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Welcome to "the fight" I'm sorry this is happening to you right out of the gate. In almost every open relationship there comes a point where one partner crosses the line and leaves the other partner hurt. One of the elements of a successful open relationship is the ability to get past the fight knowing that an error in judgement is not necessarily the end of the world. I think you both did things wrong in this situation that you need to learn from next time. First, wife doing anything with the other woman when this wasn't a planned play date should have been a no no. The right thing to do would be for both of you to arrange a second date where you had the opportunity to talk about what was going to happen ahead of time. Second, you need more talk before anything else happens, talk through more scenarios, get a better handle on the specifics of what is ok. Third, you were her wing man, you could see she was drunk so rather than telling her "hey go for it but I'll be out here leaving you alone" your response probably should have been "well if you want to be with her I want to be in the room so let's stick together". You're both responsible for enforcing the rules, not just the one playing at that moment. The way forward is lots of talking, tell her what you liked, what hurt you, what you would have liked to happen, how you want to do things next time. And please find a real lifestyle couple to play with next time, one you have got to know for the explicit purpose of having sex, who you can discuss boundries with before you get drunk. That will solve a lot of your problems.

Alura, this is definitely true: "Strange and unexpected events can trigger those feelings." And especially for someone who suffered mental, emotional, sexual and physical abuse, we really just don't know what might trigger something for me. But the important thing is that we work through it together, and that he is absolutely my biggest cheerleader and supporter And to everyone, thank you so much for your support and advice! 48 hours later I am feeling so much better. For sure I still have some residual feelings about the experience (and it has solidified for me that Mr. only climaxing with me as a boundary I would like to maintain at least for now), but writing/talking/thinking things out on this board, lots of discussion with my husband (he cried almost as much as I did, it makes him sick what happened to me, and that I would have any feelings about him that could be connected to my past), lots of yoga (including meditation) has help me to step back and realize this event was not a traumatic experience. As in, the event that took place was not about anybody disrespecting or wanting to hurt me, nobody manipulated me, nobody coerced me or intimidated me or anything like that. This was simply a consensual event in the context of a respectful, loving relationship that happened to trigger something awful from my past. And being able to step back and really truly see that has been so helpful. Goodness gracious, if somebody had told me just a year ago that embarking on a journey where my husband and I were sexually intimate with other people would help me to work through so many of my demons, so much of my trauma and my awful past, I would have told them they were crazy!! This particular episode has reminded me that this is working best for us when we take small little baby steps and not big leaps past unsure boundaries, but overall our journey into the LS has been phenomenal on so many levels and I have a feeling we will be around for years to come, continuing to evolve and grow along the way xoxoxo

Help! You guys have been so totally fantastic about everything, I'm hoping maybe you have some advice for me about this. So to give a little bit of background, I have never been a woman that cums at the drop of a hat. Before I was with my husband, I was responsible for 90% of my own orgasms and was very good at faking it lol. He is amazing and always takes care of me, even if it sometimes takes a while, but ..... I have not been able to cum during a play session, with him or with someone else. We are still pretty new to the lifestyle, about three months in, but we have now had a total of 7 play experiences (two of them with a couple who plays girl on girl only, three of them with another couple that we have gotten really comfortable with, one was some girl on girl with a couple we met at a club, and we have had one MFM). There have been several times where I felt like I was really close, and quite a few times where I faked it because it just felt like it would be awkward if I kept going on without an orgasm (Is that weird??), but I just cannot seem to cum. I'm guessing there's got to be a mental component to this, but I would love any suggestions or advice (advice for letting myself get comfortable enough to cum during a play session, as well as if anyone has advice on how I can learn to orgasm a little bit easier even when it's just me and my husband). I am still enjoying our experiences nonetheless, but it would be really really nice to actually orgasm. Help me cum!!!

Hello, Giuseppe, and welcome to SwingersBoard! Many people ask a question like yours- and it usually is husbands asking how to convince their wives to enter the swinging lifestyle. And what you will generally hear in response is that convincing your wife to enter the lifestyle will probably not work. She has to decide on her own that swinging is right for her, and right for your marriage. Being non-monogamous is not for most people, and those of us for whom it works have decided to defy society's norms in order to practice consensual non-monogamy. Anitta needs to be willing and enthusiastic about doing this in order for you two to be happy in the lifestyle. The fact of Anitta's not saying no is not quite enough to give one a lot of hope! And you say that she tries to avoid these experiences. So it sounds like she is not interested. You say that you two always talk about swinging. How do these frequent conversations go? Do you always have these talks while in the heat of sex, or are you talking while you're both clothed, relaxed, and focused? Are you sure that Anitta knows that you love and desire her, and want to share this adventure with her rather than replace her? Have you built a foundation of love, trust, and open, honest communication? These things are important factors for a healthy swinging relationship. I recommend that you two talk, openly and honestly, while clothed and not aroused, about your relationship and swinging. Make sure she knows that you love only her, that you want to do this only with her agreement, and that you respect her wishes and will not do anything about this idea if she says no. Really listen to her, how she feels about her relationship with you, her level of trust, and her feelings about swinging. If she confirms that she is not interested in pursuing the lifestyle, it's important that you respect her decision, and drop the subject.

Some of the best friends we have made were connections made through SLS. I will say that over the past two years, we have been disinterested in SLS more and more. I think that there is a point you reach where you know too many people and just the thought of having to filter through the noise/disingenuous people to hopefully find another compatible play couple just becomes too tedious. Some simple rules of thumb that we use, many will disagree but still: No pictures or certifications = no email Free members = no email Profile has neglectful clues "we are new" and profile is seven years old = no email Very little thought into profile = no email Don't offer to go on a date offer to meet them at a local club - if it's not 5 hours away

You go girl!

