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The truth is you’re in control of your own body. In command of what you do, when you do it, and what you do. There may come a time when you enjoy surrendering that control for some time to your husband. But that’s your choice at the time. It’s also up to you if you want to regain control of your body again. Never let yourself be bullied, persuaded, or intimidated into doing something you don’t want to do. From the sounds of your post, you don’t like the direction the pastime you and your husband are engaged in is going. If that’s the case, you need to put your big girl pants on and take charge of your body. If you don’t want to engage in this any longer, then don’t suggest that he changes. Tell him up front you won’t be participating in the things that are upsetting you. I’m not talking about arguing, fighting, or yelling at each other. I’m talking about laying down the law. Leave no question as to the things you are no longer willing to engage in. Don’t be drawn into a debate on the subject until the subject of discussion is focused on what you’re ready to do from this point. Your husband has dictated what he wants from you, and now you need to express what you need from him if this is going to continue. Before you bring this up to your husband, you need to answer in your own mind what you will and will not do. Be respectful, calm, and straight forward. You're not asking him to change, you’re sitting your own limitations. And those limitations shouldn’t be open for debate.

We usually just say we are not a match. So as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. We’ve received quite a few of their husband would do our wife, but their wife is not interested in our husband. Ouch! Lately, some people just don’t respond. I used to think this was rude, but it hurts less than a rejection. Thoughts? Can’t be a snowflake in swinging?

I would like to see it accepted as a life style choice. People will always be as people are. There will be those who are judgmental, bigoted on what they feel should be normal or accepted behavior. There is a freedom in the lifestyle, an acceptance. Everyone is different, likes dislikes etc. but still an over all openness. Our supposed social norms are really....historically....not normal. As one vintage lady swinger told me....”every generation is the same. They each believe they discovered fucking. People have been fucking since the beginning of time and in all variety of ways.” She was 82 and still active nudist and swinger. Great lady.

Its probably a good ice breaker. Especially if she plays a dominant role. If I were him and were asked what happened my response would likely be "We forgot what the safe word was." Mr. Nomad

When the conversation stops, things usually take a turn for the worst. Let him know your feelings on this, ASAP. You both need to start talking again and get back on the common ground. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

My wife was swinging with my bestfriend who was extremely hung and she said he was the best because of his size and did things that I couldn't. Now I'm not small either, I'd say alittle above average but it still stings alittle but at the end of the day I want her to have the best experience right?? Any other guys going through this same scenario? Thoughts??

