Newbies: Who would you rather play with?

[JustAskJulie]

There's another thread asking experienced swingers the reasons why they may not want to swing with newbies, the thoughts there led me to this question.


As a newbie looking for your first experience, who are you looking for? Would you rather play with another first timer? Someone with a little experience? Or a couple who is very experienced? And why would you prefer one over the other?

[VanHlebar]

Well our first experience was with a couple that had been in the lifestyle for over 7 years. We really can't thank them enough for everything the helped us with. They were extrememly patient, helpful and honest with us. The four of us had many long discussions about various topics in swinging and they really did make things alot easier for us (mainly me).

Had we been in a situation where we explored with other newbies, things might have turned out vastly different. I really slowed things down with issues I was dealing with at the beginning and well, as newbies we didn't quite understand them, so if we had been with other newbies, chances are they might not have understood either.

Now this couple also was the type of couple the really pushed our boundaries, but in a good way. Never pushed us after we said no, but always bringing up new ideas and then waiting for us to say we were ready. It was a lot of fun! facelick

-Van

[flkeyscouple]

As a newbie we were looking for a couple that had experience, but not a ton of experience. We were a bit worried about someone with vast experience being to forward or too fast. It ended up that our first full swap couple did have many years of experience, and it worked out wonderfully!

Our first soft swap couple was what I'll call a 'one night stand', but by the definition that we probably will never see them again - not that we wouldn't want to. They were what we had looked for - experienced, but only a year of swinging... not YEARS and YEARS.

Both of our 'firsts' were wonderful and we hold great memories of those two nights! facelick

Sarah

[NJCouple]

We've discovered in our first 6 months of swinging that experience is not what counts, but the ability to communicate and to have patience etc. For instance, we had several soft experiences with a newbie couple and he was having difficulties with an erection. It didn't faze us. We enjoyed their company and had fun. We've run into the same situation where an experienced person was freaked out on our first full swap when hubbies erection disappeared with the donning of a condom for the first time. The mood was ruined because of their lack of acceptance. (I look at it as my win, as hubbies erection returned without a problem and I got to enjoy it!) My take on it is that it takes good people that are willing to go with the flow and enjoy themselves. I would think that would be easier for experienced swingers, but personality plays a big role as well. We haven't had a problem since and I think it is a matter of finding the right match. We've only played a few times really, but we've made some great friends in and out of the bedroom. Even if you don't become fast friends, that mesh of personalities, I think, is the key to great sex.
Sharon

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by NJCouple

We've discovered in our first 6 months of swinging that experience is not what counts, but the ability to communicate and to have patience etc. For instance, we had several soft experiences with a newbie couple and he was having difficulties with an erection. It didn't faze us. We enjoyed their company and had fun. We've run into the same situation where an experienced person was freaked out on our first full swap when hubbies erection disappeared with the donning of a condom for the first time. The mood was ruined because of their lack of acceptance. (I look at it as my win, as hubbies erection returned without a problem and I got to enjoy it!) My take on it is that it takes good people that are willing to go with the flow and enjoy themselves. I would think that would be easier for experienced swingers, but personality plays a big role as well. We haven't had a problem since and I think it is a matter of finding the right match. We've only played a few times really, but we've made some great friends in and out of the bedroom. Even if you don't become fast friends, that mesh of personalities, I think, is the key to great sex.
Sharon

We're not veterans and we aren't newbies...and could not agree more with what you had to say! (that's how we felt as newbies too)

[Brian&Mandy]

Should go without saying that we don't want to have anything to do with people who presume to know us well enough to dismiss us (those 'experienced' people).

Problem is, that we don't think like that and have/will again end up socalizing with the exact people who choose to dismiss us out of hand, without even bothering to spend a handfull of minutes talking to us. In the end, it's just a Huge black eye on the whole community.... so thanks for that, those of us who don't give a rats ass about 'experience', and DO care about personality, really appreciate all the negativity you bring to the table (yes, Sarcasim is turned way up).

I can believe what's being said (the other topic like this and others that seem to be "I do X, so I'm holier than thou doing Y"), but it just pisses me off and is a major reason we're still considered newbies as it's an overwhelming prevelant attitude.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by Brian&Mandy

I can believe what's being said (the other topic like this and others that seem to be "I do X, so I'm holier than thou doing Y"), but it just pisses me off and is a major reason we're still considered newbies as it's an overwhelming prevelant attitude.

Maybe it’s a regional thing (Wyoming vs CA). From my perspective, prejudice against newbies is not the prevailing attitude.

- There are those that don’t meet with newbies because they are afraid of having their time wasted.
- There are those that seek out newbies because they want “fresh meet”.
- And there are those that take each person as they are (caveat- comfort level factors into "taking people as they are" and comfort level and experience level tend to be somewhat proportional)

I could be wrong but I would guess most of the swinger population is made up of the later.

