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This probably isn't something you want to hear but she isn't the only one who screwed up...you did as well, even though it might not be as apparent. It takes both of you to make a relationship. Yes, she shouldn't have cheated and lied to you. But relationships take time and energy to keep it alive. You wrote that you work long hours, which probably impacts the time and energy you have left to spend with your wife. When one person carries the relationship load for too long, it takes it's toll and the cheating and lying is probably the consequence of it. In other words, when there is something missing in the relationship, whether it be sex or emotional needs, the person missing them will seek them elsewhere when their primary partner is not providing them. Should she have gone to you and talked to you about it? Absolutely. The question is, if she did go or had gone to you, would you listening and heeding any of the warning signs? Is the relationship strong and healthy enough where both of you can approach each other and bring up these issues without it becoming a "blame game"? For those of us who have been in your position before, trust will be very painful to rebuild but, for me, it started with the first step: forgiveness.

When hubby and Lora got back yesterday (Sunday) evening, all was well. The children were happy to see "father" (they call Red "dad"), Lora and hubby clearly had a good time, and I felt calm, grateful, appreciative. Hubby tried carving out some time and attention for me, but I told him that if he didn't mind, to sleep with Clair, she needed him more. Lora and I slept together (hubby and I had a "quickie" this morning), and I feel like I'm back in control. Not so much of the situation or the family, but of myself.