet discussed.

 

Overall, regardless of your philosophical stance within the swinging world (whether you tend to be more Polyamorous or openly Hedonistic), there are some basics that are universally accepted by all: Respectfulness, attraction, compatibility, a common desire for mutually enjoyable and agreed upon sexual interaction, as well as adhering to pre-established and agreed upon boundaries.

 

Can a single male - or female, for that matter - meet the generalized expectations set forth? Yes, I think they can. It would seemingly depend more upon that individual's personality, character and behavior than their overall relationship status.

 

NOW, why - lets ponder - would single men be excluded? Let's think a minute about sexual orientation listed upon the profiles of the couples browse.

More often than not, the male partner is typically listed a "straight" and maybe - just maybe - "Bi-Curious". It is the very rare male of a couple that posts that he is openly "Bi-Sexual" within a couples profile. Now, lets consider the wife or females listing of orientation. More often than not, she is openly listed as being "Bi-Sexual" and/or "Bi-Curious". Few of the women's listings actually note their preference as "Heterosexual", do they?

 

When we consider this phenomena, doesn't it begin to make sense that what we are actually seeing, with regard to the inclusion of the single/solo male within "swinging" is actually more related to the ability of the two men in a meeting - the wife's husband and the new sexual partner - to accept each other's presence without including another females to "balance out" and/or preclude any possible notion of "Gay" activity? Sort of like a small, underlying form of "homophobia", if you would

 

How many ladies - in all honesty - who love to swing would not want to be the center of attention for two eager, willing and capable men? How many husbands, who not participate with the additional male (even in a "couples" scenario), haven't actually enjoyed looking over as he had sex with the other lady and actually found he enjoyed watching his loved one being pleased by another man? Hmmmmmmm.

 

Now, the other issue may be one of a gender-based, socio-educationally based nature ! That would be the way men are, in general...

 

As a man, I can assure you that we all - regardless of our intent or manner by which we have since learned to act - have all been guilty of sophomoric, lecherous behaviors. It's true! Our biologically driven need to have sex, when coupled with our generally more aggressive and confrontational, testosterone driven ways, has made the majority of us do, say, or think something pretty "stupid" and/or socially unacceptable in regard to sex! (There, I said it! The truth is OUT of the bag now. There's no going back. The He Man's Union will black-ball me for sure.......)

 

So, even if the solo/single man has the best intentions, he often finds that he has posted a comment/profile that isn't that appealing to a swinging couple. Add to this, the male gender's sometime evident fear of expressing their emotions (I.e. "Real men don't cry", or even eat quiche for that matter! So I am told) and we get short, monosyllabic postings and profiles that - like most guys - cut straight to the chase; "Let's Fuck!".

 

Yes, such posting ARE crass, uninformative and leave the reader feeling more like a vibrator - in need of a new C battery - than an interesting, alluring, attractive, sexual and sensual being.

 

Do all such men, who post such statements, lack the ability to communicate? DO all such men what only to perform a sexual "hit and run" in order to obtain their addictive, sexual "fixes"? I'm sure not all do....... Many may simply be too self-conscious about the possibility of expressing themselves.

 

As for the single man being "Gay" or "Bi-Sexual", do you really think that this is the case? If it were, I can assure you (as someone who practices within the psychiatric/medical field) that they could MUCH more easily find willing partners at the numerous Gay sites, rest areas (yes, this is a HUGE place for Gays to meet up!), or the many Gay establishments in most mid-size to large cities (which, by the way, FAR out number the total number of existing swinging clubs).....

 

So, even if you "don't mean to rant", feel free! Go ahead! Express yourself! It is, at least, proving that men ARE CAPABLE of doing so and can express personal convictions with regard to swinging - and all things related to such - without being a member of a participating couple.....

 

As a "straight" male however, I'm sticking with the "Swinging Related Homophobia" theory myself!!!!!

 

Thanks for the great comments and discussion everyone... I enjoyed it greatly!

[gatorvol64 216]

TNT said:

It all comes down to an individual/personal attitude/mindset and it has nothing to do with whether your single or in a committed relationship at all, in our opinion.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

I guess we have to be the exception to the rule. MFM threesomes has been about it for is so far and we've meet them all on ad sites. We are slow in getting to know them, yes, but listening to everyone here, we must be a lucky couple. So, maybe I need to send out thank you's to our friends (which we still see).

