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Perhaps you're simply getting older. We've found some of the same behaviors at clubs and have attributed it to the process of our maturation and the steady influx of younger people to swinging. The 20/30 somethings we see in SFla seem to have fewer manners and a bigger sense of entitlement than 15 years ago when we started in this hobby. As for single guys, what's new? The behavior you've described we observed at our 1st club visit in 2002 in Pennsylvania. It has to do with blood volume. Our theory is that many single guys do not have enough blood volume to sustain an erection AND higher brain functions simultaneously, hence the bad behavior. While we really miss the excitement and erotic atmosphere of the clubs, we've found that our club nights are becoming fewer with each passing year because of some of what you described and in addition, most clubs play awful music at the decibel level of a B-52 at takeoff speed. On the other hand, we recognize that we can't expect people to conform to our standards of behavior so have started to avoid places where there are a lot of single guys or rude and pushy people.

It is great that you are concerned about your marriage. Swinging can reveal any weakness you have in your trust & communication. If you have a healthy & strong relationship, you have a good chance of actually growing closer in your relationship. I know that sounds weird but it is very common. You should proceed slowly to be safe. You can always go crazier next weekend or the next party. But you can't undo actions which is why slower is usually safer. You shouldn't worry about playing with couples. Other swinging couples are also happy with their relationship and they don't want you getting in the way of their marriage. Things can get stickier with singles or couples that give hall pass for solo play. That can open the door to an outsider becoming too clingy or intruding on your relationship. This isn't a big issue with experienced swingers. Swinging is more like a lending library and we all want to go home at the end of the party with our own favorite book. We may temporarily lend it out but we want our own book back at the end of the party.

So a couple we've been chatting with just said they don't do the dinner and drinks thing because it's awkward. And they want us to host. Huge red flag, right? Do they really think we're going to give out our address without even meeting first?

Over the past weekend we invited a couple we met at a friend's party to stay with us. My boyfriend had been with her at the party but I never got to be with him. They are from out of state and we had plans to go to NYC and the Jersey shore. Things changed somewhat due to a nasty weekend. This gave us time to have some more time with just them. The fun started pretty much the way I thought. On the second night a suggestion was made that we play in separate rooms. I didn't think my bf would be good with that. Surprise, he was. I ended up in the bedroom with my partner for the night and the door closed. I'm not sure how comfortable I was with it and I also was excited too. I just figured it would be the same as what we did before then he became more romantic with more kissing. Things went much slower with nobody watching. I can't say it was much different than things I had done in my life, it was different than anything I did while swinging. I enjoyed the change. After they left on Monday I asked my boyfriend if things were different when he was alone with her and he said not really. I promised to be truthful and told him that the pace was much different without anyone watching. What have others experienced?

Yes. I think that IS kind of odd. They might just want to get down to business but I/we prefer some time to get to know them first in a nonsexual way. They might have limited time or resources. Host where? In a motel/hotel? NO WAY in your house!

I'm 59 and have effectively been married for 41 years. Got married at 18. Young women? Yeah, they are like a Ferrari, nice to look at, but who the hell wants to own one? My girlfriend has saggy boobs, she lost a lot of weight so she has wrinkles. C-section scar. All of the battle scars of life. Just like I am turning grey and losing my hair, don't have the muscle tone that I once had. Between us we have 5 kids and a passel of grand kids. She wants to get a boob job and tummy tuck. I don't want her to have either of those done. There is nothing more beautiful to me than her sitting on the deck naked, with all the faults that I don't give a damn about, sipping a cold beer watching the sun set. There is one thing that you are not taking into consideration. Yes, we see the changes in you. But what we really see is the sexy 18-20 year old woman that is still there, underneath it all. And with all the changes, we wouldn't undo any of them. They are what make you the woman that you are! Yes, there are men who don't accept that those changes are a part of life. They still long for that tight young 18-20 year old woman and you see them chase them. Damn fools if you ask me. I have a friend who is like that. I told him one day that he was like an old dog chasing a car. If he caught it, he wouldn't know what to do with it. Hahaha Your husband doesn't sound like he is one of those. So stand proud babe. Revel in the mature loving woman that you are. I bet if you asked your hubby the right question, you would find out that his answer that to the question about which of your bodies he preferred is more that he wished that you were both younger and knew what you knew now....

