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The whole cuddling/kissing/gestures thing... I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. I did some thinking about this last night as I was cuddled/kissed/stroked by a very nice man, while my husband was similarly engaged on the other side of the room. I do not see sex as just the mechanics of the intersection of genitals. It's a package deal. If I'm giving pleasure to a man, I sort of expect a response, like a stroke on the cheek. (like I got last night, as a matter of fact, and appreciated very much). It's an acknowledgment that I'm more than just some sort of suction machine, a way of communicating during that moment. It's just an extension of the intimacy of the sexual act for me. And sex IS intimate. Most people in this world, let's face it, would consider the sex itself as too intimate to share with anyone but a partner. As for the cuddling, last night he and I finished up sooner than the other two. What did we do? Settled back together and cuddled and kissed and watched. Once again, I see the cuddle in the afterglow as a part of the whole sexual act. I have a couple of partners who, after a good session in a private room at a house party, I can curl up with and talk about gardening or our kids with. It doesn't make cuddling my husband any less special, any more than the intercourse with the other man last night makes intercourse with my husband any less special. We've had experiences with couples who, as soon as the last person cums, are up and about to get drinks or food or get dressed and leave. Works for them, that's ok, but not for us. And kissing!! We soft-swapped a couple of times with a couple that had no kissing between opposite sex non-partners, although she and I could kiss all we wanted (and did). Now, both the hubster and me are big kissing fans, and those experiences were enough to make a No Kissing rule a deal-breaker for us. Once again, it's just a personal preference of ours. If other people want to play that way, more power to them, but we're not going to be compatible. We've realized more and more in our year of swinging (actually, today is our 11-month anniversary!! Yay!!) that we CAN pick and choose who we are most comfortable with in terms of limitations and expectations, and still find lots of potential partners. We steer away from people with lots of rules like those above, because if we have to keep worrying if we're offending the other people with what we're comfortable doing (and who discusses ahead of time, "Don't you dare stroke my cheek when I'm giving you head"?), we won't be able to let go and live in the moment, which is what I really enjoy being able to do. And so far, we've been very very lucky, met lots of wonderful people who have not just been one-nighters, and had some really awesome sex. AND we come home together and have a hot time together. Life is good, sex is fun, let's just enjoy ourselves.