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Husband Upset at Lack of Opportunities because of Kid
UnsureFuture15 posted a topic in Swingers Talk
We've been in the lifestyle on and off for six years. Stopped during pregnancy and first two years of child's life. Lately he's been getting mad that we can't swing every weekend. When we discussed getting back into the lifestyle, I said maybe one to two weekends a month. He agreed. Now he gets angry that we get messages about parties or guys that want to meet up, but we can't because his mom or my mom can't babysit overnight on short notice. Our mom's are great babysitters and love to, but I don't think it's fair to call them Saturday morning to ask if they can have a sleepover Saturday night. Also, my husband won't ask his mom, so I have to. The example that has me livid with him occurred last night. Him "so my mom can't babysit tomorrow night? " Me "no, she has your niece all day tomorrow" Him "well did you ask?" Me "no, because she said 'I'm going to be exhausted Saturday because I'm going to have ivy all day. So it'd be hard to have a sleepover'" Him "well you should ask her" Me "why? " Him "there's a party tomorrow night" Me "I don't want to pressure your mom if she has ivy scheduled, especially since your mom is having a sleepover with our daughter next weekend. " Him "fine, whatever. Don't you know anyone else who can babysit?" Me "my parents are our of town. Your sister can't (she has a heart condition), can you think of anyone? " Him "no, I guess our night is ruined. " Me "when my sister is back from overseas she can." Him " that doesn't help us right now, does it? " Me "sorry" From that point on, he didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. He was the one who wanted to start trying for kids when got married and now he's mad that we can't swing every weekend. I don't trust non family babysitters. Next weekend, I'm suppossed to take him on a ghost investigation for his birthday, but I feel like I should just cancel it so he can plan some swinging thing since that's all he cares about anymore. Am I overreacting in his behavior last night? Thanks in advance. -
I hope someone here can give some advice to 2 couples who have recently began a swinging adventure together. Couple one: Married, both new to this. Couple two: Engaged, he is new to swinging, she has had a few years experience. Here's the deal. Both males talk frequently in person, via phone and via email. They have been friends for several years. Both females recently met each other and the respective partners. After deciding we were comfortable taking this to a level of swinging, emailing became the normal mode of communication. However, one of the females really wasn't included in the majority of emails (not cc'd). When she found out, she expressed to the other 3 that she wanted and needed to be included. Rules were discussed but one female has been opposed to intimacy in the realm of kissing another's partner. OK for f/f but not m/f. She also opposes swapping - each going their own way. It took a lot for the other 3 to understand her reasoning - and really not sure if they really do. One female states the other female is constantly attacking her character. The female "charged" with doing so asks for proof in emails she wrote so she can possibly either explain what was taken wrong or accept responsibility for it and apologize. No proof ever given - only continual complaining about her. Here comes the biggest problem. Female finds out that other female is emailing her lover separately and there has also been private phone calls made between the two. She is told it is all innocent (by both parties). However, she is not comfortable with this and addresses all parties involved not to allow this to happen again (very angrily with later apologies). Two weeks later - it happens! The other male sees no problem with the private emails or phone calls. Major blow up takes place and couple decides things need to be put on hold. Expressed to all involved. Only a few weeks pass and there is the continued asking about this weekend, the next weekend etc. No plans were made, still needing some additional time. "Dear John" letter comes though last night by the couple asking to get together. Basically faulting the female with all the reservations for this happening. Everything is her fault with no specifics as to what she did to cause this. Here is my question....I am the one being blamed. I am also the one who has been in the swinging lifestyle on and off for 6 or so years. Never had these problems before. I am the one who has restrictions. And I am the one who has been excluded. The other female states she has lost her "mind set" not being allowed to speak to my partner privately. She cannot drop her pants (her lover's words) and have sex with someone without that mind set. I really, really need honest answers here with the little information I've provided. I cannot see how I am being so out of line asking that things be kept between all parties involved. I called it betrayal that they went behind my back not once but again after I brought it up to them. I call kissing too intimate for me to engage in with another man. I have no desire to separate and allow our partners to engage in emotional bonding. I'm beginning to wonder if this other couple is looking for a poly relationship rather than swinging. They did tell us upfront in the beginning they want to be exclusive. That has been respected. Is it acceptable to any of you out there to hold private emails and phone conversations with the opposite sex of your swinging party? I have been lashed out at so bad with emails today from them - words such as: "Manipulation of (insert lover's name) words she wrote about me, and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER" and "I don't want to hurt you but this is not right for her to say the things she does about me". I am totally clueless as to what I may have said (recently) or done this time around. I'm not a complete idiot, I am an educated person - I would think I would know if I did something. I have practically begged each of them to give me a specific but they won't. I'm a mess here. Thanks for listening and hopefully giving me some guidance!