Background: We are a U40 couple, together almost 20 years, married and have kids. Educated academics, husband more laid back, me (wife) more of an analysis machine who needs to think of all possible scenarios beforehand. Happy together, we are each others halves. Up until a year ago, all monogamous relationship (actually we are each others first sexual partners). Always been quite explorative sexually together with toys, tying (soft bondage I would describe it), even have a sex swing. Hubby already early on described me as a nympho, I do like my "meals" to contain several courses ? I think I was around twenty when visited a swingers site online, although nothing came of it. Group sex, as well as threesomes and gangbangs have sort of always been something that I was into as an idea (if I watched porn or chose an erotic novel or looked at sexy pics, they were most likely related to those scenarios). Never did I think I would ever consider acting out on these fantasies. Up until a year ago... that is when I had a bit of a wake up call, massive surgeries, and story short, made me think of the things I want to do for me and us as a couple as well. Not just make money for the mortgage, make my PhD on the side and be mommy. It has been like that a couple of years, me working 150miles away from home mon-fri so mostly stay over in a rental during the weeks. Don't actually know what was I.looking for, but came across a swingers site and info about a club that hosts swingers nights. Discussed with hubby, managed to get him come along and we visited the club. Actually had sex together there, no other participants at that point. He was intrigued by the atmosphere and actually sort of initiated the idea of me giving him a bj in a room where there were a lot of other people. The night was a success. After that we made a profile to an online swingers site, and started looking for couples, soft play in mind (my brain was dead set at that point that penetrative sex was absolutely off limits). Well, soft play couples are not easy to find, as you all probably know. We visited some meets and greets at bars and two other club evenings, where did actually some soft play with few couples. The thing is, we are a bit larger than other people (I'm a tall 5'10 BBW with curves (really big boobs), hubby is just tall 6'6 but normal weight. At clubs I either attract older men, or couples with a BBW woman, and mostly the soft play has included the couples wanting to play with my boobs etc, not really interested in my hubby. A few months in and discussed together we should change our rules and also what we are looking for. We were interested to expand our horizons so to speak since actually finding couples to meet even for coffee etc proved to be hard. I'm not bi, although can touch a woman and enjoy it, so my main interest in in men. I like my men tall, I think its because my hubby is my type and a big girl like me is less likely to feel like a giant if the guy is taller. My hubby on the other hand is not a BBW lover. He does love me and my curves, but if given a chance, would opt me being 60 pounds smaller like I was when we met, and actually I'm working my way to get there. That said, we are looking for something a bit different from what we are as a couple and that has proven to be difficult. We have only had two 4somes and both with couples where the woman had a good body, but the husbands were packing pounds in the mid section, also they were around my height. Since prior to these 4somes, we had had a couple of threesomes with guys found from the online site after widening our search to threesomes as well. However have had very little luck finding women for threesomes, but my type of men, well, there are quite a few. So, we had a few of those experiences, after which my hubby was not that into threesomes, since feels a bit leftout, not interested in voyering and since not all action includes both men (although my favourite part, dp, requires two), during those moments he doesn't really know what he should be doing. That being the background, I wanted to give him some great experiences as well, and after searching and messaging we have met a few couples for coffee and set a play night with two separate occasions. Both nights were great for my hubby, he was really pleased. Described the wives as having great bodies and I'm happy for him that he got those experiences. Me, well, wouldn't do them again and after the second meet felt dirty as if I had sold my body. That guy was really into me I guess and felt like had to.play along since I saw my hubby having a lot of fun with her and was happy for him. Just didn't quite expect having the gush of awfulness after the fact. Having no desire to have sex after the meet (we always have hot steamy sex after swinging experiences), scrubbing myself vigorously in the shower and after my hubby fell asleep, almost started crying, I felt so awful. Can't really discuss about it with my hubby, since that would ruin the experience for him. I just said that it was "ok" when he asked, and that already worried him and made him ask if I regretted it. I told him no, because sincerely I was so happy for him, but I can't imagine doing it again and hope I never need to have that discussion. I just feel sort of obliged to create him chances to have fun as well. We have a deep understanding for each other, swinging has deepened our connection even more and we have sexy sassy conversations all the time. He even is okay me seeing one of the guys we had a threesome solo during the weeks when I'm alone at work 150 miles away (guy lives in that city, is a man with open marriage, kids and we have met maybe once a month for the last 6 months, really my type, almost as tall as my hubby and athletic, sexually we really click and we also have a good connection and message each other several times a week, I can tell him about our adventures, he tells me his (he has bisexual side as well) and even regular stuff (my hubby and him and our kids share a hobby, and they both are coaching as well). Just sort of feels like a natural connection. And I have never met him without an okay from hubby beforehand, and always have told my hubby about the meets to the extent he wants. So, if there still is someone reading this awfully long post, these are my questions I would really appreciate advice on: 1. How should we continue this adventure of ours, compromising just seems to be a bad solution, is there ever going to be a chance we would appeal to a couple that we would both fancy? As people we are humorous, my hubby a bit shy at first but me, I'm the crowd pleaser, the one who always even at work makes people laugh and I enjoy making people happy, so would not expect there to be a problem in that sense. 2) This solo thing, is it okay or some sort of a slippery slope? Not something I was looking for, nor that interested in trying with anyone else. We have an amazing connection with him, and if and when we stop this, would consider him as a friend that I would want to stay in contact with. My hubby says that its okay for me to see him, since he sees that he is important to me. I have asked him on several occasions would it be better if I didn't meet him anymore, also because it has been difficult to arrange something nice like a FMF for him etc but he sees no reason for me to need to stop. Deep inside being quite a conservative person, I just second guess, although this feels great and seems like everything is okay, is it still wrong for us? Applause for anyone getting this far, and sorry for writing such a long story.

Me and my hubby of 13 years have been swinging for 8 years now.Allthough it has brought us closer together I feel it may also be breaking us apart. It's at least making us victim to the one sided affair. He likes to video tape me, he likes to call me dirty names and talk dirty. All of that I do not mind. But it's come to the point where I'm the only one being video taped, and he wants to have our company talk dirty to me and call me the names he likes to hear. Usually the company I'm with is to what he likes to see me with. When I want to visit a certain regular of ours, I end up having a great time but he just tapes it and the same old shit ends up happening. It used to be he would ravage me beyond repair when I would perform for him, and now, I don't even get that for my efforts. Something always comes up and we end up arguing. Are we just in a rut or is there some way that I can help him get back the passion for me that he once had, when it was just the two of us and I was all he needed to get off?

