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Luvin Eye Full She does know I posted here, we share the email account, it's our Lifestyle secret identity email. However I don't think she read the thread or not all of it. I mentioned in a text to someone yesterday what you said. This is the way I put it. "Believing you could make an average sex life better by the LS I don't believe works like people think. Take an awesome sex life and share it with others who have awesome sex lives that is one helluva rush and an unbelievable high." We are working on the honesty and trust rebuild. It's getting there but will take time. Not a long time because of our long relationship, but time nonetheless.

Thanks. Yep, it's been a long time since I've posted. And all the while I've been getting emails reminding of me responses to very old posts that keep getting responses. We are not nearly as LS active as we once were. The local group dynamic changed quite a bit. Oh, and life got in the way. We still occasionally feed our so-called carnal desires, but we haven't visited a club or attended a party in a couple years. We're easing back into it, and the moment I described above was notably different than any other experience I've had so I thought I'd come back and share the story. We still find ourselves hanging out mostly with our lifestyle friends, even if we haven't lifestyled in forever. Comradery and the free range of conversation means a lot. Yeah, sometimes we get funny looks when we greet each other with a kiss on the lips. Hope everyone is doing well. I suspect since you're still active here the answer is yes.

I've never met a guy, in real life, who doesn't find the difference in sensation between wearing a condom and going raw significant. You, my friend, are in the minority. Condoms are clearly a necessary evil, but when couples find that elusive FWB couple in the lifestyle, I completely understand why they would forgo using them. I don't know who dislikes them more, my wife or myself?

I have herpes 2. I am asymtomatic. I do not have outbreaks, gave it to my daughters father and didn't know I had it. You cannot trust what someone says... if they have something or not, because they can have it and not know it.

We had our friends K and L down for an overnighter, and it was so great. We've never entertained at home before, actually. We told the kids to find someplace to be for the night, and to take the problem-dog with them (the little yappy chihuahua bastard who likes to pick fights with the other dog). So they did, and other than one of the other dogs barfing on me, it went well. It was so great to not feel rushed and to just hang out, curled up on the couches, chilling and watching TV with good friends. Adjourning to the bedrooms when the mood strikes. Making as much noise as we want because our closest neighbours are a good quarter mile away. Grabbing some cold water and chocolate covered strawberries from the fridge. Those were a total hit, by the way. Amazing what you can do with a couple of melted chocolate bars and a container of berries. Out for dinner, back home for round two - - and snuggling until somebody starts snoring. Then back to bed with your spouse...for round three...and falling asleep exhausted. Round four with your own spouse next morning before a hearty bacon and egg breakfast at a truck stop diner by the 401. We've been blissed out all weekend. It's been a long seven months of all work and no play since we last saw our friends, and we all agreed it's been waaaay too long. Mr. intuition and I were talking about how we like the idea of quality over quantity. It's not often you'll meet friends with whom you'll click so well. They're really genuine people, which appeals greatly to me. I'm a little put off by stand-offish people who keep you at arms length. I don't mean any harm to anyone, and I trust the integrity of my own relationship to feel at ease expressing ourselves as freely as we like. These two are like that, too. We'd love to find another couple or two...or maybe three...whom we could consider actual friends.

We started out with having a same room requirement, but as time has passed we see the 'advantages' (for lack of a better word) of separate rooms. It does make it easier to spend the time and ask what your playmate likes without your and their partner watching. Sometimes its just easier to learn things one-on-one with a tutor than in a classroom...

I would say I had too had mixed feelings and I am the one who set up my boyfriend to have sex with my friend. I know he had mixed feelings doing it. Undressing my boyfriend and the original sexual contact was very playful. The act did feel different watching. I'm okay now.

