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Showing results for tags 'not ready'.
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This has happened to us more than once. You meet a couple and things are moving forwards, until all of sudden one of the 'other' party gets cold feet, is not into it, etc. What I have done in the past is call the whole thing off and, frankly, fuck the wife, ALWAYS a good time there!! However, I got to thinking, well wtf maybe I should just enjoy the threesome!! What do others who have had the same or similar experience do? -
Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who responded to my first post. As someone who is getting into this, it is very beneficial for me to talk to others. My situation has progressed somewhat after the time I posted that link and I would like to get everyone's opinion on an incident that I experienced. My wife and I met a couple. She had shown a certain unusual interest in my wife as both women had sort of "eyed" each other up and down in a clothing store. They started girl-chatting and became facebook friends. My wife is secretly bi and she is highly selective about who she thinks of that way and this woman was someone she confessed to me that she had started to fancy. It seemed that they were into the lifestyle because she would be very bold in front of her husband and I found that to be unusual. My wife opened up to her about being with another woman and that is when she revealed something we had sort of guessed on our own. They were seeing other couples but were very selective. We decided to go on a double date, with no formal discussion that we are looking into each other as potential swing-mates. It was just something we all secretly knew. This double date went very well and seemed like a normal double date. We went to a bar where we played pool. My wife is very well developed in the chest area and when she took off her layer to play pool then she got a lot of attention. Those globes seemed like they were going to spill out of the low neckline every time she would bend over. The other woman was tall and athletic and very beautiful in her own way. To see two beautiful women kicking out rear ends on the pool table was an arousing experience for him and I both. The men played horribly, thanks to the distractions that were in front of us. When the pool was over, we sat down to eat and this other woman dropped salsa on my wife's chest and then apologized. After that she licked it off of her cleavage and said "Yummmm ... GOD that is so hot!" My cock was bursting out of my jeans and I could see the other guy was feeling very tense (in a positive way.) I felt like we had found the ideal couple but no one ever brought swinging up. My wife reached under me and felt my hardness. I thought we should go home and discuss the next step. Once it was over and we were driving back my wife asked me if I was aroused by the other woman or her? I was thinking in my mind "what the hell did I just get myself into?" If this one innocent date is causing this interrogation then where are we headed with this lifestyle? She wanted to know who aroused me more. I told her "you silly!" She said that if she was a man, she would find her more attractive. I told her as a bisexual woman what you find attractive in her and what I find attractive in her as a straight man is not the same thing. While the woman was definitely very attractive, the person that you appreciate as a "Swing mate" is really not a replacement for your lover. That is a relationship that needs to be valued and appreciated in its own capacity and not in comparison to your committed one. We talked about it and even though I was looking forward to some great sex in bed that night with my wife, I did not get any. I did get it later but that night was lonely. I was wondering if other couples had a similar attack of hesitancy, either on part of the man or the woman? If yes how did you deal with it? Or are truly happy swinging couples the ones who hit it off without overcoming this barrier? What is normal for people who pursue this lifestyle?
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Hi, It's been a while since I have posted here. Several months ago my wife and I started to discuss swinging. We watched some video, joined a website and had lots and lots of talking about all aspects of what it would be like. We even met up with another couple through the website. We agreed to get to know them first but they are temporarily moving out of the area until their house is renovated. So that has stalled. This whole experience however made us feel so alive, so close and without any barriers. Even after 20 solid happy years together. The issue is this. We went overseas on holiday for a while and visited family a few months ago. Between that and work its stopped us talking about swinging. Now it's went right off the boil. We're not sure now. I miss how we felt now. It was a real awakening which we both felt. I (male) have been ahead in some things (internet, research etc) and my wife ahead in others (would prefer separate rooms). My wife also struggles with the idea of sharing photos of us but it happy to meet other people. That worried me that perhaps we weren't ready. Were we just catching a glimpse of a life not meant for us? Are we following a journey that could yet lead to swinging? I don't want to pursue something not for us but we were both so happy with our journey to swinging and I miss how even talking about it made us so close. We both really love the idea of seeing each other with someone else. I think however we are both really nervous and scared to lose what we have. Thoughts?