 

Vol

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Ok, after I got divorced I made a couple of attempts to swing as a single female. I ended up choosing not to simply because I got treated by couples the same way that many couples here are complaining of getting treated by single men.

 

So, having been a "swinger" by everyone's agreed on definition when I was with my ex husband. Had I continued to actively pursue swinging on my own would I have still been a swinger? If I was a swinger before, but then became single and continued to swing, would I still be a swinger? Or would I lose my swinger status and be just a "toy".

 

This is a question I've contemplated for the last 3 years. For purposes of this site I have never clearly defined a "swinger", however I have always clearly defined swinging as something that requires at least one couple for it to take place.

[Taylor74 28]

Hi...I was just wondering if becoming a paying member of SLS is a good idea for a male who has interests in meeting a couple? I've been to swing clubs in the past so I am familiar with this lifestyle, however, I'm more interested in dealing with a couple exclusively and or a couple who wants to maintain some level of privacy and/or discretion. Also, I'm longing for a couple that is honest, open-minded and mature (in age and attitude). I'm 31 but really enjoy the company of older women.

 

Thanks in advance.

[ShellyM 0]

I'm a paid member of SLS, and I'll be honest with you. Most people I have met, along with us, have single men blocked. Usually from my understanding what couples will do is when they are interested they go through the "library" so to speak of single men, pick the ones they like and contact from there. But in all honesty, most couples will keep a block on single men. Now, I may be wrong.

[Spoomonkey 421]

We accept PMs from single men - but we seem to be the exception. I am sure there are couples - like us - who may have some interest (we have a little, and after being there a while, that interest is waning), but it is going to be a tough row to hoe for a single.

 

But - if you are a good guy - and decent guy - one opportunity and the good word will spread

[Dooode 18]

Well I've been a single on SLS for the past two years and for me, that site's been the best for contacts. And I've been on more than a few.

 

I've found the key is to create a strong and honest profile and to participate in features such as their forums -- which allows other couples to get to know you and your attitudes better without infringing on their lives. As a result, I don't bother emailing others, they email me their interests ... even those with the single male block up (then I have to ask them to take down the block so that I can look at their profile for common interests )

 

I have found too much trolling is done on Swappernet, and I question their business practices. Out of two memberships I've had there, I dumped both.

[Taylor74 28]

I think that the internet in general is a playground for pervs and/or people with a misguided agenda. It's really hard (no pun intended) for people who are interested in this lifestyle to trust people they can't see, initially. Conversing over the net can be frustrating and a waste of time. I really enjoyed my short stay in Ohio, because the swinging lifestyle was so popular, i.e venues, parties,etc. I think i'll start networking with local groups and/or attending meet-to-greets, thereby allowing myself to meet others face-to-face in social settings.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Dooode said:

Well I've been a single on SLS for the past two years and for me, that site's been the best for contacts. And I've been on more than a few.

 

Dooode makes a good point, perhaps indirectly. The different ad sites really are stronger and weaker based on locale.

 

Since SLS is based in Florida, as Dooode points out, it may be much stronger down there.

[NJCouple 16]

I think SLS is probably a good site, because it discourages single males and only the ones really into the lifestyle stick with it. I like to read posts placed by single males as a way to get a feel for who they are, so that is a great suggestion regardless of the site. I also like the chat feature that can be used even before sharing im info etc. I have found that the men on SLS are the most polite in both sending queries and receiving rejections. We started swinging with a few MFM threesomes and have moved on to couples, but I am sure we will occasionally do MFM's in the future as it is very different then swapping. I do enjoy it and hubby likes to see me happy. ? I do not block single males, but have posted that I am not looking right now and the majority of guys respect that. Those that do not will never be considered.

 

There is some great advice for single males on this board. I'm sure if you read them and follow them, you will be successful on any of the better sites.

 

mrs. njcouple

[Rocky146 15]

Yes sometimes I feel just sad that I can not break into the scene. I am not one of those bad boy types that a lot of women goes in for and I would think those type of men would have much better luck then I. I am a man that respects the wishes of others and understand the meaning of "no" but sometimes I just get so disheartened that I have to vent a little.

