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I doubt anyone here thinks your wife is a slut for fucking other men! This is a swinger site where people that have sex with others come to talk. If they did they would be in the wrong place. The part about your son's friend is what I think many think is a risk they just would not take. Most will do whatever they can to keep their family life separate from their play life.

I'm also a live and let live type and I will do what I want. It's not even an issue anymore but I understand and appreciate all replies, advice, and input.

After not seeing Tim for a couple months, my wife and I sent him some nudes since we joined this forum. We just found out he has a girlfriend. We don't want to get between them so this has been moot point. When we do find that third man or couple to play with, believe me, safety will be practiced.

Alright. Decided to give my detailed review another shot after I lost the last one (this time, based on the suggestion above, I typed it in first in a word processing program). In any event…. My wife and I love SMI. We’ve been four times in about the last five or six years. We would love to go more if it were closer to where we live and if we had more time. While we do not consider ourselves experts about the resort, we’ve hopefully been enough times over the last few years to offer a somewhat detailed and honest review. As an initial matter, SMI is located in Desert Hot Springs. Desert Hot Springs is literally a small satellite town about seven miles from Palm Springs. It is a dry and desert area. Interestingly, SMI is located in a residential neighborhood. When you first pull up to SMI, you see a fortress of cement and shrubbery (which is good as there are no “free peaks” inside). You have to be buzzed in to get in the door. Once you enter, calling it a resort is perhaps somewhat a misnomer. To be clear and up front on that, remove from your mind any thought that this will be a five star exotic resort. It is not that but, as will be shared, it has a very nice charm and feel (but we still call it a resort). With the above out of the way, the actual property is quite small. The outer perimeter of the resort consists of the front wall, office and guest rooms. There are, however, only about 14 or 15 guest rooms. In the center of the resort you will find an admittedly small swimming pool, a small play room/dance room, a hot tub and countless lounge chairs. Shrubbery and statuary fill out the resort. In a word, it is a quaint with a Zen type feel. Even though there are only 14 or 15 guest rooms, the resort can fill up based upon those who purchase day passes. We actually prefer to stay on site for convenience and find the rooms comfortable (the beds sleep very well). Note however onsite accommodations are rather expensive. If you are going for the first time, and have some trepidation as to whether or not SMI is right for you, we would suggest staying in Palm Springs at a “traditional” hotel or resort and purchasing a day pass to SMI. You can always book a room for a later stay. Speaking of the rooms, do not expect to be treated to the Four Seasons. While the beds are again very comfortable, you may find the rooms otherwise rather basic and merely functional depending upon your expectations. However, when you consider what you are paying for at SMI (lifestyle friendly and openly sexual environment) you will probably find the rooms more than acceptable. The owners are Dewey and his wife (whose name I believe is Julie). They employ an all female staff. We have only ever seen Dewey on Friday and Saturdays; his wife from our visits did not seemed to be physically present even less. Dewey is a very nice gentleman who tries to make everyone feel warm and welcome. We’ve found the female staff to be very pleasant and accommodating as well. As a resort visitor, one is required to be nude. However, unless you are running around in a bathing suit, no one notices if some women wear a modest sarong or an open robe (though generally too hot for the latter when we have been there). As many have stated before, the first time completely nude amongst others can be somewhat uncomfortable. But that is quickly forgotten and feels quite natural rather quickly. The resort is extremely lifestyle friendly and caters to the lifestyle. While one is not required to be in the lifestyle to visit, we would estimate it seems 70 to 80 percent of the guests on any given day are in the lifestyle. With respect to the physical makeup of the guests, we’ve seen all shapes, colors, ages and sizes in our four trips. If we had to generalize about the “typical” guests, we would say the age range is generally about 35 to 50 and predominately white or Hispanic. Within that generalization body shapes and sizes vary, just like out in the vanilla world. However, once again, we’ve seen and mingled with all kinds of great people including couples who fall outside of the foregoing generalization. As such, we would encourage anyone, regardless of age, race or physical characteristics to visit the resort and note that you will be welcome. Obviously if you are reading this and looking at a swinger site, you presumably have an open mind on sexuality. However, be prepared to see, out in the open, life and graphic sex acts take place. It can get extreme and I’d even call it a real world Caligula (and that is meant in a good way). Consequently, if you enjoy the lifestyle in the privacy behind closed doors, and get squeamish at watching, in essence, “live porn,” the resort is not for you. If on the other hand you enjoy watching, maybe “performing” in public, and enjoy the openness of doing whatever tickles