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Keep in mind that genital herpes outbreaks tend to become less frequent and milder as time goes on, so it's easy to not know when it's happening if you've never been diagnosed. Anecdotally, many people who know they have herpes are very good at recognizing an outbreak, even mild ones. There are many people who have never given herpes to their spouse, even over many years. On the other hand, herpes viruses can be shed between outbreaks and no one would know it was happening. These things all sound really scary, but in fact having herpes is a fairly benign condition. The vast majority of people live with it every day without any major health consequences. There are far more people who are greatly inconvenienced (and made ill) by diabetes, rosacea, psoriasis, and other illnesses. But since none of these is contracted through sex, it doesn't freak people out as much.

For us, it would depend on the STD. With regard to Herpes most (but not all) people who have it know it and furthermore know when it is active and thus contagious. If they are responsible they will not play when they are contagious. Usually, if not always, when a male is contagious he will have visible lesions on his penis that can be observed. It is a bit more problematical with a female because she can have lesions inside her vagina and not know it, although she normally will know. So for us, it would depend on how well we knew the people and our judgment on whether or not they would ignore a Herpes outbreak or get treatment. After all, if we get Herpes it will not kill us. Now, HIV, is another matter. We do not want to get any STD, so as Chicup suggests we take appropriate precautions.