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I am a virgin and I'm 23 years old all my friends have been laid also was reading some story's about others experiences I feel like a fuckin loser I get nervous around woman and also I live in an area where most woman aren't that hard to pick up I'm going to thailand in December if I don't get laid there I give up. Any advice on if I'm doing the right thing cheers

Thank you for the examples, but note that they are not from traditional EuroAsian cultures. One thing that did come to mind, is that societies seem to be universally much more tolerant of lesbian activities than of male homosexuality. I assume, however, it is because that unlike men, women can engage in mutual orgasmic satisfaction without diminishing their reproductive, or even sexual capabilities; there is no "spilling of seed" (you don't see eggs popping out when a woman cums); and property interests aren't at stake. I suspect that even the most traditional, vanilla of men range from just not caring to being turned on if their woman/wife is getting it on with (an)other women.

In the Time the bible was written STDs were around. If you picked one up you were stuck with it. Virgins have no STDs and therefore were favored, if you had more than one wife most likely they were virgins also. Unless you married your dead brothers wife but that would be ok as she had kept only to him. it does not address concubines like many kings had, incest as it is acknowledged in the bible to keep the blood line alive. There are a great many other areas that are left out. The Bible is a guide to life. It has diet recommendations, work rules, guides for happiness that when violated cause anger, jealousy, envy and death. I would think the Adultery is the most quoted part against swinging. But then the definition of adultery is the pursuit of another spouse with the intent of making the spouse yours. This omits the cultural practice of having more than one wife and certainly does not encompass swinging as both partners know and approve. There is no "coveting or attempt at ownership" as that is not the intent. It does not matter what version of the bible you pick but if you want the real intent then you must go to the original source. The current sources are edited, and interpreted and then reinterpreted. God gave us a brain and an imagination. He gave us free will. Many will dispute that you even have free will but you have the capacity of choice and that of thinking. Sex is the single most powerful thing on this planet. Sex done correctly is a source of love, comfort, happiness and has many blessings. Used incorrectly it is a source of shame, fear, pain, and angst. We avoid the latter and promote the former.

Wow, I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply and crafting such great responses. Thank you so much. Let me see... DH gets turned on by the idea of me having sex with other men, yes. He would probably like to watch in the future. He would prefer it if I slept with strangers but we agreed I could start off with someone I know. My friend was there, he was safe, he was (somewhat) willing...but now I see that just because he was there for the taking didn't mean it made things easier. Otherwise, my marital sex life is great and passionate. I'm open to DH having sex with other women, too, but we're starting out slow. It is extremely difficult for me to be attracted to a man whom I don't know because I care nothing about a man's physical appearance. longun45, thanks for sharing your past experience. We aren't close friends, so I didn't think it would be so tricky. I just didn't think, I guess. I believe I need to have some kind of discussion with my friend right now. I can tell him I enjoyed the sex, but we by no means have to do it again if he doesn't think it's a good idea. We have started talking again, but about inane things, and have ignored the subject of sex at all. I will keep the board posted.

I am reminded of a situation I was in while single. A Coworker I knew fairly well asked if I would come over and tape her and her boy friend having sex. Now this was a woman who you could consider "wild" and she loved sex, a lot. There was not much she did not do. Now I flirted with many of the females at work and did get some of them in bed. This particular time I only did oral on her and declined intercourse and then taped them having sex. She came to me later and said that she was glad we did not have sex as she would have felt weird working with me afterwards. We continued to flirt and have fun, but not nearly as much. It sounds like you crossed that line and he now has no idea what the relationship between you is. He does not want try and reach for the unreachable, the unavailable. That is an exercise in futility and pain. He is now in a conundrum of mixed emotions and needs to resolve them and his feelings. It is easier to cut off a hurt than to deal with it. In short you ran into someone who could not say no and you overran his boundaries, now he volunteered but now he is questioning his boundaries. He could not back down from the flirts, that would have been too costly. Now if you want to do him a favor, build him up when you can (no, no more flirting) and know that what happened will most likely NOT be repeated. I hope it works out well for you. And welcome to the board.

One of the truisms you see here a lot is "it's better to make friends out of swingers than to make swingers out of friends". It would be an overstatement to say it's impossible to get it to work, but in general, it often doesn't. I think it's got to do with the dynamic of the relationship. Swinging is a powerful thing, and when you insert it into an established friend relationship, it can change the dynamic there in all sorts of unpredictable ways, and those may take some time to all fully develop. I think that is where you are now, he's trying to process all of this and as said above, the best thing to do is to just give it time to develop naturally on its own without trying to push it any particular direction, which will likely make things even more difficult. Sometimes doing nothing is the hardest thing of all, but since you care about the friendship, that is probably what needs to happen here.

You are correct. There are risks. I suspect your friend is one of those who fears intimacy and commitment. After knowing you so many years "commitment" is flashing in his head. I have questions. What process led your husband to suggest that you should sleep with other men? Did he have your other man friend specifically in mind when he said this? Or is his suggestion about men in general? Is he aware of what all is going on between you and your man friend?

