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Yes, but start by putting it in a way that gives something to your spouse first, and doesn't make them feel inadequate. You want see your spouse enjoying someone else, not that you want to have sex with another person. If the first happens, the second follows.

Understood. At some point start a "real talk" conversation about a small, comfortable "sex talk" topic that had come up, one that you think your boyfriend would move along. Something along the lines of "Hey, we talked about a threesome with Mike and Mary. I really like her tits and would want to watch you play with them." Something very non-threatening for him, and see what he says. Baby steps.

sorry for the long read. I have a little different take…..or two cents of advice. It is the same we’ve shared with couples and singles for the past two plus decades. first, admittedly open, honest…..revealing discussion between two people in a relationship….long or short term is at best challenging, fearful and with many stumbling blocks and pitfalls. Even the best of relationships has a great amount of difficulty “baring their soul” conversation with their SO/lover/best friend/soulmate. Especially when feelings, desires, wants, needs are involved. Ten times that when it involves intimacy….sex…..and the fear of hurting that special person. We have found a gradual step by step elevation of conversation….direct….not sugar coated….not camouflaged with half hearted “fishing” statements/questions and certainly never by demands or statements of “or else”, “got to have” or “I deserve”. After all you are a couple, a team….the two of you against the world. This should be an open conversation, not limited by time, casual about the both of you. An extra, something exciting/pleasurable for you both….with equal interest and a casual easy simple first step. Do not cloud it with Multiple “firsts” or directly jumping in with both feet into the deep end. The Open Couple/Lifestyle/Ethical Non Monogamy is very broad. It covers experiences….shared experiences….that could fill the Grand Canyon. It does not define you it is just another branch of your life you share together. My best image is think of it as a great tree. A mighty Oak, Maple or Beech Tree. A strong thick trunk with many deep roots, this is your relationship base. From this to many branch’s stretching in every direction with many more branches that finger out from that. Each with smaller branches that finger out even further, always growing. All tipped with clusters of leave for each life experience with new buds renewing those experiences. You grow and share together, as one, with many experiences in all aspects of your life together. Alternate lifestyle is all inclusive. There are so many possibilities. From art, music, travel, food etc etc. Then there is also more intimate discoveries, personal, open and shared. From adult social activities (clothed/non sexual, think dirty dancing/self expression), nudism, social mingling, lifestyle/ENM social but only the two of you (enjoying the social energy but only as a couple, just you two), same room play/sex between you two but in a room with other couples (voyeur) watching/being watched, playful touching with others, couples soft swap/soft swing (oral/manual only), from here the possibilities are endless only limited by your imagination and mutual agreement only limitations are the limits you both agree together. You move forward as a couple, open conversation both agreeable before participation. Like. New born you learn to move (communicate with each other), crawl, walk, run and race. You both decide next steps/experiences together equally. I would advise the communication/comfort level for you both, small steps, small experiences shared together. Then openly talk after for any advancement further. Try going to a house party/club/event as a couple for the social experience, talk openly with others. Only play is between the two of you to start….baby steps. In short do not involve yourselves in activities that if uncomfortable you can’t walk away from intact with your relationship between you both. There are plenty of us to offer advice etc on this site, do only what the two of you are comfortable with as yourself, as a couple and your relationship.

I always say "nothing ventured nothing gained". Have the talk. Express your desires. Everyone here on this forum had to express their crazy Lifestyle desires to their spouse at some point or none of us would be here.

Thank you for your replies, some really helpful ones and insightful. I guess initially breaching the topic is a challenge for me, we roleplay and fantasise about fucking in front of someone, and even being joined, but when we're not having sex we don't have those discussions, and it becomes a bit of a dichotomy where the division between "sex talk" and "real talk," makes me worry about his reaction/feelings if I say I want him to purely watch: although reading some of the replies about boundaries being pushed etc, very erotic.

That may or may not be the situation. We will reiterate:

My opinion is that more men are into hotwifing where the husband is an equal partner in putting his wife out there, than cuckolding, which implies the element of humiliation. So when you are discussing your fantasy with your boyfriend, propose it as a joint undertaking in selecting the other guy for you to play with, what you do with him at first [maybe just showing/playing with your tits, giving him a blowjob], whether it's a threesome. Make it fun for him, explore along the way, and if all goes right he'll let you move on to alone play without advanced notice to him. For you that would be treating him as a cuckold, while for him you're just hotwifing. Lifestyle is a cooperative adventure.

Alright I get this, but how do you explain women that call themselves " size queens ?" Also the ones that say " if a woman calls you average it's just a nice way to say you are small", it seems to me the women I have encountered say it's about 50 / 50 that size matters. Personally I have been on many nude beaches and men's locker rooms and I have never seen a guy that was overly larger than the average guy.