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Because they're not straight. I get it all the time. Married men with profiles that say they're straight then the next thing is they're telling me they're not.

Makes some of the clubs around here seem kind of plain.

I like a lot of what has been said about being left out. I first know this is courting, getting to know another person intimately. Some people, many women and men for that matter, do not know themselves very well, and may even feel guilty about the pleasure received from another person. They may even fear it. to overcome that fear ( which may not be possible) First tell her about you, not graphic detail. I would suggest a few questions. What is your favorite color and what color reminds you of being safe. What do you fear most - you may get a false answer on this one What type of food do you like. What activities do you like most. How do you feel when you have someone flirt with you. ( this is a loaded question) Women from my experience tend to not be so graphically receptive. What turns you on / off. And for gods sake pay attention, and pay attention to her. Stroke her ego. ( do I need to add stroke your SO too) Guys we are for the most part easy - we have one switch. Many guys though also the same problem especially at first. We (Both sexes)have been programmed against sex and really programmed against sex for fun. Then when in their presence check the body language. See if it matches or is sending out conflicts. As for the mythical matching couple - forget about it. No expectations, be open and it may show up from a completely unexpected place. In other words quit working at it so hard and have fun. You will attract what you need.

Mrs. Ebonylehigh, my Mrs. and I sometimes have a similar problem. On occasion I have gotten out in front of her in chatting with another couple (usually the female half) before we meet in person, and feel that I know one or both of them better than the Mrs. does by the time we meet. It has made for some awkwardness from time to time! One thing we try to do when texting is to send everything in a "group text", where every text a person sends goes out to the other three people. It feels more like a conversation among all of us that way, and even if some of us are not contributing as much as others, we can all benefit from the sexy warmup! It also has the added advantage that everybody feels more secure knowing exactly what kinds of texts are passing between their partner and their opposite number. If we and the other couple are truly comfortable, we both feel fairly uninhibited in flirting and getting things heated up!

My experience is limited, but I've played with people who whoop and holler like it's a rodeo, and with some who seem to think we were in a public library. I suggest that you give it time. I once was with a couple who didn't say much and certainly were not vocal during the play time. A couple of days later, they texted me asking for a rematch, saying that I drove both of them crazy, and was the best they had ever had. HUH? I almost checked my calendar to see if it was the same couple. Sure enough, the next time, it was more of the same. They simply were not vocal people. By the same token, I've been with a lady who was so loud that she attracted all of the alley cats in Indianapolis. It's a big, old, world out there, with plenty of variations.

I have had to be quiet while having sex for most of the past 25 years (my total time of being sexually active) due to parents, then kids. Our youngest turned 16, we bought him a vehicle & he has been away working all summer. It has been a sexual revolution for hubby & I! (and we began swinging which upped the overall excitement too). Wow, I never knew how much I was holding back & suppressing till this past year! I am new able to let go, buck, clutch and yes, scream, not to mention all the other sounds hubby says I make when the O's start coming continuously... Hubby is quite the smartass (my male FWB also) and will say afterwards "Well, I hope I was able to get you off at least once". Lol. Sorry your first experience with the LS was such a "dud". I hope you will have more enjoyable viewing experiences on your next adventures! -She

I love it when Mr. Prufrock is vocal. Nothing turns me on more then hearing him groan with pleasure. Oftentimes it will send me over the edge

Which do you like less, cumming in a condom or touching another guys cum? Pick one and then cope with the consequences. Seems obvious to me.

This right here sounds like you're setting yourself up to fail in the lifestyle. At least in our opinion. And quite frankly this sounds very homophobic. Let me add this edit in, if you're using condoms yea the guy would have to do it intentionally, but you know as well as any guy here, unless there is something to stop your cum, that thing will go flying up, down, left, right or any of those directions combined. We've certainly seen it happen. Also to OP just saying this whole thread sounds a little off. I am still not totally understanding it. Are you playing with someone elses missus? If so and the hubby nuts in her first you would be offended because you didn't get first dibs? As much as I'd like to put in a some helpful information here, I'd suggest taking the advice one of the other posters gave you and just avoid group play or just play only with females. Maybe we misread it.

Soon as the other man cums in my wife I go in and cum also. She loves it.

Talked to Mr. Prufrock. He said he'd prefer to be first, but it wouldn't weird him out if he isn't. Extra lube.