Interesting. Have never tried DVP (or anal) but we've had some fun with putting a chair down so that she can ride someone reverse cowgirl and lean forward to give head. Balancing it wasn't easy, but it was sort of an interesting sense of semi-anonymity for her, and a great view for both guys.

we tried a new position last night. my husband was on the bottom and sat back in. recliner. i got on top nd he slid his cock in my ass. i spread my legs wide and the guy stood in front and was able to easily penetrate my pussy. my husband couldn’t move much but i loved the pressure in my ass while getting off on the other cock. I also liked being able to see him rather than being on all fours. i liked that when he pulled out i could watch him jerk off and cum on me. Not the same as pulling out and cumming on my back. Afterwards they switched - just make sure the guy in your ass wears a condom and then remove it if he’s going to switch to the front.

In my opinion it is better if you don't respond. Anything you say in a rejection is not going to be taken well. The person that is rejected will use anything you say to attack you. Not everyone of course but you have to consider and be prepared for that kind of reaction. You would hope that people are as reasonable as you are but you have to be aware, I hope, that you are dealing with people you have yet to get to know.

Ok here's my story... me and my wife have been together for a number of years and we've always had somewhat of an open relationship but one drunken night we had a mutual guy friend over and I initiated a threesome with us... well it was great in the beginning, he even moved in with us temporary. But things start to get complicated when I'm always at work and he's at home with my wife fucking her all day or whatever they are doing at my house lol. So make a long story short, he becomes obsessed and he's even trying to steal her away from me so I kick him out and he runs and tells everyone. Needless to say he is our enemy now and its super awkward now around everyone.... Has anyone had a similar situation to this here??? Hit me up.

As a swinger, do you find yourself too open during conversation with others you assume are vanilla? For example latching on to certain jokes about sexy topics and taking the joke/conversation further to see how they react? It’s kind of risky, and it seems like most people are all talk/joke in the end and you end up looking or feeling awkward.

Woah... that's exactly what I'm going through now. My wife is so used to playing the role of a whore that it's hard not to see her as a whore and I get lost in it sometimes and forget to separate the 2 identities...

Be glad it is the male with the black eye. If it were the female he'd be getting the stink eye from folks. Have fun and embrace the situation.

A higher dose of Cialis can be taken for one time use. 5mg is for daily use. As I understand it 10mg can be taken for a big day or weekend, I think 20mg is the upper limit, but I am not a doctor, so follow the dosing instructions and your doctor’s advice. I have tried both and I find Viagra more powerful and more of a sure thing.

My wife and I started by swinging and moved into MFM, which was something we both really enjoyed. It worked very well for us. At one point, I was unable to join her when a out of towner who she really enjoyed was in town. I said, "Sure, go have fun," and we found out we had no problems with that, either. So if the situation was right, there was never a problem with her stepping out. BUT . . . I think if it was ever her preference to do that, rather than enjoy it as a one-off from swinging or threesomes, it would not have been pleasant for me. Thankfully, that never happened. Swinging should be enjoyed in the configurations that you are comfortable with.

I (the male half) did DVP with a previous partner, and a male friend while his wife watched. It took a bit of doing -- awkward positions, weird placement of legs, but we managed it. He said it was pleasurable and came first; it was fantastically arousing for me to feel another hard cock snug within her, sliding against me, and a new, weird, and ultimately orgasm-inducing feeling to feel him swell and cum in her alongside my own cock. I'd never felt that much cum ooze out around my balls (I was underneath), and I couldn't hold back at that point and came, too. She said it was amazing and came a couple of times with the two of us in her. Adding a larger dildo during sex when it was just the two of us became a regular thing, and eventually she took to enjoying an entire hand -- and others -- inside. Sadly, she took ill, and now that I've remarried, we haven't tried that kind of thing since.

We were on a Bliss Cruise in Nov. and many women wore curve hugging clothes and/or exposed a lot of cleavage, VERY short skirts/shorts, and some fishnets or see through with no bra although based on the guidelines we were given, that was probably pushing the limits. Gentlemen just need to keep the genitals covered, but most are fairly conservative (it is all about the women after all LOL). Dress sexy like you would for a club and you'll be fine, push the limits a bit if you dare. Mick and Chris

Please don't just ghost the people. No match is best.

We don’t contact people on line. If we did I think I would handle rejecting someone tactfully. Rejecting someone face to face is very difficult for me. I hate hurting people. There have been occasions where I was approached by someone who I was not attracted to with physically or their attitude. It is harder to reject someone based on appearance. I feel so superficial. If I am approached by a loudmouth obnoxious person I still try to reject by just saying No or I’m not interested. I did have to tell one guy No, you’re a jerk, and then I felt bad.