My GF and I were doing a soft swap with another couple and she was on her back, face to face, kissing with the other girl and I was on top of the other girl, fucking my girlfriend with the other girl sandwiched between us. I'll never forget that, as well as all of the other stuff we did that night.

My husband had similar fantasies, and I think that they are very common and normal. As JandK say, you need to let your wife proceed at her own pace. With time and communication, she will likely become comfortable with cuckolding (and maybe swinging) and will even start taking the initiative. My husband and I started with a lot of open communication, fantasizing, and role playing before I finally took the plunge with another man.

After he finished in her I took my turn. I was so horny from watching them and she was so wet from him coming in her that I came after only a few strokes. I was so embarrassed. He had just fucked her for what seemed like forever. I was getting frustrated waiting for him to get off of her. I could barely feel her and I'm sure that she could barely feel me. It was the first time I felt small. He was the superior lover in the room. I thought things were over. I wanted him to leave but when I got off of the bed he got back on. He was still hard. His cock was bigger than mine and I didn't care about it until I came so quickly and felt so inadequate. I was happy that she was going to experience a cock bigger than mine but now I was feeling nervous and jealous. I had just watched her enjoying herself with him but I came so quickly that she never got started with me and now he was going to fuck her again and she was laying there waiting for him. I sat back down in the chair and watched again. It went on for even longer than the first time. He rolled her around into many different positions. I couldn't believe he was staying so hard. She would look over at me occasionally. The look of lust and enjoyment on her face as he pumped his cock in and out of her is what makes watching so much fun. She mouthed the words "I love you" as he fucked her. That was so incredible. I felt reassured and began to get hard again. She was being used by him in a way that she never experienced. In a way that she never experienced with me. I has happy that she was experiencing sexual things like that. I was happy that she was happy. I wanted another try.

Hi all. My wife and I don't swing (yet) but we have talked about it a decent amount. She's had more partners before getting married than I did and sometimes talks about how she misses random hookups at bars. It really turns me on thinking of her fucking another guy and I think I'd be ok with it. Those husbands that have done this, have you been in the same room watching? Did you take part or just observe? Just curious about what's normal or not.

Hello All, I have posted on this subject in the recent months, mainly because I am now seeing what my body looks like after two pregnancies, and nursing two children for a total of 15 months. Ladies, you can attest to this that we don't look the same after that. That's my issue, I don't look the same and while my husband met me after I had already had my daughter, we had a son together, and my body has slightly changed, yet again. My husband swears I am beautiful. In a sense, I buy into it because I feel there are flattering parts of me (not my breasts or stomach though). My issue is now despite the relationship we have, his word, and actions towards me..it isn't the same. How can any man admit that they would prefer their loose stomach-skinned and droopy breast wife over a taut tummy, perkier model with less bags under her eyes? I am expecting a flood of men (and women) to come sweeping into answer this with the whole "Because he loves you" "you gave him children" "Appearances fade" "he loves you for you" caveat and to a sense I believe what you're saying; however, comma, pause...I am not naive. This can't be his true preference and desire and I hate the idea that something I can't change anymore is what makes me less desirable in comparison to potential, more physically appealing play partners. I'm at a loss of what do. How to feel. So much so that I've scheduled a consultation with a plastic surgeon. I just can't find 100% validity and sincerity in my heart to believe his statements. Hell, if I was a husband and I watched first hand what my wife had to endure to bring forth life, I wouldn't tell her she looked bad either. Lord have mercy the wrath men would suffer. But you have to know that we question our appearances after such a traumatizing experience (trauma as in body changes).

There is no way in an intimate MFM encounter on the same bed that the men will not come in contact with each other in some way. Touching arms or legs or rubbing or bumping into each other does not mean you are gay or bisexual. Relax and have fun in those close quarters! It's a part of the play.

