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It seems like on swingers forums, that I see the male half of a couple posting on how to get their so interested in swinging. If you read through the past posts you will see it has been discussed many times on this forum! To me, (female perspective), it feels like the male half of these couples comes from a very big place of frustration. My advice is to come to terms with the fact your wife may never be into the lifestyle and then decide what is most important to you in your overall happiness, which has been posted already. The other thing I'd like to add is taking away those things that are fueling the frustration, and keeping your focus on the lifestyle...or the lack thereof. Whether it be lifestyle sites, forums, or other things that keep your focus thinking about what is lacking in your relationship. If your attention is solely on your so, and building on a great relationship in and out of bed, what bad can come from that?

First, my SO always comes first. If she isn't interested in something, then we find something else that we both can enjoy. This includes everything, even sex. If she wanted to stop swinging, then we stop. I would never think about leaving her (and that sounds like what you are implying) for greener grass...heck, I can't imaging grass any greener than her. Sex is fun because of who you are with, not who you are with is fun because of the sex. Second, if you can't be honest with each other, then there are bigger problems. A great relationship REQUIRES love, trust, and honesty. If you don't have an abundance of all three, then there is where you start working. You will find once one begins to increase, they usually bring the other two along as well. Work on opening up your communication so you can both talk about everything. So she isn't interested (now) in having sex with other people. What IS she interested in? What are her fantasies? What can you do to make them come true? Maybe some day she could be interested in sex with others, but right now she doesn't feel confident and comfortable enough in the relationship to think about that (if a relationship is rock solid, asking to swing is like saying you want to have sex with others because she isn't good enough or you are looking for the NEXT relationship after her). Cart before the horse: make the relationship great and then see what you both are interested in pursuing. As communication improves, so will the trust (and the love just comes along for the ride). Make sure she knows that you will not judge her or hold anything she says against her. You also need to be willing to open up yourself as well. She needs to know the same things: don't judge or hold things against you. It will take time and is a slow process, but she is worth it. Invest the time and see what happens. Encouraging her to dress sexier is a good start. She needs to know that you love it and are also there to 'protect' her (until she gains the confidence). Remember, there's no rush: you both have the rest of your lives together to get to wherever you are going. One step at a time and don't rush her and you may be surprised where your path may take you. Good luck and let us know how things progress.

Like so many other polls, this needs an 'other' answer. I've was raised Catholic and spent many years in Lutheranism. But, at the moment, I'm Deist. Just like Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. . . . Ask me next year . . .

You're doing fine, you are not a pervert. For some couples, it takes a long time to travel through the curves of this journey. It took my wife and I three years. And some couples never go there. At this time, I'd simply stop asking her to dress sexy, but definitely compliment her if she makes an effort. She'll know what you're saying without you saying it. And have you two been fantasizing in your own bedroom? That sometimes works. Good luck.

It's called a cuckquean (opposed to cuckold) where the woman has to watch her guy have sex with another woman. Saudi Girl...wow!

Thank you Shore for an honest and helpful answer. Don't mean to get so angry with some responses but I can't figure out why people always need to flaunt how wonderful it is for them when I'm obviously struggling and looking for some insight. I think it's worth a try to play separately. The notion of him playing with someone else doesn't bother me at all and like you said it will allow me the freedom to be more relaxed. I will give it a try! Thanks!

Got on the Desire forum. Thanks for the great info! Hope to have some great stories to share!

It seems like you are in different places. Ask her what her sexual fantasies are. Perhaps get her an erotic novel. Go on a romantic weekend.Would she go to a nude beach on a trip? Nine out of ten people are not cut out for swinging. Swinging seems distant for you. But we were propositioned be Swingers at age 34 and we did not actually try it for twenty years. We may win longest rumination before swinging.

I have to eat but I prefer to do it a few hours before play and not with the other couple. This is just me, but I'm too worried about gas, bad breath, food stuck between my teeth to go eat and play right after with another couple. I need a couple of hours between meal and play for digestion and some flossing.

Dinner to meet and get to know a cpl before a play date is set....plus you get time to discuss with your so prior. I personally wouldn't eat a full meal before but that's just me.

We have a non-verbal signal that we give to each other to say whether we are interested or not. It doesn't mean we are going to play that night, but if one of us is not interested, the other one knows where this is going. Incidentally, we agree most of the time.

This is right on the money. We've had too many of those moments where we're reaching the end of a first date and someone says, "so, do you want to play?" I mean, I know whether *I* want to but, short of both of us disappearing to the bathroom to talk about it, I've got no idea what she's thinking. It seems a bit rude to have that conversation right in front of the other couple. "Well, what do you think hun?" "I like her/him well enough, but (s)he's just a little too [reason for being disinterested] for my taste." "Hmm, yeah. I guess I can see that. Huh. They look a little offended. Do you think they can hear us?" "Well they are sitting right there, so..."