your fancy sexually anywhere on the resort premises when the mood strikes, you are in luck. With the above in mind, we however do not want to give the impression that it is an unchecked grope fest where boundaries are not accepted. We have never seen, nor have we been a part of, any unwanted physical contact at the resort. The rule of consent in our experience has been followed to the letter and boundaries are honored. This is undoubtedly helped by the fact the resort does not allow single men and, again, the resort guests are predominately in the lifestyle who already presumably understand and follow lifestyle etiquette. You will, however, encounter your fair share of overly drunken individuals who can at times be generally loud and obnoxious. That is not unique to SMI but something you can encounter at just about any vacation site that allows the drinking of alcohol. Regardless, it has never been so bad that it has been a distraction. What you will see, and can possibly due, will depend upon the crowd and the day of the week. Based on our experience, and generally speaking, Mondays through Wednesdays are generally quiet with no more than a small handful of couples at the resort. Intermingling with other couples during this time frame is generally pretty limited. However, the resort is quite calm and peaceful. It is nice to relax out in the open with the cool desert breeze with your significant other. By Thursday, the party atmosphere begins to kick in. It is not “full on” party mode on this day but there are more couples present with more mingling. Friday and Saturday are the most packed days and the most apt time for you to observe “action” about everywhere you look. Sundays are actually are favorite as there is still generally a nice variety of couples present during the evening yet it is not so packed that you cannot visit and get to know a couple or two. If you are looking to meet couples, feel free to strike up conversation anywhere on the resort. However, we have found most meetings take place in and around the hot tub. It is however a rather small hot tub and generally extremely packed (literally like sardines) on a Saturday night. Friday can be crowded but again our favorite evening, Sunday, presents in our experience the best opportunity to meet people. As for food on the property, again do not expect world class treatment. A continental type breakfast is served with typically fried chicken and picnic type sides for lunch. No dinner is served but, for an extra fee, you can have dinner delivered. A variety of snacks and drinks are offered at all hours. Some limited alcohol is also provided (including Dewey roaming the premises when he is there giving shots) but we really cannot comment on that as we do not drink. We have however observed that many couples bring in coolers with adult beverages of their liking. While you are obviously free to remain at and tethered to the resort during your entire stay, we personally elect to leave the resort for day excursions. It is generally not fun or us to sit out in the heat during the day (and possibly burn). We would much prefer to go shopping or catch a movie. We have also found a number of great restaurants we love to eat at every trip (including a great Mexican restaurant that is about a three or four minute drive from the resort). For us, it presents a nice and relaxing balance especially since we much prefer to enjoy the resort in the coolness of the evening. We personally enjoy booking at least a five day stay that includes the weekend. That way we get a variety of atmospheres—from raging full on party mode to quiet alone time. Such in our view adds to the uniqueness of the experience. With all of the above said, we find SMI fantastic and, truth be told, it really was the kickstarter that got us interested in the lifestyle. It is our go to vacation retreat every summer since we discovered it and we are planning a trip this summer (we did not go last year due to personal reasons). We cannot recommend it enough. Is the resort for everyone? Certainly not but if you answer “yes” to these questions, odds are you will enjoy it: 1. Do you enjoy the lifestyle? 2. Are you comfortable being completely nude around others and seeing others nude? 3. Do you enjoy watching “public performances” and yourself enjoy maybe even putting on a “public show”? Hopefully this review helps. If there are any specific questions, feel free to ask away. I do not mind giving the resort more business—it is loads of fun especially for those of us who are sexually open and adventurous! MrMarvin

I have to say I was very impressed at her command of the English language. For it being a second language to her, she has a better vocabulary than probably 95% of the English-speaking North American population. I'll bet her IQ is in the high triple digits, too. She really effectively zeroes in on the core elements of relationship dynamics and brilliantly contrasts them in ways that pretty much anybody would understand. I don't think I've heard things laid out with such clarity before. Pretty amazing. She's probably in the lifestyle, but she's coming at the issue backwards instead of just flopping it out there and trying to force the idea of non-monogamy on people...which always works, right? Instead, she's saying, "So this is what individuals need (security/adventure, familiarity/novelty, etc), and this is why people have so much tension in relationships (wanting your partner to be your 'everything'). Leads the listener to their own logical conclusions and asks them to reframe the way they think about relationships and what we expect from them. Suddenly non-monogamy starts looking a little less crazy.