T

[ohhandahh]

First time swinging or experienced, I think it is the rules that count. Do you both have the same rules? Do you both expect the same thing? Are you good company for each other? These are the important things, not how many other people someone has been with. I beleive that experience is a good thing. I couldn't even operate a debit card machine until someone showed me. Not that newbies need to be shown how to do it, but you know just a little more about comfortability, mood setting and getting down to sex and into bed with another couple after you have experienced it. It would seem easier with couples who have been there, done that and are willing to make the moves and do things first timers may be uncoomfortable in showing their desire for experiencing.
I dont believe anyone thinks they are better at sex or more desirable than first timers. I think there are a lot of thing like jealousy, modesty, concern for their spouse and other issues that newbies have yet to actually experience.
They may, after the first time, decide it is not for them. It would make the get together less of the good time they are hoping for and know that all have 'done it', and are truly ready to play without reservations.
No one is putting newbies down. Who doesnt like "fresh virgin meat"? You are desireable to all, but until you prove to yourselves that you are all for it, you are an unknown to all who see you as first timers. We all started with our first time. Just find someone who will make it easy for you to enjoy it, and drop the attitude anyone thinks they are holier than thou. That in itself is a turn off you need to get over. You are much to serious about this as an issue, it is a discussion you should learn from, things you should think about to make sure you are truly ready and make that clear to potential couples and let them show you what they have learned. It isnt rocket science, it is understanding the understandable things people think about when choosing another couple to share their most intimate sexual moments with.

[freekynme]

For our first time hubby & I were lucky to find a very caring couple who were experienced & took the time to meet with us. While we were newbies as a couple, we both had swinging experience from previous relationships, so things were fine for us. This couple took us to our first swingers club & basically introduced us to their friends & invited us to house parties & get togethers & everything. They were very patient & easy going which made our first experience together enjoyable. So I dont think a couple's or person's level of experience or lack there of should be the deciding factor in whether someone plays with them, but what I do think is that if everything feels right & everyone's on the same page then do it. Although I can understand why vets dont want to get involved in with newbies, I think it is a bit unfair to assume that all newbies are a waste of time, source of drama, etc. Just my 2 cents on the subject.

[captainbob]

Although I probably shouldn't have, I posted in the other thread and was not impressed with the attitude of the "experienced" swingers.

It was mentionned that an indication of a non-newbie is one that doesn't even know the names of those they just had sex with! Lovely.

I voted for experienced, but not too experienced. I don't want the attitude, but I'd like to move along at a good pace by a friendly, patient couple that doesn't have their own problems.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

There's another thread asking experienced swingers the reasons why they may not want to swing with newbies, the thoughts there led me to this question.


As a newbie looking for your first experience, who are you looking for? Would you rather play with another first timer? Someone with a little experience? Or a couple who is very experienced? And why would you prefer one over the other?

I'm a newbie, and I would rather people do the first time with experienced swingers.

[ohash01]

I voted SOME experience.

J. and I are MOSTLY new...we've had a couple little experiences...but not enough to really know what's up yet. We're kind of the way some men are with virgins. We're like "nooo...oh no...we don't want to give them their first impression". The very first time I had sex I hated it so much, I didnt have sex again for 2 years. I wouldn't wish that dreadful feeling on anyone and I don't want to be the one to create it.

Thank goodness I LOVE sex now

[good times]

Well, when we first started we just wanted to get laid. It ended up our first time was with an experienced couple, and theoretically that is what I would prefer. In reality, if I was a newbie again, I'd probably still go with whoever was willing and we seemed to get along with, no matter what their experience level, even knowing what I know now.

[sexyshelby]

Very interesting question. I think I would prefer to have the first time with someone who has some, but not a lot of experience.

However, in reality, whoever we click with!

~SS

[friskymonkey]

I have to admit that the first couple we met in the lifestyle were nearly as inexperienced as we were and while it was fine for drinks, no one really knew how to take it from there (especially us two women who the party was supposed to be centered around). Then the other husband suggested an elaborate date starting at their house, watching porn, girls playing dress up for the boys, then dinner, dancing and off to a sex club. I freaked out. It was too much, I felt overwhelmed, couldn't find my attraction to any of it. So we bailed.

The next couple we met was very experienced. We took it slow and after getting to know them a bit I suggested that we meet them at a club. She was so cool and low pressure, yet very appreciative of me and very skilled at every part of the seduction. It was great! She knew just how to woo me and make me feel comfortable. We had a great time. And she had a blast, too, in spite of the fact that they're normally a full swap couple and we're not.

So for me, the experienced couple was perfect. Not to say that a less experienced couple couldn't have worked out also but it was great to have someone who knew the ropes to gently take the lead.

I plan to become more emboldened as I become more experienced. I look forward to being the veteran who intiates the newbie someday.