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IMHO, nothing kills a friendship quicker than knowing what they look like when they're fucking. My reasoning for saying this is simple: Most, if not all friendships are based on a certain level of balance. I'm smarter, but he can run the 40 in 4 seconds/she's the better cook, but I'm better at keeping to a budget/He's a math whiz, but I can finish a 1,000 page novel in a day, that sort of thing. And as long as those barriers are maintained, they can usually agree (or agree to disagree) on almost anything. But, to paraphrase a rap lyric from the good old days, shit gets different when there's feelings involved. And sex, apart from the most basic "one night stand with the chick/stud I met at the club" variety, always involves lots of feelings. Sure, you may know that your buddy's big enough to wear a wristwatch without worrying about tan lines, or you may have heard your BFF referred to as "Multi-Orgasmic Mary", but (for the most part) you won't get into too many details about what your friend's bedroom repertoire may entail. Personally speaking, barring my swinger friends (of course), I know almost nothing about my friends' sex lives (except to know when someone's hit a dry spell or vice versa). And there's a reason. Bottom line, sex is one of those things that can become very touchy very quickly. When you've made a lifetime of good memories (fishing trips, college graduation, first workplace promotions, etc.) with a guy, it's disconcerting to discover that your previously balanced relationship tilts in his direction (due to his massive schlong/ability to hold his breath and not get bored or distracted/leet massage technique/etc.) If you don't actually know about his skills, it's easy to build yourself up as a competent, if not supremely talented lover. But, when you're staring at him as he pistons in and out of your girlfriend and her legs wrap themselves around his waist, that's where the self-doubt begins to creep in. Or, vice versa for the perceived "stud", as he learns that his high-school level of fucking only impresses women who are on the marriage prowl and therefore willing to accept a few flaws if the final prize is something to be admired (hopefully with thoughts that they can change that part of the relationship when rings get involved). It's easy to make a marriage-minded woman coo and squeal, especially if she thinks that she's making herself seem more marriage-worthy in the eyes of her lover. But, for a settled woman who's just looking for some sideline thrills, a pedestrian performance will be noted and commented upon. Let's not forget the good old "growers versus showers". You're 5 inches soft, six inches hard. Your buddy's 3 inches soft, 7 inches hard. It's hard to go back to communal showering with that knowledge in your head. (In the interest of disclosure, I'm a grower and the physical verification of one very common stereotype when I'm fully aroused.) And it's more of the same for the ladies. Women have a tendency to be neurotic enough about their bodies. Imagine learning that "Multi-Orgasmic Mary" is for real, and better endowed than you thought, and a squirter! Now, imagine the sight of your husband bringing her to a boil in the time that it takes you to get wet, watching as he presses himself between her breasts with the greatest of ease, then she deep-throats like a porn star. Or, as I've lurked on this site for a long time and have taken note of quite a few "I didn't really enjoy sex until I turned 40/started swinging/learned to make him do it at my pace..." posts, watching as your husband turns a "frigid" woman into his personal wonderland. The ego boost of knowing that your husband is just that damned good can easily turn into uneasiness if she seems to be coming over to the house too often. Same issues, slightly different context. So, my advice? Find a single male swinger (We exist, and we aren't all flakes. And if you seem to be meeting a bunch of "single male" flakes, remember that swinging is a taboo/hot/masturbation-worthy subject. That "nice guy" may be a frustrated married man having sport with "the deviants". After all, if they're willing to break their vows, they shouldn't have a problem with letting him tug a few out over a cyber-connection, amirite!?) Make friends with him, let the wife vet him, then set up a meet at a time when a person without any obvious family entanglements would be available or could make himself available. If he's legitimate and interested, he'll show up at a dive bar in a bad part of town, or a hotdog stand halfway across the city, or even at a porno store at 1AM that's known to be frequented by gay men. (And yes, I've met swingers with those stringent standards. We still chat.) A married male, or a reputation-burdened game player won't take the bait. Someone like me, however, will gladly show up just for the looks of amazement on the faces of other people as he greets a MILFy looking woman with a kiss and a "subtle" butt tap.