Reading this thread and others on this same topic. I am not in the same demographic as most of you. Being in my 20s my sexual history is not as long or as extensive as those of you posting. My younger years I would say I almost always had the guy wear protection. Almost always not totally always and I have never had oral sex giving or getting with protection. The only reason for not using protection back then was it just happened. I am smart enough to know about all the diseases yet in the moment things happen. I was more worried about pregnancy after and prayed for my next period. Late in my junior year in HS I asked my doctor for a prescription for birth control. I knew that didn't stop stds. I also carried a condom with me on dates. Most of my dates that ended with sex the guys wore protection. A few times there were accidents and I never knew that something slipped off. I can't tell if that happens. I have had longer term boyfriends that after time we had sex without. I am now living with my boyfriend and we stopped using condoms. Then I got involved in an unplanned and completely surprising threesome not involving my boyfriend. My first time with a girlfriend and my thoughts was more with her than the guy and the sex I had with him was bare. I did worry but my friend assured me he was clean but I still worried. When I admitted to my boyfriend what happened he was more concerned than I was. Now that we have engaged in swinging a few times I know I should push for protection but I have gone along with what the others were doing. Most have not used condoms. I into this is reckless

While I'm sure that you have realized this by now, I just want to point it out to others: It's never too late to start doing this again. We've been together for over 7 years and still try to text each other something positive every day.

Funny you should ask for an update. Here it is flashback style. On Saturday night we went to our first house party. Rules and play plans discussed. Nothing went as planned, but all for the good and we had a wonderful time. We group played with 2 other couples and left with that wonderful Lifestyle high that comes from a rock the world play session. On the way home my wife says the gentleman she was with asked for her phone number and she told him no. She told him she gets herself into too much trouble. She then told me that when the texting with the smitten husband began she got a taste of the LS high. The night we played with this couple, she got a LS high from being with him, but it was the first time it wasn't experienced by us both and all playdates after that didn't provide a significant LS high. It didn't take long for her to get addicted to getting the high every day through his text and then it turned to sexting. It replaced the high we weren't getting from subsequent playtimes. He was kind and attentive telling her what she wanted to hear. She admitted it was like an addiction and we all know to the addict it's all about the high, nothing or no one else matters. That was a huge admission and the first time I sensed regret. She was sorry for the hurt she caused me. The flashback. My wife had a relapse last Friday. I got suspicious when I mentioned something about our problem couple and her body language changed and her response was not what I suspected. Turns out the smitten husband and her had been texting throughout the day, but she had deleted the conversation like she had done previously when I asked to see her phone. So we are finally alone for the evening she's in a good mood and affectionate. I'm a powder charge ready to blow trying to figure out how to calmly start the conversation without going right to angry hurtful and say things you can't take back. Ultimately she senses my mood and says "you're mad at me aren't you"? I told her I was going to pull up some info on the computer and have her read it and we'd talk. I had been researching ”emotional infidelity” “emotional affairs” “cyber cheating’ etc. I showed her a series of 3 memes. The first said “AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR - Is toxic to your relationship with your spouse and will cause serious damage to the marriage whether or not it ever becomes sexual”. The second explained some of the key points of the affair. Denial of wrongdoing, “we're just friends we didn't do anything” and stating it can be worse than sexual infidelity because there can be sex without emotion but emotion is the key element in this kind of affair. The third said “CHEATING doesn't mean you have to kiss, meet, or have sex with someone else - once you find yourself deleting messages so your partner will not see them, then you already are there”. At that point she knew how serious this was to me and blocked the numbers. What still bugged me was the “I get it, it happened, I'll stop, get over it and drop it” attitude. Even after a discussion of dishonesty and the loss of my trust. So all day Saturday I felt that all I solved was the current problem and would be questioning her honesty and whether she could ever gain my trust waiting for it to happen again. So you can see how relieved I was to hear her thoughts Saturday night. Bottom line for us and this makes sense that it really isn't a person that loves you going out of their way to hurt you. It was getting sucked into an additive activity where the high meant everything. Nothing else was even on the radar. How many smokers have had family members beg and plead for them to stop and it falls on deaf ears. We were lucky because from an addiction standpoint this was easy to deal with once it was seen for what it was. We're good now and realize the need to be careful. Who was it that stated their wife said we're playing with gasoline. That is so true. An additional discussion we had was as a long term married couple, we get complacent in the simple interactions with our spouse. We don't ask about their workout, because we see the sweat and flushed face. We don't have to tell them they are beautiful, they should just know it. Do we walk up and whisper what we'd like to do to them when we're finally alone. I'm going to work harder at being far less complacent with the love of my life of 43 years and my true soulmate. Thanks everyone and If this helps anyone else I'm happy.

