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Hi Playingnow. Thanks for clarifying. I apologize if my questions seemed confrontational. It wasn't my intention at all. I was just thinking that knowing about your experience might help your friend understand what swinging is really about and how it can or can't help his wife with her self esteem issues. As you've said, not everyone only wants model-types. In fact, many of us prefer the non-models. I feel like the knowledge that other swingers really are just regular people is one side of the equation. The other side has to do with building up one's own self esteem. Your friend can help his wife with this by boosting her up and reminding her of how wonderful she is, but most of the work will be done by his wife. I say this from my own experience. What worked for me was prioritizing things that made me feel good about myself. Such things might include eating well, exercising, knitting, dog walking, photography, singing... Who knows! To answer your question, we don't tell everyone. However, we do tell when we think it might be beneficial in some way. All the best to your friend and his wife.