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Simply put......It is not always easy to find a couple where all four people connect and/or are attracted to each other. Plus, as we both are straight, we have found many couples whereby the female is either bi-curious or bi-sexual and wants to have some FF action. Not judging or knocking anyone, but this will not work for my wife. In our case, as we live in an area where there is not an abundance of couples that are in the LS, so it makes the couples connection more difficult. When we first started in the LS, we were only considering other couples, and never ever considered the MFM threesome experience. However, after our first MFM experience a couple years ago, we both realized that this facet of the LS really works for us. Never ever thinking that I would be, I have come to realize that I am really turned on seeing my wife being sexual with another guy. My wife knows this and really plays up the flirting with both the other guy and myself whenever we invite a guy over. Plus, my wife really enjoys the attention of two guys, be it playing with both at the same time, or playing with one of us at a time while the other guy watches. Basically, it is much easier to connect in a threesome situation and there is always an abundance of interested guys to which my wife is attracted to. May not be the same for everyone, but that is what works for us and the reason why we enjoy the MFM threesome experience.

It happens to EVERY guy...at some point, period. And it WILL happen more then once in your life. Period. Too many possible reasons why. Our minds are our own worst enemies at times. Think dirtier thoughts lol! You'll get over it. Just don't make it a "thing" right from the get go. You already sound stressed from just this one episode. Relax. Forget about it, and enjoy your fucking. Oh and welcome to getting older lol! As was said, your cock goes soft, eat that pussy GOOD to make up for it. She will still appreciate you for it, and it may just get your erection back. Been there done that too. Redemption sex is still good sex lol! If ya get all stressed over it and pout about it openly its a total downer for everybody. Make the best of it. You are still naked with sexy women you want to have fun with. That's what mouths and tongue's and fingers are for. Think multi-tool mentality, not just a one dick pony lol!

I suppose it depends on the situation, Benawyl. If you're in a situation, such as a club, where you don't know the folks you're considering swinging with, the "why" is not important. A simple "yes' or "no" will be more than enough. If you're dealing with friends, or folks you'd like to become friends, the "why" becomes important. If you're dealing with your spouse, the "why" is absolutely critical.

My experience has been no problem getting the erection, just taking longer than expeccted to cum, but I know part of that is getting used to condoms. But yeah, we have a couple of couples now we play with regularly and we all get along very well and we laugh about if something funny happens and no biggie if a problem occurs. It helps knowing and getting along well with the couple.

I have never done it. Usually the club or party states what kind of party it is. If it's not stated you can easily assume its for bi - girls and straight guys. Even then with a given couple there's a pretty good chance they will both be straight. The only time I have come across bi - guys is at parties where it is specifically stated that the guys are bi and there will be male on male contact. Bizarre as this may sound I have heard some hatred filled male homophobic reactions to your question, or the implied question. Personally I am there to have fun, so it's not that big a thing for me. If you have Never been to a swing club before I would recommend reading the guides here and going to just observe. Be part of the scene. I would specifically look for an all bi party to go to as well if that's your thing. If you are unsure about a party ask the host, guide, etc., bouncer at the door. Ask who the host is from the bouncer at the door? Usually you meet the host pretty quickly and they will be ecstatic to fill you in on more details than you could need.

I had a buddy when I was about ohh maybe 11/13 yrs old, right about the time you are getting to tugging your little bastard but good as a beginner rookie masterbater lol! Well my little Mexican friend had a HAWT Latina mom. Oh my god did she drip with sexuality. She was a woman! Only short hair'd woman I've ever found truly sexy. Think Sofia Vergara only not loud and annoying but with short hair. She was a soft spoken sweet and friendly as pie beautiful always smiling at us boys woman with curves. She had feminine beautiful hands. I learned what type of hands on a woman I like from that woman when I was that age. She would bake Mexican treats and we would get invited sometimes to come have some, I loved every minute, every second of it when I was there. I had a mouth full of her wonderful baking and I stared at her uncontrollably, because I was a kid, I didn't know any better, and of course kids never listen and do what they're told lol! (It's not polite to stare! bark from mom lol) But she was cooking facing away from us so I stared at her beautiful butt the entire time. It was wonderful. It was sex to me. And I didn't even know it. But the feeling in my gut and pecker sure did. Ahh what good memories of that beautiful woman this all brings back lol!

My recomendation would be to use one or more of the swinger sites that leans to connecting local couples. Some sites are more for event connections or travelers. If you search habitually on the same sites you can learn to read what the profiles are really saying. I'd also recommend a site with discussion forums. I've had better luck on those. It seems folks are looking at what I write & getting interested. I'm certainly learning a lot more about the people who post comments on the discussions than those with only some brief profiles. I have been suprised by the number of propositions from "STRAIGHT" male halves of couples to me the Bi single male. It seems a lot of those husbands have skills & interests they do not brag about in their profiles. Also have had some straight claiming couples ask if I had a bi buddy who could join me playing with the wife while hubby watched. Hmmm...

There's always this type. Easy to get on & off & just as tight as you want. We've played with them occasionally, over the top & behind the balls.

Can't thank you enough for this suggestion. All my questions being answered. Have already met a few more than willing to show me the way. Thanks again.