[Rocky146 15]

There has been some good responses to my post and some not so good. All in all though there has been some good information passed on. It is just so frustrating for a man like me to have judgement passed on me in such a negative way without anyone getting to know me first. I can not tell you how many times I have responded to ads on different sites to get replies, "sorry, no single men" and how low that makes me feel. I am not a predator or an oppertunist. I beleive that "NO" is exactly what it means. I love to make friends first before going to the bedroom. I do not want to just hop into bed with anyone, that is too risky for all parties concerned. To tell you the truth, swing clubs kind of scare me off a bit but not the idea of swining in small groups. It is so hard for me to explain at times but basically all I want is to be judge appropiately by my actions and not someone else's. Of course that has to be very hard to do with ads, swing clubs, etc.. I know that for sure but that does not mean I should not be able to voice my frustration and that is the meaning behind my post.

[Rocky146 15]

I could see where you felt kind of used in that swing club situation. I would not just go to a swing club though and set and wait for someone to ask me to join in. I would at least introduce myself to the couples and ladies at the club. Let them get to know me, then if they felt comfortable with me, let them make the move to ask me to join in or not. I think that is what you were getting at if I am not mistaking.

[Rocky146 15]

This is exactly what I mean, some men are preditors like these 4 you described. Now you pass judgement on all single me as being this way. Not right on both accounts! As the saying goes, "two wrongs do not make a right."

[Rocky146 15]

I would like to thank all of you for posting replies to my post. It has made for some great insightful thinking on the most part. All I can ask of all you couples and ladies out there especially is to judge me on my own merits and not those of predators, opportunists, or just down right rude men. I am my own man with my own feelings, with my own outlook on life. I do not consider a lady that has sex with more then one man or swinging to be a whore. She is a lady first with an open mind and I assume intellect for the good things in life. I have read replies where men stood around stroking waiting to go in for the kill like a bunch of vultures. This is so wrong! A lady should have the choice as to who she invites in to partake of her fruits and that includes her partner. These men that do this to women should be joining gang bang clubs and not swinger clubs. Now I have told a few of you that I am not a bad boy type. I do not dress that part and do not like that persona that such these type of men portray. But it has been my experience that women mostly prefer these type of men in general over men that are good natured and respectful of the lady. Bad boy types for the most part like to have women as conquest and not as a lover or friend. Then women complain how bad men are based on these types. Not all men who dress the part of bad boys are predators though; there must be a few good men to be had.

 

In closing, I respect each and every one of you for the feelings you have posted in response to my post. I may not agree with every one of those replies, but they are your feelings and I respect that. After all, I am asking you to respect my feelings and thoughts.

 

Be safe, good luck, and be healthy!!

 

Louie

AKA: Rocky146

[rustyandkat 15]

Well I'm a paid member on sls and it does suck for a single man on there now. When I was with my ex it was a great site for couples. We met a lot of real people on there. We hosted some meet and greats using the forum there and had great turnouts. but in reality sls is not much different then any other swinger sites as I believe that swinging is more of a couple thing to begin with.

[FlaPlaya561 48]

I'm on SLS and have made alot of freinds there on and offline (in person)

[nice_cpl_n_bama 24]

AFF was useless. SLS is wonderful. We've met almost all of our lifestyle friends on SLS. As far as single males go, I think you'll find that tough going every where. The Law of supply and demand applies. since there's TONS of single guys willing to have sex there isn't much of a market.

 

Good luck!

[louie_st 5]

Maybe I am wrong though but swinging to us is a couples thing. Lucy and I have had many contacts through out the sites but Lucy always asks me if I was single would I go to a swingers site. For the honest answer is yes not for swinging but for the threesomes and lonely wives. I have always found the bars to pick up hot single women, but I think I could always get more sex at a swingers site. Unless the single male brings a girlfriend for sex so we all can have fun I see no point in it. T

 

The words swingers (wife swap) is what it is so how does a single male have anything to offer then a hard cock to me? You would not be swinging but just swung because there is only one of you. I really don't consider a threesome swinging. That is just free sex for the single male and in my honest thought one step below being a prostitute. A man whore comes to mind.

 

From what I have seen and talked with from sls 90% of what I seen says no single males. I could be wrong but check it out. But like I stated in my thoughts single males and single women are just plain unpaid whores that really do not belong from the name swinging or swingers standpoint. From all that I read swingers or the Lifestyle is a couples based action. Singles are basically unpaid tools for enjoyment as a use and lose item. From all that I heard singles should not be included in swinging.