My husband and I were in the lifestyle. Long story short, we hit a bump in the road caused by me not asking and doing things I never really had done with him. This guy had a little bit bigger size on him and now my husband feels small and not good enough for me even though I find him perfect! He fucks me real good!!! The problem is he thinks I felt this guy more, when in fact, I didn't feel him more. What I did feel was him smooth like because his dick had no ripples or definition to it it was just smooth. I did enjoy the first part of sex with this guy, as basic sex should be, but he never did anything different just the same thing over and over like a robot. I got bored of it real fast; however, I did not make it look like that. I played it off like he was doing just fine when in fact he sucked. Problem one: I never really moaned before. I always had to worry about kids and stuff so I was always quiet with my husband. But when this guy and I started, he stopped and asked why I was so quiet I blamed my kid habit and he said, "Let it go," so I faked it since I am not a moaner really. So now my husband thinks I was all real with him and it was because of his size. There is some other things as well but now my husband thinks he is small and is insecure with himself and it is destroying our marriage. Nothing I say or prove to him will stop. Problem 2: is there any other women out there that have fucked a guy a little bigger then their man and not tell the difference? Just need advice. I have no women to talk to about swinging and issues. I know I sound confusing so please as any ?? I just stuck.

Well I agree with the need to better check on the guy. But a very nice story and mine was similar in that it was a man for me and and my eager husband enjoying the sights and sounds. I will ask him to post his story since hi excitement I am sure was similar to yours. Joan

Me and my husband are bi. I don't mind doing guys and females, I just don't know about couples. My biggest fear is that we are married and I don't want this to come between our marriage. He has done this before I haven't.

Hello, I happened to see your post first and I'll reply as the "extra guy". I enjoy MFM fun for many reasons but probably the most important is I enjoy being with a couple that is happy and tuned into each other. I am like extra help. Guys are less than a dime a dozen as it has been said. Have fun at the dinner. Communicate any concerns or desires with your wife before hand. Have a safe word to stop. If you know you will have a problem watching her DO NOT DO IT. However, most couples I know both talk with me about how more connected they feel. The key is really, it does not matter what others want or do, follow your dreams. It sounds like she is ready but you are not so do not rush into. Maybe have a talk about it and settle for soft play with no penetration. It is more arousing than it sounds. I hope this helps you decide:)

Blood volume, ok that is funny. Hope you don't mind me using your material! We have become much more liberal. We still cling to being spontaneous. All this effort to find "Like minded individuals" via other media's can be time consuming and exhausting. Don't get me wrong, we still have had some outstanding experiences in the club scene. Being able to immediately (see, hear, look) at potential potentials is better than the online shenanigans. My opinion. What happens at the club stays at the club!

It's not the same. I'm a woman who has had both vaginal and anal sex with guys. Even with the same guy, it's totally different. That wouldn't be considered ironic, antipodal maybe?

I probably would avoid knowingly having sex with someone who was HPV positive. However, I suspect that as swingers, exposure is almost unavoidable. My recent Pap smear showed atypical squamous cells of undetermined significance, but the follow up HPV test did not show any high risk strains. So I may have been exposed at some point recently, but the HPV has cleared. Since I am currently negative, I have continued having sex with others.

Obviously a dick pic and one word is pretty extreme. But this topic can serve a purpose. After meeting a few dozen men in person that we had communicated with only thru e-mail, I was educated. What I learned is that a person (man) who sits down to write a reply to a swinger ad, exposes a lot about himself. Short sentences in short e-mails can be a guy who is always in a hurry, including sex. No caps, no commas, and misspellings comes from a guy who is only interested in his pleasure. Very inconsiderate. Long involved, life exposing e-mails can be a great lover, or a very lonely guy looking for someone to listen to him ramble on and on and never get the clothes off. Picking the right guy is like detective work.

New to forums, just finished reading the comments, very helpful information and commenting on everyone's part. I am part of a couple, our second experience was with a single male, our first was also. My wife was never into a separate room, she always disliked the idea. After we played with a single male, we got more comfortable with him. At one point I asked to my wife would you like to go to his room and you can be more comfortable, if you aren't you can always come back to our room. She went for it and loved it so I was too, but it also was fun playing together in the beginning. As the OP said, with 3 or 4 people combining you can get pretty creative with your play time, but after she came back to our room from his, everything was more exciting and intense. So far, yes, separate room can be very exited for numerous reasons as OP indicated, being free without thinking if this is ok or not, what he does or she does.

