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A momentary pause to remark that the quality of information and the focus on thoughtful, sensible behaviors in this thread is truly extraordinary. It speaks not just to the lifestyle community, but further to the caring attitude of those who take their time to post here. We have said it before and we will say it again: we number our lifestyle friends among our very best friends because of the transparency, honesty, and nonjudgmental attitudes they bring into our lives.

After using SDC, SLS, "Dirty Facebook", Kik, going on dates, and going to a Lifestyle party, we threw in the towel. We have a few friends we play with. After 2 years we are still blown away how difficult it seems to be to chat, meet, click. Hope others have better results than us. The good news is we really like each other and we can say we tried it and liked it. May try again in a few years. What we learned.... 1. Seems lots are looking to fill a void. 2. Lots of males dragging the wife along. 3. Tons of people want to do pic swap but nothing more. 4. Seems the wife intimidated at least half the couples. 5. People have magical cameras when taking pics of themselves or pics are 5 years old. 6. It seems to be a sport for most, which is fine, just tell people that. 7. Lots of couples are not married. That's fine, just tell people that. All in all, we enjoyed our experiences. We will take this knowledge and use it in the future.

This matches my "greatest flake" story exactly. All I could think was, "was her ex really this handsome?"

Yep, we say hi. Pretending you don't know each other is silly. It's not like you have to tell everyone "We slept together last month!" It's amazingly much ado about nothing.

Understandable. We have had similar experiences. We meet with established friends more than we meet new couples.

Years ago, we had a date set with a lovely young woman who we were going to take to dinner, then the club for some fun. The day before, she sent us a message that she had suddenly fallen in love with a blind date she'd met the night before. We figured she was just being flaky, but it's a hazard of the lifestyle so why let it ruin our fun. When we arrived at the restaurant that next night, she'd called ahead and had a bottle of champagne waiting with an apology for not being able to join us. Never did hear from her after that. We both hope she's happy and doing well, though.

I feel like, now that I have been married for almost 5 years and together for 10, that marriage and a relationship is what you define it to be. It is not up to society or anybody else to tell you what a "happy relationship" is or what it is "supposed to look like". This is up to the couple to define for themselves. I feel that one of the beauties of being married and being with someone you love is that you can make your own rules together and you can share with each other your deepest, darkest fantasies and thoughts without fear of being judged. When you are in that kind of relationship you can explore new things together, without fear, and have some fun, crazy adventures that you will remember for the rest of your lives. I feel like that is what marriage should be, no matter how you choose to define your particular marriage.

I'm not a fan of cum. I've not had the desire to suck a cock, much less to do so in anticipation of the reward at the climax, like my late wife did. When I heard that familiar "Mmmmmmm" I knew what was happening. I've considered that a girl thing. Cum that happens to be in a pussy, however, is another subject. How can it be distinguished from the lady's own secretions? Laura and I had swapped with Ronny and Linda, side-by-side in their bed. The husbands had delivered all they could into each other's wife. Laura, however, hadn't gotten off. I had rolled off Linda and was lying beside her. Laura, climbing across bodies while saying, "Darling, have I got a hot pussy for you!" put a knee on each side of my head and lowered seriously dripping labia on each side of my nose. I used the side of my tongue to push her lips first right, then left, urging the fluid to run down my cheeks into my beard, while I persevered on my way to her clit. It didn't take long for her to inform me she was coming. Then it really got wet, to the point that, despite my efforts, I has having trouble dealing with it. But deal with it I was able to. I'm sure I swallowed some of Ronny's cum, as I imagine he did mine, but this remains one of my favorite memories from our years of swinging. I rinsed my beard out afterward.

Haha yes that's a better way of looking at it. And yes it's totally fine to just watch at a club, the only time there might be an issue is if everybody else is naked and you prefer to keep your clothes on, some people may take offense to that. Just do your research, club reviews, which night suits you best, etc.

From what i read in your post about your girls reactions - I'd say she loves you and wants to have a family with you, she told you straight out that outside sex is not what she wants - she wants a family - with you period. When you press her she says fine do what you want. ( because you can not get it though your head and she is tired of trying to tell you ) She has picked you to settle down with and have a family - tell her now before it gets worse for her - you know you don't want to settle down and be exclusive so why hurt her any more man. To your questions the answer is no to all - because you will need two to play by them and from what you have said your not taking in what your girls is tell you, you think some how it's all going to work out and while your thinking that here's some thing Pink says - it's just you and your hand tonight.

Thank you. Very helpful reply. I think my question was unclear. Given our interests, being HWP, and be a non-smoker seems to have made it hard to find folks with common interests. We aren't asking folks to jump on a wakeboard. But going for a hike does seem fun... to us. I guess we want to spend time doing things other than just sex. Must just be us.

Homerun!

Mr. Host sounds like a real scumbag, and his wife is a fool for letting him act that way. And no, swinging is not giving yourself up to other people freely, in our opinion anyway. It is no different than in a vanilla dating scenario. If it had been just you and him on a first or second date, and you told him no, that is stepping over legal boundaries, regardless of if you have given yourself to other men/people. That is one of our big fears as well, that even though everyone says 'no means no' will it be honored? Your husband was much more cool about it than He would have been, he would have been looking for his own physical gratification with the guy, just not in a sexual way. We don't like physical altercations, but in this case it sounds like it would have been justified.

First, every club is different... but all of the ones I've been to have some common features. First, they include a "social area" and a "play area." The social area are is much like a typical bar, only without the bar (I have never know a swingers club that could get a liquor license... byob seems to be the norm). There are tables to sit at, often a dance floor and a dj, sometimes a pool table. In this area, people hang out and socialize. The big difference between the social area and any vanilla hang out is that you're more likely to see someone flashing a tit or just wearing lingerie... but most of the time people stay dressed (in my experience, the odds of nudity increase as the evening wears on). The play area usually consists of several small rooms with one or beds and a door, and often (but not always) an area for "public" play for those so inclined. This is the area where couples, threesome, foursomes and moresomes will retire to play. Some people like to be watched, so will play in the public play area or will just leave the door open. Other people prefer privacy and so close the door. An absolute rule in every club I have ever known or heard of is 'look but don't touch (without express permission)'. Just because someone is standing next to you naked, you don't have the right to touch them. Just people a couple (or group) is have sex right in front of you, you don't have the right to join in. As for breaking the ice, the simplest thing to do if you find someone you are interested in is to ask them if they would like to "play" (swinger lingo for engage in sexual activity). Or, you would prefer you can certainly as them to grope, fondle etc. My wife has been known to drop her top and invite people to fondle her or simply agree to being fondled when asked. Things usually progress from there at greater or lesser rates depending on everyone's interest levels. My biggest advice is relax and have fun. Swingers are, by in large, a friendly bunch and always willing to welcome new folks while letting them move at their own pace.

I'm just...bi. Sometimes I go for women, sometimes men. When I go out it's usually the personality that catches my eye first, then the gender. With the bi-erasure and hate I get within the lesbian/gay and even straight community, I'll take what I can get lol