Leaderboard

I see a lot of discussions on here and on lifestyle websites about couples doing MFM's. I got to wondering: "What % of the time are these MFM's resulting in DP (either vaginal / anal or double vaginal)? I mean, is it like 99% of the time it is just two guys taking turns, maybe some vaginal / oral action at the same time, but no "true" double penetration at the same time?.... or is it more like 50/50? What do you think? My two question for you to answer: 1) What % of MFM's that happen on all these sites and discussions do you think include DP? 2) When YOU participate in an MFM, what % of the time do your experiences include DP? 3) Have you been in situations where the other person invited into an MFM expects some form of DP and is let down, or isn't expecting it and is surprised to get it?

Sometimes, an easier way to start talking about the subject is for both of you to start with a conversation about your fantasies. See what hers are and tell her what yours are. Then ask if she would be interested in making any of them come true. If she is, start with working on making HERS come true first then work your way towards yours...

Welcome to the Swingers Board! SW_PA's advice is good advice - ask but in a direct but indirect way, meaning don't just out of the blue ask her a very specific question about if she wants to have sex with other guys, but instead just bring up the topic of swinging in general and then just let that conversation progress naturally to wherever it will go. You both will learn a lot more about each other's thoughts on the subject if you do it that way.

I have always advised those for whom it is a new concept to use a direct approach -- ask her. By direct approach, I do not mean distracting her while she is watching her favorite TV program by saying, "Would you like to fuck other men?" Some have started with a way of sensing how much familiarity a spouse has with swing -- "Have you heard about swing and what do you think of people who might be engaged in activity like this?" I will, of course, also recommend that you read as much as you are able from the conversations that people have at this bulletin board. A lot of wisdom has been expressed about this every question.

Craigs list is a great place to find a used washer or a car but a playmate? Good luck with that!!

I'm enjoying your writing and look forward to hearing more.

I'm (the Mr.) getting a bit self-conscious about this. I don't drink (never have... just doesn't appeal to me) and it seems like a bunch of the girls we're out with are drinking before / during play. I have no idea if they are drinking before each play-date or just with me. It just seems odd that they feel like they need to drink to have a good time. What do you all think? Is it no big deal? Do you or your spouse "need" to drink before play or know people that do?

I think like most of the replies, MFM does not imply that there is likely to be DP. We did MFM about 1/2 of our encounters. Only once did it include vaginal DP, and that was with a guy we had MFM with MANY times. Barnsworth, with his usual insight, has it right that porn makes it seem like DP is pretty common. Real swingers know differently.

I just want to know, where was your husband? was he n the same room? same bed? was he asleep? The second he heard you say "stop" or "that hurts" he should have removed that prick and in no uncertain terms informed him ""playtime" was over...you can go home now."

That says it in a nutshell! This man is a pig. Hell, if my own husband did that to me I'd come up swinging. Let alone the lack of respect that he showed by doing it a second time. Anal isn't something you "just loose control over" as you well know it can be damaging if it's not done right. ANYTHING that you do not want to do should not be done. Anyone who is selfish or immature enough to "lose control" doesn't belong in the lifestyle. I can't even imagine what my husband would have done to anyone in this situation so your husband's anger at this guy is well within reason! I think this has nothing to do with him being a single man, married playing apart or even married playing together - this guy would likely be this thoughtless and crude no matter what his play status was. However, everyone has a good point about the character of a man who is playing without his wifes knowledge and what it says about him. Still this does not mean it's YOUR fault or anything you did wrong. It's just something to think about - live and learn! I also can't believe he didn't realize how upset you were that you had to go into the bathroom and refuse to come out until he left! He knew! Just like he knew he had hurt you the first time he did it. I hope you both seriously reconsider this person's friendship as his character is strongly suspect in many ways now. As for yourself...you and your husband need to talk through what happened, explore your feelings and when you are ready move on from this. This is NOT what the lifestyle is like. I wanted to add that YOU my dear are a wonderful loving person who is sharing something special in an obviously loving and strong relationship. Do NOT let what happened in any way make you feel belittled or dirty. I know it is difficult not to but keep reminding yourself that YOU did nothing wrong and he was responsible for this situation!

Karma is a bitch sometimes. This guy doesn't respect his wife, why should he respect you? Character matters in all things and he wanted to do you anal, you said no, and he didn't care, its about him after all not you. Most swinger males have a GREAT deal of respect for the womans wants, and the few times I've been told not do do something or do something different, I just do what she wants because for me, its about her. This is especially true in a MFM.

First let me tell you not to let this guy make you feel like a slut or that you did anything wrong!!!! I recently had the male of a couple do something to me (yes he/they are on our no talk, no play list now) that made me feel dirty/used ...... and it's hard but they are the ones that are in the wrong not you or me. He is an ass and quite frankly needs a sign around his neck stating such so everyone else is warned not to play with him. I am a little confused as to his status. You say here that you think he is wanting to do things that his wife won't let him do and then you ask why couples don't play with singles Which is he married playing alone or a single? I won't address that right here there are plenty of threads on married's playing alone and I don't know if he had his wife's permission. The real issue here is what he did to you.... single or married it was WRONG! I don't care if it's a new guy or one you have played with a couple of times (as you stated) unless you gave him permission or he asked about it first he had no right to do what he did to you. If it had been me I have to say he wouldn't have gotten as kind a response as you gave this guy. I tend to swing (as in my arm and fist) with various WTF to you think your doing and get the F off before anything else. At that point Mr Spoo would have realized what was going on and ....... well if he was able to walk out the door after that, he would have known for certain that not only would there never be play again..... we wouldn't even want to run into him on the street!! Sound harsh? I don't think so. We swing to have fun, and to meet people for sex and friendship. I respect myself and Mr Spoo respects and protects me. No one has a right just because I have chosen to have sex with them to treat me any other way than with the utmost respect. This guy is a selfish ass and if he is married I feel sorry for his wife because it expresses how he must treat her. If he's single......he probably doesn't get many repeat dates from single women!! Mrs Spoomonkey

You do only what you want to do. Nothing more. End of discussion. What he did was just plain fucked up, wrong, and deserving of an ass whipping. We don't want to play with anyone that gets "too excited" and "doesn't think". I get excited when we play, but I still have enough sense to not play ramrod where it's not wanted and especially without lubrication. In retrospect, did you see any red flags prior to playing? Don't feel bad if you didn't, because there may not have been any. But, it's worth looking back at in order to help you avoid such a prick in the future. I would suspect his title can now be changed to "former friend of the hubbys". And for further reassurance, Spoo is right, This is NOT your fault.

I really don't want to be accused of being the morality police, but I do have a question to ask here... And the only reason I do is because it may be a bit of an insight into the type of guy he is. I assume he is married - does his wife know that he is playing with you guys? The reason I ask is that if he is a cheater, then his honesty and character is suspect. If he is a cheater than your assessment of him being a "pig" is probably right on the mark - but you knew that when you invited him into your bedroom. If he is not a cheater - and you guys had his wife's blessing... Well, he is still obviously a pig; disrespectful and a complete ass. What he did was horrible and I would have been just like your husband - I would have wanted to rip his head off. This is why most couples play with SINGLE guys... This is why most couples are very cautious and picky about the character of the singles that they choose... This guy was not a single - he was simply alone - for whatever reason. I can't speak for his character, because I do not know if he was cheating or had permission, but I can say that it is guys like this who make it tough on everyone. Spoomonkey PS - Please note, this is written from the "angry husband" perspective. Mrs Spoomonkey is posting right behind me and, knowing what she is going to post, I agree with her. It is NOT your fault.