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Don't swing. It's not for you.

If you think you or he need to 'deck' somebody at one of these events because somebody crosses the line, please don't go. A blunt, 'Hey stop that' has always done the trick for us. Once things get violent (and I am strictly talking about vanilla experience for us here), the evening is over for us, even when we are not involved.

I am not trying to be a smartass, but why not take him at face value? I mean hear his words and trust that he's being up front with his feelings?

Oh MY how I'd love to sitting in a comfy chair naked, fingers and toys going at it, while two men took my husband's holes... OOOOHHHHHHH I am so turned on now, thanks a lot Jackdav!

She (probably? It sounds like you don't know for certain yourself) cheated on you during your marriage and sounds like she doesn't want to admit it. If she denies that anything 'happened' then there's nothing for you to forgive her for which is why she got angry. It sounds like you both have some serious problems with trust that need to be addressed...she's broken your trust at least twice. Until this can be repaired, you have no reason to be swinging (our original short answer). We wish you the best, but the two of you need to work on the trust and honesty in your relationship before you do anything more.

"suck it up" tells me about all I need to hear. Not "let's try again and do it differently", not "what do you feel is missing", not "what do YOU want that we're not doing that we could", etc. It's not uncommon for one to get a faster start into swinging than the other, for lots of different reasons, but saying "suck it up" is not how you work through that finding your groove together. He's using you on this. As others have said, being a single male in swinging is not an easy thing, and I imagine he knows that. You're his ticket into the couples side of swinging, which is much easier. As to the why, putting on my internet psychologist hat, maybe it's because deep down he's insecure and has a strong need to feel what he consider validation that he gets by having sex with other women? Just my $0.02, so maybe totally off the mark, but whatever it is, it is being destructive to you, him, and the relationship. You should be commended for working to keep things together, and I don't mean to say this lightly, but at some point, you have to start just taking care of you first.

You need to sit him down over coffee and tell him just what you posted here. You also need to think about maybe going to a counselor to work on this. I am a big one on being open and honest in a relationship. He needs to take a step back and really be honest about if he is willing to toss your relationship in the trash over getting some strange once in a while. Don't go along to get along. That will blow up in your face and his at some point. Only you can make decisions that are going to effect the rest of your life. No one here can do it for you. My personal view of this is he is being the one that is being selfish about all of this. I would stop playing at all with anyone until you have this matter settled one way or the other. Might not be something the two of you need to be involved in any longer. You have to do what works for you. No one else. It is YOUR life. Good luck to you. Hope it works out the right way.

The more people involved in a swing, the more likely one of the participates may have some kind of issue which could ruin it for everyone. We started off, while dating in college, with having couple swap sex with our friends ... worked pretty well. We also had some 3-somes (both kinds) those worked well, too. But, once we got married many of the couples we experienced were people we had not known for very long, or we only knew one part (M or F) of the couple. So we experienced times where someone (once it was me, actually) just wasn't into it so it was somewhat of a bummer for the partner without a partner. We've never had that kind of issue with 3-somes, however. Well, take that back ... sometimes the other female in a FMF was mostly interested in my wife. But we've never really had a downer with MMF's, and the sex between the 2 of us, afterwards, is something close to "awesome". Just try to remember that the wife is usually the focus in a MMF, to help maximize her pleasure; the dividends pay off later. Also, I enjoy being able to watch my wife without participating; she's very orgasmic anyways, and goes through ALL the tell-tell signs of orgasm, which I sometimes miss when its me doing the pounding ... Mac