This is few days before my wife's birthday,we had started exploring the swinging lifestyle and were loving it. My wife kept mentioning about how hot her dance trainer was and fantasized about having a threesome. I had to travel out of town and was supposed to return on her b'day but unfortunately I couldn't and apologized to my wife but she was totally mad at me. She had bought some sexy outfits and we were supposed to have sex all day. She was so mad that she said he was going to invite the trainer home and fuck him the next day. I managed to reach home but he was already there. Seeing my wife wearing a sexy dress I asked if she had planned the threesome, she said she wanted to sleep with him first and later think about the threesome. I understood that she was angry and wanted to humiliate me but wild thoughts were running in my mind. When my wife to get some drinks I had a chat with the guy and told him about having a threesome later and he loved the idea. My wife returned and started to play with him while I was still there. She wanted me to watch and learn what would happened if I made her mad. She unbuttoned her blouse as he put his hand inside it and my wife slid her hand in his pants. I got an instant hard on watching them, she wanted me to feel bad and insulted but I did not know I would enjoy it so much. She loved his huge penis and sucked it while giving me dirty glances and in few minutes he removed her bra and she threw it at me. Things had gotten a lot more hotter, he was sucking on my wife's boobs while she stroked his penis. I unzipped my pants and started to jerk off, that surprised my wife but she did not respond. Soon she was on the bed with her legs wide open and he penetrated her and or a moment my wife forgot that I was watching. She asked him to fuck her more and he'd give her deep hard thrusts. They were fucking like they would not stop but paused for a moment to change positions. I wanted to make her feel that I was jealous so I asked them to stop. My wife was way too horny to stop, she said I could jerk off to them or leave and I chose to stay and jerk off . She sat on all fours so that he can fuck her from behind. Now this was way too sexy for me, I was tempted to put my penis in my wife's mouth but I wanted to make her feel that I was upset. He then started to fuck my wife doggy style and that was the hottest thing to watch. They both fucked really hard for god know how long but finally reached orgasm and both fell on the bed panting heavily So never upset your wife

I'm sure a lot of us would love to hear more of your earlier experiences

My late wife and I used to meet couples for the first time in the afternoon at the coffee shop in a local book store. It offered a non-threatening atmosphere and an easy exit for both couples, if needed. If the meeting was not a good one, we could buy a couple of books to ease the boredom.

I masturbate once every week or two. However, sometimes it's as part of cybersex with friends who are far away, so I don't know whether that counts. My husband masturbates once or twice a week, usually while watching amateur porn on his own.

I am going to take a bit of a different track here...yes, he needed your "help". However, "Total Neglect" isn't what happened here...you were enjoying your experience with the other hubby and he could have made his own frustrating experience with the other wife enjoyable as well. Even though we (as couples) swing together, we (as individuals) are each responsible for our own fun - and especially during a full swap (same or separate rooms). To be honest, I've been in this same situation in a previous relationship. It got to the point I didn't want to swing because I was too concerned for his fun and I wasn't having any trying to read his cues, subtle signs, and resurrect his erection. It's completely distracting to have to keep glancing over to see that your partner is having a good time - or worse, stopping your fun to go lend a hand. If he needed some assistance, he should have asked for it...or let you know in some way. You are not a mind reader! I would surmise that your husband is feeling neglected but also frustrated, confused, betrayed (by his cock) and a plethora of other feeling unrelated to you or your response. But outside of safety, he alone is responsible for his own good time. There's plenty of ways to have fun even with a limp cock. You also mentioned that you usually swap together, assuming you full swap, same bed? This time you stepped outside your comfort zone and opted for the full swap in further proximity. How did you come to that decision? Have you considered separate room play? Sometimes moving into separate rooms allows us freedoms to explore more authentically. If this is a pattern it's probably going to be an ongoing issue unless he can discern what makes his member lukewarm on the idea. Don't beat yourself up over this. You've apologized to your husband, now let it go. Later you two should talk about how to manage this issue in the future.

I will always kiss my wife, regardless of where she's had her mouth. I love her and if she's just sucked another guy dry, I'll kiss her and say good girl.