It is part of the American culture for couples to sit (or even stand) with Mrs. A as far from Mr. B as possible, and vice-versa, which is not conducive to swinging. One wife will sit to the right, for instance, of her husband, especially at a square table, the other to her man's left. That puts Mrs. A across the table from Mr. B, making communication difficult at best. The men will end up talking to each other, as will the women. If we saw a couple who interested us at an event, and they were standing with the wife to the right of her husband, I'd offer Laura my right arm. When we approached them, I was facing the woman and Laura the man. If our plan was to go, for instance, to the bar down the street, we needed only to turn ninety degrees toward the exit, and the couples were swapped. We'd continue our Mr. A / Mrs. B conversations and Laura would take the other guy's arm as we walked. His wife would usually follow suit. In a restaurant, at a square table, Laura would engineer the seating so that the men were opposite each other with a wife to each side of them. In booths, we liked for Mr. A to sit facing Mrs. B, rather than side-by-side. Eye contact is much easier and conversation flows naturally. Women can get away with many things that would seem threatening if men did it, so let your wife walk around the table, if necessary, to fix the seating. Alura

His "cockyness" might be a result of him being nervous. He wants to appear "strong" to you so that you'll accept him as a lover for your wife and especially your wife. Your wife is the one he is maybe going to be intimate with so he focuses on her. I try to be friendly to both the husband and the wife. I like to get to know both of them and I want both of them to get to know me. I never treat the husband like a cuckold. You should have asked to swap spots. You are right. It would have been more intimate. If he is engaging your wife in a one on one conversation it would only be natural for you and his wife to be talking to each other. Two different conversations from across a table is distracting. Experience is a great teacher. "The more you do it the better you get at it":) Have fun!

Frankly I don't see the problem. It's just liquid. We've had 3sums where the other guy's cum splashes on me and I'm okay with that.

It is indeed bad form to make comparisons. I know a guy who said to a woman that she had the biggest clit he had ever seen then was surprised when she "went all weird" on him (his words). I'm confident that nobody wants to hear that they are some kind of freak of nature.

We definitely do, it is with couples who we meet in one on one situations at either a hotel or one of our homes. It does not happen in a club or group play. We mostly do one on one situations with couples and that's probably why it happens more? Plus since I am very affectionate once I start being cuddly everyone else seems to follow suit. When a couple isn't into this they usually run back to each other though they all stayed to chat after.

Swinging, to my mind isn't a business transaction. I believe in limited expressions of affection, but , by no means, do I feel that this subject is so "cut and dried" as to admit no exceptions or modifications. Multiple partner sex means just that, "multiple". You are dealing with , not only your own agenda, but the agendas of at least two other people, who might have very different ideas. This is why pre-event communication is so critically important. Nobody wants anybody to be uncomfortable, or insulted.

Not really.

We've got it, ok? No matter how many times and different ways someone has offered their perspective on something you are struggling with, you shoot it down as not possible for you. That's fine, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and style. But at some point, you are going to have to realize this magic bullet you seem to be searching for just doesn't exist for you. You aren't comfortable in this lifestyle, never will be comfortable, and that is perfectly ok. Just accept that and move on. She'll either move on with you, or she won't. Time to man up and find out.

There's a difference between a sincere 'thank you' and a deeper bond. When we have great service and a great meal in a restaurant, we make real eye contact with the server, express genuine thanks and leave a substantial tip, each an expression of how much we enjoyed the experience. None of that implies we want to buy the restaurant, hire the chef or employ the staff. Nor is it a repudiation of home cooking. Quite the opposite, we'll relive the restaurant experience over coffee the next morning.

We've found out that it takes three things to make a really good match. The girls needs to like and be comfortable with each other, the guys need to like and be comfortable with each other, and then there needs to be 4-way opposite sex attraction with the other couple. Listing them in that order wasn't random chance. Take one away, in that order, and the odds for the whole thing not working out at all go way up. "Like each other" doesn't mean that you have to be planning your next beers with the guys night at the same time you are planning the playdate, but just that you made some sort of connection and aren't totally neutral or even worse, turned off or put on guard, by the other one.

Everyone here brings up such interesting points on both sides. I'm actually really curious now to see where I stand in terms of cuddling afterwards. I'm a very touch-oriented person. If I am comfortable around you and we aren't complete strangers, you are likely to get a hug/arm caress/passing back rub from me. Not prolonged touching, just in general a momentary connection. That being said, I do NOT like to be touched by people I don't know at all, unless I initiate. There was a kid in high school who thought it would be funny to poke my stomach repeatedly in gym class. I nearly punched him in the face. He got the point when I threw the basketball at his head. I hadn't given this aspect much consideration until this post came along. I have a feeling I will lean more towards the "warm cuddling right after, but not for hours" side of the argument. Enough to feel like I wasn't just some conquest, but not so much that I feel like he wants to go pick out rings and send out save-the-date cards. My most favorite thing that Mr. Prufrock does to me after sex is to gently tickle my back/sides/arms. That featherlight touch sends shivers down my spine and makes me feel all gooey, especially after an orgasm. As far as fondling, or caressing afterwards in public places are concerned, I'm not sure why it would bug people so much. I mean, if he's groping and sticking his tongue down her throat I guess that's one thing, but an arm caress, or a hand at the small of her back doesn't seem like a big deal. He did way more to her moments before. Why would an ass grab be an issue now? I'm asking because I'm honestly curious.

My wife and I have always enjoyed cuddling after having sex with each other and with playmates. It always makes the experience so much more enjoyable. Last week we had a threesome with a guy we have been playing with for about 18 months. What made it so special this time was he spent a lot more time cuddling and kissing my wife both during the sex and after we had finished. We all agreed that it was the best threesome we had had together. There was something magic about it.

