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Ok, but he wasn't the only one who posted and you have received constructive feedback, I know of because I tried my hardest to be sympathetic, but now it seems like you didn't want feedback, you wanted to be told that you were right and your wife was wrong so you can carry on being angry at her. It's time for some introspection and real examination of your feelings and if you can't take a step back and listen to what the people here are saying without getting defensive, then I have to agree, you're not going to succeed in the lifestyle.

I'm going to say, I'm sorry, but I think this is all you. The minute you started to feel uncomfortable you should have put a halt to proceedings. That was your first mistake. I understand feeling insecure that she got off so many times, but the whole point was for her to enjoy herself,and if you're going to be comfortable in the lifestyle you are going to have to be ok with seeing men do things to your wife that you can't (because if they did what you do, what would be the point). Last time we swung the guy got me off so many times I literally curled up in a ball and said no more, my husband grinned because he was happy that I was so happy. As for blurting out a past experience, it hardly sounds like she told them her deepest darkest secret, it was just an anecdote that she thought was relevant to the moment that hadn't come up in conversation with you before. Can you imagine if you were at a bar with some friends telling a funny story and your wife got pissed because she hadn't heard it first, you would think she had lost her mind. Condoms break, no women can't always tell, give her the benefit of the doubt because she's your wife and you're supposed to trust her Damn straight she turned you down because she was sore, when you're sore you're sore. YOu don't always notice when you're in the middle of sex but 5 minutes later when the endorphins wear off, ouch. Here's what I think happened. You couldn't get hard so instead of being in the middle of a fun time yourself you were kind of bored and irritated and feeling insecure and your brain went into overdrive. Now instead of talking to your wife about your insecurities, and owning them, you're trying to make it all about the things she did wrong to make you feel that way. As far as I can tell she didn't knowingly break any of the rules you two laid out. SO you have to sit her down and talk to her about how you're feeling and add in new rules to try and prevent this from happening again. Perhaps you need her to check in with you more, so tell her that, she's not psychic. Perhaps you need reassurance that you can stop things when you start to feel uncomfortable (you can, at any moment). This isn't some marriage ending problem that you need to blow out of all proportion, it's a learning experience that you need to discuss with your wife.

So I mentioned my wife going solo to our local club this weekend in my Swingers social media, and asncpl asked about it. I thought I'd spin this off into a new thread since it's a different topic.. This was the third time my wife has gone solo to our club. I've posted about it before in other threads, but the quick summary is that after years of swinging together, and after me playing separately with a friend-with-benefits (now sadly ex-fwb), we reached the point where I was not only comfortable with the idea of her playing alone - I was serious turned on by the idea. It's been fun. She goes to the club. I stay home and do my own things. The first time, as I think I've said elsewhere, I expected to be nervous or excited while she was out but I actually didn't even think about what she was up to until she got home. It's been pretty much the same each time. The idea of her going out and playing with other guys majorly turns me on, but while she's out I tend to forget about it and just watch Netflix until she gets home. My wife enjoys it too. She doesn't bring it up herself, but when I suggest she could go out to the club she just lights up. This most recent time she'd said "maybe" she'd go if she "had the energy." Come the evening, the only question in her mind was how to dress sexy and dress for the cold weather at the same time. She is also amused as all hell by how hot this makes me. She loves that she can drive me completely wild by just mentioning it. So far, the only issue that I'm having is the worry that I might be a little too into this. I fear it may be moving toward fetishistic proportions. I'm resolved to try having some "just us" sex in the near future to try and curb that a bit. Otherwise, it's being a fun ride so far. Feel free too ask questions (even about the salacious details, I'd love to share) or share your own experiences...

The relationship that my wife and I enjoy is continually changing with the general direction being forward. We started with monogamy. Then we discovered swing. We then developed an open marriage. We now agree that either of us is free to visit with other mutual acquaintances for sex and other kinds of fun. There is no requirement that stories must be told after an encounter. And we still engage in swing the good oid fashioned way, couple with couple meetings including same-room sex. Until we learned from an esteemed member, FundamentalLaw, that it has a name, consensual non-monogomy, we did not understand it completely as a concept. The concept includes that there is no one way of doing it all correctly. Although it is not one of our practices, hotwifing is included under a concept like this. My wife and I stay true to each other and to our principles. That is sufficient for us.

I think we all need to pause and congratulate PSULioness on the news: Penn State will be in the Rose Bowl! Congratulations to the Nittany Lions!

Admin note - enough of the insults and personal attacks. We've cleaned them up once and addressed the issue with the guilty parties, we won't be as forgiving if it continues.

When she first mentioned wanting an open relationship, and you thought she had already found someone else, were those feelings really dealt with or did you sweep that under the rug, because if it's that latter then part of your problem may be that those swept feelings are bubbling back up to cause problems now. Swinging has a tendency to drive a wedge into any crack in your relationship and not trusting that your wife was always faithful (emotionally or physically) is a pretty big crack.

I believe that CostRica and I have tried to offer you exactly that. Edit - as has Victoria's Dream (not meaning to overlook one).

The husband getting angry at the wife after first swinging experience is a classic. It happens a lot. Always because of loosing an erection while the other husband is hard. If you had a big hard on that night it would have been a totally different night and you would probably not be angry at your wife. I believe it is why the reaction of the people here to answer your post are somehow slamming. Not being able to get hard happen to me and almost everyone here. I felt absolutely terrible the same way as you do. It's shit and feel so down. The difference is that I never blamed my wife. She's still the great woman that was willing to do that with me and loves me. I mean, your wife and you had a MFFF?! I never had that! You are extremely lucky and she must really want you to have a good time. I am certain your wife didn't make you feel bad in purpose but because you felt so down you got jealous of her having a good time. One important thing to realize is that your wife could get enormous orgasm that night because of the situation; not because the guy is absolutely amazing in bed. I saw my wife having huge orgasm with average guys that isn't her type at all and very average lovers. But the settings gets her so excited it's almost if anyone could get her off. I love to see my wife having a great time. It turns me on and makes me super hard. If you don't get excited watching your wife having a lot of pleasure, than it becomes a nightmare and the jealousy comes up.

Based on my own experiences, I would hazard a guess that what you are feeling stems partly from "taking one for the team." I've only done that once and it was kind of traumatic. We'd been swinging successfully for a number of years and I love seeing my wife getting off with other guys, but that night watching her having fun while I was having a bad experience was horrible. Unlike you, I think I had the benefit of a lot of positive experiences to fall back on but I can still remember being upset, hurt and insecure. To answer your questions - Yes, I think it's you. Yes, you are being unrealistic. You are feeling this way because you are feeling shaken and insecure. You had a bad experience while she had a good one. Every single one of things that you list as being "most upsetting" are products of that insecurity. I do not believe that your wife deliberately slighted you or that this was some plot she came up with to have great sex while hurting you. She had a good time. She was relaxed and comfortable. She was, I am fairly sure, unaware that you weren't having just as much fun and would probably be just as disappointed as you are about it, if you weren't acting like an insecure schmuck. First lesson - never take one for the team. It doesn't end well. Second lesson - If you're uncomfortable, speak up. Third lesson - Don't blame your wife for having fun just because you didn't.