If Ms. Gold is willing to tell me her fantasies, I'm more than willing to try and make them come true. This has brought us closer together and allowed us to both be more open with each other. Would we have been okay without this: yes. Has this made our relationship stronger and better: yes! Could we stop today without looking back: yes. This is the sprinkles on our ice cream sundae of life...the sundae would have still been great without them, but it's better with them. In your case, however, it's a question that only the two of you can answer. If she is asking the question, I would guess that she wanted you to say that it's not important to you, just something that brings you closer and more open to each other. I'm guessing here, but it sounds like she wants to make sure that you love her first and foremost and that anything else that happens is a very distant second. Talk to her and find out. Open up those lines of communication even wider, it almost never hurts and will usually just make your relationship stronger, no matter what the outcome is.

Coincidentally, my husband and I had a related conversation a few days ago. He said that, as much as he enjoyed being with other women, if he could have sex with only one woman he would always choose me. I feel the same way about him. Intimacy is a major contributor to sexual satisfaction, and neither of us could have the same degree of intimacy with a temporary play partner that we have developed with each other over decades. On thee other hand, swinging and hotwifing has exposed me to a wide variety of men of different physical attributes, races, attitudes, and sexual skills. From a purely physical standpoint, I have had mindblowing sex that far exceeds what I get from my husband. I have discovered sexual activities and likes that I can teach my husband. Thus, sex with my husband and sex with other partners are complementary. Having one kind of sex does not mean that I am dissatisfied with the other.

Boys boys boys..... While your explanations on why's and how to's are different i think from these posts you are saying the same thing to the OP Just be careful there are good and bad in all walks of life and your sexual life is no different. How many people here will run across a motor way with out looking 1st? so in the same way chose carefully to your best ability and you should have more fun then hurt.

I absolutely love to see my wife be fucked by other men.We have done this with about 5 other guys over the years.My wife and I have a bit of a dom-sub thing going on as she loves to play the slutty/sub role.This fits right into the mmf situation perfectly for us. Sometimes I will participate sometimes I just sit back and enjoy.We also love it when I coach him and my wife on what to do and when.It seems to fit right into the dom thing because even though I'm sitting back watching I'm still in control.The guys seem to like this as well because they don't seem to nervous about doing the wrong thing or on how far to take things or to what extent to use my wife.Also because I know my wife's limits and what she REALLY likes she is getting fucked/used just like she likes it!!A win,win for both of us.. I should also mention that we are both Bi & I have done the clean up duty's on occasion!..This absolutely drives my wife crazy she loves it so much..We are not into the cuck ways at all as I love to be in control..

Even if the OP has no intention of becoming a swinger the obvious anger, repeated vulgarity and insults are not called for.

I love watching my wife fucking another guy. It's one of favorite aspects of swinging. I like to watch and she loves to perform for an audience. We've had times where I watch and she plays and I fuck her afterward. We've done threesomes, where the other guy and I play with her together. We've had times were she and I play and other people watch. We've had times when she goes out and plays by herself then comes home and tells me all the details while she and I play. Lots of fun all around. In short, there are a lot of options in swinging and very little "normal." What is key is making sure that everyone involved understands the rules, expectations and boundaries and abides by them in good faith.

Both you and your wife should consider yourselves lucky you escaped with no injuries or worse. Neither you or your wife had any clue about this guy or what he was capable of. Let me tell you how this could have went. After pleasantries this guy and your wife crawled in the back seat in a secluded location (probably in the dark) with you in the front seat. Anything that happens in the back seat is now beyond your control! This guy is holding your wife's life in his hands! What would have happened if this guy started slapping your wife around and started chocking her. If you tried to intervene you probably would put your wife in greater danger. At this moment a couple of things would probably happen. This guy would probably produce a weapon and demand you get out of the car. He would then drive away and you probably would never see your wife alive again. Think I am weaving fables? I am a police officer (my wife and I are swingers) and scenarios like this happen every day. The bad thing about this happening to swingers is there a reluctance to report the situation I just described. This is not an acceptable way to get started in swinging. Go to a local club and meet and great with other swingers. Plus one or both of you will not be murdered.

As a woman, a condom does not make a huge difference to me in terms of physical pleasure, but bareback does increase my sense of intimacy and connection to a man when his semen is ejaculated inside me. I do go bareback with very close friends. My husband does lose sensation using even thin condoms. Overall, sex is more pleasurable for both of us bareback, but especially for my husband. However, for the sake of safety we use condoms, except with a few boyfriends whom I know well.