And with that, my wife would be left feeling used. To just turn off, change the subject and talk about the weather? After that there would be no drinks, food or music as we'd think you had someplace you'd rather be. That type of "respect and gratitude" would be rewarded with never being invited back. If someone saying something as innocent as they 'like you a lot' makes you extremely uncomfortable, maybe the lifestyle is not for you.

oooh sorry to beat a dead horse but I just read this. "A number of hormones are release during orgasm...oxytocin being most prominent. Oxytocin release has been associated with emotional bonding" Why Women have Sex, Cindy Meston, and David Buss pg.40. This was referring to both men and women by the way.

I like the touchy-feely stuff, flirting, touching, sitting close, leaning into & on one another, kissing, etc. Before & after the sex. My hubby likes it too & we like to see each other engaging in these things with our swing partners. Hubby especially likes to see me kissing, flirting & touching another man (or woman). When I visit my male FWB alone we often talk more than we have sex. I'm not in love with him, but he is our friend, and we have laid in bed for hours naked, talking after sex. It just felt natural, after all he was just inside me, why rush to throw my clothes back on, that would make things awkward. Hubby loves for me to tell him all the details when i get home. Same when hubby & FWB are both playing with me, afterwards we all hang out & continue talking. I will touch them both, cuddle or lay against either or both of them. Sometimes that gets round 2, or 3, or 4 started up. Lol. If I didn't feel comfortable enough to intimately touch someone, hang out with them, or flirt then no way would I want to have sex with them. -She

Well, to each their own, but if all I saw in my playmates was somewhere to stick it, then I'd just quit swinging. A big part of the joy and fun is the connection with another person. I'm not talking about falling in love, but I'm not talking about let's rub our parts together and act like we're having fun so we can get this over with and be on our way. What you get out of something is what you put into it, no pun intended. Benawyl, maybe swinging isn't rewarding to you because you aren't putting anything into it, and so aren't getting anything back in return? And in regard to treating your swinging friends no different than your vanilla friends, that is true - with all our good close friends, we are warm and care about them. A few of those friends, there is a sexual aspect to the friendship too. But even for the ones where there isn't that sexual component, and we have absolutely no intent or interest in trying to introduce a sexual component, we still aren't afraid to touch each other, sit close to each other, or whatever else that would seem to be beyond the pale for you. Caressing in a sexual manner? Absolutely not. A shoulder squeeze, pat on the back, or hug when they are upset or hurt, then absolutely.

It really depends on what each couple is comfortable with and what they are looking for. Swinging isn't just one thing...it is a spectrum of exploring non-monogamy. For some, it means hands-off, one and done. For others, it means exclusivity with one other couple and being very affectionate among everyone. And then there's everything between, over, and under those two. Many of us find that interactions between our vanilla friends differ wildly than our swinger friends. We feel more free to talk about sex and our attraction to each other. Not to mention the common bond of having that "dirty little secret" of being swingers and no one else around us knows. Also, once two couples have swapped, whether some like to admit it or not, there is a type of intimacy there. You've seen each other's partner up close and personal. I once heard it called "tunnel buddies" between men. Both men know what it's like to feel both women and vice versa. It's another common bond that not a lot of other people in the vanilla world is privy to.

I think this is a very individual thing, and something you would have to intuitively feel out with each couple or partner. Benawyl, we'd probably get a vibe from you early in the evening that this kind of thing is NOT okay with you, so we wouldn't do it. Then again, we probably wouldn't "click" in the first place because our energies/attitudes would be so different.

I just asked Mr intuition897 what he thought of it. He gives me the pike-eye and says, "What do YOU think of it?" I told him I like it. If I didn't like these people, I wouldn't be in bed with them in the first place. It's whatever. He said, "Yeah, it's kind of like the no-kissing rule. It's a little late to be all shy at that point." We used to have a no-kissing rule, but realized it was kind of dumb for us because swinging, by nature, is very intimate. I don't have a problem being affectionate with people I barely know. You just sort of pretend to yourself that you know them that well and enjoy the cuddling. Almost like saying, "In some other lifetime, if we were somehow part of one another's lives, I would cuddle you like 'this'. But we don't have a life together, and we're okay with that because we love the lives that we are living right now. But it sure was nice to meet you. "

Hi, taylor623, and welcome to the forum. When we first started swinging, I was still lactating due to just weaning our youngest. Some men find it hot, some don't. I just made sure to warn anyone (men and women) who played with my breasts they still produced milk and that they may get some. Some will back off and others won't care. If you're comfortable about it, I'd say go to the house party.

A lot of "straight" guys are lying on their profile. I'm listed straight and I still get "straight" guys asking if I'm into guys, so it's going to be worse for you. Also I think some guys are so hard up for sex they would have sex with you if it meant sex with your wife too. I was once offered directly "I will suck your dick if I can fuck your wife".