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You have to break the cycle. I've had a verbally abusive husband and guess what ? He is an ex husband. He now has a wife who does the same to him and often times beats him and vice versa. I was able to put my big girl thongs on and cut my losses and move on. I've been through a lot and while being with him was hell, I can tell you that i never let it define me and I have an Incredible life now. I've been through a lot and found myself and my balance And I know what I want and what I will and won't accept from others. I have a feeling your wife is at that point in her life. I think swinging should be the last thing on your mind and seeking help should be the first. If not, this is a no win situation for you. She will see that the verbal abuse isn't the norm and the first man that treats her like a princess will be her breaking point.

11 years ago, I fell in love with one of my swinging partners and she with me. My wife knows her and knows all about our relationship. Our marriage is my top priority, so there is no chance of breakup and realignment. In fact, my relations with the other woman are actually a positive influence in our marriage. My wife understands that it is quite possible to love more than one person at a time, and since there is no threat to the marriage, she accepts that I have a need for this other woman. She also knows that if she dies, I will buy a one way ticket to this other woman's city. For quite a while I was seeing another woman for whom I had quite strong feelings, but I think it was not love in the way I love my wife and the woman I mentioned above. She would come to our house, and we would have sex while my wife was out shopping or playing bridge, etc. Then when my wife got home, we would all have lunch together or go for a boat ride or something like that. It was all above board; no sneaking around. That is over now, much to my regret, but the pain of the breakup was not the devastation that I would feel if either of the other two women walked out on me. It takes a special wife to recognize that these kinds of relationships are not threatening but rather are an unusual kind of need on my part. She would probably prefer that she is the ONLY woman I really care for, but my love for this other woman is such a small part of our wonderful relationship, that she tolerates it quite easily.