There are a couple of legit, fully operating hotel take-over based clubs that occasionally advertise on my local area CL. These will direct you to their website once you email them. Then there are a couple of larger house parties that a local "promoter" (who is well known locally as a grade-A noodle-head who mooches on other peoples parties) upsells as being under the umbrella of his "club". And then there are the random couples trying to get a regular meet up with other people going who want to start a "swinging club"... Without a web presence or linkage on SLS, or other swing websites, I would be wary of the group or person advertising on craigslist...

We've found all of our play mates through SLS, or through friends we met on SLS. Our nearest club is 5 hours away and the only parties here that are open to the public have as many single men as there are couples and I'm simply not comfortable with that. We found that we got a lot of contacts when we were new to the site and not many since then, and we have about a 40% response rate to the emails that we send out.

I came!! It kinda sucks that it was overshadowed by something else that happened afterwards (ugh! Wrote a separate thread in swinging situational help on that) but I came!!!! My husband made me cum (huge, HARD, screaming orgasm) in his mouth while play partner was stroking his cock and her husband was sucking my tits. Lol glory hallelujah! I'm not going to anticipate cumming every play session from here out or anything, but I'm so glad that mental block has been lifted xoxo

I took a g/f to a swinger's club. She didn't need much encouragement. It was much hotter to see her with others guys than try and find another couple for both of us.

Good lord, is it just me or is it a little wet in here??? Amen.....

Couldn't find it myself! Here are some things to get you started. Of course, YMMV. 1. Lick her pussy as if it were your job. It's always easier to make her come with your cock if she's already come from you (or another friend) going down on her. Start slow, only breathing on her pussy, then only brushing her hair with your mouth or tongue(Okay this may not be applicable). Then start with your tongue lightly, around the outsides and work inward, then the clit. some add fingers when going down, but I typically don't. Suck the clit into your mouth after she is sufficiently aroused, licking around in circles as you suck it in. I even try to suck her whole vulva into my mouth if you can. Sam Kinison even said to lick the alphabet! Make her beg to feel your cock. 2. Don't put it in all at once. I don't care if she wants you to or not. Rub it around the entrance and up over her clit for what seems like way too long before you start inching it inside. Even then start pushing in and out for a few minutes, but don't go farther than 1/4 way. Then half way, but don't go any farther until she's begging again. Then three quarters before going all the way in. Once you're all the way in, Move around very slowly, exploring all of her secret spots. They're in there! 3. Know her anatomy. We all know where her clit is and most know about the G-spot. When you're in there half way, find her G-spot with your cock. It's right on the other side of her clit. Some say it's the internal side of the clit. I'm not that kind of doctor. You can put more pressure on the G-spot by leveraging your cock down at the entrance of her pussy so the head pushes up on the anterior wall of her vagina, once you locate the G-spot. The cervix is also very sensitive. It's way at the end of the vagina, like a little doughnut way at the end, again on the anterior wall. I have average equipment, six inches on my best day, and I seem to be able to find it with my cock. Sometimes I have to go looking for it, sometimes it comes down and finds me. If your can roll the cervix around with the tip of your cock it will move the whole uterus and the girls I have known seem to enjoy it. Remember, all of the goodies are on the anterior wall of the vagina, except if your girl likes butt sex, but that's another discussion. You want to rake that whole area with the top rim of your cock as you go in and out. 4. Keep your movements random. Even during caressing and foreplay. Make it so that her body doesn't know what's coming next. Rake the anterior wall as described above, then make a "hula" motion with your hips so your cock makes little circles inside. Reverse the circles. Alternate between anterior and posterior walls. Grab her butt (missionary) and tilt her hips forward. When you feel her starting to get off, yes, repeat that motion, but not all the way in. When she's cumming, then put it in all the way, repeating that motion. 5. Positions. I think it's easiest for my dear wife to get off when she's on top, as she can direct my cock where she wants it. No problems with guy on top either. Use position switches to keep from cumming yourself too soon. I hope I have not stated the obvious, maybe you've tried all that. Yes I have pretty good staying power. My cock is not as sensitive as it used to be. I'm getting to be an old man. Not boring though!

And coupleinmd79, I would love to know more about those classes you took! Where did you find that? Very very interested ;-)

Haha I'll bet! From my experience talking to other ladies that's very unusual. I've never ever ever had an orgasm from penetration alone. although a vibrator on my clit while I'm getting fucked is glorious, especially love cumming that way when I'm getting anal. Oh myyyyyyyy

Most of the time, my wife doesn't cum during a play session. In fact, most of the time, my wife doesn't cum from penetrative sex. Usually, she requires manual or oral stimulation to reach climax. Once in a very great while, someone manages to hit her spot just right but the vast majority of the time it just doesn't happen. Her secret, she told me, is that she just doesn't worry about it. Orgasm isn't her goal. She loves to be watched. She loves the sensations of being touched, especially of being penetrated, even though it doesn't in itself result in a climax. She'll fake it when a partner is clearly not going to stop until he hears that moaning but in general, she gets off mentally on other people getting off. When all is said and done, if she really wants to cum she and I will take care of it ourselves... it becomes a good "re-connecting" step for us.

I'm a big fan of DIY orgasms. If I'm close to the edge and just need a little push to go off the cliff I'll reach down and help myself get there. Works for me no matter who I'm with and no one has ever complained yet.

I think for the husband/ boyfriend to have veto power should always be a good thing. I mean the wife can totally be attracted to the guy but what if he's just one of those people u can't agree upon. After all it will be a one on one kinda thing. We are just starting to set up our rules and veto power from both is becoming a key rule.