I built one out of a windscreen wiper motor. It does not vibrate however. I made a variable DC power supply and a seat of two arms with a gap between. The dildo raises and falls. it can be adjusted from an about 1" to 6" and goes from veeerrry slow to as fast as your windscreen wipers can go in a storm. It has a direction switch so you can just poke a bit with it or let it just push its way in from very gently to "OH WOW" Very comfy to sit on and just keeps going and going and going. The continuous action does not rush you to orgasm but lets it build over some time. Relaxed, and comfortable as the interchangeable dildo is pulled out and pushed in for as long as you can make it last. We have not tried it in company yet. Just my wife and I.

Lioness I found the same as you did. The same man who made love to me on our first venture into swinging was completely different in front of his wife and my husband. I think if we had reversed the situation where we had our first time in the same room my feelings about swinging would be different. And we did make love and no we didn't fall in love. I love my husband and my separate room time didn't effect my marriage. And though I didn't see what happened in the other room, I hope my husband treated her the same way I was treated and the way he treats me. We are not big swingers. When we have had the opportunities I still prefer separate rooms. I trust my husband too. As long as you and your partner agree it's all good.

It has been years since my wife and I have done anything other than MFM threesomes, but I remember doing 4somes with a couple and how separate rooms and even separate homes was extremely exciting. Each of us could relate more easily with our playmates when we were alone with them. It was great and caused us no problems.

I agree wholeheartedly. I don't think it's gay or weird. I love my wife and I just love the enhanced feeling of her "sluttiness" when she has taken a load in her mouth or on her face (tasteful facial, not all over her forehead and stuff). I like to be a part of the whole situation so it's not uncomfortable at all for me.

My previous girlfriend didn't want to wear any of them, but life is smiling at me and my current girlfriend loves them. I got a customized bunny tail butt plug from Pupogolandia brand. She loves to arouse me wearing it while receiving oral.

I find doing that one of the fun things about a mmf threesome. I also enjoying giving her oral after a friend has cum inside her bareback.

We love sharing cum and I always clean up after she’s been fucked. I would a little disappointed if she didn’t share.

My first ever mfm the woman and I did a 69 while her husband fucked her from behind. We almost had to peel her off the ceiling. Just a thought.

My dad taught me "What is good for the goose is good for the gander". And yes, that's about as old and as corny as it gets. But, as I remember it, every time he brought that phrase up it had to do with some man expecting his wife to behave differently than he did. SO, my comment has nothing to do with the virtues of kissing my lover after she's sucked another man off. The point is simply this, if you expect your wife to kiss you after you go down on her and/or another woman and see it as sensual and erotic then you shouldn't never hesitate to kiss her after she's sucked you or another guy; something she no doubt finds equally sensual and erotic

I'm a bi male and will eagerly kiss my wife after I or one of our friends cums in her mouth. I personally love the taste of cum so it has never been an issue with kissing her after she has just sucked me or someone else off. It is a VERY erotic moment when our tongues first touch and I can taste his dick and/or cum in her mouth.

the difference between a Snowman and a Snow-woman.... sno'balls

Nothing hotter than kissing my wife with the taste and scent of come in her mouth. Winter is coming...snowballs!