[Taylor74 28]

Contrary to what you believe, I've often find that most "swinging" couples who do prefer to swing with singles, prefer women. I wonder why? Perhaps, it's so that the husband can fulfill his fantasy, while not being intimidated by another man pleasuring his wife? I could be wrong, but it it's almost as if the husband has erroneously convinced his wife that adding a female would be more enjoyable for both.

 

The term 'swinger' has been a term that has taken on many definitions recently. I believe it has more to do with open sexual relationships between men and women, as opposed to couples exclusively. So to say that singles are just unpaid whores is silly. Free sex for the male? Not really...it takes two to tango and you can't get sex without giving sex. Fact!

[aahours1 16]

I agree with "nice_cpl_in_bama" SLS is a good site. But you must note that you have to be honest. Most single men (not all) are trying to be a player and go out with as many women as possible or they are married and they want to play around on their wives. But not all are. As far as AFF, YES it sucks, to many phonies and snobbish people/couples on there. When you e-mail them they do not contact you back, even if it is to say sorry not interested, you do not meet our profile type. That is my jest of everything. It is better for you, being a single male just sign up and let things fall as it may.

[rpu3 630]

louie_st said:

I really don't consider a threesome swinging. That is just free sex for the single male and in my honest thought one step below being a prostitute. A man whore comes to mind.

 

Yowza... I never of myself as a "john" of sorts since we like MFMs with those "unpaid whores". I'm confused with the free sex part... if we swapped with a couple, it's still free sex, isn't it?

 

There are plenty of couples out there that would like to meet a nice single man. Some of us don't consider a single man a use and lose item; first and foremost, they are human just like us, and we treat them with no less respect and understanding than we'd treat a couple, or anyone else in our "regular" life. Singles have their place - for some of us.

 

Rebecca

[gatorvol64 216]

louie_st said:

Maybe I am wrong though but swinging to us is a couples thing. Lucy and I have had many contacts through out the sites but Lucy always asks me if I was single would I go to a swingers site. For the honest answer is yes not for swinging but for the threesomes and lonely wives. I have always found the bars to pick up hot single women, but I think I could always get more sex at a swingers site. Unless the single male brings a girlfriend for sex so we all can have fun I see no point in it. T

 

The words swingers (wife swap) is what it is so how does a single male have anything to offer then a hard cock to me? You would not be swinging but just swung because there is only one of you. I really don't consider a threesome swinging. That is just free sex for the single male and in my honest thought one step below being a prostitute. A man whore comes to mind.

 

From what I have seen and talked with from sls 90% of what I seen says no single males. I could be wrong but check it out. But like I stated in my thoughts single males and single women are just plain unpaid whores that really do not belong from the name swinging or swingers standpoint. From all that I read swingers or the Lifestyle is a couples based action. Singles are basically unpaid tools for enjoyment as a use and lose item. From all that I heard singles should not be included in swinging.

 

I quoted the whole thing because I wanted to make sure everyone knew what I was responding to.

 

Man that is just bullshit. You are soooo out there. Why is it free sex for the single male (or female) and not the couple? Prostitutes? God, attitudes like this are what makes me the maddest. You make me only want to be with single men. I would never want to be with a couple (or at least the male half) who felt this way. Why do people think anything like this? I don't care if it is called swinging for the single or not (doesn't matter). Couples, like my husband and I, invite them to play with us. It is a win-win-win situation. No one is doing the other a favor by letting them be there. Can I have the attention I get without our single friends? I don't think so. Can the single friends get what they like from it without us? No. I know that some single men can be pushy but I see far too much generalization about them. You know man, you are talking about human beings here. People aren't a tool, much less one to "use and lose".

 

Vol

[EternallySingle 32]

What I have found is that different sites are based in different geographic areas, and people who belong to a site that is based in the geographic area they live in will be more successful on that site. Then there are the people in Pennsylvania. They have there own little world and it seems like people from PA always do well on any swing site.

