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By no means was I excusing her of her part in the interaction. I personally have never bought into the excuse that drinks made me do it and I wouldn't have done it otherwise. I have always subscribed to the belief that all drinks do is give you and excuse for something you wanted to do anyways, just incase it goes bad. You are correct that he is not her babysitter and she should have known what she was doing and is completely responsible for the breaking of the rules, period no doubt about it. All I was saying is that there "might" have been a better way to handle that situation. When I say "might", I wasn't there, it didn't happen to me so I don't know how I would have reacted. All I can say is that I know in our personal experience, we have broken rules and boundaries that we had set at the beginning of our journey. We did not do them on purpose and we had no intention of hurting each other. The way I see it, is you have one of two choices at this point. Learn from it and move forward or stop. I don't know if anyone reading this entire thread will think that they are "bound" to have a full swap when they don't want to. I did not mean to imply that that was the situation that was going to happen eventually, what I meant and guess I didn't convey very well is that eventually, there is a high probability that one person will do something that hurts/upsets their SO. It is what you do after this and how you react to it, that really matters. -Van

I think if you have been in the LS long enough something "like" this is bound to happen. Now let me clarify, I don't mean your partner banging someone else and not knowing it wasn't you. What I mean is rules or boundaries getting broken. It just happens and I think it probably happens to everyone at one time or another. These are the learning and growing spots in your life. It is how you communicate and deal with the busted rules that show you how strong your relationship really is. I agree with Susan, I strongly believe that she meant no harm in doing what she did. She got carried away and know feels bad about it. Like some have said maybe your approach to the situation wasn't the best, again it happens. Maybe instead of "yelling" like you did, maybe you could have moved through the crowd until you where in front of or near her head. Bent down and lovingly gave her a very passionate kiss. This could have let her know you where "ok" with what was going on, and would have had the side benefit of letting realize that you where not the man inside her. If she then started to panic, you where close enough to help her out directly and be a calming influence. Just a thought. At any rate, I hope all has worked out for you and your SO. I know what it is like as I have broken most of our rules that we once had at one time or another AND Mrs Van has broken many also. Like I said, it happens, but it is how you deal with them that really matters. Talk to your SO, then talk some more and then when you think you have it all talked out, you might just want to talk about it again. -Van