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I'm cautious about adding noise to this thread. All we can go on is what you type, and your words tend to indicate a couple that many of us would choose to avoid in a swinging environment (assuming we knew the points you expose in your posts). The morality issue was a big hurdle for us too and the way we found to overcome that issue was to read about the history of "presumed monogamy". We discovered it was a simple manipulation by the early catholic church as it gained political power in medieval Europe. When we followed the logic of morality, almost everything comes back to the golden rule. We believe swinging properly is completely consistent with the intent of the golden rule and therefore surely not an immoral behavior. You'll have to follow that path on your own and come to your own conclusions. However, based on your posts, I believe you two may have a few more issues that need to be addressed before you attempt to swing with others. This is supposed to be a fun wholesome activity that results in you two feeling closer together and enjoying the adventures together. That attitude doesn't show up in your comments. Struggle with the concepts all you want, dig for the details until you're fully satisfied and then swing only when both of yall are fully convinced it is a good thing for both of yall. Bringing your drama to others is a very poor way to proceed with this.

This is when the night should have ended.

I am a married male who has gone to our favorite club alone on a couple of occasions. Maybe our situation is different because she is as "into" the lifestyle as much as I am, and we typically frequent this club together and have many friends there. Regardless, I still felt "guilty" about going even though my wife practically pushed me out the door. So, before you go, be sure of two things -- make DAMN sure she is truly OK with it, and second, make sure YOU are OK with it. I'm not sure I'll ever go alone again, to be honest. Just doesn't feel right for me. It might work for the two of you, and if so, that's great. I would agree with the previous post that you will have a difficult time finding people willing to play with a married male who is flying solo. Right or wrong, there will likely be an almost immediate suspicion from those who do not know you - a suspicion that you may simply be a man who is stepping out for something "on the side." Of course, there may be exceptions, but that seems to be my impression of the perception of others. I was able to get playtime as a third with a couple that we already knew and were friends with. My guess is that will likely be your best chance for "quality time" -- those who already know the two of you and know the situation. Perhaps if your wife is truly willing to let this happen, she may be willing to meet with some of your potential playmates outside the club just so your new friends know what's going on. It will also be vital that you be reassuring to your wife every step of the way -- talk to her before, during, and after you go out. Keep her in the loop, communicate with her a couple of times through the night. Find out if she wants you to call her before playing or would prefer not to know that it's about to happen. Remember, even if she's not going, she's still involved in this -- she's your life partner, after all. She still needs to have her say. Good luck!

Wow Coupleerotic22 - you sure helped me with what you wrote. About a year ago, my wife met a guy in a bar that we visited together. We had a lot of fun that evening just talking and laughing so they ended up exchanging email addresses. (just a note - my wife only had one other lover besides me - a one night fling in Vegas that she loved) Over the course of several weeks, the emails between them got very erotic and we all ended up making plans for dinner. (he lives outside of town and comes to our city about once a week on business) WE meet up to have dinner and start with drinks and discover the restaurant is crowded. After adoring looks between my wife and him, he suggests going to his suite for dinner to which my wife agrees immediately. Within 5 minutes of settling into his home, they are sitting on the sofa together and start making out. It was very hot and sensual and it wasn't long before they are into heavy petting and then oral gratification that went on for hours. She wouldn't go all the way but clearly they were both hot for each other. Emailing ensuded again and then she pulled back telling me she thought it was wrong and went against her principles. After a couple of months - they started emailing again and it results in another plan to get together for an afternoon in his hotel suite. They kissed passionately when we walked into his room and after about 10 minutes of hot passionate French kissing, she goes onto the batroom to change into something sexier. (sorry to leave out the details - but perhaps another time - I want to get to the main point). Things got more and more heated up and they spend the next two hours in bed performing mutual oral gratification and then finally making love together. It was unbelievable and she raved about how good he was in bed and loved how he made love to her!!! She told us afterwards that she had come to terms with the ethical and moral issues because she had been reading about Polyamory and it made sense to her. He agreed and I thought we were embarking on a great new adventure - they were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend and all seemed very good. But in the following days, and although they talked on the phone - she started feeling like they weren't communicating enough. She said to me she felt emotional abandonement and wrote to him breaking off telling him she needed close intimacy and the situation going forward didn't seem would provide that. He was shocked and stunned. Now nearly a year has passed and he is interested in trying it with her again. I think it would be great but it dawned on me that she may be utilizing a "mate rating scal" rather than a "lover mating scale". Would love to hear any thoughts.

Thank you all so much for your friendly advice. You have brought up some great ideas and tips! Especially the thing about emailing/chatting online with each other - we met online and so for a long time that was our "foreplay" - we're a lot more open that way and still sometimes IM while in the same room! And we love to people watch! So that will work too. Even though we worked through his infidelity (it was part of a huge pattern of self destructiveness for him at the time), I'm sure that is a small component. Ironically, I thought I'd always be the one who had problems with it...but now I'm ready to get play with others. I suppose I shouldn't see his reticence as disinterest, just as trying to navigate this all out. @ViSexual - thanks for the tip about the stories! It definitely was an interesting one. I will have to find time to post it too.

There are a lot of thoughts that pop to mind and his reluctance could be centered around a desire to not want to do anything that could possibly be destructive in your relationship. It could be just being coy so not to appear as anxious and excited as the prospect really is to him as to not hurt your feelings. Too many variables to guess but speaking for myself (not all men) but we are generally thick headed and don't get subtle hints. In another words, don't beat around the bush. Sit him down and be blunt. This may be expressing what you want and starting off with feedback from him. I will say that if you can't get the communication solid now, it won't be easier when you start swinging.