 

What I would do is NOT spend money on a swing site, but find out how many clubs in your area will allow unescorted single men. Then find out which of those clubs REALLY allow single men to mingle with the "real swingers" and go there and talk. JUST TALK. It is so much easier to make a connection face to face than online. Two years ago I met two couples and three single women at the beach/campground over the course of the summer. All seven people told me they recognized me from my ad on Swappernet, but when I tried to look up their ads, they had single men blocked. Even though I only fooled around with one of the single women (the rest truly were not interested in single men) I did learn that, contrary to popular belief, couples and single women do look at ads from single men. They told me they find some of the ad hilarious, and that it helps them spot when single men try to pass themselves off as couples and single women.

 

I almost found that was funny. They did.

[northindycpl 32]

HI ES!

 

You are very right. We block single men from contacting us. Because we will play with single men, and it was in our profile, it seemed that we were bombarded with single men and vulgar responses to our ad with dick pictures attached.

 

It was crazy so we started blocking.

 

I review single men ads quite often, and may contact some that are interesting, but for the most part... we meet single men at the club. We get a chance to get to know them, see them in action and have a good time.

[ShellyM 0]

Hello all,

I have to say that we did recently un-block single males from our sls site. I am fervent in my belief that the few bad ones make it bad for the good men out there. So, did I eat my words lol. Now, they were polite though......but the gents that emailed us wanted to meet me, but it was "leave the hubby at home" sort of thing....NOT! OMG, and then the other night one poor soul that had emailed me decided to do video chat on sls. Whether you know it or not, we are nascar fans, and I have this complete lust obsession for Tony Stewart. The things I would do to that man you could not even classify as sexual assault, and would probably be illegal in 2 states. Anyways! So, this guy starts asking Jay this about TS, and that...trying to get cues I guess on how to get my attention, or whatever. I was asleep at the time lol, so I got this from Jay. Jay, who is first base, was not pleased at all lol. The guy should have just been honest and been pleasant with who he was talking to, he didn't ask how Jay was doing or anything. Poor soul. So, we have re-blocked single males from our profile.

 

I still hold to the fact that there are good men out there.

[Taylor74 28]

I don't get it. Most women would love for men to be falling at their feet with lust and desire. But in the swinger world, women, for the most part, seem to hate it. WTF?

 

I honestly believe that hubbies convince their wives that single men are a "no no". To the contrary, single women always seem to be a "go" with couples. Is this practice just another case of male hypocrisy? Question for the guys: Is their a level of sexual intimidation when other males want to sleep with your wife?

[ShellyM 0]

I don't get it. Most women would love for men to be falling at their feet with lust and desire. But in the swinger world, women, for the most part, seem to hate it. WTF?

 

I honestly believe that hubbies convince their wives that single men are a "no no". To the contrary, single women always seem to be a "go" with couples. Is this practice just another case of male hypocrisy? Question for the guys: Is their a level of sexual intimidation when other males want to sleep with your wife?

 

Hello. Well, you make a valid observation, but I can't speak for lost_j1...I'll have him give his opinion. I can speak for us though. Most women do enjoy the occasional MFM....I for one do not like being the center of attention at all. Instead of making me feel good it makes me honestly nervous, and I feel like I have to please everyone and its a mess. So, we shy away from MFM's. Not because Jay has held me back, and that is serious..but because it is not something I would be comfortable with doing. I prefer the intimacy of one on one sex to be honest with you. I don't like the group thing. I like one on one where I can give personal treatment, and feel like I have 100% of his attention at that moment. But as far as males being intimidated, perhaps some are, I'm sure some are to be frank with you. But with us as a couple that is not why we don't do them.

[Taylor74 28]

ShellyM said:

I prefer the intimacy of one on one sex to be honest with you. I don't like the group thing. I like one on one where I can give personal treatment, and feel like I have 100% of his attention at that moment. But as far as males being intimidated, perhaps some are, I'm sure some are to be frank with you. But with us as a couple that is not why we don't do them.

 

I hear you, but the above comment is an oxymoron. You're a self-admitted swinger which implies that you, and others in this lifestyle, enjoy sex with others. Even if you're not engaged in sexual acts with two other people simultaneously, you're still in the presence of said people engaging in sex, for the most part. And that is the polar opposite of intimacy. If you truly enjoy intimacy, a monogamous relationship with your partner would suffice. Perhaps you haven't reached the level of openness you truly desire regarding the release of all sexual inhibition during group "Activities" but i honestly think intimacy and being a swinger is like water and oil.

