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So throw us a bone, where did you find another site that has the critical mass of SLS?

Very early in our relationship, my husband and I agreed that using something like "If you loved me, you would...." It's unfair to say that because someone won't do, buy, say, or agree to one particular thing then he/she doesn't love you. This reeks of that to me. "I love my husband enough, I'm going to have a threesome for him to help fulfill his fantasy." It always reminds me of couples who use swinging as leverage - I let you do/have this, so you should let me do/have that - and I avoid that kind of situation like the plague. It breeds resentment. I could definitely see it being an argument to try to convince someone to swing, as well. I don't know that it would be used as a judgement for ALL non-swingers, but I can just picture the couple in which the man really wants to fuck his wife's friend (and therefore let his wife fuck the other woman's husband), so he tries to convince them that if they REALLY loved each other, they could totally let this happen. Accurate? Maybe, maybe not, but it wouldn't surprise me from SOME of the people making those claims. Others are probably just not sure how to explain WHY they are comfortable with swinging, and an inordinate amount of love sounds about right. Instead of saying trust, comfort in the stability of the relationship, etc, extra love sounds a bit nicer.

We definantly have met all kinds in the LS. Hubby is the higher IQ one..sometimes its frustrating to my average IQ. Dont ever ask him a question unless you want a detailed answer. I have learned to not ask why unless I want a 30 minute talk telling me exactly why. I am the creative one. I can do pretty much anything creative. He is the thinker. He was raised very very strict both in education, family values and morals. Now myself, I pretty much raised myself with not much family involvement. But we balance each other. I think you will find that in the LS. I dont believe there is a lower IQ or a higher IQ out there. Just a variety in all. Maybe some with one or the other IQ will stick together but generally in our experience there is a big mix of everything out there. Melody

When we first started, my wife kept insisting that we should not have expectations. Just go with the flow and see what happens. We could wish for certain things to happen, but should not expect it nor be disappointed because it didn't happen. That was great advice. She had disappointments, or great fun, or just a so-so experience at various times but that was never related to expectations. All I wished for was that over time we would have sexual contacts that would be different from what we already had with each other. Those experiences would augment what was otherwise a pretty good sex life at home. In the very first swinging experience we learned a wonderful new position that we used many times afterwards. That sort of set the standard for other experiences: were we learning and growing? We learned so many things, met so many fun prople and enhanced our own sex life in ways that could never have been possible without swinging. Deciding to swing was among the very most fruitful choices we have ever made. We both agree on that. I think it is accurate to say that we did not have expectations at the beginning, but if we had had expectations, the experiences far exceeded whatever we could have dreamed up. That is absolutely true for me. For my wife, it's harder to say.

As a Libertarian, I am not opposed to people self-prescribing as long as people accept full responsibility and accountability for any unintended consequences. I have tried it all to deal with performance anxiety and to offset the effects of condoms and too much to drink or eat (mostly anxiety). I have self-prescribed Cialis and Viagra and feel that Viagra packs a greater punch over a shorter time although for me it lasts longer than advertised. I also have participated in "experiments" of a drug that increases libido as well fixes ED problems and can say the future is bright in this regard. For overthinkers and worriers try some natural anti-anxiety food supplements such as Lemon Balm and L-theonine. I have found them very effective in quieting things and helping to relax enough to enjoy the evening. My opinion is that the side effects of prescription anti-anxiety meds are worse than the cure for anything other than the most extreme cases. However, putting all that aside, what I have really learned is that being with the right partner makes much more difference than any drug. I was recently with a lady I that I had absolutely no problems with which is atypical for me. Maybe she was just skilled or perhaps we matched up well on a psychological level. Anyway, I think we need to look deeper at the root causes of performance failure. Maybe we and the lifestyle are setting unrealistic expectations relative to human nature.

Late nights, alcohol, more than one dip in the pool have all contributed to my failure at times. The problem for me was worry after the fact. The more I worried the worse the problem became and the worse the problem became the more I worried and so on and so on. After the second failure I went to my urologist and told him the deal. He prescribed vitamin "V" and sent me on my way. Wow, it was liking taking an automatic weapon to a knife fight or having your really big brother behind you when you're facing down the school bully. I have not had a problem since, which removes the worry, which removes the "root" problem which makes me feel better which makes me a better person which is good because it's all about me...right? I have found headaches and swollen sinus tissues to be side effects but not unbearable by any stretch. I have a prescription for Cialis that I just had filled but have not had a chance to test drive it. I'll weigh in when I do. As a side benefit for me, Mrs. Ekies can tell when "Big Brother" is on board because she has three places where the fit is tighter and she appreciates the occasional "tighter" fit. he he.