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We've told only one friend, and that because he was exploring physical non-monogamy and we felt we could be a more effective sounding board for his thoughts if he knew. Anyone else, we just felt there was no real possible benefit from telling them. Define 'wrong'. Why should your sense of right/wrong apply to me, or vice versa? If everybody is aware of and approves of what is happening, where is the victim? What wrong is being committed? Many cultures have accepted and even encouraged non-monogamy. (if they start citing the Bible) Did you know that multiple sex partners was routine stuff in the Bible and such people were held in high regard, and not 'wrong'? Have you ever shared your deepest fantasies with your spouse? Why not? Do you masturbate in private, and never in front of your spouse? Why? What's your kink? Do you have sex in anything other than missionary position, in the dark? In some churches, if you did you would be called disgusting and wrong. Do you share oral sex with your spouse? In many churches that's considered disgusting and wrong. How happy would you be if I called you disgusting and wrong because you (female) wear sexy lingerie for your husband or you (male) like other sex positions? Your moral code isn't as black and white as you think it is. So the reason to get married is to fuck? We're not dating or attempting to build an emotional relationship. Have you considered adoption instead of having your own biological kids? No? You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Do you recycle? No? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Do you feed non-organic foods to your kids? Yes? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Do you judge people? You've judged us. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Do you think it's right that other people should feel ashamed because they are not living up to your moral code? I'm not ashamed. In fact, very much the opposite in that we've evolved our relationship in a way that has yielded many positive benefits without causing harm to anyone. If I excitedly told you about a new program you could attend that improved marriage relationships for 70% of couples who attended, would you investigate it with an open mind or run away from it and think you should be ashamed to consider it? Quite right. That's why more than 85% of mammals are not monogamous. All part of God's plan. But single people should? I don't fuck my spouse. I fuck other people. I make love to my spouse. When's the last time you fucked? When's the last time you made love? THANK YOU! That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all week! 'Normal' people freak me out. (a la Capital One commercials) What's in your closet? At least I have the self assuredness, self acceptance, and honesty to put voice to my innermost thoughts. How's your self acceptance going? ---- Note that some of these responses could certainly lead to arguments I say that in jest, but few people are willing to expose their souls and disarm themselves in a rational discourse about their innermost secrets, fantasies, etc. When someone attempts to engage someone in such discourse, fire usually erupts. Many vanilla people have a very hard time wrapping their heads around the idea of non-monogamy. Most swingers have taken a pathway that evolved over time to get them to the point of swinging. My own wife, five years ago, was of very much the same mindset as the people whom you are quoting. I would have bet you a million dollars she never would swing, and I hadn't even thought of opening those doors with her. It was her who brought it up initially! There's no pat answer to any challenges that can flip someone's ideas into a frame of mind that they can understand why you swing or why you would even think about it.

Short version: I've kind of been there with the odd feelings. Even with just thinking of her doing things. Over time I realized I was okay with it all. Long version: It may come down to limits. You may want to honestly ask yourself what your's are. No matter what they are the point is that they aren't wrong. If you set your own limits and communicate them properly you are headed the right direction and you can cut down on the troubled feelings quite a bit (Our opinion, not really fact). In this case are you really sure you are okay with your wife giving oral. Not just a saintly blowjob but to possability of getting a real mouth fucking? If not you'll want to let her know and you guys can adjust to what you want to try...that and communicate it to the people you end up playing with. I used to be only able to handle the idea of my wife giving oral and anything more made me almost sick to my stomach. We talked about things, made our play friends aware of limits, and over time those feelings abated. Now things that used to spark odd feelings just excite me to no end.