Yep. Pretty much sums it up. We gave up monogamy for radical honesty, and we never looked back. We had a brief mourning period for the loss of our "specialness" via monogamy, about a brief a send-off as saying a toilet-side goodbye to the beloved goldfish before flushing him. What we have now is just...bombproof. It feels that way to me, anyway. Now, for us, infidelity consists of any form of dishonesty with one another. So if I say I'm not attracted to someone and I actually AM attracted to him, that's me being dishonest. That's me lying to my husband, deceiving him, not trusting him to be okay with who I really am. I don't need much from Mr. intuition: just for him to always be honest with me, to care about and be kind to me, and to trust me enough to be vulnerable with me. Beyond that, the world is his oyster. Have at it! Perhaps you could confront your wife with this observation, and let her know that this is not okay with you. Describe - without including any non-monogamous activities - what you wish your relationship with her looked like, as you described it for us. If you get to this place of emotional intimacy with her, monogamy becomes much less necessary, and you could potentially explore it together at that point. It's a ways off, though, just to be clear. And it's something you should offer to one another as a gift, not as something you ask for for yourself.

A lot of good advice here. I would suggest you need a relationship counselor, not just any shrink will do. They should be about to help you open up lines of communication as a disinterested third party. Your wife is kind of like mind and she shuts down when she doesn't want to talk about uncomfortable subjects. When you have communication established then you can start working on the sexual aspect of it. You were both lying (to yourself and the other person) when you got married, now it is time to straighten it out. You may still get divorced but when you will know it was an honest divorce and both know yourselves better. That should help resolve any hatred/blame that comes with divorce. Marriages must have true intimacy in all areas and you do not. Any screwing around you do now will only complicate an impossible situation. Get help for both of you first from people who can really help and flush those with preconceived notions. It is complicated, it comes across like surgery without anesthetic, but the transformations can be both beautiful and frightening. It is worth the trip but it is not fast.

Yes. Not a good counselor. Before you get into open marriage stuff you probably need to talk about a lot of other stuff. Communication would be one.

Welcome to the board! You know, you'd be amazed at how much you can do with an "unworkable" relationship. Mr. intuition and I were on the divorce bubble ourselves, but the dream relationship you described is exactly what we've grown between us now. Counseling is an excellent idea. And I'd suggest giving her a wake-up call. You can let her know that you're seriously thinking of taking her up on her suggestion for a divorce, not because of her reluctance to let you fuck other people, but because you need a partner who is brave and honest enough to be able to handle the real you. Her inability to communicate - or rather her refusal to do so - is a deal breaker for you, so either she gets over her fight or flight bullshit and puts on her big-girl pants for adult discussion, or you have to leave. Because life is way too short to spend it with someone who makes you sad. Sorry, I can be a little blunt. I do hope you can work some things out! I was very reluctant to get into the lifestyle myself at first; now I can't say enough about it. I also came from a pretty fundamental Christian background, so I know how that is. Like I said, it's amazing how much we can evolve, if we allow ourselves to.

So my wife and I typically spend an hour or so cuddling in the morning before the day starts. Our cat will show up sit nearby and just start purring really loudly. It's the most bizarre thing. It is very like the cat is feeding of the energy in the bed!!

I don't see any red flags, she even assured you the boundary between just sex & lovemaking. The only possible little red flag I see is the very fact you are posting this question. Is there a trace of doubt in you about this encounter at the moment? Any possible reason you ask strangers if it is okay?

No! Absolutely not! Marriage is a partnership, not an ownership. You cannot own another human being. You cannot make another human beings decisions for them. Frankly, I find this kind of misogynistic crap offensive.

I disagree also. Initially, I had said I wouldn't wouldn't do anal with anyone but my husband. I said that because I didn't think I would want to or trust someone else. One night we were playing with a couple and it happened and went very well. Afterward, my husband said, "I thought you said you wouldn't do anal with anyone else?" I explained that things were going well and I wanted to. I think he felt a little hurt and thought it was a rule. But, what he said was, "It's your body, you can do what you want." I am extremely grateful that my husband felt that way. One of the things I love best about swinging is the freedom I experience. I would not like it at all if my husband told me I had to limit my repertoire so he was the only one who got something sexual. He is special because we are married, have a family, love and commitment.

Luckily I am known as a joker around work. There have been times where I was asked what I was doing that weekend at work. Without blinking an eye, I have said that we were planning on getting together with some friends, drinking some wine, tearing everyone's cloths off and having wild kinky sex. Of course everyone would then laugh and then ask, no really, what are you doing...

mr afterwork has a senior position in a multistate company. During his last field trip to one of the remote states, a engineering manager announced to him that an accountant at that location was informing he and a few others that the Afterworks were swingers. It seemed like the engineering manager as really slipping downward into testing the gossip. Mr Afterwork excitedly challenged the engineering manager to tell him more with questions like, "Wow, do we enjoy it?; Who are we fucking?; Are we swinging with the accountant and did she really come or was she faking it; and more really absurd questions." The tactic put the engineering manager on his heels and he was looking really embarrassed. Mr Afterwork then told him that the gossip on the engineering manager was that he likes to go out of town cross dressing and trolling interstate truck stops. Had to be true because the accountant said so. We try very hard to be as vanilla as we can be around our normal life especially at work. Mr Afterwork looked the engineering manager direct into his eyes and asked, "Can you sit there with a straight face and even imagine my wife and I engaged in swinging, really...us." The engineering manager said, "Not really, I can't even imagine you two going to any sort of party. No offense, but you guys are sort of just stay at home types." Mr Afterwork reminded him that gossip is what can ruin so many organizations and that the accountant's behavior of late was causing disruption. He then joked with him that the cross dressing was just something he made up on the fly to show him the incredulity of how bad gossip could be laughing assuring him his "secret was safe with him." We don't know where the accountant came up with the idea, but she was using that same line for two other management folks. She was later caught miss handling petty cash and a credit card account that caused her to desire to leave the company. We still tease the engineering manager about his cross dressing trolling. We think he learned his lesson, but damn that was close.

OP, perhaps finding a single bi male would be the right thing. Explain your interest and limits and there's a likelihood he'd be comfortable with that activity more so that another straight male.