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I kinda would like an opportunity to write about an aspect of this that is... worrisome to me, kind of, and this topic is relevant. I am the wife in this couple, and had many hesitations about trying this lifestyle. I still can't say that we are experienced, we are beginners. At first I went through a lot of the usual fears and feelings people describe from the reluctant wife. I ended up going along with it sort of resigned to the idea that I might as well, if he is sick of me he is sick of me, and he is going to get it elsewhere anyway. Turned out it was not as I expected, and his motives didn't seem to be what I thought. He mostly gets turned on seeing many other men turned on by me (he's sort of a materialistic type, like to show off his stuff, cars, etc.). Perhaps he also likes to see me being more sexually aggressive, and working harder to seduce him as I did when we first met 25 years ago. Here's my problem - I am jumping in the game, wearing sexy stuff, doing all the role playing and posing and he is ecstatic. We're all kinky and he is having a blast. I have not had an orgasm since we started this. Though I am faking them beautifully and loudly. I did this in the beginning of our relationship, took him out dancing and surprised him with no panties under my short skirt, riding him in a semi public place, doing strip teases, going into kinkier acts like anal sex. I am not, on the surface of things, a prude- I have more sexual experience than he, have had threesomes and stuff before I met him, and things like oral sex are a no-brainer. But perhaps deeply, I am what you guys are calling a "vanilla"? I even get into playing domination or submission- any of this, but it is a "mental" pleasure. I mean I enjoy it through his eyes, knowing how excited he is, but physically I feel less. My attention is pulled to the exterior, to appearences, and not to the interior and my sensations. So I feel numb. It just becomes a big act. I feel badly, because the first time we had sex in a club, he was thrilled and talked for days about how that was really "making love" for him. It surprised me because I would have used the word "fucking" (and I don't mean that in a bad way, just not a "loving" way.) He is not aware that I had no orgasm, and that I was very intensely putting a lot of effort into being a sex goddess, which was distracting me from getting any enjoyment from it! On one hand, I am thinking, okay, we experience this differently, and what feels intimate to me is not for him, and vice versa. We have done a lot of my "vanilla" style the last few years, with me having the biggest mind blowing and multiple orgasms, so perhaps it is only fair that we change for a while and do it his way, while I am less satisfied. He lives through the regard of others, so it isn't good for him unless other people witness it. Are there other women that can relate to or understand what I am saying? I guess I'm talking about being cut off from my senses by being overly attentive and conscious of others? Is there any advice, ideas, or thoughts from anyone about how to better find a balance between our different sexual tastes or needs? I thought about this in relation to this topic because I wonder if it is a problem to consider for similar couples- it might not be enough to 'talk her into it", for her to find physical pleasure in it might be more complicated even past that. -
This last weekend we experienced our first ‘soft swap’. We thought we were ready, turns out we were not. K has always had some reservations but we went ahead because (our reasoning was), there is no real way to be sure until you’re in that situation. The couple we were with was great. They were very understanding when we told them that we would like to stop after the first round was finished. I’m trying to not get too emotional, I don’t want to digress too far off what I want to ask. The bottom line is that K (for a lot of reasons I understand and a few that I don’t) wants to stop swinging. The question I have is how to go about dismantling our profile on SLS (where we met this couple and another couple we met yesterday but did not play with) without offending either one. I don’t just want to go **poof** and disappear and maybe leave these couples wondering if it was something they did. I’m thinking to just leave it as is for a few weeks but answer with an “We’re taking a pause at this time from meeting new couples due to other concerns” message to anyone new who might email in the meantime. After 2-3 weeks I’ll just unsubscribe from SLS and that will be that. K and I have both enjoyed meeting new people who are open-minded and have similar interests from these sites. However, we both feel it’s dishonest to continue to meet other couples (even though we may like them and would pursue a friendship) knowing that we aren’t going to play. We know that there shouldn’t be the presumption of play upon meeting (or ever) but considering the context it still raises issues. We’re not going to stop talking with the LS couples that we already know; we just won’t be taking it off a social plain. So the question is, does this sound like the appropriate approach or is there something additional that I should do?
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There's been some talk in other threads about the relative quality of swinger vs. vanilla relationships. My wife and I have been discussing swinging for years, usually just as a way to make ourselves more horny, but more seriously lately. Also lately my wife has been encouraging me to visit strip clubs and be friendly with the dancers, and to come home and tell her about my adventures. Well, I'm not stupid, so I have been doing this. Had a great time last night for example, and we had a great time discussing it after I came home, and it led to some great sex/lovemaking. The key part of the discussion came down to this: the timing in our life is not right for actual swinging...too many other things going on. And the timing may never be right. But we want still to explore sex as much as possible together, and (in my wife's words) visiting strip clubs and having fun with the lap dances is a safe way to do this considering the other things going on in our life. She is going to accompany me on the next visit (I go about once a month), and perhaps get a lap dance herself, or perhaps just watch me get one. And she is very intrigued with the idea of me getting a lap dance from two girls at once, either by myself or with her there. As long as I tell her about everything! The point: my wife trusts me 100%, and I trust her 100%. We may be vanilla, but we have a wonderful, glorious relationship. We have no jealousy or possessiveness between us. And that's part of the reason we love each other so much. Vanilla may not be Neopolitan, but if it's what you and your honey want, and if it makes you happy (TRULY happy, not fake-appearance for the world-happy), and it tastes good to you both, it's wonderful. facelick My two cents! (PS, one of my wife's friends asked us recently if we were swingers. She isn't herself, but I found it interesting that she would ask....apparently she thought it strange that we are still so affectionate with each other after 15 years. That's a topic for another post I guess.)