Pleased to read that you had such a wonderfully spontaneous weekend. Sending my wish that you will have many more.

I think this has been said many times in this forum..... Swinging doesn't solve your problems, it shines a huge spot light on them. Having children isn't going to fix insecurity issues she is having. When we first joined, I asked about jealousy, as K was concerned she might be jealous if I was with another female. She thought it might be ok for her to go ahead with another male, as did I. The advice given to us was sound.....she shouldn't swing until she is comfortable with me doing it too. It isn't worth the risk in case she changes her mind because if she didn't I would resent her for it. What I see is you're gambling with her desire to have children, and hedging your bet you can continue in the LS later. I honestly don't think you're ready for children. Your comment "Suppose I'm a little paranoid about the subject, several ex partner have promised we can explore swinging together and then once they have moved in and got the feet under the table they change their minds and try and cancel it all off." is a huge red flag. Who's to say this partner won't do the same. I would predict that if you had the children, and the jealousy issue doesn't go away, that will be the death strike to your relationship as you will resent her and the children, who will suffer the most. I think you need to resolve this one way or the other before you have kids....and she may even change her mind later which you need to be okay with.

I was 42 when I married Mrs. Alura. She was 26. For seven years, we did not want children. We figured the world was over populated and would get along just fine without our genes. Friends kept saying, "But y'all are the kind of people who should have kids!" We quit swinging and worked on getting pregnant. Then we decided our son needed a sibling. After raising both of them, I can't think of a more meaningful thing that has happened in my life. Swinging was just as much fun with two kids as it had been with none.

Her saying that she wouldn't be jealous after you have kids is a huge red flag. Nothing about having kids makes people suddenly less jealous or more secure. People who don't want to fuck women before they have kids generally don't want to fuck women after they have kids. (I mean, I'm guessing you're a straight male, will having kids make you secure enough to fuck another man?). This woman doesn't want to swing, she wants to have kids and is betting that if she tells you what you want to hear now, you will let it drop after you become a dad. You guys are headed for a very unhappy relationship if you continue down this path.

Ok....you and maybe others will probably not agree with me, but the first thing that made me jump were the options....as far as I'm concerned if you're comparing and debating having kids vs swinging...I don't think you should have kids.

We have a family and swing. We took a few years off for the family part. Have a family. It is 10000000 times better than swinging.

In my earlier life I was married, and she wanted children - me not so much. Ultimately it was a big factor in our divorce, and to this day she is upset with me for not having a child with her because the opportunity for her to have kids passed. I think you need to determine your priorities. Not to sound harsh, but you want your cake and eat it too, and as others have pointed out I don't think you are really listening to her. I also think you need to ask yourself if you are potentially willing to give up the LS in order to have a family, with the small chance you can return to the LS later - and you may never return to it. Here's another way to view it.....you may be asking her to give up having children so you can continue in the LS. She is asking you to potentially give up the LS to have children. Not an easy decision. C

I think with the right person you can have a family and swing. I do think that one year is not long enough to make the life-long commitment that you make when you have a child with someone. We started swinging when our kids were 5 and 2 years old. We very rarely swing at home. We pay our sitter $10 an hour. The babysitting plus going toa club or hotel party can get really expensive. It's worth it to us to have a night out, and not be worried about strangers in our home or little knocks at the door.

Kinda the same way as with a single lady I'm wanting to seduce. The exact words & timing varies by person or couple, but at some point you have to get to the point. Often I've found suggesting massages is a good way to say it without saying it.