We got this email for the club we work with a few months ago, and figured we'd share it, after this thread popped back up. Please keep in mind the stats are specific to our area and the time it was written. From a single male who visited the club webpage and left a response: "Your membership page popped up after I submitted my inquiry. Its just a shame that myself as a single will be discriminated against for membership !" Now Dave, who is all for equal oppourtunity and the rest, decided to reply: "I hope that I am not wasting my time writing this email, but your comment in this email ranked up there as one of the reasons that single males feel persecuted while in the lifestyle. Mind you, I write this not as the webmaster, but as a male member of a lifestyle couple. I fully expect that you will delete this email without reading further, but if you do choose to read on, and I hope you do, perhaps there is hope for you to join the two single males who ARE fully accepted in the club. Yes, we do accept select single males. I used SwingLifeStyle to run some numbers, and did a search of people within 50 miles of my zipcode. I found the following: 205 Single Males 570 Couples 52 Single Females By my simple math, this implies there are 775 men and 622 women involved in the lifestyle within 50 miles of my home. This translates to about 1.2 men for every woman, or 6 men for every 5 women. By simple laws of supply and demand, this means that the ladies would have their choice in what they desire. This is evident in any Lifestyle event, as the women generally decide what action happens. This is not to say that those single men do not fill a niche. There are women who want 2 men at a time. Yet there are also women who want another woman and their man. The potential combinations are endless. Now, speaking to you from 12 years of experience in the lifestyle, the trends I have personally observed are as follows: Another search on SwingLifestyle yielded: 147 couples where both members were straight. 10 Couples with a bi or bi-curious male (female str8) 383 couples with a Str8 man and bi or bi curious female My personal experience tells me that bi or bi curious females tend to desire other bi or bi curious females in the mix. Now that doesn't leave out them possibly wanting a mfm session, but it does drastically reduce the odds of that. Even with these numbers, and you can guess where this leads, percentage wise, males will tend to get left out of play more than women do. Realistically, you can expect that maybe 1 out of 10, and I'm being generous here, of the couples will actually seek a single male for play over a couple or a single female. If you have 30 couples at a dance, 3 might want a single male for play. These are all based on personal observations. There are very few lifestyle clubs in the United States who will admit more than a few single males on any given night. In addition to the above, which shows a prediliction of couples desiring female-female interaction, there are other issues as well. 1. As an Alpha Male (I am a Soldier and take charge type), I am naturally more aggressive in my actions than a female. While in this day and age is not appropriate to say, the truth of biochemisty is just that. I have to be careful to not be too forward with others, and my wife helps stabilize that in myself as the wives do in other couples. Single males do not have that safety, and is often evident in their behavior in lifestyle clubs. Chasing the ladies, not accepting no for an answer, or thinking that they should be included in everything. This leads to single men achieving the poor reputation of not having the manners or the self-control required to survive in a female driven event. I personally know very few women who get aroused anywhere near as much as a male (the old study says males think about sex 6 times in an hour). 2. This leads further to the question asked by many ladies. "Why would I want this man if some other woman hasn't picked him out?" 3. Single males have a job to do to prove that they are in the lifestyle for any reason other than for stringless sex with a married woman, without having to develop their own relationship. I'll not go into what this says about maturity. It can be done, but does take repeatedly proving that you are meritorious of that kind of trust. Again I say this because there are 2 males in our small membership who have proved this, and we accept them. Now, in my opinion, if you have actually read this far into this email, and haven't responded with the simple "fuck you" that I also expect, then let me leave you with this thought: Webster's defines swinger as: –noun 1.a person or thing that swings. 2.Slang. a lively, active, and modern person whose activities are fashionable or trendy. 3.Slang. a.a person who indulges in promiscuous sex. b.a person who engages in the exchanging of spouses for sexual activities.. Yes a single male can count as a swinger by definition 3a, but most males cannot accept a role where the women do have complete control over all of the actions. If you are different than such, you have a chance to become accepted in a world where adults will make adult decisions based on their own desires. I will tell you that a lot of couples see single men as a dime a dozen, while they call single bi-sexual females "unicorns" based on the rarity of the mythical creature. You have to strongly differentiate yourself from that preconception. I will also leave you with this fact. On 1 Jan 2009, I posted pictures of the new year's event and how wild it went. I'm sure you have seen those. Prior to 1 Jan, our hit counter was at 1709. As of 8 pm EST on 6 Jan, our hit counter is at 2376. For a webpage that has existed for over a month now, that is 600 people having hit the site in less than 6 days. Another statistic. I built the member's area and posted it at 1000 am on Sunday, 4 Jan. In that time, we have had requests from 57 people to join. 14 were single males, 18 were from couples in the area who have not attended parties and do not have club memberships, and 23 were from couples who have attended our parties. At this time, there are 23 members in the members area. Now tell me this. What has happened that our hits increased so much? I did not change anything other than to add some risque pictures from the party. Why is this the 2nd email from a single male complaining that we will not allow him into the club? If you want into the club, I advise you of the following. Prove yourself to a couple that is a member, or find a single woman who wishes to participate with you, and sign up for an event. We don't deny couples to bring who they want, as long as everyone is over 21. We do place strict guidelines on behavior of single males because combined, between the owners of the club and the "staff", we have over 150 years experience in the lifestyle, and our EXPERIENCE bears out that single males often do cause problems and will drive members away. Notice our experience directly reflects the experiences of 99% of the lifestyle clubs in existence in the united states. You claim prejudice against single males. So I advise you to prove yourself as different. Once you do, you are accepted by people in this lifestyle. Have some couples that you have played with refer you, and you will find a much different experience. Now, if you have an intelligent response to my experience, and the experience of those around me, I'm sure we'd love to hear it. I have blind carbon copied this to several of the staff of this club because I send this email openly. I speak for myself, and I may get berated by my boss for doing so, but I take this action because if someone claims I am prejudiced against them, I have the right to explain where my "prejudice" comes from, and to have an intelligent argument with regards to it. They may agree with me, they may not, but I do know this from experience. IF you can prove yourself different, given the chance, Lifestyler's are very accepting people." Needless to say, we never did get a response back.

