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I can say categorically that I would NEVER want to repeat my first experience in swinging. Because to say it was unpleasant would be a huge understatement. One day I got an email, which was an invitation to a swingers party. I mentioned it to my girlfriend (at that time), "Hey, we've been invited to a swinger party. Wanna go?", mainly as a joke. But much to my surprise she says "Yeah, why not? It might be fun". So we went through the process and ended up going to the party. It was held in what amounted to a mansion in a very ritzy part of town. The problem, if you want to call it that, for us at least, was that most of the people at the party were what we later called "Barbie and Ken clones". The "pretty people". And unfortunately for us, we did not fit in, as neither of us were what one would think of when one thinks of "the pretty people". Other than my girlfriend getting her first ride on a Sybian machine, neither of us "played" with anyone that night. To give an idea of how things went that night, at one point we were out back in the patio area, where a big hot tub was located. There were already four people in the tub, but it was big enough to easily accomodate us too, so we got in. Keep in mind that we had no interest in the other people in the tub at all. We just wanted to sit in the water for a few minutes, that was all. But as soon as we got in, these other people took one look at us, and then got out of the tub. I stood up for a moment to look around, and they were all sitting at some nearby tables, looking morosely in our general direction. We sat there for a few minutes, basically thinking "what the fuck?". We got out of the tub, dried off, gathered our things and left. The moral to the story is that swinging is like any other social endeavor. It is divided up into subgroups. The group you are most likely to "fit in" with is determined by which "subgroup" you are part of, whether by age, body type, socioeconomic status and so forth. It took a while, but we did find our niche, so to speak, in a "40+" group. And in groups like this, we had the most all-around fun, never mind the best sex, of any of the groups we had attended. Cave Bear

Any time that a person here, Cave Bear, or a any Web site tries to define swinging, that attempt to define is doomed to failure. Swing is many different things to many different people. I tried recently, for example, in a different forum to declare what was not swinging. I learned how difficult that even the not-swing judgement can be.

You raise an interesting point. In our experience, it's a rare thing when both members of a couple happen to be equally excited about playing with their prospective play partners of the other couple. One of us is, almost invariably, more hot for our play partner than the other is for theirs. But if we both like the other couple, and both think we'll have a good time, then we go for it, even if one of us is a little more turned on than the other. Neither one of us considers that taking one for the team. And neither of us will pressure the other into playing when it's clear that the other is not going to find it enjoyable.

This is a decision within your partnership. It gets to the foundation of compersion and how it plays out in your relationship. It's not bad or good, but there are decisions to be made. When we couples' date, it has to be a positive experience for all. Candidly, this limits the couples that we choose to spend time with. If house parties interest you, then the people each of you pair off with might not a be partners themselves. What matters is that you and your partner have a good time. Imagine for a moment that one of you is playing more out of a sense of duty than of excitement. How will the after-play discussion on the ride home go between you?