I've heard it qualified that "physical relations" can be sorted into three categories: making love, having sex, and FUCKING. We in the lifestyle might be able to add a fourth, recreational, but where the first three are all linked fairly directly to emontional the fourth tends to avoid messy emotional attachment for obvious reasons. While each individual might have their own preference as to their specific flavor, "hard and fast" tends to gravitate towards fucking or recreational sex because those two subcategories tend to be more selfish styles of physicality simply due to the goals: even gentlemen who swing or participate in LS choices can be construed as "selfish" because getting a partner off sometimes can be the most selfish thing you can do. I personally love getting a woman off for the sense of accomplishment and have had skewed ratios nearly all my life. If my partner or partners has 4 to my one I'm a happy camper. Stylisitically, it makes sense to have familiarity and capability in all four fashions; especially in our lifestyle. That being said; physical limitations, emotional limitations, synchronicity, personality, and simple preferences will affect everything. I've had the absolute best time with partners that upon first inspection would be absolutely no fun at all, and then I've had the deadest fucks ever out of the stereotypical "hot girls" who simply lie there. Had one lady friend in my younger years who (thankfully only a couple of times because I ended it due to the oddity of it) who make neither eye contact nor let me "look at her" because she was embarassed of the faces that she made. Wasn't a good time. Have fun, experiment, and most importantly communicate with perspective partners. Chemistry leads the pack - good luck and good swinging!

Once everyone appears to be comfortable with talking, SOMEONE eventually will have to ask 'so, would you like to play?'. It's really that easy, but so many times everyone is afraid to say anything...but remember, that's why you are there. If you aren't interested in playing with them, while the conversation may be good, both couples are usually there to play. You can have a great conversation at a coffee house, bar, or restaurant, but you sure can't play with another couple at a coffee house, bar or restaurant (experience talking here ). Who should make the first move? Anyone should, just as long as someone makes the first move. Best person is probably you (instead of hoping someone else does it, cuz they usually are hoping that you are going to do it).

Condoms are a problem for me. I have a thicker than average cock, though average length. Over the years, I've tried various condoms but found out that thinner condoms tended to break. Yes, I was careful, yet even so they broke. This being bad of course, I ended up settling on thicker condoms to prevent this. Will I use them? Sure. But, I dislike them, and it most definitely affects feeling. So, I prefer bareback, but I've only barebacked with my wife (well, since we got married ). My wife prefers no condoms, and prefers a man cumming inside of her. She has a long term (years) play partner with whom she goes bareback. With new partners, it's always been condoms. She is, far more than any other woman I've ever been with, much more turned on by a naked cock than one with a condom. For basically any other woman I've been with, it hasn't really mattered to them from a feeling standpoint. For my wife though, it's far more erotic and sexually satisfying for her to go bareback. To the STD issue and statistics; sure it would stand to reason that swingers would have more STDs. But, without real studies we don't know. There's supposition both ways. Of course, bacteria and viruses don't care about supposition or statistics. Yes, there are risks, and any responsible adult needs to take that into account. A fun related note; I've recently had a health issue that could have potentially been caused by an STD, though a somewhat low chance. Other possibilities weren't providing an answer, and the doctor was puzzled. So, I asked for an STD test, checking off a number of STDs for which I wanted to be checked. My doctor knows I've been married for quite a long while now, so he was perplexed. I could see him begin to form the question on his lips, but he never brought himself to ask. It was hard not to smile Everything came back clean thankfully.

We are a new member here. Was lurking, but we want to join in the fun! Rex has researched this topic in great detail. When someone worries about disease what do they worry over? #1) HSV & HPV are two common concerns. The most common forms of these are cold sores and warts. These are also transmitted thru oral contact and NOBODY uses condoms for that particular contact. Therefore the use of condoms for these infections is mute. #2) The most common STD are bacterial. Gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia... a) see number 1 b) in our age group (40-50 y/o) these are present in less than 4/100,000 in the population (CDC says so) and even then as reasonable adults we get those treated. Therefore those 3-4 random people per 100,000 only have those for a week or two in a given year. A recent publication put the USA murder rate at 9/100,000. So you are 2-3x more likely to be murdered than get a sex disease from another adult in my age group. 3) the most hideous are HIV & HEP C. When we play we do not participate in any of the risk factors for those particular diseases. Poop and blood are the vectors for those. Yukky! So overall, we simply don't worry. We visit the physician when we are ill, get it treated and move on. Don't you? Additionally, we have never caught any STD of any form.

Find a cute fluffy adorable kitten. Now put on a glove to pet it.

We just tried it as an experiment, because we were curious how it would feel. I think that's why we've had good luck in the lifestyle, because we look at everything as an experiment, and agree ahead of time that we'd hold one another blameless for anything that didn't go as well as we hoped.