This was a good topic. Now, once again, I'm going to give the single guy who used to be part of a couple point of view. Honesty doesn't have to go further than "Sorry, we are not interested. Good luck, though." Anything more says to a single man, "We would want to, but you didn't say or do enough of the right things." Remember, most single men have sex with single women, not couples. Most single men are CONDITIONED to pursue single women by asking them why they are saying "Sorry, not interested." From my two years in a relationship that almost ended in marriage, I know I lost that hunter edge and just moved on when we didn't get that definite yes. I was with a woman who was the most important person on this world to me, and I had no time for anyone who didn't want to be with us, no matter how attracted I/she/we were attracted to her/them. It took me almost four years to regain that hunter's instinct when it came to dating, and it takes a lot of self control to reign those instincts in when it comes to swinging. I could defend the guy and say that he has roommates (if he's single there's a fifty-fifty chance he lives with one or two other guys if he's under fifty in today's economy) and they have gone away for the weekend, but that should have been in his profile. Its in mine and its not something I try to hide. It explains who answered the phone when I'm not home and why I have such a small window of opportunity. If he is a cop, school teacher, or in the military, having a public picture (especially if he has tatooes) could be a problem, especially if he is new to his job. Again, that should be in his profile. I know many teachers who won't swing with anyone within 100 miles of their home town for that reason. Bottom line, he doesn't know the ropes yet. Don't know how he's going to learn, but that is his problem. He will work it out eventually. Still, it was a good topic. Personally, I always leave it at "Sorry, not interested. Good luck, though." Most couples and single women accept that and move on. The ones who don't get ignored.

If you are feel sure about him, and your husband desires it too, then consider it. From your post, it seems that he is not "new" to you. That's great! Sex with new poeple is risky, with or without condoms. Hepatitis can be contracted from kissing, so there is a "big picture" to be looked at. You know, I don't ride motorcycles. They are fun to ride, and I'm sure that I would have a blast, but that is not an area that I'm willing to take risk in. Now, I have some friends that love riding motorcycles. Some of them even ride without helmets most of the time, and personally, I think that is crazy. It is definitely not for me. On the other hand, I do ride horses without helmets. I have broke many colts. I was willing to take risks in those areas. It was worth it to me. It's a risk/reward issue. Certainly, I managed the risks somewhat with knowledge and experience, but I didn't totally rid of the risks, I just narrowed them down to a comfortable level. One can also manage the risks of going bareback to "some" extent. Choosing not to go bare with new partners, and requiring frequent std testing is another. The risks are never totally eliminated, but I attempt to bring them down to a level that is tolerable for me and my partners. Notice how many of the the couples that were against going bareback did not have creampie or sloppy seconds fantasies. A few did, but most of them didn't like the idea of cum being in her vagina anyway. The thill of bareback sex is not rewarding enough to them to take on more risk. More risk is exactly what it is, becuase condoms reduce risk, and don't eliminate them. Did I repeat much of what has already been stated on this thread. Yeah, I'm sure that I did. I'm just poking this thread like a fire for more action.