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I've had sex with a fair few men in hot tubs (maybe 20-40?), I can't remember any of them having issues getting or keeping it up. Water is like lube, so I don't understand how sex in a hot tub can cause discomfort, I mean every man I've been with has slipped right in, except for the well-endowed guys. Condoms work well, I don't think I've had any slips etc. I think sex in water does make men stay hard for longer though, especially if using condoms. As for safety vs STD's, from my experience men tend to think more with their dicks than their brains. It is like you're together kissing, bodies rubbing, feeling each other, they are rubbing their length or knob against you wanting to enter, then you can feel them trying to nudge themselves inside without a condom. Probably half of the men I've been in hot tubs with have tried doing that. We are fine not using condoms with friends but not with total strangers. I never allow men to cum during sex with me in a hot tub (unless it is in a condom). If I can sense or he tells me he is about to cum then I kind of politely push him away then ask him where does he want to finish, normally they sit on the ledge for a blowjob or we go to a room.

idon'tknow, I remember you from your first post on the forum (as well as all of your subsequent postings) and maybe it's wrong of me to judge the entire situation based on all of your postings collectively within the last 7 months instead of taking this one unique post on it's own but I'm going to do it anyway. Please feel free to disregard my entire post for that reason. From day one, I remember your stress and anxiety about getting into swinging. Your wife was ready and raring to go but you weren't sure about any of it. Just re-reading your old posts gave me a bit of anxiety thinking about what was going on...and perhaps that's why I remembered your previous postings so well. Your first, second, and third postings, it was pretty clear that everyone who was trying to help you out were saying that you two were not ready for swinging. For me, there's just this glaring fact that she was pushing you into this before you were ready. Whether it was because of lack of open and honest communication, a lack of listening to each others' fears and desires, and/or lack of doing what was best for the relationship, you two forged on to swinging. Fast forward a few months to your next postings and they were about have erectile problems. I'm not a man so I can't say for certain but from what I've heard from my husband and fellow male SB members, it's not just about the physical inner workings of the penis but it's in the mind. You can take ED drugs to help with the problem but it won't do anything unless your mind is ready to let things work. Again, I personally thought this was another sign that you two weren't ready to swing. Next, you talked about your wife wanting a poly relationship with this couple. And currently, now there's relationship problems between you and your wife. Based on your postings alone, which is unfair because it is only one side of the story and could create an incorrect assessment of the situation, but I think your wife is being very selfish. She isn't thinking about you. She isn't thinking about your relationship, your marriage, your life together. She's thinking about what she wants. She isn't considering how her wants, desires, and actions are affecting you and the relationship. She is concerned about what she is losing...and it isn't you that she's afraid of losing. Maybe all of these sexual experiences are fogging her thinking capabilities and making it hard for her to think straight. But she wanted this more than you. She was willing to make you feel guilty for not allowing her to indulge in something "for herself". Swinging, even as a single, isn't just "for yourself"...it's for everyone involved...everyone should have pleasure from it. If someone isn't enjoying it, then something isn't right. She offered hall passes (even though you originally only wanted to play together) to help "alleviate" your ED problems but perhaps it was self-motivated to allow her to continue playing without having to worry about what was going on with you. I really, really, really hate writing this response because I dislike being tough toward someone who isn't here and can't defend herself. For all I know, I'm completely wrong and she has a completely different perspective that would make me sympathize with her. Nonetheless, my advice is the following: 1. Stop swinging all together. I still think you aren't ready and your wife needs to realize and understand that. She needs to move at your pace and if she isn't willing to move at your pace then... 2. She's not looking out for the best interests in regard to you and your marriage. She's looking out for herself and what she wants. Everyone else be damned if they aren't in line with what she wants. 3. You need to think long and hard about the worst case scenario here. Clearly, she wanted this. She is afraid that you will "take all of this away". She's is getting violent and angry about how you feel about pulling away from all of this. You need to think about your safety and your children's safety. If she isn't going to get out of this "me, myself, and I" syndrome, instead of thinking about "me, my husband, my children, and my marriage" then you need to think rationally about your options and what might occur. I hope I am wrong about everything I wrote. I want things to turn out well for you, your wife, your family, and your life. But from what I've read of your posts...I'm fearful of what might be if your wife doesn't change her viewpoint on swinging and her priorities concerning you, the family, and your relationship.