[ShellyM 0]

Taylor74 said:

I hear you, but the above comment is an oxymoron. You're are a self-admitted swinger which implies that you, and others in this lifestyle, enjoy sex with others. Even if you're not engaged in sexual acts with two other people simultaneously, you're still in the presence of said people engaging in sex, for the most part. And that is the polar opposite of intimacy. If you truly enjoy intimacy, a monogamous relationship with your partner would suffice. Perhaps you haven't reached the level of openness you truly desire regarding the release of all sexual inhibition during group "Activities" but i honestly think intimacy and being a swinger is like water and oil.

 

No, I don't agree. And, I'm not a moron. JK.

 

Jay and I swing, well, we aspire to fully swing! lol (We have played though lol) We just prefer couples. Jay plays with the wife, and I with the husband. That is swinging, I do believe lol. I do NOT agree that intimacy and swinging are like oil to water. I do not agree with that aspect of your post. I think that intimacy and lust are all about being swingers, to be honest with you.

[Taylor74 28]

ShellyM said:

No, I don't agree. And, I'm not a moron. JK.

 

Jay and I swing, well, we aspire to fully swing! lol (We have played though lol) We just prefer couples. Jay plays with the wife, and I with the husband. That is swinging, I do believe lol. I do NOT agree that intimacy and swinging are like oil to water. I do not agree with that aspect of your post. I think that intimacy and lust are all about being swingers, to be honest with you.

 

Well, I would argue that intimacy can only be designated for 1 person, in its purest form. It can't,or at least, shouldn't be turned on and off depending on who you're sleeping with at a given moment. It's deeper than that. Being intimate is not synonymous with having sex. It has more to do with an innate, unspoken connection between two people that is created mutually. And is most likely a mind thing as opposed to a sex thing.

 

But that's just my opinion.

[louie_st 5]

I do NOT agree that intimacy and swinging are like oil to water. I do not agree with that aspect of your post. I think that intimacy and lust are all about being swingers, to be honest with you.

 

Intimacy is a unspoken bond between two people that care for each other. Can you tell me that you are going to care for each partner you boink? Well then I should state you might care but they may not. I think you have issues with swinging and Intimacy. Sex is sex but sharing a love or bond(intimacy) with some one else is totaly different. You should look into poly. instead on swinging. From your posts sounds like your looking for MR Right(Tony S.), you always refer to him. So when you find him and he boinks you then leaves and dosen't call or come back. What then? Swinging is exploring sex with others live out dreams and wishes. Not being tied down to one set couple. just thoughts..

[Dooode 18]

Intimacy is a unspoken bond between two people that care for each other. Can you tell me that you are going to care for each partner you boink?

intimacy:

 

–noun, plural -cies. 1. the state of being intimate.

2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.

3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with Japan.

4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.

5. an amorously familiar act; liberty.

6. sexual intercourse.

7. the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room.

8. privacy, esp. as suitable to the telling of a secret: in the intimacy of his studio. - American Heritage

 

Yes, it is quite possible to care and be intimate with every person you boink.

 

We're not talking the spiritual bond between a husband and wife. Obviously that's a different level of committment and a different level of intimacy. But there can still be an intimacy between swing partners, and even intimacy within groups.

 

I take pride in caring for my swing relationships and they know that. That's why they keep comin' back for more.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Taylor74 said:

Question for the guys: Is their a level of sexual intimidation when other males want to sleep with your wife?

 

 

The reason we have played less and less with single men is because the LARGE majority are pretty lousy in the sack...

 

Not to be rude, but this is just our honest observation. Married males of swing couples "get it" - they are very secure and very good (typically) at what they do. They are sharing their wives with other men (something a single guy isn't doing) and playing with the wives of other men. They tend to have a fairly impressive tool box full of skills and abilities - physical and emotional - that single men simply don't carry into a play situation.

 

Now this is not to say that all singles are lame - we know of one who can seriously give me a run for my money in a play or social situation... But that's it... One...

 

It is hard to be particularly intimidated by that sort of failure rate...

 

So my return volley question is - "Is there some sort of mental illness which causes single men to think they might bring something to the table which actually would intimidate a married swinging man?"

 

I will say this - guys who have that "I am going to do your wife a favor" mentality really don't get past dinner with us. It has been our unfailing observation that guys like this are pathetic in the sack and not really worth the time it takes to wash the sheets.