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Wow, everyone tried to fix 'stupid' and 'stupid'; just kept going in a new, yet same, direction. I know if we went to a swing party and there were kids in the house, we'd be out the door.

First I feel compelled to say that I have tried the "Hold off" for a day or two method and it didn't work at all for me. That said, I have made a few observations over the years regarding this problem. For me, the number one reason why this happens is that the woman I am with is just not doing it for me. This does not mean I do not find her attractive or sexy. What it means is that her idea of what sex is and mine are not in sync. A good example of this is our most recent swinging experience. We met a couple through SLS and agreed to meet at one of the local clubs. They were new (had only had one previous play experience), but we didn't let that deter us, we just spent a little extra time getting to know them to make sure they both seemed into this and on the same page, as we usually do with newbies. We thought we had thoroughly covered each others rules before going to the play room, but we were wrong. Once we got to the play room and got started, the woman said, "oh, by the way, no kissing is allowed". Now normally we would have ended it right there, but it was a slow night at the club and they were really nice folks, so we pressed on. Next surprise, she says to me, "oh, don't play with or suck my breasts, I just hate that. And while I am on the subject, I really don't care much for receiving oral either, it just doesn't do anything for me". OK, at this point, I was beginning to see that this was going to be a "less than optimum" experience. Sure enough, while everything came to proper attention while she was giving me oral, by the time the condoms were on, the condom was quickly becoming unnecessary, as I was deflating rapidly due to a lack of stimulating ways to occupy myself. So, at this point we called it a night. The funny thing about this encounter to me is that it kills the notion that a lot of folks have, that all guys are turned on by the same things. Because, other than the kissing thing, which this couple claims they like to do with each other. After talking to them, it turns out that he doesn't care for playing with tits or giving oral to a women. So, while they are a perfect match for each other, they weren't even a close match for us. The funny part is, because he isn't into these things that she doesn't care for, it never occurred to them to mention them until play was underway. In other words, because these things are not important parts of sex for them, it never occurred to them that these things would be essential for someone else to be sexually stimulated. The second most common reason for me to have a problem is being tired. I can be all raring to go when we head out to the club. But then by midnight or later when it is time to perform I am more ready for a nap than I am for sex. So, to mitigate this problem I have often let it be pretty well known that if one wants my "A" game, we better get started early. In fact it is an often heard comment around the club that GT turns into a pumpkin at midnight. A distant third is to many distractions, over time though I have gotten to the point that I can usually shut the distractions out. This seems to be the key, at least it was for me, experience seems to be the only way to get over this one. Lastly is the problem of defeating ones self. What happens is that you worry that you may have trouble "keeping it up", and because you are worrying so much about it, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It is easy to say, "don't do that" but my experience is that this too is only overcome with experience.

I've read other guys asking the same question. "Should I get my wife drunk to enjoy the thrill of watching her being fucked by other guys?" So, I have some other ideas... how about knocking her out with a good punch and then bring the other guy to fuck her? Ok... you'd like to watch her move and take part on the party... since it would be ok the participation someone almost passed out may have in the action, why don't you just gag her and tie her up before bringing the guy? Ok, she may end up blaming on you... what about hiring someone to fake an intrusion into your place? The guy could put a gun over her head to make her perform with a second one in front of your eyes. I know I am being harsh and mean here, and I apologize if this grossed you out, but I want to make a point here: getting someone stoned, drunk or drugged to make her do things she wouldn't otherwise is a RAPE, no matter how fancy the way you want to look at it. So you basically are asking us if it is ok to rape your wife to get her into the lifestyle. The answer is NO. No one in the lifestyle would do that, no one in the lifestyle would participate in such a thing, because we do what we do AFTER knowing for sure that both spouses share the same sort of desires about bringing others to our beds. And the answer is NO, disregarding the lifestyle basic morals we share, because it is wrong. Vegas said you both would regret it. I disagree, she shouldn't regret from doing something after being drunk enough as to give up, after being drunk enough as to forget her own will. The will would be exclusively yours, you'd be the only responsible for that. She would regret the mistake of marrying someone up to do something like this to her. But you may end up regretting it in a court, crushed under her divorce attorney shoe, if not later on from the jail. Sorry for getting so upset, but this is DAMN SERIOUS. Even my other head have more clever thoughts no matter how aroused it is. We are against cheating, but, the damage you may produce to your marriage doing something like this would be way worst than the one you'd produce by cheating on her to fulfill your fantasies. If your wife isn't up to swing and you crave for such an experience so badly, then hire a prostitute, bring a friend, and get over it.