I don't claim to be a biblical scholar. I haven't read it cover to cover, except a children's version when I was young. That said, I find the contradictions combined with not just translation but also cultural translation to be something that invalidates the concept of non-monogamy as sin. If we presume that adultery means having sex with someone other than your spouse, the Bible contradicts that. There are multiple plural marriages scattered throughout the Bible, not to mention concubines. But, even the word 'adultery' isn't exactly clear. For my part, I view swinging as not being a sin. The people participating are doing so of their own free will, and the spouses of those people are also aware of and condoning of the behavior. From any non-abstract view, there is no victim. With no victim, there is no sin. There is an abstract view, which some support from the Bible, that the act itself is a sin without there being any victim. I don't agree with this view due to multiple contradictions with it within the Bible. Bible aside, there is substantial evidence that humans are not monogamous. If God made us as non monogamous, why would he have us live a life supposedly free of sin but forever denied our true nature? Denying our true nature means a life permanently separated from the highest happiness we can succeed. To be clear, monogamy is a social construct, not a genetic one. In a world where there is so much hate, so much war, so much poverty, so much starvation, it seems to me the act of having sex with someone, even if it is a sin, absolutely pales in comparison to the abject atrocities that are committed in the name of God. I frequently pray to God for the guidance to choose the right path, the right answers to swinging within the context of my marriage with my amazing, wonderful wife. I don't need a parting of the Red Sea to give me a sign as to whether I'm on the right course or not. But, if after so many years of being involved in swinging I have yet to receive even a smidgen of a sign that we're on the wrong path, but rather the opposite in that it has strengthened our marriage and made us happier, it is hard for me to reconcile my prayers for guidance with thinking this is a sin.

Go for it mate read the other post I replied back just renember be yourself and confident they are just people don't be scared Thailand you will have lots of fun don't beat yourself up if you don't score though and be careful of ladyboys lol Good luck Rob,

We have public vanilla face pics and head cropped body pics (not nude) in our public and the sexier photos in our private gallery. If there isn't a face shot of both people most likely were moving on. We all need to be attracted to each other and the face is part of that attraction.

Hmmmm - devil's advocate here... Why do single men generally treat women like a piece of meat to be devoured and not a dessert intended to be savored and enjoyed? Why do single men chase women only to not call us after they get in our pants? Who do men who get sex early on or the first date determine that she's not relationship material and lacks respect for herself if she puts out right away? Why do men wine and dine us ladies and lead us to believe that a low libido or general disinterest in sex is ok - only to then get married and complain or cheat when they aren't getting enough sex? Why do men think that an orgy or fmf threesome is the hottest thing in the world? Why do single men take women out on dates, buy them gifts, and treat them nicely if he's not really willing to invest the time to get to know her...and then resent her for his own impatience? Why do men blame the lady for dragging things out - when men have the ability to find a woman who is more suited to his sexual speed and appetite? Why do single men need to conquer women - adding one more notch in their bedpost? See how easily that all can get turned around? As a woman who has been single - and married - and now happily in a relationship - I can tell you men chase us, get creepy, want to jump right into sex, hurt us emotionally, and then call us bitches or gold diggers when we want to wait to form a bond before sex. Sorry, struck a nerve with me right there. Signed - a sexually adventurous woman who puts out on the first date.

First of all, you're making a sweeping generalization about all women and it's not true of all women. There are women out there that are more open sexual from the get-go. Second, there are a lot of factors that can influence why a woman thinks/acts in the above ways. One of them is upbringing. Some are taught that sex is dirty or only meant for one man--the one they marry. Some are taught that monogamy is the right way to live and anything else is wrong. Some are taught that "sluts" are bad and it results in slut-shaming and trying to avoid being called a slut. Third, watch movies and listen to music. How much of it is unconsciously showing us what is "normal"? Marriage between a man and a woman is what is shown--hardly a woman/woman or man/man marriage. What about women having sex with only one man at a time but men can juggle several women and it's "normal"? What about all of those songs where there is an emphasis on how bad nonmonogamy is but they don't really focus on what the issue is...deception and lying? All of these seep into our consciousness and if you aren't aware of any other way of life, you begin to think that all others are "not normal". Forth, there's such a thing as mental maturity. You're comparing young women who might not have a lot of life experiences to older ones who have seen a lot more and experienced more in their life. Fifth, if one is brought up in a religious house-hold that can also have a major impact in how a woman views sex. I guess that's part of the second point I was making. For myself, it was all of the above of why there was that "180-degree turnaround". I was brought up in a religious household. I was taught that sex was dirty and shouldn't be talked about. I was taught that masturbating, porn, pre-marital sex, and sex outside of a marriage was wrong, wrong, wrong. I was taught that one should dress modestly. I still am "brainwashed" by the media in terms of what we should look like, how we should act, and what we should look for in a sexual partner. I was a very naive young woman (and still am in terms of life experiences) but I continue to mature and hope to do so until I die. I am sure there are a lot of other factors that I haven't addressed but I listed the ones that created that turnaround for myself.

I have read all the comments. I feel some of them are very harsh and at the same time some are balanced. You must know that India is not like the west, where even a wife can tell her husband that she is interested in swinging You must understand the psyche of Indian women. No wife will agree with the husband right away. We all got into lifestyle the same way. She took the initiative to pen it down in the forum because it is almost anonymous and she had no one to turn to for help. My advice to her is to not wait for the opportunity but to create one. After all, if both of you want it then why there should be any shyness / inhibition / hesitation. Kavita, do not delay it, just go ahead and let it happen. Tell the forum when it happens and how you achieved it