Our view: a response is always better than no response. Our view: no explanation is ever necessary. ("Thanks for reaching out. We are not a match. Good luck in the journey.") Our view: explanations are more likely to cause unnecessary distress. The only exception is where a remark might point the rejectee (is that a word?) in a more useful direction. ("Your profile suggests that you are looking for a long-term relationship, FWB. Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of time or emotion to invest in this hobby." or "We are only looking for FWB and a couple we can see regularly. You seem to have a new cert every three weeks. Not the sort of relationship we're looking for.") Telling a couple that one member of the couple is uninteresting, unattractive, whatever is unnecessarily destructive. That said, the problem lies with the person who writes this sort of thing, not the recipient.

It depends on the cruise line and the itinerary. Our experience is that hallways, common indoor areas (lounges, dining areas, gym) have fairly conservative dress. Theme nights can bring risque outfits to dinner. But not naked. Pools, sundecks, designated play areas--a whole lot of naked people except when in or near port. Check with the operator and especially check with your LS travel agent.

It can also depend on the cruise...if it is a take over or a planned nudist cruise. Even still, the requirements can change. Check with the cruise line when you are signing up.

Wife brought up the idea to me about 3-4 months ago. I was hesitant, lurked on this site for quite a while, dreading the bad stories, loving the good ones. We took the dive early december, soft swap ladies only. It didn't work as planned, but we talked and talked and talked, full discussion about everything we want from this. Last weekend was the second attempt, soft swap with possibility of more. I caved on my boundaries minutes in (loving the was she was enjoying herself), we broke boundaries and loved the whole thing. We discussed and played with each other after, repeated the next day (our play couple lives close) and had even more fun. This is the beginning of something wonderful. The things I have learned about her and she of me are groundbreaking after nearly 15 years together. We have turned into nudists of sorts and don't hide pleasing ourselves or looking at porn from one another. I know her fantasies and want to help fulfill all of them and she mine.

Husband here. We have been reading the forums and talking a lot for months now (she brought it up, and it didn't take me long to get on board). Our first experience was soft swap with wives only and us playing with out respective wives.It was fun but a bit awkward, both husbands wanted to be with the other woman but neither wanted their wife to play with the other man, it felt rushed, because it was. I had performance issues after a while and we called it a night. We talked about likes and dislikes and everything under the sun. 2 weeks ago she and I sign up for four different sites and both share accounts, hoping for a good chance of getting a real couple to at least talk to us, "new couple, looking for FWB, come hang at our place" etc. We had a connection with a couple about an hour and a half away, they were going to come down and we were going to hang out, see if we connect etc. Things came up, they didn't show (not much of a surprise for an online connection from what I read here)and wife becomes discouraged. Then the very next morning, a couple we have had limited conversation with for a couple weeks, just a couple miles away, says they are free to come over that night. We agree with the stipulation that we want to get to know them, be comfortable. Not being experienced, we felt this prudent. Soft swap was our limit with the possibility of more, she had a no kissing rule, but dropped that the week before, saying it would be hot to see me kiss another woman the way I kiss her. They show up, it feels awkward at first then everything clicks. They stop us and tell us they are very experienced, they will hold back anything not wanted, they want us to be comfortable. We talk for a few more min then go back to some touching. I was a little nervous because I hadn't dated/flirted/whatever in 14 years, meanwhile he already has his hand up her leg (I'm not complaining, I even liked it, just nervous with the other wife) I suggest we retire to the bedroom and we do. Clothes disappear. The other wife calls dibs on tasting my wife and tells me I should be doing something to her, so I do. We fairly quickly move to a full swap, with my permission and yearning to see my wife squirm more with the husband (we made sure both the wives enjoyed themselves). All on the same bed, everyone had a blast. I didn't realize how erotic it would be to see my wife getting off from someone else while I was with that other persons wife. Oh yeah, the first orgasm was simultaneous, my wife and his wife, both gripping each others arms and torsos, so so hot. The next day they drop by for, I don't remember what, and we end up in the bedroom again (this was literally an hour ago) we had adjusted our boundaries and likes/dislikes and told them, they obliged and we had even more fun than yesterday. Oh yes, afterward we talked and made love and couldn't get enough of each other. Thanks for all the posts here. I wouldn't have been able to do it comfortably without them, and now can't wait to do it again!

I am 70 and my friends are both 70. She and I have some curves.

I like your food analogy. I like Italian, Steak, Thai, Chinese, Greek (yeah I know), Southern and I’m willing to try new things. I am not giving up the corned beef sandwich just because I had pizza. And now I learned I enjoy Clams, lol, but not giving up hot dogs.

Well, talking about it is the cure. He should know your side of it. Perhaps a hiatus would help. Take a break. Find another hobby with him. Reestablish your relationship with him. If after six months or more you're both still interested, reengage with new rules.