Finding a new man shouldn't be hard at all...for as rare sbf (single bisexual females) are, single men are just the opposite. Post on any of the swingers sites and usually even if you say you are NOT looking for a single male you usually will get dozens of them. By asking for one, she should be able to take her pick from hundreds.

It's a very easy route to take to have sex with someone you already know; however, with your wife, she needs to determine what is more important to her--having sex with her son's friend and the risk and ramifications that could damage her son and her relationship with him if he ever found out or protecting the relationship she does have with her son. Honestly, if I found out my father had sex with one of my friends at that age, I would be horrified, disgusted, and I probably wouldn't want to even be around him. I know we tease men all the time about thinking with their "little heads" instead of the one on top of their body but the same can go for women, too. Also, just because you know someone doesn't mean it's safe to play bareback with them. For all you know, he could be having sex with many other women. I think you two really need to calm down and discuss the risks that come with being non-monogamous, which does include STIs/STDs, emotional risks to yourselves and the relationship, and much more.

Thank you so much for taking the time (again) to type out your review. I (and I'm sure many others) really appreciated it and has verified what we have heard of the place. I'm going to have to see if we can take a small trip over there one of the weekends during the summer with Mr. Sun!

Portland is such a cool city, it would be nice to have a good swing club there. Please report back!

We became interested a few years back after visiting for the first time Sea Mountain resort near Palm Springs. Despite that, we are still at the level one stage but at a minimum enjoy meeting new people. MrMarvin

We just moved here last year so unfortunately missed it and only heard of its legend. We will have to plan a stop in now that it's open again.

Hi, Psyrex. While I am glad to hear that you two have decided to not repeat the experience with your son's friend, I can understand the allure of it. I know it can be very complimentary to your wife to have such a younger man find her attractive! I think she can find that in other younger men if you both are still interested in it...just not with your son's friends. I bet if you go to a swingers club or try the online swinger profile route, you'll see that she will attract younger men, too.

You are quite correct: the most powerful organ lies between the ears and is fired by imagination more than image. What is concealed tends to be more provocative than what is exposed.

We do require a simple G rated photo or two in order to pick the couple out at a meeting and see if there is at least some basic attraction. Outside of that, we really have no initial interest to get wrapped up in lengthy email exchanges or texts. We've tried that and just don't like it as we prefer to organically meet the couple without the use of today's gadgets. Also to us it seems many couples who want to engage in excessive electronic communuctions are either tire kickers or the man without the woman involved. Just our approach and not necessarily the right or only way. MrMarvin

Indeed, managing this tension seems--to us at least--foundational to our relationship. Moreover, as we think about happy couples we know (vanilla-as-far-as-we-know and LS), each has found this balance and each has found it uniquely. As far as the the lifestyle is concerned, creating a space where it is permissible to play not only satisfies the adventure need but also intensifies the passion for one's partner precisely because s/he is seen as attractive to others. Parties and theme nights give free rein to role play and other flights of imagination. That's not to say that monogamy can't happily balance the tension. There are surely some couples who can share the chores and easily switch to erotic play. (Watch the Cialis commercials on TV. This is precisely what they are 'selling'--doing some ordinary activity and then somehow getting the gleam in all eyes.) It happens, but not all that frequently. However getting ready for a lifestyle 'something'--from as simple as a date with an LS couple all the way to going on an LS cruise--creates all sorts of anticipation and erotic charge, and that substantially recharges our passion for each other.

With that little actual alcohol in your system it seems like your assertion of a GHB or drugging maybe correct. From my experiences at house parties, I have seen totally wasted people (women) still function to put up boundaries- at our parties "no meant no". You said Ben and Bev drank the same drinks and did two shots each extra? Perhaps Bev doesn't even know about Ben's additions to the drinks or maybe she does but doesn't care.